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Original poster

Lying about cosleeping

111 replies

mummicorn87 · 20/11/2023 21:38

I've co slept with my now 3yo since he was a few months old. It was never my intention to, it just happened (falling asleep during night feeds progressed to co sleeping) We both sleep beautifully when together and personally it feels like the most natural thing in the world to sleep next to my baby. Friends and family are so judgemental about it that I've now started lying to them saying he is in his own bed when he isn't.

Its not that I don't want to get him into his own bed, but when I've tried its so upsetting for him that I just end up bringing him back in with me. I feel awful lying to my friends and mil, I hate liers but the guilt of lying is easier to take than the judgy comments and unhelpful advice.

I guess I'm here for

  1. A vent
  2. Solidarity
  3. Gentle transitioning advice

Please be kind.

OP posts:
Mamato29192 · 23/11/2023 18:42

Summatoruvva · 21/11/2023 21:25

We co-slept in secret for the first few years of both my daughters lives. Currently cuddling dd 8 to get her asleep (takes a few mins) and then she’ll be transferred to her own bed where she sleeps like a log.
I think co-sleeping has been a massive part of our bond. EBF is virtually impossible if you don’t co-sleep.
I often get my 10 yr old to sleep too but nowadays sleep is often derailed by chatting and belly laughing!

It's really not impossible. I managed to not cosleep and EBF

MegaBlox6 · 23/11/2023 18:45

I don't understand why people need to weigh in with their opinions on how other people parent, or why people seem to assume their way is the only way. I've never co-slept with mine because I don't want to, but I don't care that other people do. No one is right or wrong here. Do what works for you and your kids/family.

Original poster
mummicorn87 · 23/11/2023 21:30

MegaBlox6 · 23/11/2023 18:45

I don't understand why people need to weigh in with their opinions on how other people parent, or why people seem to assume their way is the only way. I've never co-slept with mine because I don't want to, but I don't care that other people do. No one is right or wrong here. Do what works for you and your kids/family.

THIS!! thankyou!

I have never known judgement quite like the judgement we get the second we become a mum. And mostly from other mums! As if parenting isn't difficult enough! It baffles me.

OP posts:
Gowlett · 25/11/2023 01:07

Totally agree, MegaBlox6 & mummicorn87.
I was kind of glad to have a lockdown baby.

Nofilteritwonthelp · 25/11/2023 01:13

arlequin · 21/11/2023 22:43

It's so lovely that's worked for you but why is EBF impossible unless you co-sleep?

Show quote history

Question from me too, everyone except one person I know EBF and none co-sleep. I would worry about it and never do it myself as my friend had a baby who died from SIDs, I don't think it's worth the risk

Eledamorena · 25/11/2023 02:34

My current sleeping situation is 8 year old on the floor in my room, 6 year old in my bed, and 3 year old in her own room. Works for us. The older ones did move into their own rooms no problem as babies, but came back in with me when their dad left. I'm fine with it and I'm sure they'll move into their own beds when they want to. My mum used to make comments but now she's fine about it. Last night all 3 of them ended up in my bed but I'll be honest, I do get less sleep on these occasions!

It helps that I live in SE Asia and it's normal here. Many of my friends (Thai, Filipina, Indian) have their children sleep with them, either in the same bed or in a little bed in the same room. In much of Asia, it is normal until kids are MUCH older. I know teens who sleep with their parents!

In much of the world, whole families sleep together. When I'm away, my nanny sleeps with my children (literally in the bed with them).

Do what suits you and own it. Don't apologise, just say it works for us and I think it's lovely. I'll probably miss it when he's older and he doesn't want to anymore!

If you decide you DO want to move him out, then you can ask advice on here for how to do that. But don't do it just because others say you should!

I never expected to be a co-sleeper as it's not the done thing in my family AT ALL, but it works for us so I'm happy with it.

junbean · 25/11/2023 02:44

I co-slept with all 4 of mine. When their pediatrician asked if they had their own crib or bed I'd say yes. They always did and never used it! I would never recommend or promote the practice but that's what happened. I have a 13yo and a 1yo in my bed right now. Even buying fancy beds shaped like a princess castle or race car didn't help. Sleep training is just crying it out renamed (depending how long you let them cry, I've heard some reasonable methods.) One of them would crawl out and sleep on the floor if I tried putting her in her own bed. So no advise from me obviously!

writingwriting · 25/11/2023 06:00

The only reason my 3 year old isn't sleeping beside me tonight is because she's at my mums. Sleeping next to her!
Co sleeping is fine and developmentally normal

Traceyislivid · 25/11/2023 06:03

It’s none of their business!

3menandalittlelady · 25/11/2023 07:39

Consider this. My eldest is now 17 and so co-sleeping with him isn't an option. But God I would give anything to go back in time and cuddle him all night long.

Frankly...f*ck 'em.

RedHelenB · 25/11/2023 08:37

Why lie? Have the courage of your convictions, its your parenting choice.

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