My baby is 11 months and never has slept through the night....

[Amani]

DD2 is nearly 11 months and still does not sleep through the night. She is a very fussy eater (may be that's the reason). Anyhow I put her to sleep around 8pm, then she wakes every 2-2.5 hrs - just for me to pat her back to sleep - then she goes back to sleep and then around 3-4am ish for a feed.

Is there anyone else out there in whose baby has never slept through the night? I've tried controlled crying, but I just dont have the heart to hear her crying for ages (plus I am working and all I think about in the middle of the night is the easiest option to get her to sleep again i.e milk/patting)

Do you know what Greenmonkies? I would do that. I would. But what about the fact that she doesn't go to sleep until 9pm or 10pm because she wants me to play with her? She doesn't want to be rocked, as she knows this will make her fall asleep. So I bring her into our bed, and she fidgets and messes about for up to two hours. And then the next morning she is miserable and completely exhausted because she hasn't had enough sleep.

I'm not trying to be mean. I'm not trying to abandon her. I'm not seeing her as an inconvenience. I'm not trying to get some 'me time'.

I'm trying to make sure that I have a happy, well rested child. How can that be a bad thing?

You make me laugh greenmonkies, you really do. You dare to call me aggressive. You should try reading some of your posts. I have always said that people are entitled to their own views. Whether they want to do cc/attachment parenting or whatever. I singled you out because actually, it is you who is agressive. There are several threads you have posted on where you make people feel like crap for doing things differently from you.

Also, I have said that I would only do cc as a last resort, if you read my post. I even suggested other methods that could be used. It seems to me like the OP wants some help from people who do have children who sleep.

I, for one, am completely lost in all of this. I am trying so hard to do a good job, and had really gotten somewhere with dd's sleep, albeit she was still getting in with us, but starting the night in her own cot.

Now after a few disturbed nights, bad habits have remerged, and I feel like I have no options left. CC is apparently damaging, as is the two days she spends in nursery.

Sometimes MN is a vile, vile place.

Pinkjenny - i agree...

what i would like to know is has anyone had a DC who didn't sleep through for a long time, say 10/11mo (or longer) then suddenly 'got it'?
If i keep going with the flow with ds2, feed him when he wakes and wants it, cuddle/shush him when he doesn't & get up with him at ungodly hours in the morning because he's ready for the day, etc.etc. will he one day think 'oh, i'll sleep 12 hours from now on!'???

Or do i have to DO SOMETHING (irrelevant of method)?

can we just steer a litle back to the point? Apart from PUPD/CC which hasn't work and that I dont really agree with...and also with what green monkies is usggesting is there any other ideas anyone has. Has anyone tried the giving water instead of milk thing?

Amani - I don't think any of us are trying to steer away from the point, myself and Justkeepswimming are also trying to find solutions to sleep issues.

pinkjenny - whoops didnt mean it in a bad way

Sorry Amani - I'm feeling a little desperate today. I so want dd to sleep, for her sake, not mine, but I don't have any answers. It's so frustrating.

should have mentioned i done a quick skim read it bits and bobs and just got the jist of greenmonkeys and pudding25's debate

I feel desperate too pinkjenny - sometimes I think back to the times where I have lost my temp with DD1 (only 2.11 yrs) over something so petty, because I am tired and haven't slept well. Makes me feel so guilty...

same here, 9mth ds wakes every hour for feed , has done since four months, refuses solids.

am reading 'digestive wellness in children' by elizabeth lipski at the moment. its very good.

i've read every single sleep book and tried every method.

after many sleep threads on here the one thing that did work in getting to sleep a bit longer, ie sometimes goes two - two and a half for the first stretch was to put him to bed earlier. i start bath at about 5.15, then read a couple of books and roll about on bed listen to lullabies - he's usually still pretty hyper active then i eventually breast feed him to sleep for about 6.15. the first night i tried this he slept for three hours, although its got worst at the moment but once a week he might sleep a bit longer say 2 hours, so i 'm hoping it will improve gradually.

and i adhere to the gina ford nap and meal times, (but not her methods)
i take him for a brisk walk in his pram for daytime naps - just up and down my street loads of times, then if he falls asleep i come straight home and put my feet up.

i always bf back to sleep in the night cos i'm too tired to do anything else now.

See this thread for some little miracles.

I know people who have said the water thing works. Worth a try, no?

Amani - I haven't read the thread, but you have two options:

(1) Wait until your DD decides to sleep through on her own, which might be for another year or so.

...or

(2) Cut out night feeds. When she wakes up and cries, put her back to sleep by any means possible (rock her, sing to her, hug, pat, shh etc) except a feed. If you are breastfeeding, Your DH/DP should do this as your DD will smell milk on you and it will be harder.

You will have 2-3 difficult (read: sleepless) nights, but then he habits will change and she will start to sleep through.

I tried your second point with dd Coted'Azur and it didn't work. 5 months later she was still waking every night asking for milk. The difference was that whereas when I gave her the milk she'd drink it and go straight back to sleep, for the 5 months I refused to give it to her and tried to get her to sleep by other methods she would be up all night from when she woke! I'm sure it can work but it isn't guaranteed!

The good news is that aged 2 and a bit she did start sleeping through.

PJ DS doesn't sleep through either you know, and is 19 months. I don't won't do CC as don't agree with it.

It is not your fault.

Sorry for not offering advice just support really, they will sleep through when ready.

Ds slept throught the night for the first time the week after his 2nd birhday.

I got quite used to having not much sleep.

Sorry.

But what about the fact that I can't get her to sleep CM? I'm not really bothered about her sleeping through, but last night was 9pm again! Here is what happened:

6.45pm Bath
7.15pm (OK I was out and my mum and Mark let her play at got her all excited, but ideally she'd just go to bed then)
7.50pm I come home after boring AM on the phone
8.00pm Mum leaves and dh goes downstairs
8.01pm I go into A's bedroom with her and she IMMEDIATELY starts going beserk
8.10pm I tell her that she can have her milk in our room, but then must go to bed
9.00pm After much to-ing and fro-ing and a COMPLETE dicky fit when I left her in her cot to wash my face, she finally drops off
9.15pm I eat dinner, in bed, in silence
10.00pm Dh comes up and goes to sleep in the spare room
10.10pm I realise I am desperate for the loo, but A is squirming so much that I have to take her with me
10.10pm There is no toilet paper

7.30am A has to be prodded to wake up and is crying because she is so tired.
7.45am Do all last night's dinner dishes
8.05am Leave house and come to work

I know what I am doing/have done wrong, but how do I get her to go to sleep in her cot. She just wants to play if I put her straight in with me.

I don't know.

amani, i have only read your op, but i had/have the same. my dd very light/fussy eater, very sensitive and routine bound.

terrible sleeper, couldn't drop off. I tried everything too. Nights and nights of exhaustion, me not her. Then her dad left just before she was 3 and it only compounded it. I felt like aprisoner in my own home, creeping about.

I really feel for you and am not realy being helpful. Just wanted to say you really are not alone.

claire - Did you crack and feed her once in a while? Otherwise, it is incredible that she would wake up every night, with the memory of having had a nightfeed months and months ago.

You must know that is highly unusual.

PJ when she is in with you is it lights out quiet time? It seems a long time between bath time and bed time, sometimes with G I have to let him have runaround time before going up for a bath to tire him out, how about a bowl of porridge for supper to fill her up.

Sometimes if DD (nearly 4) is playing up I put her in with me in complete darkness and bore her to sleep.

I have just discovered G sleeps better if I put him to bed earlier, is this possible.

No expert just trying to help

no CM, the, ahem, TV is on.

The problem is I dont know the reason why DD2 wakes at night - as she is a poor eater is it becuase she hasn't eaten enough during the day - hence she is hungry? Or is she just crying out of habit?

I always think it is the former hence I give in and give her the milk (but still doesnt stop her from getting up so often)

I know it is dreadfully dull for you but could you make it so going in with you is the dull/boring option. Going in the cot is the exciting get a story and attention option.

Make the room dark and quiet and see if that works, only make shh noises and no conversation, might be worth a try, although only a night when crap telly on anyway.