Baby feeds hourly at night

[Inneedofsupport]

I’m absolutely broken and I can’t do it anymore. Husband and baby are asleep next to me. I’m on my 4th wake up already and it’s not 3am yet when the torture really starts.

I think my 9mo is reverse cycling. She is waking every 1-2hr and feeds. I have tried not giving her the boob but she moans and cries until she gets it. She is in a side car cot next to me. In her earlier months I ended up co sleeping because I needed more sleep. Whenever I lifted her out of the next to me and fed her and tried to put her back in, she’d wake and I’d end up holding her. So I decided to co sleep so I’d get more sleep. Health visitor told me to learn how to feed lying down and continue ‘feeding responsively’ Then I got this cot inside car’d. And so here we are. Health visitors aren’t here in the night are they…

I’ve been trying gentle sleep training as I thought she wasn’t ‘linking cycles’. In quotes as I’m not even sure it’s a thing anymore. She now doesn’t fall asleep with boob and I have to walk her. But in the night she feeds and goes back to sleep. But I can’t.

In the day there is not set times for feeds. I logged feed after feed after feed and never ever saw a pattern. She now just feeds about 4 times in total daytime. 3 solids meals daily. Porridge/eggs. Lunch maybe a cheese sandwich bites and banana, dinner tonight was beef and rice and she ate loads.

Sorry I’m rambling. I don’t know how to fix it. I want her to sleep in the cot and feed properly in the day time. Like all my other mum friends do. I don’t want to ‘give in’ and get a floor bed.

People keep asking me if she’s sleeping through the night. If I’m enjoying motherhood. No and no. My mum keeps saying she thinks I look a bit tired. Husband says he’ll help with night settling but he doesn’t even hear her wake up. I tell him I do this feeding like this so everyone gets more sleep. Don’t think he really appreciates what it means for me and what would his night would look like if just got up and went in the other room and locked the door.

Sorry for the ramble. Thanks for reading if you got this far.

does She take a bottle?

Could she have reflux?

Not tried a bottle since newborn when we had to triple feed (a separate hell). But now she’s 9mo I don’t want to introduce one. She will take a sippy cup though.

Your husband needs to step up. I feel for you. My baby was hourly wake ups between 5-11 months and I was so down. But at the weekend I could sleep and let my husband take over with a bottle. Don’t be a martyr.

She brought up milk a lot in her earlier months. This is why I think she was such an unsettled baby. Infacol was prescribed (reflux was not diagnosed) but I couldn’t use it as it made my nipples slippery and I’d had enough issues with getting her to latch when feeding. Breastfeeding was extremely hard to establish.

But yes I think she probably does have reflux. Now she doesn’t bring up as much milk. If she does it just comes out and she no longer cries.

Her day feeds are really short. She’s gets distracted. She used to cry after feed when she was little. Was never ever settled after them. Hence I thought whenever she fell asleep after a feed it was a good thing. Now I know differently. Too late though.

I would love if the weekends offered some kind of break. I never knew the meaning of word ‘break’ or the value of it until now. How do I get her to eat more in the daytime?

Sorry that last post was in reply to @Treatingmyself Thanks for replying. Sorry you went through it too. How did it stop? Did it stop?

just before his first birthday he started sleeping through. And is a fantastic sleeper now. But I ended up with PND.

Babies nurse at night for so many reasons; for pain relief, rapid physical and cognitive development, transitions, to increase your supply if it's dipped, if they've been exposed to germs (their saliva signals your body to produce antibodies) etc. With winter, as well as teething and developmental spurts at this age, it's not unusual at all. Don't compare yourself to other people. Your only responsibility is your own child's needs. This is biologically normal and serves many purposes, including attunement and attachment at this age.

We coslept in my bed and breastfed like this through the night. The most helpful things are your expectations around this and taking care of yourself. Naps, good diet, rest, socialising and exercise are important. You can creatively fit these in with your parenting. I did it a single parent with no family, and imagine it would be incredibly helpful to have a supportive family or husband.

@TreatingmyselfIve already been diagnosed with PND. Good to know things improved at one year.

@putthekettleonnit doesn’t seem to be a spurt because it’s been like this every night since about 5 months. Before that she had three clear feeds per night which I could manage.

I know how breastfeeding works and the salvia. I know how amazing it all is. I know my responsibility is to my own child. I have no energy in the day to exercise. I’m trying to ensure she gets good quality naps in the day in the hope night sleep gets better, so have dropped her baby classes and therefore not socialising as much. I’m with her for every nap to help her resettle if she wakes before a hour. Not that I have the energy to socialise much anyway. I don’t have energy to cook great meals either. Although hers are always freshly cooked. Simple meals though.

How did you creatively fit those things in with your parenting? Please share your tips. I need practical help please. And how did you set up a safe environment for co sleeping when your baby began to crawl and pull up?

I also don’t expect her to not wake for feeds at night at all. Or even comfort. I can manage night feeds like I did when she was smaller. But she can’t be hungry every hour. Especially after three meals per day. I would like to find other ways to offer comfort iso that my husband can do it too.

It will need to be formula from a sippy cup then as I don’t want to introduce a bottle at 9m (they are not meant to use them after a year) and I cannot face linking pumping after triple feeding hell in her newborn days. Doubt I’d get that much out of a pump anyway.

sorry @ByRoseBird I don’t understand the phrase you mentioned or the photos.

edited for typos

Is there any chance that you can get away if not for a weekend then just for a 24-hour rest? Like, can you pump breast milk, put it in the sippy cup for day or bottle (I know you said you haven't done any bottle feeding with her and don't want to start at 9 months but, what are the options at this point? Your boob or she starves?)
Look, it sounds like you completely need a break. You're exhausted. You can't be a good mother or partner if you're exhausted.
One weekend or a 24 hour break away won't be enough but it might help you.
Pumped breast milk, or formula, bottle, or sippy cup, and your husband can wake up for night feeds and if he doesn't wake up, so what, so she cries. It's not the end of the world. She won't die if she doesn't eat for 8 hours. He'll wake up.
You're just trained to wake the moment that she does, you're super sensitive to it,
Heck if you went away for a weekend, just a place where you could sleep and take a bath and maybe have a swim or go for a walk or do some light exercise, take a yoga class, have a massage, something simple but also just nice for yourself, you probably wouldn't even sleep through the night anyway even though you're sleep deprived because you're so used to waking up every couple of hours with her.
Take care of yourself.

And I don’t think she’ll be too happy with formula from a sippy cup after bm from a breast.

The saliva thing won’t apply either. But honestly I’m willing to forgo all that at this rate. I’m only mentioning it as a @putthekettleonn brought it up in an effort to demonstrate why breast is best.

Try some formula in a bottle. It’s just a bottle and it will mean you get a break. Your mental health is important and you’ll get worse and more resentful being the only one who can feed the baby.

@QuirkyMooseyour post feels like a hug. Thank you. I’d love to do this. You are right that I’m trained to wake the moment she does.

Because bfing was so hard and she was so unsettled anyway after all that effort it really impacted me and I felt it affected our bond. So I ended up seeing a parent infant specialist about our bond. We’re closer now but I worry that if I’m away the bond will be broken. She seemed to bond more with her dad in the early days and I got upset by it. IVF baby after 7 rounds over 9 years. I did a lot of the work. Many injections. Intimate investigations. And then he got all the first smiles and hugs. It hurt. And there I was struggling to feed and making her cry. Anyway I’m rambling again. But yes. I worry if I leave her I lose her. Silly I know.

if I thought it would all stop at some point I think I’d just power through. I go back to work in Feb and I think that’s made me nervous that I’ll be doing this and working full time on top.

@putthekettleonnwere you working full time when you went through this? What was it like? How did you fit all the exercising and socialising in? What did you do for work? Help me please if you’ve been there.

It’s not but thanks for trying.

Also @ByRoseBird please can you explain the phrase you used and the photos? If it’s meant to make me feel better I’d like to understand it.

I’ve reported you.

Does anyone have any help on how I can stop her reverse cycling?

sorry, my post should have just been ‘how to stop reverse cycling’. As I said she hardly feeds in the day and seems to make up for it at night. She needs more fulfilling feeds in the day. Im not trying to stop night feeding altogether. But I don’t think this is biologically normal given the backdrop of the short and limited day feeds. Don’t think it’s about supply establishments either as I’m well past that now she’s 9m.

I just don’t think it’s a temporary thing as it’s been so long. Thank for all your posts so far.