3 girls sharing a room, middle child is a nightmare

[Mumto3girls2016]

Hey first time poster, I have 3 girls who share a room as we live in a 2 bedroom house. Triple bunk bed ages 5,8 and 9 and a half. 8 year old a nightmare at bedtimes kicks bangs refuses to sleep keeping 5 year old and 9 year old awake. Then when told off says I don’t love her and don’t care about her. At my wits end and have to just walk away before losing it … any suggestions for a smoother bedtime routine for 8 yr old, … 5 year old & 9 year old has no issues going to sleep and is good as gold,x

In plenty of cultures, a triple bunk for 3 girls is quite normal. I’ve seen it in hk.

Anyway. I would put the 5yo and the 9yo to bed. Put the 8yo in her duvet on the sofa (dim light) and put an audio book on through headphones for her to enable the other 2 to go to bed peacefully. Then go and chat peacefully to 8yo and put her into the bedroom.

I would reward her for not kicking, but make sure that the other 2 also contribute to the good behaviour and get the reward. So she has to not kick, and they have to go to bed without fuss.

Eg if there’s somewhere they want to go, explain to the 8yo that if she can manage not to kick for 7 days (they don’t have to be all in a row, I’d say), then she gets a trip somewhere. The trip needn’t be lavish, just a treat that she earns for all of them. I don’t know what excites them, but the first reward needs to be pretty nice - eg to go to a pottery painting cafe and do some Christmas decs or something

I'm from Coventry and there are literally loads of properties available to rent with 3 beds under a grand. And not in crap areas either. Don't lie.
There is literally a 4 bed flat in Radford up for £850.

But if you are determined to stay where you are I would put the 8yo to bed in your room and move her to her own room when you go to bed, mine share and if one is being a bit fussy this is what we do.

What do when your eldest is 16, she’s going to still be sharing with an 11 and 15 year old. My God. Where do these kids do their homework?

You’ve bitten off more than you can chew there.

My two shared. They’re very close as adults.

In another room.

Awful 😞

If it's become a battle then it will continue to be a battle in my opinion unless you take the pressure off for a while.

We had this issue with our middle child who is likely autistic. For a while we let her fall asleep on the sofa and we carried her up. Her sisters gets to go to sleep peacefully and calmly and it took the anxiety out of bedtime for the middle child, which is why she was being difficult. She is a year younger than your daughter. It also made her bedtime much quicker. She now goes to sleep nicely again (mostly).

Not sustainable? Then how the hell did people manage in the past before 5 bedroom detached houses with 3 bathrooms?

What the most ridiculous twaddle about bedroom sharing. Honestly. 😂

Hey ignore the stupid comments saying but another house, it’s like people don’t know how much houses cost. My 8 year old is exactly the same doesn’t seem to need much sleep never has.

Could she sleep on the sofa until she grows out of this stage?

I know loads of families where three sometimes even four kids share a room and they manage. It’s quite common

I do think it is middle child syndrome. Rightly or wrongly middle children often have a chip on their shoulder that they are the least loved (and I say this as a middle child!). I am sure you treat them all the same but it is how it is perceived by her. Could you do a few things one on one with her?

I have two poor sleepers - looks like it may be ADHD related so not really their fault by annoying at the time.

Getting cold before bed promotes sleepiness - so baths can help - lavender smells supposed to help - mine are all like their Dad and now me needing somthing to listen to or white noise so audio books are helpful especially if they've been heard before - weighted blanket may help - lights that slowly get darker if your reading to them - warm milk at bed times also supposed too help.

You may also find they need different amounts of sleep as they get older and it can vary between kids- so it's possible she doens't need as much as siblings - so may need to stagger bed times.

When my three shared a room at grandparents I often had to sit in doorway till they fell asleep - otherwise middle one would have kept other two up with fussing - me being there reminding them to be still seemed to do it.

No, she rents a house her parents own

Our three were in together as they slept better when very young - then middle one boy went to own room bit later and then we moved so they all got their own rooms - never thought a 4 bed would be on the cards for us but we got there.

My youngest (13) is terrible at going to sleep himself and he shares with his brother.
However iv found if I read to him from 9pm to 9.30, he usually drops off to sleep around 9.15. If i dont read to him he could be banging about for a couple of hours.
I managed to wean his brother onto audio books with soft headphones/sleep bands.
Would she happily read with a back lite book like a kobo (u can lend library books) or listen to audiobook.

Is it possible to fit a single bed in with double bunk beds?

I had a bottom bunk when I was young up until I was 10 and obviously I knew no different so didn’t realise how much it affected my sleep.

I was disturbed by every time my sister moved because even though they were sturdy pine beds it’s unavoidable.
The close proximity to her made me feel really closed in and aware of every noise she made.
I didn’t realise until I’d experienced differently, it was just what I was used to.

I played up at bedtime because I’d get anxious knowing I’d be going to bed to lie in the dark for hours unable to sleep, I still remember the feelings of panic.
I used to deliberately drag bedtime out to make the time in bed shorter and didn’t care about getting into trouble, I’d bang and thrash about and be as disruptive as possible.

My parents were at the end of their tether because it disrupted the whole house and we moved to a bigger one they could hardly afford so we could have separate beds as the room was too small for two singles.

I felt the biggest sense of relief in a separate bed, it wasn’t even so much the separate room but I was so overstimulated in the bunk bed and didn’t realise how much I’d struggled till we moved.

I have always been a night owl and needed less sleep than even my parents, I could read and move about in bed without disturbing anyone.
I have ADHD which affects my sleep patterns and have always worked nights, it’s out of the question going straight to sleep and it’s so frustrating lying awake.

The room sharing might be unavoidable but it might really help to give your middle DD a separate bed. She has probably never complained because she isn’t aware that it’s the bed situation that’s causing sleep issues and how much she needs the extra space.

I don’t know why everyone is getting get up about children sharing a room, it’s hardly child abuse. It’s absolutely normal both historically and world wide. If anything, it is abnormal to put children to sleep all alone in a room.

i would also try staggered bed times, sounds like your middle child needs less sleep.

Also, in Scandinavia they sometimes sleep with the windows open to drop the temperature in the bedroom down at bedtime, it helps you get off to sleep and is more likely to make your children stay snuggled under the duvet to keep toasty warm.

Doesn’t make it right

But it’s not wrong either.

Id also think about staggering bedtimes. Could 5 year old go in the middle bunk at 8.30?
Then take both older two up at 9. Then sit and read to them both with middle being in bottom so you can see when she is getting sleepy.
I usually pick chapter books I havnt read so least its not depressing for me to read for up to an hour lol.

Op, I don’t know if you’re still reading but in the hope you are… I have a ND child with sensory issues who used to find going to sleep really difficult. I am not saying your child is ND but some of the advice we were given by OT was life changing and might work for you. Basically my child needs a lot of sensory input. Putting him in a darkened quiet room at bedtime and expecting him to stay still was a recipe for disaster, it would make him anxious and he would play up. What we have done: nightime audiobook or music, twinkly lights, compression sheet and/or weighted blanket and silent fidget toys in his bed (though nowadays he takes a handful of Lego to fiddle with). This means he gets a lot of sensory feedback which he needs to remain calm and he is now asleep within 15-30 minutes most nights. It’s made me realise he is quite similar to me, I also struggle to fall asleep so I listen to music and read as a coping mechanism. I appreciate some of this might be tricky in a shared room but maybe you could add curtains to her bunk bed to keep her light etc contained?

My best friend shared with her three sisters growing up and it never bothered her or them.

A house with four or five bedrooms is over half a million in most parts of the uk, how do you think the majority of three/four kid families live?

Did you share growing up?

Yes with my sister. My girls share now there’s only two of them though.
At one stage we all lived in a one bed apartment together.
Most families don’t have a room for each kid with an en suite and a pony each