Co-sleepers - help me with my constantly waking 6 month old please! (LONG POST!)

[ChairmumMiaow]

DS is 6 months old today, and we've been co-sleeping in various ways since he was about 3 months and grew out of his moses basket.

Before he came out of the basket, he was (briefly) sleeping pretty well (IMO) waking 1-2 times a night, and I was feeling good. When we took him out because it was too small, he started waking more often. I presumed this was a combination of the change of sleeping environment and the hot spell we were having at the same time. I thought it would get better!

Since then, its just got worse - he's waking more and more, so I have him in bed with me more and more, and now I'm losing my confidence in what I'm doing. It feels like he won't sleep for long without my nipple in his mouth (although I know its not actually as bad as that). He wakes every 1-2 hours, but seems to only sleep for more than an hour in our bed - he used to do about 3 hours in his cot to start with then wake frequently after that, but now we're lucky if we get an hour at the start of the evening (he normally goes to sleep between 8 and 9pm and just feeds then plays if we do bath earlier)

Some days I feel ok - if he just wakes to get latched on I barely wake up, but after weeks of doing this, I'm getting aches and pains in my back and arms. I normally lay him in the crook of my arm to feed, so when I go to sleep I get a dead arm after a while which wakes me up. Sometimes I can then roll him over onto his back, and he sleeps for a while longer, but other times he wakes up, which wakes me up more, and we have to get comfortable again...

If I try to feed him without being in my arm, I have to roll a bit further onto my side (but not completely over as that seems not to work) which gives me backache as my bac is twisted slightly. I've thought of supporting my back with a long cushion, but thought that it would just wake me up more to get it in place.

If I try to put him back in his bedside cot after every feed, I just wake up shattered. If I try to get him back to sleep by patting etc, he just works himself up into full crying, which I can't stand! Same thing happens when DH tries - as he does when he hears me and DS getting worked up!

I've had people suggesting that I'm waking him up myself, and that he might sleep better in his own room, and as each night I just get that little bit more tired, I'm starting to doubt the route I've chosen and wonder if I make DS sleep as he does! (but I really don't want him in another room just yet)

He doesn't feed as much as he used to in the day, and is not yet eating much solids (he started BLW very slowly about 3 weeks ago) so I know that he needs to catch up at night to a certain extent, but it feels like he's snacking a lot...

So I'm wondering if I can -

a) improve my sleep-feeding technique - any hints?
b) use some other non-crying technique to get him back to sleep
c) try a dummy (I don't particularly like them, but don't hate them...)
d) do something else...

If I can get more comfortable feeding him in bed, I'll be happy, as when I'm not knackered, I don't worry about getting him into bad habits, and DH and I have agreed we're happy to have him in our bed for some time. When I'm tired though, I feel like I'm doing everything wrong!

Thanks zwiggy - and congrats to you too; knowing he can is great. We went on to have a very disturbed night as DS has his first cold. He had such a high temp that ended up giving him calpol at 3.30am. He was very miserable and couldn't breath very well .

However - waking because he's ill doesn't grate the way unnecessary wakings do. DH has the cold too. Guess who's complaining the most in my household ! (Clue - ds is now peacefully asleep, albeit in a sling).

Well done takingit and zwiggy! Totally know what you mean. These small victories really do get you through the tricky times!

We had our best night everf last night after a shaky start. Went for a quick drink after DP returned from work, as a result of which DD was not ready for bed till about 7.30 and needless to say I couldn't get her to settle. After 30 mins DP took over and 30 mins later she was asleep (8.50pm).

10.30 - Woke,had a feed and went straight back down.

12.30 - Woke, but when I picked her up she was arching her back and pulling away from me. BW says when they do this you should put them back in the cot and settle them there. Did this and after aout 5 mins she was asleep.

2.30 - Woke and then settled herself after a couple of minutes of moaning

4.30 - Woke,had a feed and went straight back down.

7 - Woke (due to me going to toilet), came into bed for feed and slept till 8.

Hurrah! If we could get away with 2 feeds a night every night, that would be fantastic!

Morning all!

Yes, takingit - it's nice to feel progress, and nasty when you fel that nothing is doing! Sympathy with the sling. ALthough I never had to put DD in the sling to sleep - or only when teething - she did reufse her pushchair. We spent a week rolling her up and down in the chair and she's finally got to like it. No more back-breaking sling for me! Hooray. Things like this make me feel that we CAN crack our problems.

Well done Peach! And Zwiggy! It's lovely to feel light at the end of the 'feeding to sleep' tunnel - even if only a bit in my case.

Well, lovely DH, who does like to work at night, decided to stay up and work last night so he did all the night settling until 4am. Hooray! He even gave her milk from a bottle. Only 2oz but it's a start. Unfortunately then at 4 she totally wanted to play with me and I only got about another hour but I had six and a half hours without having to get out of bed! And it proves she can not only be settled by DH but without a bf too.

It's so great when your DH/DP can help isn't it. Feels very liberating, not to be the only one that can get your DC to sleep! I find my DP is so much more confident with the whole thing as the few times I have gone out for the evening he has been completely frazzled by the time i've got home as it has taken him all evening to get her to sleep!

Had another pretty good night.

Asleep at 8.20 after 35 mins of settling/PUPD

woke, fed and back down at 11, 1.40, and 4.15 then up at 7

Broke my rule about waiting 3 hours between feeds but was just sooooooooooooo tired!!

Good going Peach.

Can I ask, does anyone else find themselves getting totally frustrated (ok ANGRY) when they've spent ages getting DC to nap and they sleep for 20 minutes and won't go back to sleep.

This has just ahppened to me. I went for a shower after putting DD down to nap. As soon as I got out, she was crying. I tried to feed her back to sleep but I felt such an idiot lying there in my towel feeling cold that I got really cross and gave up. Totally fed up with DD.

Just a rant to let off steam really!

I totally agree! Have just spent 45 mins trying to get her down. She is exhausted as has only had 20 mins in pram since being up at 7.30 this morning, and was practically asleep again when we got hom and then again after feed. Have given up, as per BW, brought her through and she is happily playing in floor. Will trey again in 15 mins, after I eat my corn on the cob. Hurumph.

Am thinking I might try and get back into the HSHHC naps, as ours have been very random. Problem is we would really have to get up at the same time every day for it to work and that has been hard due to me being tired from the PUPD of the night. Viscious circle really.

I also totally agree. It is sooooo hard when they wake up after a few minutes when you've danced/rocked/sung/swayed all the rest for 45 minutes to get them to sleep. That's exactly why I've ended up with my sling-dependent baby! He reliably falls asleep between one and three miniutes after I've popped him in it and stays asleep. It is so hard to give that up - I just wish I were a bit physically stronger and then I would keep on with the sling rather than go through all this sleep training to get him in the cot malachy. Guess I'm a lazy moo at heart

DD is currently rolling backwards and forwards across the floor with her socks off and not looking remotely tired. How can this be when she has been up for almost 7 hours with only a 20 min nap. How how how? Of course, now I am shattered and will probably resort to going for a sleep with her (not in the BW plan I guess).

To top it all, have just read that J-Lo is going to be doing a Triathalon on 14th September. How is this possible. Hmmm?

I think I'm giving up with naps - not giving up getting him to have them, but giving up worrying about exact timing and length.

Worrying about them has made me much better at reading his sleep queues, but they don't seem to affect his sleep, so I've decided to worry a bit less about them as I was going crazy trying to plan my whole life around them! So long as he gets chance for 2 naps a day, I shall be content. I was getting very angry about the 20 minute naps too - you can't get anything done! Now I'm trying to have a shower before DH goes out so at least I can get the washing on during the morning micro-nap.

takingitasitcomes - maybe you just need a different sling - what sort are you using.

I'm a bit of a sling geek! (I have 4 - 3 different types, 1 home made!)

Thanks Charimum, I am open to all suggestions- I have had some luck with new sling over the past fortnight (I've got the Hug-a-bub now). I had been using the Ergo which I still love, but DS is too big for the infant insert now and doesn't quite fit into it in the next position they suggest. We'll be trying it again in a couple of weeks. TBH though, I'm just getting sick of the weight on my joints and although you can do lots with a sling on you can't do everything, so I think my ideal would be one 'sling sleep' each day and the others in the cot so I can do some of my own things occasionally. If, that is, I can get him to go into the cot with less than half an hour's dancing etc, that is. Otherwise I'll just go on ruining my knees

Takingit - we're just like you! Just when we thought it was going so well.... teeth and a cold at the same time !! Poor DD is really miserable with it.

She took ages to go to bed last night - was about 8:45 before she went to sleep. Grumbled and stirred around 10:30 and then actually woke up at 1am. Tried feeding her but she woke up as I put her back in her cot and I could tell she wouldn't sleep there. So, back to the old faithful trick - in our bed and snacking from the buffet all night! Was ready to beat myself up about not being stronger and making sure she stayed in the cot, but once it became clear she's not well I was quite glad I'd taken her in bed. Hopefully made her feel a bit better [hopeful emoticon].

Damn, can hear her now so must be off. Think we may even land up with Calpol, she's really screaming today and obviously v sore.

Good luck for tonight everyone, hope all the improvements continue!

I'm back. For those of you bf, what do you do when your LO has a cold? DD is really struggling because she can't breathe while feeding. And she seems to really want to feed, think it's the comfort as much as the milk right now.

Also, Chairmum and LaTrucha, def agree re naps. We have 2 a day but they can be anything from 20 mins to an hour. But 20 - 30 mins is standard and it often takes that long to get her down anyway so it feels like a very "bad" investment of time. I've also decided not to worry too much about how long naps are, but I have a rule that (unless impossible) at least one nap per day is at home in her cot so I feel I've given her the best chance to sleep. And I also got stranded in a towel freezing my butt off a few days ago, not DD's finest hour!

Hi Hadeda - sorry - can't help with the cold thing as she hasn't had one. she did get blocked sinuses when she was teeny and we used saline drops to help clear them. don't know if they'd work on a bigger baby. you can get them in boots etc. what about a vapouriser?

I don't find that length of naps has much effect on night sleep - just how happy they are during the day.

she's coming up for two hours on her nap this afternoon. lots of mumsnetting but no hoovering!

Just up from a 2 hour nap and DD is still asleep on the bed, but will get her up soon so that bedtime doesn't get pushed back too far.

Hadeda - sorry we haven't had a cold here yet, but I think you are right to being her into your bed. If she's feeling miserable then that seems the right place to be. From other threads it seems that wen they are teething/feeling unwell they will feed loads for the comfort. This seems fair enough as is exactly what I would do if I was a baby!

Wow on the 2 hour nap without you LaTrucha, and hurrah for no hoovering!!!

Ooh she's up. Must go!

Hi Hadeda the cold thing is no fun at all is it? We've all got it now. I'm trying to kid myself that it's not 'cause Autumn has arrived. I use a gadget from the pharmacy which I lovingly call the 'snot-sucker'. It's a white rubber thingy called the 'NUK Nasal Decongester' (google it to have a look) and I have dragged loads out of DS's nose with it today. I've just had a look and you can order one on AMAZON for £3.39 + p&p.

Thanks Takingit. I do have a "snot sucker" - never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd ever.....! I don't seem to get much out at the moment, but will keep trying. Can only help!

Had a bit of a rough night. She woke up at 3:45 and I took her in bed straight away because she's not well. She is still struggling to bf so took ages to do that and then wouldn't go to sleep until 5:30, I think just because she can't breathe properly so can't switch off. We only got up at 8:30 but she fed in bed and dozed from about 7. Anyway, she's having a nap right now and has been down for 1h 15mins so must be tired!

Ooh the snot sucker sounds fun!!!

Had another similsr night, with 3 feeds (which is fine) but the best thing was she was down at 7.35 which is a record.

She is 6 months old today so thinking if trying some food this weekend. Hope it doesn't mess up the good sleeping!!!

DP will be putting DD to bed tonught as I am going out (yayy) so we'll see how he gets on.

Gotta go and express, as only got 2oz out this morning. Does anyone else take ages to express the most piffling amount???

Hooray for going out!

I 'm not expressing ATM - have you tried different times?

DH still going strong with dd. I didn't even wake for 1.30 feed and she took 4oz from a bottle!

I have a thread I've just started similar to this one.
Have printed this one off and am reading about HSHHB.
Do you wake the baby after naps?
I put him down at 4:30 and he is still asleep
Just going to have dinner but was aiming for a seven pm bedtime, which won't be happening now, should I wake him or not?

Wow LaTrucha that sounds wonderful to sleep through a feed!

Peaches One of my friends was having trouble expressing, but I saw her on Wednesday and she said she'd had much more success when she tried expressing from one breast at the same time as feeding her DD from the other one. She couldn't believe how much more she got off at one sitting. (The snot-sucker is fun - there's a disgusting sense of achievement with each sticky trophy)

We had a rough night last night mostly because I'm so overtired ATM. This cold is just the last straw. So when DS spat most of his feed up all over me and the bed (my side of course) at about 2.30am I was pissy enough to wake DH to share my pain! I feel silly about it now of course, but at the time I was sooooo tired and annoyed that it's always me that ends up covered in crap and sleeping in a wet patch. Could this be a sign I am ready to give up co-sleeping or is it just 'cause I'm sick. Hmmm.

I think HSHHC would say to wake him MissVictoria, as he's got a schedule for naps which he seems quite keen that everyone sticks to! Tricky though - I can't imagine ever waking my DS if he were sleeping in his cot [dreaming emoticon as TIAIC thinks about what that might feel like].

Ok, I'll wake him after dinner then.
I was aiming for a 4pm nap but he kicked off BIG TIME!

HSHHC says to only wake them to "preserve their sleep schedule" (pompous ass, even if I am following his things sort of!) Sometimes you just have to wake them to go somewhere (oh excuse me friend, You'll have to wait to give me a lift to this place as my DS is still asleep!)

It takes me around half an hour to get 2oz. If I express every day at around the same time for a few days, I can get up to 3 in the same time!

We have a snot sucker too, and that's what we call it. DH won't use it because he thinks its disguting!

We're doing ok with sleeping - sticking to 2 wakings with no problems, although we do have the odd 5.30 start its not too bad! And I'm not getting stressed about his naps, so its all good!

We're now thinking about what will happen (in some time, probably a year or more) when I'm not BF so are looking again at NCSS methods for the long term to slowly work at removing that association.

Nice to see so many people on here now!