Is anyone else not sleep training?

[HuntGather]

I have an 8mo who is a terrible sleeper and has been for many months - the most I get is a 2 hour stretch, and that’s with cosleeping. I'm not keen to sleep train but I seem to very much be in the minority with this and people are always telling me to do it. I've had my moments where I've considered it but it really doesn't feel good to me.

Is anyone else in a similar boat?

@Parker231 I don't think the part where babies and parents get good sleep is sad (obviously). I think the part where babies are left to cry without comfort from their caregivers is sad. I wouldn't have been able to sit and listen to my daughter scream.

I didn't have to manage at work with poor sleep, I was on maternity leave until DD was 14 months by which time she was sleeping through reliably. My husband's sleep wasn't impacted because he's a deep sleeper and I exclusively comforted DD when she woke. On rare occasions where his sleep was compromised I encouraged him into the spare room.

I absolutely see the benefits of sleep training, and I think it has a place in certain circumstances, but I think we have to recognise that there are some negative aspects to it. While the destination is usually grand, the journey usually isn't! I don't think it's for everyone.

@Parker231

I don't think the part where babies and parents get good sleep is sad (obviously). I think the part where babies are left to cry without comfort from their caregivers is sad. I wouldn't have been able to sit and listen to my daughter scream.

Why do you and so many posters again and again when this topic comes up on Mumsnet equate sleep training with leaving children to scream and ignoring them.

I just don't get it.

I sleep trained my son and this never happened. Not once was he left alone to scream.

Apologies, that was a comment for @narns

We sleep trained DT’s in time for me going back to work when DT’s were six months. We did not let them cry it out or listen to them scream. They were loved and comforted . DH never slept in the spare room (not a chance!)- when DT’s wake up it’s a two persons job and I occasionally worked overseas and DH had to sometimes work nights so there would only be one of us - another reason why we sleep trained DT’s

That depends on the type of sleep training.

I have sleep trained 3 babies now. They weren't left to cry without comfort and they didn't scream.

My dd never got the memo that she was supposed to like co sleeping, she hated it and was much happier once in her own room and cot. Tbh I'm the same in that I need a very quiet, dark room to sleep well.

I didn't sleep train but moving dd into a cot in her own room resulted in her sleeping through from 7-8 months 🤷‍♀️

I'm a single parent, who went back to work around the same time and being woken up every 2 hours would have resulted in me not being able to function.

@Yourethebeerthief @Parker231 @SouthLondonMum22 interesting, so you all sleep trained with no element of leaving baby to cry at all? So how did it work? Because surely if you comfort baby every time they wake, you are just responding as any other non-sleep training parent would?

Yes I also don't understand this either- surely this isn't sleep "training" surely this is just being blessed with a child that is quite happy to just basically go back to sleep / sleep through the night with minimal intervention required? None of this would have worked with my two. They would have screamed blue murder at being left. So it's either luck of the draw or I'm doing something very badly wrong 😂

I outlined it earlier in the thread.

There's a billion different sleep training methods. Not all of them involve leaving a baby to cry.

The 2 I used were pick up/put down and shhhh pat.

Pick up/put down - put baby down in cot, pick them up to comfort if they cried and put them down again once they have stopped. Do it until they settle to sleep.

Eventually, you don't have to pick them up. You can just pat them and shhhhhhh until they nod off with minimal protests.

and then eventually, you can put them down in the cot, say goodnight and walk away.

Sleep training doesn't have to involve walking away and leaving baby to cry.

Tried all that when mine were newborns. Didn't work. They wanted feeding to sleep, end of story. It was worse with the first as he wanted rocking too! No way was that happening with number 2.

It isn't always going to work, all babies are different. Though it did work for all 3 of mine.

Tried all that when mine were newborns. Didn't work. They wanted feeding to sleep, end of story. It was worse with the first as he wanted rocking too! No way was that happening with number 2.

That's fine 🤷🏻‍♀️ So did my son. But I didn't sleep train a new born. I sleep trained him after the age of one.

I never did. It seems cruel to me

The thing is, if you ask the question in isolation of whether its nicer for the baby to be picked up and cuddled in the night, the answer is clear.

But it's not in isolation. What if your baby wakes six times a night, you need to go back to work, you're so tired you're snappy with the baby or partner in the day, you have health problems or back pain from rocking the baby etc? In the bigger picture, it's often the best thing to make the family happy overall.

People often also miss that it takes about three nights. It's not a baby being left to cry every single night of their infancy. It's a method that may or may not involve baby crying a bit, but usually with a parent next to them or coming into them regularly, and within a few nights there's no more crying because they learn to go back to sleep.

The people who not sleep training is most viable for are sahms with no other kids - sure, you can nap the next day. If you have a job or other kids to think of, spending 2+ years up and down all night might not be viable.

@Haroldwilson that's quite an assumption. I work full time. I would still never leave my baby (well, 13 months so maybe that's a toddler) to cry. If she won't sleep well for any particular reason on any particular night, I'd rather cosleep and cater to her every need as she's only going to be this small and vulnerable for a very short time.

Guess it just depends on whether you put yourself above your baby when you really get down to it.

And no I wouldn't be snappy with a BABY even if I was tired. Who snaps at a baby? Jesus.

Sleep is a need for babies too. Not all babies will magically sleep as long as they are co-sleeping, not all families are able to co-sleep. Especially if they have multiple children.

With the DT’s we used a sleep consultant to help as well as DMil. It took about three nights for DD - she always slept better - 25 years later - no change! With DS it took about two weeks - he was always more stubborn. We put DT’s into separate bedrooms to avoid them disturbing each other.

This thread is an utter shitshow of posters who can't imagine anything in between leaving a baby to scream alone in a dark room for hours, and co-sleeping and waking constantly through the night until the child happens to grow out of it.

Babies do not need to be trained to sleep.

I wanted to

My baby does not wake while we cosleep, that's the whole reason we cosleep -- for better sleep. She sleeps through, with the occasional night of feeding in the night when she's teething.

But not all babies are the same as your baby. Some sleep just as bad when they co-sleep.

I never wanted to co-sleep. Would have been a nightmare with twins.