Those who sleep trained - did it damage your baby?

[Purple89]

My DD is 6 months and my husband and I are completely on our knees.

She wakes sometimes every 45 minutes, sometimes every hour, sometimes every 2 hours. In desperation I co sleep from 3 or 4 am but she still lies wide awake flailing her arms hitting me and pulling my face and hair. She also only does 30 min naps in the day and so I can't sleep when she does. I feel broken. I cry every day. I love her so much but this isn't sustainable and I feel like I'm not being a good mum because of it. My husband and I share the nights but he works full time so I try and take more of the share in the week.

I'm approaching a sleep consultant. Would like to do a gentle method like parent presence but we will see what they suggest.

For those who did it, do you feel it affected your baby emotionally, mentally or intellectually? I love her so much and the thought of this frightens me. Just hoping for some reassurance really.

Thank you in advance.

This is the most ridiculous comment I've ever seen. He's not an addict because he 'cried it out'

This and it worked after two nights. My son is a perfectly normal functioning adult . He is absolutely lovely.

You know your baby best. What was it like prior to this period? If they have always been a bad sleeper maybe sleep training will work. But my daughter slept quite well 0-5 months (woke up at 11, 4 9 am. Sometimes woke for 2 hours at 4am but then slept later) but from 5 months she woke every 45mins to 1.5 hours. Tried a bit of sleep training. Didn’t work.

It tuned out she was teething 2 at a time and had all teeth bar canines and very back molars by 9 months. I just held her. Coslept where possible and dosed her with calpol and ibuprofen every 4 hours through the really bad bits. It was hard but then she was straight back to normal. It can’t hurt to try.

I said I wasn’t going to give much pain relief and then I needed root canal treatment myself. I never felt bad about giving her the recommended dose of painkillers after that!

Now she’s 2 and she needs a really dark room and no distractions to sleep. So I cuddle and we have a mobile. After a few songs I mostly have to leave as she’s still awake. She cries for maybe 5 mins and then goes to sleep. If I stay she will not sleep because she’s too excited and wants to babble to me 😂.

after 9-10 months of cosleeping we did sleep training as that seemed to be the point where it was taking so so long to get them off to sleep and they’d wake again at slightest noise. Within a week sleeping through so well and never any issues.

Mine are all adults now and sleep training had no bad effects on them.
Saved our sanity though.
Our third baby slept through the night from six weeks and she was fully breastfed.

Neither do I.
I'm always horrified when I read threads about babies who wake six times a night and will only go to sleep if their parents stay with them for two hours in the evening.

No. Slept through from 9 months and still does, except the odd sickness bout.

What Does Science REALLY Say About Sleep Training? | Once Upon A Bedtime

There is no evidence that sleep training is harmful.
Seriously. Zero.

Do it, OP.

Look, I mean this kindly, but she's a toddler, not a baby, and "breastfeeding all day and night" isn't appropriate for this age (and I speak as someone who didn't stop breastfeeding altogether until my kid was 3); they are supposed to be mostly eating solid food by that age. Toddlers who are breastfeeding constantly risk crowding solid foods out of their diet, increasing the risk of iron deficiency anemia, which has subtle but permanent effects on their development.

Do you ever drive a car with her inside it? If so, are you not worried about what nearly two years of sleep deprivation could be doing to your driving?

@Purple89 I was EXACTLY where you were this time last week. DS is 6 months and was waking every 45 mins in the night but he would cry for 4-5 hours solidly whilst being rocked to sleep. I was so nervous of sleep training so got a sleep consultant on board to help (it was about £200 for an questionnaire, zoom consultation, the plan and her being on the end of the phone for any questions or a hand hold for a month - she’s worth every penny). We essentially did controlled crying and I was nervous of him crying for 3 hours but the first night as 35 mins of on off mild whimpering we reduced each night and he now goes down smiling without any tears after some books and cuddles and kisses. He is much smilier in the day and his development has soared in a week! I tried co-sleeping too but he’s wouldn’t settle. I did try pick up and put down but the physical interaction and me touching or cuddling him actually prolonged the crying. Honestly, do it. Here for a hand hold if you need it xxx

I bloody wish I had trained DD.

DS took to a dummy and was an excellent sleeper from day dot. DD - I had swallowed all the hypno natural parenting bollocks, and was incapable of sleep training. It nearly cost us my marriage and the first few years were miserable as we were all so knackered.

That said, DD was never one for shh patting - it was full on howling if she wasn’t going to sleep.

I did it. After 6 months I think it should be on the cards. It wasn't an absolute magic bullet but it helped. The two of you need to agree though. Ds is and was fine.

You won’t damage your baby, people that gulit trip sleep deprived, exhausted mums that bullshit are awful and abusive.

I sleep trained both of mine (Ferber checks) when they were a year old. I wish I’d done it earlier. It took about a week to get them both to sleep through. First 2 nights were hellish but after that there was a dramatic improvement.

The change in my eldest was astounding, she went from a miserable baby who constantly cried to a happy, calm and smiley little girl with a lot more energy. I think a large part of that was also due to me being happier, calmer and more energetic. I really think a lot of the problems were her picking up on my low mood and anxiety and a lot of that was due to sleep deprivation.

They’re now 10 and 7 and very happy, clever sparky children, we are a very close family and I was able to enjoy being their mother once I was able to get some rest!

Thank you all so so much for the success stories. The support and sympathy has really surprised and moved me so thank you so much 💓 💗 💛

We now have some hope. We have an appointment with a sleep consultant next week.

My mum took her for us last night to give us a rest. My mum didn't sleep the whole night- tried so many times to get her to sleep and couldn't so just sat holding her for us until 5am when I came and relieved her.

dc2 was a terirble sleeper. She woke every hour all night every night.

Woke, wanted milk, bf and then went straight bakc to sleep.

At 7 months she was feeding well during the day, and not actually taking milk at night just latching on, suck suck and sleep.

So we sleep trained.
We moved her cot out of our room first, and continued to go every time she cried.

Then we chose a night and no more night time milk.
She was offered water, and we sat next to her stroking her etc.
She fussed and cried a lot the first time she woke. About 30 minutes, with me right there sitting by her. Then she fell asleep and slept ALL NIGHT until morning.
Next night 10 minutes and then slept through.
Then she stopped waking.

I know not all kids will do that but honestly that first night those 30 minutes were hell, and then when I woke in the morning and she hadn't woken, I cried.

She is just about to sit her A levels and doing fine!

Best thing we did but we did it when they were 9 months old because a friend who had trained to be a nanny told me that was the best age to do it.

I didn’t with ny first, I was too tired ironically to think straight or do it. I’m currently damaging her by being a terrible parent through sleep deprivation with my second: the minute he hits six months I’m making an appointment with a sleep consultant and traiNing him. (I know I can do it without one but I’m anxious and soft and need someone to give me a plan and hold me to it.) He’s so miserable since the four month regression and he was such a jolly baby previously. But worse is the zero patience I have for my daughter, who is just being four and I am being so, so shouty.

Hang in there @bussteward there are better days and nights ahead

Do it. You won't regret it. And your children will be absolutely fine!!

No-one can really say because they don't know how their child would have been if they didn't. Personally I'd be really interested to know if there have been any studies on teen mental health and sleep training as babies as I do wonder if it can impact them in later life.

Me too.... I tried a gentle method but no dice, sleep training worked in 3 nights and it saved us both, DS less grumpy, me less grumpy.

Do it properly though, sit outside with a stopwatch and do 5 mins (check, pat, shush) then 10 mins (c,p,s) then 15 (c,p,s), then every 15 until they are asleep.

If they need changing do it quietly and as in the dark as possible then just continue.

With DS

Day 1 ; around 2 hours
Day 2 ; straight to sleep
Day 3 ; around 1 hour
Day 4 ; straight to sleep, never looked back!

Mine is 14 now, definitely fine, definitely caused no problems.

I followed the Gina Ford routine with ds1 and he was such a happy baby and toddler who slept well.
now, with hindsight, at 10years old he was diagnosed autistic, and so having a good routine would’ve really suited him and allowed him to thrive. It’s not a very 2023-acceptable-parenting-style but if I was to have another baby tomorrow I would follow it again

Not a single person is going to comment and say ‘oh yes it messed them up for life’ 😑 If you want to do it then fine, have the courage of your convictions

People can’t possibly know if it damaged their child or not. The only true test would be measuring stress levels etc at the time and throughout childhood into adulthood. And comparing that with a twin who was not sleep trained.
do as you want to. I’m happily one of those who has never done it. I would never, ever leave a baby or child crying on their own.