Those who sleep trained - did it damage your baby?

[Purple89]

My DD is 6 months and my husband and I are completely on our knees.

She wakes sometimes every 45 minutes, sometimes every hour, sometimes every 2 hours. In desperation I co sleep from 3 or 4 am but she still lies wide awake flailing her arms hitting me and pulling my face and hair. She also only does 30 min naps in the day and so I can't sleep when she does. I feel broken. I cry every day. I love her so much but this isn't sustainable and I feel like I'm not being a good mum because of it. My husband and I share the nights but he works full time so I try and take more of the share in the week.

I'm approaching a sleep consultant. Would like to do a gentle method like parent presence but we will see what they suggest.

For those who did it, do you feel it affected your baby emotionally, mentally or intellectually? I love her so much and the thought of this frightens me. Just hoping for some reassurance really.

Thank you in advance.

No. Best thing I ever did. She’s thriving and an excellent sleeper now.

You might get a bit of hate on here about sleep training

But honestly for me it saved my sanity.
Had twins who were up between 20-30 times a night. Like you it nearly broke me and my marriage.

We done it slightly later than you at 9 months and done a method called the disappearing chair and within a week both twins were sleeping through the night.

Was an absolute life saver and the best thing I ever did.

Also, twins are now 2 and are the happiest, loving wee characters so no, absolutely no effect on them what so ever.

No, people very often comment on my lovely children! I think it's madness continuing on with very poor sleep after a year certainly. I also think it's what people have done for generations but they didn't call it sleep training.

Nope. I had 3. Sleep trained them all. They're 21, 17 and 12 now - no signs of any damage. They were all much happier babies once they were getting enough sleep. I was much happier and more relaxed when I wasn't exhausted. They had a long stretch at night and good day time naps too.
Choose a method you feel comfortable with though. It worked for me because I believed it was best for me and my children. Trust yourself to know what's best for you and your baby and don't feel pressured into doing something you're unhappy with.
Personally, sleep training was right for my family. Co-sleeping/feeding to sleep/rocking may be what is best for some one else.

Nope. I am of the belief that sleep is very good for kids, and should be prioritised. This gets a lot of hate on mumsnet, as when you prioritise sleep by sleep training you can cause some temporary discomfort for your kid.

both my kids are normal and good sleepers. We did gentle withdrawal / cry it out between 12 - 18 months for both

I'm all for sleep training but have you excluded all other reasons for the regular waking? Such as reflux, hunger, teething etc? Waking every 45 mins seems a bit irregular for a 6 month old and I'd be inclined to look for a root cause to eradicate first and foremost.
Mines 19 now but I used to do a dream feed around midnight, that helped him sleep through at that age.

Did it with both of mine at 6 months, kind of a shh-pat. Both falling asleep on their own within 3 nights. Didn't fully sleep through for a while after as still woke for a feed in the middle of the night, hungry babies!

When ds was 9 months I was on my knees. And he was a miserable little buggar... Slept through and he was transformed and so was I. Ultimately transformed our family in a roundabout way as I was a new woman! Ime having dc shouldn't mean no sleep.

Nope, it didn't harm my son, he is 17 now.

God no! They are both lovely, thriving, and have great bonds with me and my DP. Don't fall for the scare-mongering around this. Do what you feel works for your family.

I did pat/shush at 5 months because I felt like the number of wake ups was destroying me, and the internet assured me she didn’t need to feed every hour. She slept right through after 3 days and was never left to cry on her own - definitely the right decision for me at the time. And she is an awesome sleeper now at just over two and very happy so no regrets at all!

Someone will soon post links to disproved and/or scientifically inaccurate studies that show sleep training is damaging to babies.

you know what is damaging to babies? Being so permanently exhausted that they whinge through everything with mothers who are actually dangerous driving due to sleep deprivation.

do the sleep training, you won’t regret it

No all 3 are fine (think we only sleep trained two of them). But I did wait until they were fully established on solids so I could be absolutely certainty they weren't hungry. So around 7/8 months. Took a few nights that's all.

My first dd was similar to how you describe and it nearly broke me. We sleep trained and followed the suggestions precisely. Times intervals of crying. Stuck to it. Took 2 nights. The odd regression but essentially it worked. Have sleep trained all my 3 dc. All are bright, bubbly secure kids. We’re very close and I was 100% a better parent once I was getting a reasonable amount of sleep. Cracking the early rising was a whole other issue though!

Sleep trained with eldest - now 30 . Sleeps like a log since age 6 months🤣 . Didn’t do him harm in short, mid or long term. But yep, it was quite painful emotionally to go through. In thos days only got max maternity of 6 months and was standard advice really, along with “toddler taking”🤣🤷🏼‍♀️. It took only 4 or 5 nights mind

second one, I was astonished to find it did not work. He simply screamed till he was sick bless him. Gave up very very quickly. Turns out poor wee thing had glue ear, deaf as a post at the time and until discovered at 9 months. Once we’d sorted out that h slept really well

so, yep, works with some kids. But you’ll know quickly if not working as it should only take a few days, and don’t rule out other things leading to poor sleep

Mine are 23, 16 and 13 now but they appear to have had no lasting damage from a few nights sleep training. I was back at work at 3 months with two youngest and couldn't have coped if I hadn't done sleep training at 9 months.

Co-sleeping is not for me. My kids would have slept and if be wide a bloody wake all night

It took approximately 2 - 3 night per child and was the best thing I ever did. I took the view that while they were crying they were conscious and breathing and so OK.

Just do what's right for you. I don't think having horribly tired parents is any good for babies either, so maybe look into some gentler sleep training methods.

I didn't sleep train til after a year but mine weren't the worst to be honest. Some nights were tough though. I would never judge someone if they need to do it. I think there's a name for every method now, but there's a lot to be said for following your instinct. You sound like a lovely mum and I'm sure you won't damage your baby.

Mine are 15 and 12 now and I sleep trained them both at 9 months, because I was on my knees from waking a couple of times each night (how you've survived such regular wakings for 6 months I have no idea).

And no, no damage. It only took a few nights and OMG it was such heaven to be able to sleep a whole night again! As an adult, it's brutal having constantly disturbed sleep - it was like torture. Sleep training gave me two DC who were really good sleepers too. I had friends who thought it was cruel and wouldn't do it and had DC who were in their bed every night and getting them up multiple times for YEARS, and all because they wouldn't endure a few nights of sleep training. Madness. But each to their own.

No ... he's 22 now and seems a totally happy, laid back individual... I stuck to a very strict GF routine and have never had a disturbed nights sleep .. until he came home drunk as a teenager on one occasion . Actually I suppose GF isn't exactly sleep training but I was very strict about bedtime, lights out and door closed.

I echo this in volumes!

I was absolutely ripped apart on here when in the thick of it with my eldest (under a different username) and made to feel like the worst parent ever. Even with hindsight, I can say it was the best decision ever - my whiny over tired baby became a happy one with good sleep and a decent routine. I became a better parent because I was able to enjoy her and although we have had minor ups and downs, the fundamentals have stuck. I do not spend hours convincing my children to sleep in the evening. Once they are in bed, they know that they need to sleep for the night; they are secure we will come to them if we need but getting up and messing around is not an option.

Marenella I agree, one of my dearest friends wouldn't sleep train, her DDs were still coming their DP's room every single night well into their mid teens

We didn’t do any cry based sleep training but we did force the issue of night weaning/stopping co sleeping when DS was about 10 months old - he too was waking every 30-60 mins and would only re settle with a breastfeed. It was a really strong sleep association.

He cried a bit but DH found other ways to settle him. It obviously wasn’t as quick as Ferber or CIO but within a month he was mostly sleeping through. There were less tears than I expected to be honest. We started by stopping breastfeeding him to sleep and then stopped the feeds overnight.

I don’t regret it. Obviously nobody can say what would have happened in a parallel universe but he’s a happy 3 yo now.

God no it definitely did not damage them! It actually made them happier, probably because they and I were no longer permanently exhausted!