Lying about cosleeping

[mummicorn87]

I've co slept with my now 3yo since he was a few months old. It was never my intention to, it just happened (falling asleep during night feeds progressed to co sleeping) We both sleep beautifully when together and personally it feels like the most natural thing in the world to sleep next to my baby. Friends and family are so judgemental about it that I've now started lying to them saying he is in his own bed when he isn't.

Its not that I don't want to get him into his own bed, but when I've tried its so upsetting for him that I just end up bringing him back in with me. I feel awful lying to my friends and mil, I hate liers but the guilt of lying is easier to take than the judgy comments and unhelpful advice.

I guess I'm here for

1. A vent
2. Solidarity
3. Gentle transitioning advice

Please be kind.

When you do get 3 year old a bed, consider 1.5 size single. Because bedtime stories much more comfy in that size, and adults can sleep in there too if still needed.

How do you do bed time if you co sleep?

No transition advice but just wanted to say - I really don't understand the stigma around co-sleeping in this country, as long as it's safe and good for all parties involved, I don't see the harm. Where I am from, and in many other countries, sleeping with your young kids is very normal, but here it's drilled into you from day one that baby "must" be in their own room from 3 moths old or whatever. No judgment to parents who follow this, but there's always judgement the other way round. For me personally, the best part of my day is when my little one hugs me first thing in the morning as soon as she opens her eyes next to me, no amount of judgment can spoil that for me, and honestly if you love co-sleeping, why care what others think! Kids eventually go to their own beds when they are ready.

My DD slept with me, friends and family would offer helpful advice to fix it. But as far as DD and I were concerned it didn't need fixing. She and I slept well, DH had a big bed all to himself.

Once she got to about 10 she decided for herself she wanted to sleep alone, which in the main she did. But she did then, and still now, had nights that she felt the need to be closer to me, if she was poorly, was anxious about something or if DH is away we have a girls night sleep over thing.

I choose not to lie and just say "it works for us for now" but totally get the guilt and desire to hide it.

I guess question is whether everyone in your household is happy about it. Are you with the dad and where does he sleep? If you're both happy the three of you cosleeping? No problem. He's happy sleeping seperately and you're still making time for you as a couple? Perfect. If he's sleeping elsewhere feeling rejected and wants back in his bed then that could be a problem long term for you as a couple.

I know what you mean, espresso14. My mum recently babysat DN, and said my sister just brought him up, read him a story, lights out & that was it. He didn’t budge for the night. Whereas when she has my guy, they sleep in together (which is lovely) & he stays up ages chatting, cuddling etc… But, yeah it does mean no evenings to ourselves!

I co slept and my 7 year old son is currently asleep next to me!

did not affect the transition to his own room whatsoever, he’s currently in with me as I’m preparing to sand his bedroom tomorrow but he still chooses to sleep with me a lot as well as sleeping in his own room. He’s not allowed at his dads but I’m a lone parent (other than a newish relationship) so when my partner stays he’ll sleep in his own bed and when my partner is at work I’ll often come upstairs to find my son in my bed lol

I always used to tell myself well animals sleep with their young, it’s the most natural thing in the world. I won’t have my 7 year old in with me forever but he chooses when he wants to and when he doesn’t and they’re not little forever

I have been co-sleeping with my DD since she was 8 months as she was waking up too many times in her cot. Gosh I wish I had started earlier so maybe I hadn't been so exhausted all the time.

I think it's natural. Myself and my two brothers slept in my parents room (in our own single beds, third sibling in a cot) for several years until they built an extension to our house. We didn't need to be in their bed as we were so close to them anyway. It was due to circumstances as we lived with elderly grandparents who needed their own rooms. I only remember going in to my parents' bed once when I had a nightmare.

I do agree it feels so natural sleeping with your baby/child. DS has his own room but when he needs me to sleep in his bed I will. If he's ill he sleeps in my bed and DP sleeps elsewhere. DS sleeps in longer in the morning when I'm with him so that's a win for me.

I'm in between an almost 5yo and almost 2yo right now. I am every night. The oldest has minor health problems and weight gain milk overnight - and isn't ready yet to move to the bunk bed RIGHT NEXT TO US ON THE FLOOR BED - and the youngest is still breastfeeding (molar time atm). I take the broken nights, dp does the majority of cleaning, cooking, food shopping, etc while i settle people. Both working full time, just trying to make things work.

People are judgemental, and I do use oldest's health as an excuse. But he doesn't do things until he's ready, and honestly he's lovely to snuggle with. The youngest will be ready to go to her own bed first I think, much better sleeper!

My 12 year old still happily with me. We're both happy - but yes for some reason don't tell anyone. It's no-ones business tbh!

I used to lie as well. My DD slept with me until she was 8 and decided to sleep in her own room.

Like you, it just happened and I enjoyed having her next to me.

Don't feel guilty OP. You do what's right for you and your DC.

I think it's quite unnatural for small children to sleep alone. We have a weird relationship with beds and who sleeps where in this country.

Totally normal to sleep with your small child.

its all about sleep.

We moved my DD out when she was 6m because she kept waking us and we woke her and we all needed to sleeeeeep!

if cosleeping lets you get a full nights sleep crack on.

what I can’t handle is people who want to bang on about how they cosleep and it’s so beautiful blah blah….YET they are on their knees with sleep deprivation and won’t sleep train as it’s barbaric.
ditto people who spend their nights trying to sleep train and are up and down all night with a baby who won’t settle in a different room

I bed shared (co-sleeping seems the wrong term onc they hit the teen years 😂) until my son was 14. Kept it quiet due to snarky comments from the people who did know (my own mum!). It’s bloody brilliant sharing. The deeps and meaningful conversations, the ridiculous ones, the funny ones, there’s just something about those chats when tucked up together.

My DS still sometimes comes back in if he's ill or sad. Or sometimes just for no other reason than he likes to.

As long as your child has their own bed to go to freely then just keep on doing what suits you both.

So nice reading all these lovely responses ❤I'm going to try to stop feeling guilty and do what feels natural, while making my sons bedroom into a little project, I may redecorate, new bigger bed and spend more time in there playing so it becomes a more familiar space.

My partner doesn't mind our son being in with us, we have a king-size and there's enough room, although our relationship has taken a little hit, we have no time alone together, I go to bed when my son does around 8pm. We all sleep well though.

And yes I adore the snuggles.

Its so strange to me how its such a controversial subject. Others are either so against it or all for it, there never seems to be any inbetween.

This isn't a particular long thread but there's mums here saying that their children aged respectively 11-15, 12, 14, 10, co-sleep or co-slept with them.
Is this common do you think?
Or is it a coincidence?

If you want to end it, it's going to be hard

But you need to be prepared for at least 7 nights of hell

It's absolutely none of anyone's business but yours. Perfectly natural to co sleep. It happens the world over!

I wish I could cosleep - I get hardly any sleep and it makes me ill. But the kids love it and it's a necessity when they're sick.

I asked a couple of friends from different cultures if they remembered cosleeping (man and woman). They both spoke so fondly of it and the feeling they get when they remember it.

That’s funny OP, I don’t know many parents that don’t Co-Sleep.

The older generation love a little judge but I just tell them my duration of sleep is more important than where they sleep. If I was up putting them back to bed all night everyone would be miserable

I’d did similar to you and used to give non direct answers if anyone asked. Mine slept in our bed for years and it was great. They are older now but still come in occasionally. When they do I personally sleep so much better!!

We started doing bedtimes in their own beds but always told them they were welcome to get into bed with us in the night. It made them happy to be in their own bed at bedtime and sometimes slept through, other times came in. It took the stress out of the transition.

No judgement here. I love cosleeping with my son. Doing it atm as he's poorly. He's a wriggle worm though and for being so little takes up most the bed 😆

Hi op, with my current 3 children I co slept with them. I still co sleep with my 22 month old son. However I'm 37 weeks pregnant so now he needs to sleep in his own bed once it arrives. No doubt ill be co sleeping with my new arrival too..

Don't feel bad about it. If it works for you then don't let anyone make you feel a way about it x