3 girls sharing a room, middle child is a nightmare

[Mumto3girls2016]

Hey first time poster, I have 3 girls who share a room as we live in a 2 bedroom house. Triple bunk bed ages 5,8 and 9 and a half. 8 year old a nightmare at bedtimes kicks bangs refuses to sleep keeping 5 year old and 9 year old awake. Then when told off says I don’t love her and don’t care about her. At my wits end and have to just walk away before losing it … any suggestions for a smoother bedtime routine for 8 yr old, … 5 year old & 9 year old has no issues going to sleep and is good as gold,x

If there are 4 of you with 2 bedrooms then I think the fair thing to do would be to have 2 beds in each of the bedrooms. Talk to the girls about it and decide which one would be better sharing a bedroom with you. It won’t be forever as they won’t live at home forever but it will be for a few years until the first one leaves home.

My DD is very similar at bedtime and she just doesn’t need as much sleep. Does your DD like school? Mine loves learning and one thing I’ve found really helps her is doing some work before bedtime. Not entirely sure why it works, but she appears with a notebook and gets me to write out some sums for her to do or she practices her handwriting, copies stories out of books that sort of thing and it helps quieten her mind so she can sleep. Might be something similar for your DD, she needs some help to get her brain to calm down?

I know it’s disruptive for your other children but I don’t view my DD as naughty she’s just different to her DT and needs a slightly different approach.

You're giving them a biscuit in bed? Do they then get up and brush their teeth?

Anyway that's probably the answer. Thar child is reacting to the sugar. Not everyone has the same reaction to sugar.

Yeah but the problem with that (ignoring the obvious that it's not that easy to just get a bigger house) is that if you put the middle one in a room of her own you're rewarding bad behaviour which is really unfair on the other two.

If anything the oldest should get her own room as she'll be more likely to need somewhere to do schoolwork quietly and will be hitting puberty sooner, or the youngest because the older two are closer in age.

I think you need to be strict with her. There's no reason for her behaviour from what you've said, she's not scared or anything, just being naughty, and 8 is more than old enough to understand that not letting others sleep is selfish.

Tell her if she can't be trusted you'll put her to bed the same time as the 5 year old and one of you will literally sit in the room with them until they go to sleep, whereas 9 year old gets to stay up having grown up time with the other parent.

It wouldn't be a reward. It would be parenting them according to their needs.
Not falling asleep instantly, in a middle bunk with a person on top and below you, isn't bad behavior.

The eight year old isn't being naughty OP, she needs more of your attention right now.

She needs you to work out why this set up isn't working for her rather than get angry with her. You can't assume that things that you thought were fine and were happy with when you grew up will be the same for your children. Try audio books, try more 121, try taking her into your bed.

You know you love her but if you're getting so annoyed with her 3 or 4 times a week because she won't go to sleep then she's probably not going to know it - as all she sees is how angry she makes you. She's needs your help with working out how bedtime can be better because she doesn't know the answer right now and has got into this negative pattern. She needs your attention.

Yes unpredictable things happen, that's why you do your best to cushion yourself.

We all know how babies are made. Or not

I think this is harsh tbh, i wouldn’t assume it’s bad behaviour.

I think op is failing to see that children have different sleep needs and is taking it out on the 8 year old. Op is also giving the 8 year old sugar before bed.

No she doesn’t need to move. She just needs to seriously discipline the middle child to stop the carryon. My Mum is one of 9 children, they had one room and had to share behave and get on with it. My mantra this weekend is there is far too much fluffing about with kids. I would honestly sit this child down with no audience and explain actions have consequences and mean it.

I think people are being very harsh with comments on sleeping arrangements and the three children. It’s clear from the photo of their bedroom how much effort you’ve put into making their bedroom a lovely space for them. I’d really reconsider if it is naughtiness though, or if it’s just how she likes to get to sleep and wind down. Is it a recent change? I’ve always liked to move around to try to get comfortable before going to sleep and that’s not naughtiness it’s just my rhythm. Everyone is different and if it’s the case that she struggles with sleep while her sisters don’t, that’s not her being naughty and her sisters being good because they sleep easier.

Other people have posted good suggestions like audiobooks and weighted blankets, or a light on her level to let her read. I find not being sleepy and lying still in the dark hard and I end up thrashing around in that situation, so giving her distractions might help.

I'd make her go to bed an hour before the others. When she inevitably kicks off, tell her that she's being silly and behaving like a toddler so clearly she is overtired and needs longer to get to sleep. Once she is able to go straight to sleep, she can have a later bedtime. I give it maybe 5 nights before she realises you're serious and starts making an effort.

You put them to bed when they’re tired. If 5 yo and 9 yo are tired earlier then put them to bed at say 8:30 and 8 yo in bed at 9:30 for example. Tell 8yo it’s a privilege to stay up and if she doesn’t go to bed nicely an hour later she’ll be put to bed with the others

I shared a room with my 2 sisters until I left home at 22. We lived in a 2 bed council house and the council would not move us as they said it was fine for 3 same sex children to share a bedroom.

It's nice for children to have their own rooms but hardly essential. In many parts of the world whole families hare a room.

Could you convert the loft? Split the bedroom up?

My brother and I shared a big room, and argued a lot. (Me 13 him 11 ish) My parents had the idea of spitting it in two, right down the middle. We had a narrow room each - but argued far less.

Life has changed but even 20/0 years ago sharing bedrooms was really common. My two best friends (sisters) shared a bedroom until 18, and I was always really jealous! They are really close now and talk with great fondess about sharing a bedroom. My Mum shared a bedroom with three sisters until she left home! It is what it is. You are doing your best, and you have had some great comments on how to manage. Don't beat yourself up.

9 kids in one room is horrendous. Thank fuck times have changed.

Maybe she's just not tired? I would not expect an 8 and 9 year old to go to bed, and sleep at the same age as a 5 year old. They have very different sleep needs.

I would put the 5 year old in with me semi permanently, with their own bed. Put them to bed earlier.

Then have some time with the older ones, playing a game or similar. Then books and bed for the 2 of them.

exactly, only on MN should children go from their parents room straight into their own bedroom each.

my eldest would love to share with his brothers but the room isn't big enough for three, my 5 yo twins spend most nights in one side of their two singles curled up.

I shared until my sister moved out when I was 15, there had been the of us for a decade.

The first thing my kids do on waking us seem out each other or my bed.

Many cultures co sleep for years.

I don't understand the Western obsession with forcing independence onto young children just because it makes the parents feel morally superior

exactly, only on MN should children go from their parents room straight into their own bedroom each.

my eldest would love to share with his brothers but the room isn't big enough for three, my 5 yo twins spend most nights in one side of their two singles curled up.

I shared until my sister moved out when I was 15, there had been the of us for a decade.

The first thing my kids do on waking us seem out each other or my bed.

Many cultures co sleep for years.

I don't understand the Western obsession with forcing independence onto young children just because it makes the parents feel morally superior

exactly, only on MN should children go from their parents room straight into their own bedroom each.

my eldest would love to share with his brothers but the room isn't big enough for three, my 5 yo twins spend most nights in one side of their two singles curled up.

I shared until my sister moved out when I was 15, there had been the of us for a decade.

The first thing my kids do on waking us seem out each other or my bed.

Many cultures co sleep for years.

I don't understand the Western obsession with forcing independence onto young children just because it makes the parents feel morally superior

this. is sounds far more like over tired / over stimulated than not tired. my compromise if she behaves but just can't sleep would be a small portable light and a book

So she has a hard time to settle. Could you spend some time doing a relaxation routine for her every evening. They can all do it together. You are supposed to tighten each body part for 5 seconds and then let go. Ex. Start with right hand, tighten it as hard as you can. Count to 5 and then let go. It's often used for children having a hard time to sleep. Then maybe softly scratch her back, caress her head so that she relaxes and feels loved. Worth a try. Ignore rude posters. You sound like a great loving mum💗

No need 😬

This is a left field suggestion, but I bought something called a Calm Carry recently for my middle one (older than yours but finds dropping off v hard). Unfortunately it doesn’t work for them, but eldest likes it as do I - it’s a bit like a little hand held tens machine. I don’t know quite what it does, but for me at least it really does do a good job of smoothing that 10 minutes before sleep.

I was pleased to see this post. I was one of three in a poor household and I have to say that we all behaved because we were expected to behave and I always shared a bedroom. 8 year old has to be told her behaviour is unacceptable.