Nearly five years of broken sleep and struggling to cope

[Ginagogo]

Just need to vent. Almost 5 years of having almost no sleep. 1st DD was a terrible sleeper, started to improve around 3.5 but by that point DD 2 was born and while she wasn’t too bad as a tiny baby, she’s almost 2 now and horrendous. Sleeps 3 hours and after that is awake every hour till morning, often we can’t leave the room even when we think she’s asleep. We’ve tried everything. 5 yo still wakes up at least twice a night and often comes in our bed

I can’t cope every night like this. I dread going to bed and I feel like I’m just on autopilot miserable and wishing the days away

when they are babies people tell you it gets better but no one says it might not!

often we can’t leave the room even when we think she’s asleep

Yes you can. You sleep train.
It will be brutal at first but entirely necessary

My youngest was like this, he had reflux, our consultant asked if we’d tried co-sleeping. We were desperate so tried that night and he slept 9 hours! He then stayed in our bed for two more years until we could gradually introduce separate sleeping again. Slept solidly every night. He just wanted to be near us.

We’ve tried. She will be awake hours and doesn’t respond to it at all

My eldest slept better if co sleeping but that isn’t the case this time, she asks for her own bed and is wide awake if we try her in our bed I’d have them both in our bed if I knew I’d get some sleep

And you have tried that for days, weeks on end if necessary, being consistent every night?

Leave them in bed. Alone. They will be fine.
Get Bluetooth speakers for their bedrooms and play relaxing music or audiobooks so you can leave them there and go to bed yourself. Give them a bottle if needs be to help them drift off. Be strict about short nap in the daytime so they are seriously tired at night. Strict bedtime. No deviation from bedtime routine.
Do not sit with them etc. Kids in their own rooms. Non negotiable!
This is why I have stopped at one child!

Honestly we have. I can’t be bothered going into the ins and outs but I’m at the end of my tether with it all. She broke her cot recently from kicking the bars continuously. She can also climb out of her cot

What happens when they are awake in bed? DS used to take ages to get to sleep but would lie in bed chatting to his toys, we just left him to it. I was the same when I was young

Sounds about right tbh

We do put her to bed and go but she can climb out of her cot and just plays and then goes mental at the door. She’s so well behaved in the day and goes to sleep fine, on her own for her nap, I don’t understand why she does it.

chats for a bit and then screams hysterically. She can climb out of her cot which makes it so much harder

If she is climbing out of her cot then she needs to be put in a bed/sides taken off, otherwise might hurt herself climbing out. DS managed to climb out whilst in a sleeping bag, still don’t know how, just heard a loud thud and came upstairs to a very startled baby!

Is it time to drop the nap?

She doesn’t nap every day, but it doesn’t seem to make a lot of difference

Can you put a baby gate over her bedroom door?? I’d say it’s not a sleep issue it’s a behavior one. She can go mental at the gate and have a tantrum but you don’t need to go each time. If she has eaten well, is safe, you don’t need to go and she needs to learn when it’s bedtime, it’s for sleeping. She doesn’t get to tell you to how it works!
Have you tried audiobooks??? Audible is very good - the Beatrix potter collection. There are also some excellent ones by the calm collective on Spotify. The breathing a rainbow worked brilliantly for my son and keeping him led down in bed & calm.
they need to learn to wind down and relax in bed. I would take the toys away from reach, get a good calming projector and start using audiobooks for bedtime. If you have to come up because they’re shouting then no more projector and no more story. Warm milk will help! Reward chart also a good idea. Stay strong and consistent.

If she can climb out of her cot, get her a toddler bed. She’s ready for it

Reward chart also a good idea.

At not yet 2? I don’t think so!

I definitely think you can do reward charts even if she is under two. How is her speech / understanding? At two I was already using reward stickers for my son - obviously for really basic things - eating well, ‘helping’ me with getting his clothes by standing still - I think there is no harm in explaining it’s bedtime now etc and in the morning making a huge positive moment saying ‘last night you stayed in your special bed!’ And letting them choose a sticker. I agree it’s young but I do think you can reinforce those (any!) small positive moments which will help you with good behavior in the long run. She also has her older child and doing stickers for both would be a good idea. At this point I’d try it with very little to lose!

Any Autism signs?
as can cause sleep issues as can adhd?
eldest slept at 1 sort of but still waking a lot for teeth. Dc2 was 3.5yo.
Dc2 only ever sleeps up to 10h.
dc1 audhd. Dc2 probably adhd.

I have wondered tbh, especially with my eldest, but no other traits as such.

re behaviour, she’s good as gold during the day, her speech is amazing and she potty trained already at 23 months. Sleep is the only issue, I could try a sticker chart as she loves stickers. At the moment I put her in her cot, walk out to leave while watching her on the monitor and before I’ve even shut the door she’s starting to climb out the cot. I think if she just allows herself to relax for a few mins she’d be asleep but she’s 100mph

She needs to be in a bed if she’s climbing out of her cot, it’s not safe and she could get badly hurt. It might also help with sleep, my DS became difficult at night around age 2, after a few months we got him a proper toddler bed and he’s much happier going to bed and waking up less. They often just outgrow cots and don’t want to be in them.

So one of my twins went through a split night phase - ironically started just before ex husband left as he couldn’t hack it! TBH I just used to stick him in my bed put his favourite film on the tv and go back to sleep - something was better than nothing!

I know it’s on my job list this week, hopefully the cot is the problem 🤞🏻🤣

Did he start sleeping eventually or expect a film at 2am every night? Haha

Yes, don't underestimate the power of a bed they actually want to be in!

DS was constantly in with us at 2.5. He had a large cot which he slept in with the side down .

A friend passed on a toddler bed shaped like a bus. Oh my goodness he loved it, and as a result actually stayed in his room much more, I was shocked what a difference it made.

I'm not saying you need to rush out and get her a novelty bed, but you could try positive reinforcement. Lose the cot and get her a toddler bed as she's obviously ready. Get duvet covers and blankets with characters she loves on them. Make a big fuss about it being a big girls bed and what a big girl she is. If she loves stickers, do the sticker chart.

No idea if it'll work but certainly worth a try!

Solidarity, sleep deprivation sucks.