Lying about cosleeping

[mummicorn87]

I've co slept with my now 3yo since he was a few months old. It was never my intention to, it just happened (falling asleep during night feeds progressed to co sleeping) We both sleep beautifully when together and personally it feels like the most natural thing in the world to sleep next to my baby. Friends and family are so judgemental about it that I've now started lying to them saying he is in his own bed when he isn't.

Its not that I don't want to get him into his own bed, but when I've tried its so upsetting for him that I just end up bringing him back in with me. I feel awful lying to my friends and mil, I hate liers but the guilt of lying is easier to take than the judgy comments and unhelpful advice.

I guess I'm here for

1. A vent
2. Solidarity
3. Gentle transitioning advice

Please be kind.

I slept with my mum from about 5, when dad left, until early teens. So no judgement here.

No judgement here. If people are asleep then it's all good!

If you wanted to transition then I'd aim for starting the night in their bed. Even if you both move over later on.

I used to lie. Our dd slept in our room in her own bed and we were really judged for it. People would regale us of stories of how she will never go in her own room.

She transitioned to her own room easy as. No problems at all. None of it was their responsibility so nothing to do with then where she slept.

People always have a lot to say don't they? But at the end of the day, you have to do what works for you!
If it aint broke don't fix it I say!

My 4 year old is currently lying next to me. 🙈. He has really bad ezcema and is super itchy so it's the only way anyone is getting any sleep.

My husband is at the moment sleeping in his bedroom.

I have to say I prefer sleeping with the little
guy. He doesn't snore 😂.

I miss cosleeping with mine - they are 9 and 10 now and (mostly) don't want to any more!
So plenty of solidarity. 3 is still very little. If you're both still happy then personally I wouldn't bother trying to transition out of your bed yet.

Not their bedroom, or their business. Nothing wrong with it at all.

No judgement here. My twins slept in our big bed with me and DH slept in the spare room for the first 4-5 years. Easier to settle them at night. DH works funny hours so he didn't disturb us.
I think you have to do whatever works for you, as long as everyone gets a good nights sleep that really is all that matters!
Naturally over time everyone will end up in their own beds, you won't have teenagers still wanting to curl up with you.
So don't be ashamed or worried, let them judge... I bet the judgers are secretly knackered because they've spent half the night putting screaming kids back to bed every 20 minutes! Haha! Do what works for you and yours.
Big hugs x

I would give a non answer

so if they’re asking ‘is he in his own bed’

id say ‘we all sleep great’

i agree with you, I love sleeping next to my children and usually have at least one in my bed.

DD Co slept till 5 then transitioned out then was back again from 11-15 so definitely no judging here. Do what you need and want.

No judgement, do what suits you. My 3 year old still sleeps in my room (in own bed) because of lack of space but actually I like him being there. He reaches over and holds my hand in the morning, and then climbs in for. cuddle. Wouldn't give that up for the world, I know it doesn't last forever as I have the grumpy teens to prove it!

Thank you all for your responses, I don't have many mum friends and the ones I do have never co slept, so they just don't get it. I wish I had the confidence just to 'own' my descision instead of feeling the need to lie or make excuses for it.

I said to a friend the other day that my ds comes into our room every night in the middle of the night. She said "Oh you need to stop that!" I was quite taken aback at the unsolicited advice as I don't really mind it. Responses like this make me keep this to myself. So I get where you're coming from.

Another vote for ‘what works for you’ - from someone who had 2 kids who hated co sleeping and went into their own beds on the dot of 6mo.

Probably need a dose of 'not hiving a fuck' either. It really helps :)

I get you.

you are entitled to privacy though.

It really is non of their business and it’s hard work defending something people disapprove of.

you don’t have to do that.

just give non / reflective answers if that’s easier

It's such a natural thing and it makes me sad how some parents want to co sleep but feel they shouldn't due to society, or fear judgement.

If parents and kid are happy, I see no issue and they'll sleep in their own room when the time comes.

Haha! Yes I definitely need this too! why do i care what they think, all that matters is my little one

Exactly the same op, i've co slept pretty much from day 1 with both dc. Not intentional but dd1 fed all night every night and quite frankly it was the only way I could survive. But i also think it feels like the most natural thing in the world and I think I need dd as much as she needs me (I sleep better with her next to me🙈) Just don't talk about it, everyone will assume he sleeps in his own bed and that's fine, let them assume what they want.

No judgment here I'm laid squished between my 6 & 2 year old. 6 year old sleeps in his own room now but occasionally comes in and I love it. Way we moved him was bought him a lovely comfy double bed for his room and I slept in there for ages and then little by little said if you wake up and I'm not here come and find me and gradually he didn't wake anymore but even if he does he has a nice big bed one of us can fit comfortably next to him.

They probably did but just lied to you like you do to them.

I sleep with my soon to be 3 year old. It is wonderful. Enjoy every moment as it won't last forever.

I never lied but I'm good (sometimes too good, arguably) at not giving a shit what others think.

In terms of transition, I made a big deal of my child's bedroom, we went to ikea and chose a bed, bedding and various decorations. She was old enough to understand what we were doing. She put up low level resistance which I overcame by lying in bed with her whilst she fell asleep. She sometimes wakes in the night and comes into my bed but usually only once every couple of weeks or so.

Our co-sleeping happened in a similar way. It wasn’t planned. We had a cot, but it was rarely used. DS is three now & mostly gets in with me. He has his own bed now as well, but we’ll be in the same room most nights. It seems like the most natural thing to me. Whatever woks for your family.

No judgement here, I did it with both and also lied about it because I felt so judged. Made it a bit awkward when staying at someone's house ("shall we put cot in a different room down the hall?"), but you just have to work round that. I did get a bit jealous of other parents who could go out socially easily with babysitters/family as baby/toddler would go to sleep by themselves and stay there all night. But, they are only small once. Have to say, I've not done a great job with my 2nd, 7 now and hasn't grasped the whole stay in your bed thing. At 3 though, it's just gorgeous. Little snuggles, although when they sleep horizontal with feet always in your back and pushing off the duvet it's very irritating!

Do people not realise that huge swathes of the population across the world co sleep with their babies.

I slept with all of mine but you need to be set up for it. No one gets a good nights sleep with a baby in a standard English bed with a sprung or memory foam mattress. Not enough space and baby wakes when you get in and out.

We had a Kingsize futon and another double next to it (were lucky enough to have a big bedroom. but can be adapted to suit)

Futons are ideal as they don't move when people move so babies stay asleep. Works well for most of Asia.

Mine all moved out of their own accord between 2.5 and 4 yrs old. More importantly we all slept really well with sleepless nights from birth onwards very much the exception than the norm.