Is anyone else not sleep training?

[HuntGather]

I have an 8mo who is a terrible sleeper and has been for many months - the most I get is a 2 hour stretch, and that’s with cosleeping. I'm not keen to sleep train but I seem to very much be in the minority with this and people are always telling me to do it. I've had my moments where I've considered it but it really doesn't feel good to me.

Is anyone else in a similar boat?

Solidarity, tips for improvement without sleep training very much welcome!

Follow heysleeoybaby on insta they have a free download guide with some useful tips x

3 of my friends and 1 of my sisters had babies, as did I. Me and one of my friends sleep trained, the others didn't, so a majority didn't. However, 2 out of the 3 of them who didn't sleep training are still having to co sleep when their children are 4 and have started school. The other one who didn't sleep train just found that as he got to age 2+, he just started sleeping through more and more frequently. I guess you just decide what is more important to you (i.e. whether they sleep alone or with you, whether you can wait it out in case it takes ages for your little one to start sleeping through) and act on that basis.

no we didn’t, I’m very persuaded by the arguments against. Although I do understand that in certain circumstances the parents need to for their sanity

Ps I would add that 8 months was absolutely the worst point for us

I did not sleep train.

I went back to work when both my kids were 6 months old. I breast fed to sleep so that we could all go back to sleep quicker.

Neither slept through reliably until they were 3.

But they're 9 & 14 now and sleep like the dead!

Didn’t sleep train. Co-slept until 2 and a half and now he has just moved into his own bed easily. Still wakes up most nights but only once or twice. At 8 months I was seeing every hour!

The way I see it, sleep is a skill to be learned. It's important for their health and wellbeing. I assume you will have no issues with potty training. So why not sleep train?

I EBF and sleep trained and have a child who sleeps 12-13 hours a night at 3 years old. He settles easily and sleeps through.

Everyone I know who didn't sleep train have children who are up and down like yo-yos. They piss about at bedtime dragging it out forever, they're up and down through the night, and mornings are an absolute shitshow. It's not for me.

By sleep train do you mean leave to cry? This isn't what sleep training is

Mine never co-slept as I was afraid of them suffocating but they were in a crib in my room so they knew I was close

You don't need to sleep train. It's a bizarre concept in my opinion. People need to alter their expectations on normal infant sleep.
My son breast fed and slept through from 14 months of his own accord. They do it in their own time.
I do appreciate it's exhausting and the sleep deprivation is a killer but it's not worth putting you both through the stress of leaving your baby to cry.
Some people will justify sleep training by saying controlled crying which is basically the same.
The best thing you can do is try a good routine and keep naps/ bed time similar every night and it will fall into place. They still need loads of comfort at 8 months. Imagine being on the earth just 8 months.

How is sleep a skill that needs to be learned? It's not at all. Sleep is natural and babies naturally need the comfort of their caregiver to help them sleep.
You don't see monkeys or other mammals "training" their offspring to sleep at certain times and alone and not wake.
It's become normal to sleep train in our western society to fit in with our 9-5 lifestyle and so parents can sleep. Don't have a baby if you can't make the sacrifices.

It's become normal to sleep train in our western society to fit in with our 9-5 lifestyle and so parents can sleep. Don't have a baby if you can't make the sacrifices.

This is utter nonsense. Plenty of people would say the same about sending your child to nursery 5 days a week while you work. It's not what I want for my child but I wouldn't be so gauche as to say someone else shouldn't have had a child if they need to send them to nursery.

I sleep trained my son gently. He was never left to cry it out. He absolutely was "taught" to sleep the same way he was taught to do many things. He didn't need me crippled by waking up every two hours or more to provide him "comfort". He received all my comfort while I sleep trained him. He's a brilliant sleeper and a wonderfully happy little boy. You show me where I've damaged him?

As for sleep training being some kind of modern invention, I doubt you'd find many of our grandmother or great grandmothers' generation that would put up with sleeping with their children until 3+ years old and being woken up multiple times a night.

How can you gently sleep train?
Why do they need training I don't get it? You taught him that if he cries then you wont respond and so he will of course learn to find his own comfort to go back to sleep. It's been proven that cortisol levels are higher in babies that are sleep trained.
Can't we just educate ourselves on normal infant sleep and try and support them with a good routine and sleep generally comes in its own time.
As for the nursery analogy it's completely different. If people need to work to provide for their family then nursery is a necessity and they are still in a good/safe environment.

@Elisabeth3468

How can you gently sleep train?

At one and a half years old I night weaned him because he was waking more and more frequently for breastmilk and yet was well established on solid food. He was linking the breastfeeding to soothing back to sleep and I was becoming utterly broken from lack of sleep. So when he woke I took him a sippy cup of milk and offered it to him. At first he cried and pushed it away. So I said "milk is all done now. I think teddy needs a drink of water though" and I took his teddy and pretended to give him water. My son was fascinated. Then he wanted to take a drink of water. Then we had big cuddles and I put him back to bed and said, "I love you goodnight" and left. The second he cried I went straight back in and did the same thing. For the first two nights it happened often and, yes, there were tears, but I was with him through it all and he was never left to cry. He had my kindness and my cuddles to show him everything was ok. By night 3 he woke twice. After that he never woke again in the night.

Now at age 3 if he ever wakes up for any reason he settles instantly with a cuddle and a kiss. Sometimes he asks for a drink of water and gets on and rolls over and back to sleep. It's a rare thing.

Why do they need training I don't get it? You taught him that if he cries then you wont respond and so he will of course learn to find his own comfort to go back to sleep.

I think you and other posters think sleep training means cry it out. I would never leave my child alone to cry.

It's been proven that cortisol levels are higher in babies that are sleep trained.

See above. My son is fine. He is a very happy boy with a very secure attachment. Confident, polite, sweet, and very sociable.

Can't we just educate ourselves on normal infant sleep and try and support them with a good routine and sleep generally comes in its own time.

I agree some people should educate themselves.

As for the nursery analogy it's completely different. If people need to work to provide for their family then nursery is a necessity and they are still in a good/safe environment.

Some people strongly disagree with what you've just said. There are plenty on Mumsnet and elsewhere who think that nurseries before the age of 3 are damaging for children and they should be with their "primary caregiver"

Which method(s) did you use, please?

I decided not to sleep train mine as babies. They were velcro type babies and I wasn't convinced it would work for us. The only thing I did was try to practice good sleep hygiene with dark and quiet at night.

The did sleep through eventually but I didn't need to return to work straight away after mat leave. Obviously different families have different needs here. My point is that you don't have to do it if you don't want to. Also 8 months is one of the worst regressions.

@Pistachiochiochio

Nothing over complicated. I wrote a summary just before you posted there x

I'll just preempt anyone saying my child was older than the OP's. Yes, and I personally wouldn't sleep train before 1 year old. If I were the OP I'd stick it out another 4 months and see how things are then.

Yes sorry I hadn't refreshed!

Mine is 7.5 mo and a bottle refuser though we've been trying with a cup. Just too tired right now to have the patience with him at night. Vicious circle!

Am curious as to why you'd wait til a year old.

Mine is now sitting up, crawling, pulling himself up on the side of the cot and generally not lying down for sleep and I somewhat wish I'd trained him gently before he could do these things!

Why aren’t you keen to sleep train - it doesn’t mean you leave them to cry

DT’s were formula fed and reliably sleeping through at eight weeks but we properly did sleep training at five months in advance of me going back to work full time when they were six months. At the same time we moved DT’s into separate bedrooms. We all need sleep and it was the best thing we could have done for the whole family.

The reality is sleep training is not a one and done. Ultimately if milestones or teething were going to disrupt sleep then they still will ‘sleep trained’ or not.

@Pistachiochiochio

Purely personal and based on my own experiences with my child. You are the best judge of whether or not your child is ready for it.

By the time we did it I felt my son was more able to understand what was happening and take in the simple things I was saying to him. He's still good to this day with reasoning about things.

But I might have got some sleep in the interim 3 months to give me the strength to do it again!