My baby is 11 months and never has slept through the night....

[Amani]

DD2 is nearly 11 months and still does not sleep through the night. She is a very fussy eater (may be that's the reason). Anyhow I put her to sleep around 8pm, then she wakes every 2-2.5 hrs - just for me to pat her back to sleep - then she goes back to sleep and then around 3-4am ish for a feed.

Is there anyone else out there in whose baby has never slept through the night? I've tried controlled crying, but I just dont have the heart to hear her crying for ages (plus I am working and all I think about in the middle of the night is the easiest option to get her to sleep again i.e milk/patting)

I don't think there is a one size fits all solution to any childhood conundrum. I think you can try different things (not too many in a row so dc does not get confused) and see what helps everyone in the family. Clearly there is no point doing any method, even if it works, if people are unhappy.

Pinkjenny - dd didn't like her cot until we broke some rules and made it more comfortable. Her mattress was as hard as a rock - and I can see why. But we put a fleece blanket above and below the sheet, got her one of these and dressed her more warmly (she is a thin baby). Now she is looking at her cot as soon as we walk into the bedroom and loves it. She just strokes the blanket, puts the book on her head and goes to sleep. Something like this might be worth a try as we had to co-sleep before.

Amani - Am I correct in understanding your dd is bottle fed? If so, how much milk does she drink in a day?

I am asking because it might be that she is a poor eater because she is filled up by the milk and gets enough there, so is not hungry enough to eat down the solids.

Also, I want to emphasize that she is of course hungry when she wakes up in the night, because she is used to feeding at that time.

If you stop the night feeds, she will eat/drink more during the day to compensate and in a few days her body will readjust and forget the old habit of eating in the night.

CDA nope, in all that time I stuck to my guns and refused to feed her. Night after night she would wake crying, I'd go to her, she'd say milk, I'd say no milk, settle her by various other methods but no matter what she would remain unsettled and asking for milk until morning. She was 13/14 months when we started...

I tried the water thing. DS just screamed and shoved the cup away...

DD3 didn't sleep through until she was 15-16 months. This coincided with stopping breastfeeding and co-sleeping. It was like a switch and suddenly she slept 12 hours a night
I wouldn't have traded that time of breastfeeding her for the world though, and sometimes wish I hadn't stopped

Oh and highly unusual yes, but not impossible I used to get so sick of people telling me that if I did x, y or z (most of which I had already tried) then she WOULD sleep through, nothing can possibly work for all babies.

In the end I just started giving her the milk again, it was the easier option! And she did outgrow it.

It is certainly worth a try though Amani and any others, but don't feel a failure if it takes longer than 3 nights or even doesn't work at all!

Amani
My LO didn't sleep for a year. Very frequent waking. I contacted a place called Millpond as I was at the end of my rope.

After keeping a sleep diary for 10 days, they said that his waking pattern was typical of someone with reflux. He is now on meds and much better.

I guess you would have to check cost etc. But they may be able to see something that you can't or give some advice on how to fix it.

PJ - I would try and go for an earlier bedtime, around 7pm as she may be overtired and that always makes things worse. Have a really quiet wind down period.

Amani - you said that cc/pupd don't work. Do you mean that you don't fancy them as methods to use or that you tried them and they didn't work for you? If you tried them, hoe long did you do them for because, with pupd anyway, it can take a bit of time for it to work.

I read the links, Greenmonkies, but none of them revealed the answer to my question:
What exactly is the damage? What does it look like?
And when was this ominous 'damage' actually documented, you know,
in a human being not just in theory?

Margot Sunderland has somewhat discredited herself by boasting about her 700 studies,
yet missing the crucial studies that did not find ANY CC-damage.
Looks like you have missed them, too.

Can you at least post the studies that did
find some link between CC and 'damage'?
They do exist, surely, non?

I'm reading them with a genuinely open mind, but the two I have read don't offer any evidence at all. I'll have a look at the other one after dinner.

Cote - She drinks about 5 ounces in the morning, lunch then before bed. Also when she wakes up at night 5 ounces one/two times at night. Been told by HV that this is a 'normal' intake for a 11 month year old. I've tried the water at night approach last night and she just cried and cried and like I said previously being tired and wanting to get some sleep for today I gave in to the bottle. Has anyone successfully tried giving water at night? How long did it take for your LO to start sleeping through?

Pudding - have had a half hearted approach to CC/PUPD - it's just that I cant stand the crying and give in. Sometimes I read about a success CC or get some encouragement to try it posting on the threads - I feel spurned on to give it a go - but always half hearted as I just cant go through with it.

Head-Desk-Thud

Believe what you want.

GreenMonkies - I was thinking about you last night when dd was so tired she couldn't settle and ended up going to sleep at 9pm. I don't believe anyone has the answers, and I don't believe anyone should judge.

Amani - We didn't have any success with water, either.

In your place, I would cut night feeds and give it a week. You don't need to leave the room and let your DD to cry for any amount of time (as per CC). Go to her, comfort her, stay with her, rock her, walk with her, wheel her around in a pram, etc whatever you need to do to get her back to sleep without a feed.

You will be up for several hours the first night, probably much less second night, and it will get better and better from there on.

I'm sorry to say that there aren't 100 different ways of doing this. Your baby has the habit of eating in the night. Until that habit changes, she will wake up hungry.

Amani -in that case, I think cote's idea is a good one. If you can do that, she will naturally eat more during the day (eat her night feed's worth during the day). She won't go hungry as I know you are worried about that. If you do decide to go ahead with cote's plan, or something else, you need to prepare yourself for a few rocky nights before it gets better. Is there someone who can help you?

Apologies Aman

Green Monkies

It wasn't that I was not 'believing' but that the two I have read did not discuss CC, which I thought was what we were discussing.

oh Amani silly girl what a reason to leave us.

I know how you feel though, with nathan having cerebral palsy it can be hard that others are nearly walking and he is finally almost sitting and working hard at crawling etc with the help of physio. but my pals on the jan 08 thread are so supportive and celebrate and commiserate everything with me.

He has once slept from 9 to 5, never again. at the moment he feeds at least midnight and 5am, sometimes more and wakes more too. have experimented with cc but try to find my own version.

He is small for his age and i think he still needs the milk, especially as I am weaning him off daytime feeds for return to work.

I am not happy with the conclusion of the dietician that it is just teething, remember what I said about community paed, time for a referral. four months not eating does not sound like teething to me.

Nathan is SITTING??? . Big news! (Unless he did it while I was at Mums' and I missed it).

I think a baby not sleeping through is SO normal. Most mums I know have babes that don't sleep. And most of them are well into toddlerdom.

As for not eating, people have told me that their child just wasn't interested until they were somewhere in their first year. And DH didn't say a word until he was two. MIL was freaking but now he never stops! All these things will happen.

He can sit for quite a while then throws himself backwards, and his ability to catch himself sideways is still limited, but getting there.

He can also sit on hands and knees for half a minute or so if i put him there, and he will rock back and forth like babies do before crawling. his arm is getting stronger.

am with you on cold babies, have been putting a blanket over nathan and his grobag. but why the hard mattress? Nathan has a nice sprung one and it is lovely

Mine is sprung too but it is really hard. I thought they must all be like that so they don't turn their little noses and mouths into soft stuff. Must be wrong.

She really does love that fleece and ADORES the book. When I out her in her co tI rub it on her face. She takes it, opens it, puts it on her head and goes to sleep. Lovely.

It's like a really vicious school playground on some of these threads. i feel sorry for OP who needed advice not a war.

OP there has been some great advice on here -amid the nonsense- that I can't really add to except to say I have been told that if you do CC it takes 3 rotten days to change a habit and then a few days later there is normally a test night when it feels back to square one. But if you persevere through that you are home and dry (well untill teething, illness, development leap etc all mess it up again). Good luck

Amani - I am finally jumping in after reading the whole thread (took me 2 nights )

Firstly, Get your arse back to the Jan thread, we do miss you you know.

Secondly,

DD started sleeping through from very early on but once we moved her to her own room she began a battle, here's what we did to change her back (take what you need from it and ignore anything you don't want to listen to)

We made it warmer (heating and a fleecy bodysuit) we made sure she had 3 8oz feeds (one after breakfast, one after lunch and one after dinner) during the day, we made sure she had 2 naps during the day - one after breakfast (around 10am) and one after lunch (around 4pm) She settled again after 2 nights.

When you bottle feed her how much is in the bottle?? Ie: do you just make up 5oz cos that's all she's been drinking or do you make 6oz in the hope she'll drink some more.
When does she stop drinking? Ie: Does the bottle finish, does she fall asleep.

Naptime - Does she sleep in her cot/somewhere quiet so she is getting her full 45mins/1hr or is she in the front room where she might be having a restless sleep.

Dinnertime - Have you tried her with some more "fingertype" food or is she still puree? Might be worth trying her with the likes of a butty or something - maybe she just doesn't want Puree (DD will not touch puree so maybe your DD is the same and just doesn't find it apertising?)

If you don't want to try CC/PUPD to the letter then don't do it at all as you will make her worse if you just do it half-heartedly. If you don't want to do it then don't feel bad about it just don't do it.
We were lucky in that we could do CC, We did it for 2 nights and she cried literally for about 5 mins each time - no tears, just yelling. If there were tears and she was sobbing we would have gone to her as I hate that sound.
Try as has been suggested taking her out in her pram (leave her in it all night if you have to once she's asleep - as long as it fully reclines flat) This is probably the reverse of what you want but try giving her something to comfort herself with (DD has a winnie comfort blanket) you may find that that will help to settle her, although you may have to wrestle with her to wash it later on (so get 2 )
I go agree that you need to try to stop feeding in the night (I understand its easy but it clearly isn't as you are still up 3/4 times a night) Do absolutely ANYTHING you can for her to not have a feed including a midnight drive!!

I really hope this helps you and that you do come back to us as we are all struggling with one thing or another and are in no way perfect parents with perfect babies.
We're just a GREAT support system for each other.

Keep your chin up and keep smiling.

I feel so relieved reading this thread. DS is 7 1/2 months and has slept through the night once since he was born (which I think was fluke!) I can't do CC, not for more than a few minutes anyway. I really believe that some babies just don't respond to it. I think how I would feel if I was DS and I think I would feel abandonment which always stops me doing it. Maybe I'll reach a point when I'm so tired that I don't care anymore. We had a consultation with a sleep clinic 10 days ago who devised a plan to help us to get DS to sleep. Managed to follow it for a few days but I am increasingly thinking, sod it, DS is a baby for such a short time, I can put up with it. I'm at work during the day so why would I want to stop him feeding during the night?

amani - how did last night go?