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Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

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Original poster

I can't do this anymore.

127 replies

Pinkjenny · 30/07/2008 10:23

I have officially come to the end of the line with co-sleeping. Last night dd didn't go to sleep until 10.35pm, despite being exhausted and me having been lying on the bed with her since 7.45pm. She continued to wake through the night, on and off, and consequently has gone to nursery in a very bad mood.

She is full of cold, and has a bit of a cough, but when I went downstairs with her at 9.25pm to beg dh for help so that I could eat my dinner, she was actually laughing and smirking, so I refuse to believe that she is feeling that unwell.

I have to get her sleeping properly. She is 14mo.

I have had enough. Please help me.

OP posts:

WonkaBar · 31/07/2008 21:02

good going PJ.

Question...is there anyone who the baby is close to who can help you out...mom, aunt, sister, friend?

When I decided to stop "going down with her", it was my sister (who I was visiting for a month), who put her down. After 10 days or so, I was able to then take over, and she knew it was time for bed and that I wasn't staying. Now that I am home my husband usually does it, but not all the time. So perhaps if possible go stay with someone you love/trust who the baby knows, or have them come stay with you.

As you can see, it is 9 pm and I am up...and she is down.

Original poster

Pinkjenny · 31/07/2008 21:05

Well dh didn't get home until 8.30pm tonight, but he'd help if I'd let him. I think its something that dd and I need to resolve together.

You've all got such wonderful advice.

She's still asleep btw!!!

OP posts:

andyrobo237 · 31/07/2008 21:05

Wow PJ - that is a great step for tonight! She must be feeling better in herself. I hope your re-heated tea was ok!

Even if she wakes later, then you know she can settle back in her cot - so keep at it, espcially over the weekend when your day to day routine is different to the week

Original poster

Pinkjenny · 31/07/2008 21:06

samanthya = sounds exactly the same as what I am TRYING to do.

Keep me updated on your progress.

OP posts:

JamInMyWellies · 31/07/2008 21:10

excuse my french PJ but fuckin fantastic! Keep going my lovelie.

TillyScoutsmum · 31/07/2008 21:11

Hey PJ - another May stalker here. I've been away for a wee while - but just wanted to say - bloody well done .

Whatever happens from here on in, you have got her to sleep - in her own cot - for 2 nights. That's fantastic

You'll get there mate. Keep us informed

Dalrymps · 31/07/2008 21:17

Sorry if this has already been said..
Sil had this problem, also her ds would scream as if terrified whenever he was put in his cot or even anywhere near it for that matter.
He had slept in his cot previously but they think something happened that scared him and he wouldn't go back in.
This might not help you at the moment but what they did was to buy him his own little blue bed when he was old enough (18mo) and instead of trying to get him back in the cot just introduced him to the bed. He took to it straight away and sleeps all night in his own room now .
I realise your lo is a bit young for own bed but thought i'd mention this incase you were still struggling a few months down the line.

WonkaBar · 31/07/2008 22:04

we too are skipping the whole cot thing and will transition her straight into bed.

Umlellala · 31/07/2008 22:35

OMG you are doing so well! Think you are so right to break it down into stages... Sure you are inspiring lots of other people in the same position

have just got your CAT so will reply properly tomorrow

samyantha · 31/07/2008 23:02

Pink jenny after the evening we have had you may just want to scrub what I said earlier!!!

We had guests who over stayed their welcome, even though I told them his bed time, they stayed considerably later and as a result his routine has gone out of the window.

No sooner down stairs and getting on with something and I am back up stairs resettling him by whatever means works!

And to top it off he has just had a reflux screaming episode, which is never good. Doesn't bode well for the night.

Well thats my rant for today.

Sounds like you are on the right tracks. Keep us posted, I may need your help!

Original poster

Pinkjenny · 01/08/2008 09:21

So last night, I was so proud of myself because I'd settled her back to sleep in her cot. She stayed there til 10pm!!!!!

Then came in with us and had a blardy awful night's sleep, fidgeting and crying etc etc. Anyhoo, she seemed fine this morning when her and dh waved me off.

So tonight's goal is to settle her back to sleep in her bedroom twice! So when she wakes at 9pm or 10pm (if I'm lucky) or whatever, try and get her back to sleep in her room.

You are all keeping me going, and when I feel like giving up, I think of you all, cheering me on. It's just a shame you aren't all in the next room pouring me another!

OP posts:

cikecaka · 01/08/2008 11:52

Congrats Pinkjenny,I am new to the boards but DD is 17mths old and i have only now managed to get her to go to sleep in her cot, took 3 weeks of 'baby steps'. First week was lying beside her in the bed, next was lying in bed while she was in the cot, next was putting her in ot and leaving the door opn, last step was putting her in the cot and going out and closing the door. tries crying for a few mins but gets fed up and falls off asleep.

mednad · 01/08/2008 11:52

Hi Pinkjenny,

Understand your tiredness and frustration, as I am still co-sleeping with my 21-month-old. Things are ok now, but a few months ago it got really difficult, I was too tired to keep on waking up and breastfeeding him every hour, half hour, whenever, so I followed the advice on this website (an attachment parenting one), which may give you some useful tips.

www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp

I was never one for cc, but this approach seems to strike the right balance between feeling you're either "giving up" on your child or "giving up" on your right to have some sleep!

Hope it helps. It did help me. Within a few weeks DS2 went from waking up a million times to sleeping non-stop between 8-ish and 11-ish (I know it sounds not-so-great, but it is actually a brilliant achievement as it allows you to have dinner and unwind in peace before going to bed!), to usually sleeping through until 4-5am these days.

DD1, by the way, is nearly 4 and has been sleeping through 12 hours or so every single night since she was 2 - she also used to wake up all the time before then. That's just to say that things do get better, eventually...

Good luck!

YYL · 01/08/2008 14:35

Pinkjenny,

Hi. I also co-sleep with my son from Day 1 till about 4 months old (He is now 13 months old). It allowed me to breastfeed and still had some sleep. Then, we started him in his cot in his own bedroom about 4 months old. Like yours, he also woke up about 11 pm but also about 3 and 6 am too. We tried the control crying i.e. going back to him and just comforted him every 10 minutes. When he was 6 months old and on 3 meals a day, he could not have been hungry. We read the book "What to Expect: The First Year" and it mentioned a child who could not sleep through the night was actually a torture to him/herself. Who would want to torture their children. That really gave me a wake up call. Two methods mentioned: (1) Controlled Crying (2)Cold turkey. The first method had not worked for us so far. We went cold turkey i.e. absolutely no going into his room, no contact, absolutely nothing. He woke up at 3.30 am and he cried on and off for 2.5 hours. We just stayed in bed listening and I was at the brink of giving up. Finally we got some sleep at 6 am. The following night, he slept through. And many nights after... We looked back and we are pleased we did it for everyone's sake especially we work full time.

A few tips: no very active games before bed time. Before bed, we have a bit of calm time e.g. reading, cuddling, kissing, singing gentle nursery rhymes. Then we tuck him into bed and switch on the musical mobile. While he is still awake, we walk out of the room with a good night kiss. With him seeing us walking out of the room, he learns to sooth himself to sleep.

Finally: No pain, no gain. Have no fear.

Original poster

Pinkjenny · 01/08/2008 16:26

Good to know I'm not alone. But dare I say, I miss her. I am wandering around the house like a lost soul when she is asleep, and I am really sad today that we won't have our usual bedtime cuddles, but that I have to listen to her scream before bed instead.

I think this is a lot to do with the fact that dh and I have really 'disconnected' over the last few months, so without dd in the evening, I'm a bit lonely.

Pathetic I know. I'm never happy!!!

OP posts:

TillyScoutsmum · 01/08/2008 17:48

Awww PJ - I know how you feel a bit. The only time T was still enough for lovely cuddles was if she woke in the night and once she started sleeping through, I did miss them (although I do get a cuddle now before bed when doing bottle/story etc. I usually get in the bath with her as well so get some lovely time with her then)

Time to sort dh out... Once L has got going to bed sussed, then plan a couple of cosy dinners, open a bottle of wine and have a good talk. I bet he's missed you ...

popsycal · 01/08/2008 17:51

pinkjenny - so baby steps are working
do you feel more positive even though to most others, the steps are not any big deal??

what is your plan for this evening?

twelveyeargap · 01/08/2008 23:44

Well done PJ.
There's a possibility that the sleep situation has been part of the disconnect between you and DH. Use your new free time to connect again. X

jimarj · 02/08/2008 18:17

Hi,
I am new to this thread and I was interested to see what advice was being given. I would like to add that I know exactly how you feel. I have 6 yr old twin boys and they still don't sleep in thier own beds all night. They can settle ok but in the middle of the night I can be up returning them 2 bed up to 7 or 8 times a night and it ain't always the same child .
When they were little I tried the cc, it didn't work, have tried return to bed and it didn't work, have tried explaining 'cos they now understand, that hasn't worked either. The reason it hasn't worked is lack of consistency on my part because I am so bl exhausted that it only lasts a couple of weeks and then I cave in and I admit I cave in and it is my own fault, but if you have been sleep deprived for six years then can u imagine the amount of sleep you would need to catch up on b4 u embarked on cc or anything else I am currently working along side Sleep Scotland who support parents who have problems with thier childrens sleep. Could you perharps find out from a health professional if there is any kind of supportive help you could have while sleep training your baby 'cos I wish I had done it years ago.

Original poster

Pinkjenny · 02/08/2008 20:22

Quick update - still going really well. Sleeping in her cot in the evening, and responding well to her new routine.

Just night time to tackle next...

OP posts:

twelveyeargap · 02/08/2008 21:00

Does a victory dance for PJ

Original poster

Pinkjenny · 02/08/2008 21:05

TYG - how are you, my lovely? How's your gorgeous little man?

OP posts:

twelveyeargap · 02/08/2008 21:08

waves Just posted an update on May 07 thread.

JamInMyWellies · 03/08/2008 09:01

Fantastic PJ. Keep going my darling you are doing fab.

popsycal · 03/08/2008 17:36

you are doing great#!

what is the next small step?

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