Is anyone else not sleep training?

[HuntGather]

I have an 8mo who is a terrible sleeper and has been for many months - the most I get is a 2 hour stretch, and that’s with cosleeping. I'm not keen to sleep train but I seem to very much be in the minority with this and people are always telling me to do it. I've had my moments where I've considered it but it really doesn't feel good to me.

Is anyone else in a similar boat?

I have not and would not ever leave my baby to cry. Some sadly see babies as less than human. Some people who would never leave a 5 year old weeping are happy to leave a baby feeling they've been abandoned. It's disgusting. No, I'd never sleep 'train'. (It's not training, it's just leaving them to cry so they give up.)

But you're saying that child resembled a neglected child, because of the effect sleep training had on him.

And I'm thinking there might be someone at the end of their tether reading this and considering sleep training, then deciding they can't because it will turn their child into a neglected zombie.

The sleep training we did involved sitting by our child saying shh, time for sleep. Not exactly the same as raising a child in a filthy drug den, is it?

You obviously know nothing about the process or benefits to parents and babies My DT’s were never abandoned but loved and cared for. They never were left to cry and give up. I’d suggest you educate yourself before commenting

One of the biggest people that sleep trainers recommend is Ferber, someone who literally recommends leaving babies to cry until they are sick and even once they vomit.

How can you gently refuse to pick up a baby when they cry @Parker231? Going against all their instincts?

Think you are the person who needs to educate yourself on attachment.

@Haroldwilson well they were left to cry whenever they cried at night. That IS neglect.

Stop making it all about you. Every single post you literally make it all about you and your children. I have literally said over and over again that the process of sleep training is open to interpretation. And can be more or less gentle etc I'm not fucking stupid I know there's different methods.
But my personal opinion which once again I state I am entitled to, is that the ONE child a pp has mentioned has shown signs of being psychologically damaged.

You don't leave your baby in an abandoned tower. Then they wake you go in and soothe, just don't pick them up.

Seeing a baby as less than human? Seriously?

You could argue that sleep training is kinder. Before sleep training my baby woke throughout the night crying. I was exhausted and tetchy in the daytime as a result. Sleep training meant less crying and me being in a better state to provide care.

I don't think everyone has to do it, but your objections that it's inhuman are ridiculous.

Not all sleep training involves leaving a baby to cry. Ferber method is one of many, many sleep training methods.

@Haroldwilson I do think it's inhumane, the baby doesn't care that you're standing by its crib. They want to be held and soothed by their caregiver. Every instinct in their body is telling them that.

We didn’t follow the Ferber method - we engaged a sleep consultant and our bonding with DT’s was and still is excellent. They weren’t left to cry it out. Yes - they cried - with twins you can’t be with both at the same time. Good quality sleep is beneficial for babies as well as parents (particularly if they’ve got a long stressful working day).

Babies can get great quality sleep without sleep training. My 13 month old sleeps amazingly most of the time. But since she was tiny, if she has a bad night where she wakes a lot, i am so glad that she can always trust me to be there.

And it doesn't even sound like the ONE child I was referring back to was even given that much comfort- some people literally do just leave them completely alone to "cry it out" with no comfort whatsoever. I know that's the extreme end of the scale and I'm not comparing all sleep training to this but to me taking things to that extent is neglectful and cruel

Yep, plenty of people just leave babies to cry with zero comfort. And they also use the phrase sleep training and they act like this complete neglect is acceptable. It's not. It's sick.

DT’s have always known that DH and I will be there for them - part of being a good parent.

@Parker231 once they were old enough not to cry for you in the night you mean

Babies cry- fact but following gentle sleep training (not abandoning them to cry it out or lie awake for hours on end in the dark) they sleep through the night and don’t wake up crying. Happy healthy babies and happy well rested parents.

i hope you’re not suggesting that our babies weren’t as well loved and cared for as yours

I sleep trained my eldest and it worked well so swore I would do it again. But they're 16 months and we haven't. Some nights are good and some are dreadful but I just can't bring myself to do it, despite knowing how well it worked the first time.

For us months 6-9 were hideous. They would only sleep on my chest with me sitting upright, if I slipped down in an attempt to get more comfortable they would wake up and it would take forever to get them back to sleep.

Hmmm, ferber wouldn't be for me either, though some people think gentler methods just drag it out more. I think that kind of extinction method is extreme and used by a small majority of people doing sleep training.

That one child might have just been that way, or had special needs etc - I don't think it proves anything.

To me, sleep training takes kids from waking and expecting someone to be immediately there and crying because they're not, to waking and thinking 'this is ok, this is my cot where I sleep' and then they go back off to sleep quicker and quicker until they're not fully waking.

My DD didn't start to sleep through the night until about a year old. We never co slept. When she would wake I'd breastfeed her back to sleep. I considered sleep training as there were times that I was so thoroughly exhausted I couldn't imagine doing it much longer. I always felt that I just wanted to give her a bit more time to figure it out on her own and eventually she did!

I've never met a person who sleep trained and regretted it BUT I do think the idea of it is a bit sad 🥺

Exactly this.

The reason people sleep train is because some children and their parents can't get good quality sleep without it.

I sleep trained my son and he's never been in any doubt that I am there for him always, so I don't know what you're talking about when you say that.

Yes I agree with this too- I just find some of the methods that some people use to be upsetting and extreme. There's a huge variation in range of how kind vs upsetting it can be hence why it can be an emotive subject. Clearly if the child feels safe, comforted and happy then there isn't a problem. A child that's been left all alone to cry it out in distress on a regular basis to the point that they now never cry - ever- is a problem. For me anyway.

My reply was to this. Phone being slow.

Why do you think it’s sad babies and parents getting good quality sleep? How did you and your DH manage at work on poor sleep? DH is a doctor, he needed to be awake to treat patients!