Co-sleepers - help me with my constantly waking 6 month old please! (LONG POST!)

[ChairmumMiaow]

DS is 6 months old today, and we've been co-sleeping in various ways since he was about 3 months and grew out of his moses basket.

Before he came out of the basket, he was (briefly) sleeping pretty well (IMO) waking 1-2 times a night, and I was feeling good. When we took him out because it was too small, he started waking more often. I presumed this was a combination of the change of sleeping environment and the hot spell we were having at the same time. I thought it would get better!

Since then, its just got worse - he's waking more and more, so I have him in bed with me more and more, and now I'm losing my confidence in what I'm doing. It feels like he won't sleep for long without my nipple in his mouth (although I know its not actually as bad as that). He wakes every 1-2 hours, but seems to only sleep for more than an hour in our bed - he used to do about 3 hours in his cot to start with then wake frequently after that, but now we're lucky if we get an hour at the start of the evening (he normally goes to sleep between 8 and 9pm and just feeds then plays if we do bath earlier)

Some days I feel ok - if he just wakes to get latched on I barely wake up, but after weeks of doing this, I'm getting aches and pains in my back and arms. I normally lay him in the crook of my arm to feed, so when I go to sleep I get a dead arm after a while which wakes me up. Sometimes I can then roll him over onto his back, and he sleeps for a while longer, but other times he wakes up, which wakes me up more, and we have to get comfortable again...

If I try to feed him without being in my arm, I have to roll a bit further onto my side (but not completely over as that seems not to work) which gives me backache as my bac is twisted slightly. I've thought of supporting my back with a long cushion, but thought that it would just wake me up more to get it in place.

If I try to put him back in his bedside cot after every feed, I just wake up shattered. If I try to get him back to sleep by patting etc, he just works himself up into full crying, which I can't stand! Same thing happens when DH tries - as he does when he hears me and DS getting worked up!

I've had people suggesting that I'm waking him up myself, and that he might sleep better in his own room, and as each night I just get that little bit more tired, I'm starting to doubt the route I've chosen and wonder if I make DS sleep as he does! (but I really don't want him in another room just yet)

He doesn't feed as much as he used to in the day, and is not yet eating much solids (he started BLW very slowly about 3 weeks ago) so I know that he needs to catch up at night to a certain extent, but it feels like he's snacking a lot...

So I'm wondering if I can -

a) improve my sleep-feeding technique - any hints?
b) use some other non-crying technique to get him back to sleep
c) try a dummy (I don't particularly like them, but don't hate them...)
d) do something else...

If I can get more comfortable feeding him in bed, I'll be happy, as when I'm not knackered, I don't worry about getting him into bad habits, and DH and I have agreed we're happy to have him in our bed for some time. When I'm tired though, I feel like I'm doing everything wrong!

Thanks Lucy - Your dd is so pretty!

Peach - don't get despondent. If you do it know, you won't have to do it later - and I agree really aboutr accidentalism. All I meant was I don't like getting it straight from someone else's theory.

Hi Connor - welcome. dd usedn to sleep pretty well too. it comes as a shock, doesn't it? I think we all take bits and pieces from all over. Chairmum did a bit of CC, peach is doing PUPD, I like NCSS. All v useful though.~What are you doing at the mo at bedtime?

I bath ds2 and then he has a breast feed which usually take half an hour and he always falls asleep during feeding. I've been waking him up a little before putting him in the cot but he's usually zonked!

He goes to bed fine at 7pm and for a while he was sleeping nicely til about 2am but now he's waking all the time. Before mid night I can usually get him to go back off by doing pick up put down ( but i think I cuddle him longer than she recomends!) but after mid night I end up feeding him otherwise if he does go back down he's awake again within the hour.

Sounds very familiar COnnor. When my DD's routines went haywire like this the first time it was teething that was the culprit in the end. It was hard to spot she doesn't cry just plays manically, gets upset, gets dopey and sleepy, and refuses to sleep over and over again. I had to Calpol her pretty much round the clock for a couple of weeks. She was very miserable with her teeth.

Then she settled down for a while and fell back into old sleeping habits (bed at 8, wake at 1am, 4am etc). Now she's suddenly back on to waking all night. I put her on her tummy in desperation the other night and all she did was giggle and try to crawl.

Personally, I'm trying to cling onto good napping and taking her into bed with me if it all goes wrong. Waiting for her to settle again.

I did wonder about teeth and have given calpol once before. But he doesn't seem to have red cheeks or any dribble so not sure??

We have made good progress with naps, up until a couple of weeks ago he would only cat nap in his pushchair, but he will go down in his cot for a good hour and half, but again usually fall asleep during his mid morning feed, so isn't going down independantly.

Am also trying to get him slowly onto formula and that isn't going well at all - so generally tearing my hair out -aaarrghhh!!

I must admit we all get a much better nights sleep if we co sleep from 3am onwards like we use to. Sometimes wonder if it's worth the battle

I think most of the books say get them to nap however you can - you can work on it once they're sleeping at night but the HAVE to nap to sleep at night.

I'm not having much like with the bottle either. DD uses it as a drum.

DD didn't have red cheeks and only chewed on and off. When it really hurt her she didn't chew at all.

I think you do have to choose your battles.

Hi Connor. My dd has her first tooth coming in now and has/had no red cheeks...does drool and chew a bit though.

Interesting you & LaTrucha both having trouble with the bottle. I cannot get dd to take one at all and have spent a fair bit of money trying out different bottles now. I've just read in the Baby Whisperer that you should give it as morning feed and not offer the breast at all as within 3-4 hrs they will take it. I'm sure persistence is what I've been lacking but think I'd feel a bit guilty doing that.

Think my dd is a wee bit younger than most on this thread - does that mean you 2 have not had a night off for about 6 months?

Thanks for the encouragement LaTrucha - it really does help knowing we are all going through similar things.

LOL at your DD using bottle as drum.

re. getting DP involved. Am hoping to go out on Friday so will be leaving him to it. Think it will be good experience for him. Normally when I go out (I say normally. I have been out 3 times in the last 6 months, but you see what I mean!) it takes him a while to get her to sleep and then she always wakes when he is putting her in the cot, but hopefully with all the work I am doing this week, it will be easier for him!!

CT - welcome! If he was sleeping well before then hopefully this is just a phase. Maybe you should just co-sleep after 3am like you said and hopefully the teething (if that is what it turns out to be) passes soon.

Lucy - do you mean offer the bottle for the 3-4 hours after breakfast? and no breast then or all day?

also my dd did do three weeks or so of 10pm tp 5-7 am. bliss! otherwise 8 months of broken sleep.

I think it meant if baby wont take the bottle for morning feed keep offering it for 3-4 hrs from when the morning feed was due with no breast and by then (apparently) most babies will have taken it as I guess they get so hungry

lucypearl - in my experience, letting him get hungry never helped - he just worked himself up and would only take the bottle when calm. It worked best for us if we pre-empted when we thought he would be hungry and offered the bottle before he started asking.

When did you introduce the bottle Chairmum?

I hadn't had more than 4 hours sleep in around a year, as I slept badly when pregnant (although a quick trip to the loo is much easier than a whinging baby!) Now I at least get one four hour stretch most nights, and manage to total 7 hours when I'm not being an insomniac.

DS has never taken a bottle well, although DH has had most success with that - he's been through on-off phases and now seems to take it as part of his lunch (i.e. has the bottle in his highchair with someone helping him hold it) I might (get DH to) try him with one in the night though, so I can go out dancing with my antenatal group (really excited, haven't been dancing in a couple of years probably!)

Oh and I only did CC twice - he was so angry at us when he realised we were checking on him that we've always done CIO since (although often with a check when he starts crying to make sure he's not hot/cold etc). The longest crying we've had has been with CC rather than CIO (45 minutes)

lucypearl - he took one on and off from about 4 weeks. Completely refused for a while at 10 weeks, then had it again a bit later. We didn't bother for ages as I didn't see a need (he was going the 4 hours I was at work without asking for a feed) and now I'm leaving him longer, he seems happy with it again.

DD used to take a bottle until about 3 months. Then we went ex bf. Now she thinks it's hilarious.

I started trying to give ds EBM in a bottle at around 3 months and it was hopeless and expressing was such a faff I gave up and decided to wait until he was 6 months and try formula in a cup.

We've had the most success with the NUK first choice learner cup and one of ds1's old beakers which is a heinz basics one.

Have tried introducing it in so many different ways and have so far found my only success is to give him some formula in his high chair with his lunch. He only takes about 3 oz with his lunch, which doesn't seem enough to me but it does seems to take him through until his afternoon feed. I think next I will offer formula with his breakfast and see how we get on.

I have to say that he actually doesn't mind the taste of formula and will drink it enthusiastically for the first ouynce or so but then he gives up. I think he just doesn't "get" thge fact that it's food as such?

we only started weaning last week so he isn't eating proper sized meals yet either and tbh is only semi interested in food.

was hoping food would be the answer to the sleep problems

yup. DD thinks formual in any form is a game. She's slightly more serious about water . food had no impact on sleep here. boo.

DS likes to blow into the spout so the pressure create's a nice jet of milk everywhere

It's my dd's drum

Have read the NCSS, HSHHC and 'Baby whisperer solves all your problems'. Am now going to mull them all over with DH and decide which tactics to start as of Thursday. Having got the end of BW, I figured it was her tone that was bugging me rather than her methods for the most part. I also hate her term 'accidental parenting' and the smug 'oooo didn't you mess up by not doing it my way from the beginning' that is the constant undercurrent to her writing.

However, I am now feeling as clued up as I ever will about infant sleep and the various schools of thought on how to help it. They do seem to agree on a lot of aspects, which is reassuring. I'm also feeling lucky 'cause they all seem to agree that it's easier before the baby is over 4 months (we've one week to go). Now it's just up to DH and me to sit down and decide exactly what we're aiming for. To continue to co-sleep totally/partly/have DS in cot the whole night? Such hard decisions, as we all know how wonderful those night-time cuddles really are.

Any questions about any of those methods and I'm your woman... only for the next couple of days probably 'cause my memory is pretty shot what with motherhood and all.

PS - Hi Connor... welcome to the club!

hey all. am still here...

had some good nights and some bad nights lately, and have just sussed we now have top 2 teeth coming thru (bottom ones popped thru 2 weeks ago i think)

so calpol, cuddles and some more patience are in order i guess.

hello connor! i'm not doing cio, pupd, cc or actually really anything specific with ds. am still on the 'muddle thru' method. got very cross with the baby whisperer. my baby will categorically not be 'whispered' in any way.

sort of tried some of the above but they don't suit me or ds. so still making it up as i go along and hoping for the best!

night before last we had 7.50 - 1 - 4.20 - 7.20, then into our bed for a bf and he crashed out again til 8! this was a sunday too so utter bliss except i was too confused to sleep.

last night the teeth started i think, ended up in with us from 2ish and waking lots....

at least i know we can have a night with only 2 wake ups!

hope everyone has a good night...

obviously i know the bottom 2 teeth popped thru. i can see them. just a bit hazy on how long ago it was have lost all concept of time

I know what you mean about muddle through, tonight I fed ds to sleep and instead of waking him to put him down in his cot I thought sod it, placed him softly in his bed, tucked his blankets in oh so gently, crept out the door and then ran for the hills!!

He can learn to settle himself another night

Oh shit he's crying now

OMG I'm having the worst day! After fruitlessly spending about 2.5 hrs trying to get dd to have her afternoon nap I decided to try an earlier bedtime so instead of my usual 2-3 hours put down time I've been going since 5pm!!! Have totally given in and actually tried to force feed and rock her to sleep but she's having none of it. She's now downstairs with me watching tv.

I've mostly made my way through the Whisperer and now feel like I not only have sleep problems but feeding issues too. Don't know where to start in fixing all this.

TIAIC IKWYM about Whisperer - it was all I could do to make it through the day when she was first born, sod thinking about routine and bad habits etc. We also have 2 weeks to go until dd is 4 months so fingers crossed I'm not destined to spend 10 hrs a day trying to get dd to sleep/nap and we WILL get through this.

Sorry bout the rant everyone...just one of those nights you feel you can't cope