Hey PJ. Did you read the no-cry sleep solution yet? I don't know anything about it, I just remember you saying you had it...
There's no point in going to bed with her any more if she's not settling down (apart from the fact it's driving you bonkers.)
She HAS to go into her own bed or cot. You can put her little bed mattress on the floor so she can't fall off a bed, or you can try the cot. (Obviously with a cot she can't get up and run around when you leave her.)
Like I said before, I found that "extinction" worked best for me. I don't have the patience for CC. Cried for an hour the first night, then 10 mins, 5 mins and then she realised that going to sleep was actually quite nice and asks to go to bed now.
My action plan would be:
Protect her nap and nap time. If she's sleeping one to two hours a day, then it should be in the middle of the day. 12-2 or 1-3 or something. She needs to have a regular nap time and duration so she is not overtired at night. She shouldn't be allowed to "crash" when she's overtired for a nap.
Decide where she is going to sleep at night and stick with it.
Protect her bedtime. If she gets up at about 7, then she needs to be going to bed by about 7 - before she gets manic with tiredness.
Do your bedtime routine. Keep it simple and calm. I think having your mum around (you mentioned it before) is a bad move, tbh. Quiet calm time with the two of you. Talk to her about going to sleep in her bed.
Last feed in her room. DO NOT take her out of the room after the last feed. Say goodnight or whatever you want to do, lay her down in the cot, and LEAVE. Clearly she is getting a buzz out of having you around, otherwise she'd settle down beside you in bed.
She's going to cry, of course she is, but crying isn't going to harm her. She'll get over this a lot quicker at 13/14 months than when she's two or three. At this age she won't remember.
DON'T listen in on the monitor. There is no point in torturing yourself. You're going to be able to hear anyway - it doesn't need amplification. Allow her at least half an hour to settle. That will seem like an interminable amount of time to you if you're just sitting listening, so busy yourself. Have a shower or something.
Remember what she wants is for you to come in and get her, (who can blame her), but if you keep going in, she's going to keep crying for you. She's not daft. If you want to change things, then you have to be strong. She is looking to you for guidance. You have to be strong.
If the crying has lulls and peaks, then she's fine. If she's screaming herself hoarse, then you might have to consider spending a few nights going back in at irregular intervals (so she doesn't learn to just cry for longer to get your to come back) to calm her and put her back down, but you can't give in and take her back to your bed. She's old enough now to understand that if she protests for long enough that you'll give in. (A cries when we get to the childminder's door. She only goes once a week, but can remember week to week that now is the time I leave her. L will absolutely cotton on that if you give in one night, you'll do it again.)
It's going to be bloody hard, but not as hard as ending up with a baby who doesn't sleep until midnight and then fidgets all night because she's so overtired and full of adrenaline.
At this age, I really don't believe that you are going to be able to do this without tears. There may be other people who've succeeded, but I really believe that the tears you're going to get will be those of frustration, not sadness. She's just going to be seriously narked that you're leaving her. (Again with A and the childminder - she has a tantrum after I'm gone. She doesn't sit sobbing with sadness at being left, she's crying with the sheer frustration that I have left her. I've seen her do it when her dad leaves in the morning, so I don't see how leaving a baby to go to sleep at night isn't a similar thing.)