Those who sleep trained - did it damage your baby?

[Purple89]

My DD is 6 months and my husband and I are completely on our knees.

She wakes sometimes every 45 minutes, sometimes every hour, sometimes every 2 hours. In desperation I co sleep from 3 or 4 am but she still lies wide awake flailing her arms hitting me and pulling my face and hair. She also only does 30 min naps in the day and so I can't sleep when she does. I feel broken. I cry every day. I love her so much but this isn't sustainable and I feel like I'm not being a good mum because of it. My husband and I share the nights but he works full time so I try and take more of the share in the week.

I'm approaching a sleep consultant. Would like to do a gentle method like parent presence but we will see what they suggest.

For those who did it, do you feel it affected your baby emotionally, mentally or intellectually? I love her so much and the thought of this frightens me. Just hoping for some reassurance really.

Thank you in advance.

45 mins is a classic sleep cycle. We did the Wake to Sleep method, which sounds bonkers, but worked brilliantly.

Of course it didn't damage her!

I did it twice: once at 8 months and then again at 18 months (same baby). On both occasions it took one difficult night and the second night she slept through.

She was never left alone to cry. At the first sign of crying I went into her room, stroked her and soothed her, but didn't pick her up or feed her.

She was absolutely fine and I started getting a decent night sleep again.

Nope. I am of the belief that sleep is very good for kids, and should be prioritised.

This.

I sleep trained all 4 of mine.

(If you're interested: I co-slept with mine til around 10 months, then did a 2 stage thing of firstly getting them used to sleeping in the cot (breastfed them when they woke up, but put them back in the cot after) then once they were used to settling in the cot, offering water and shush-pat nstead of breastfeeding when they woke up, which quickly led to sleeping pretty much through the night.)

It wasn't easy. There were tears involved, but I stayed with them, it was never the cruel or neglectful thing critics claim. And now we have healthy children who like and feel safe in their own beds.

Some PPs seem to think that sleep training is necessarily cruel - it really doesn't have to be, it's not like people lock their babies in a room to scream for hours on end, you're there to comfort them when they need it. Far crueller and more damaging imo to deny them a proper sleep pattern when it's so essential for their development. There are plenty of studies about that.

Absolutely not. Sleep is vital for a healthy child's development. As babies, I would wake mine at 10 for a feed from around 6/8 weeks, then put them back down. It sounds mad, but it works, as they break the feed to sleep cycle. They then woke for another night feed til around weaning age, then dropped that eventually. Once weaning well, we stopped the 10pm feed. DD1 slept through from 10pm at around 4 months, then all night through from around 7/8 months. DD2 slept all night from 1 year.

I know a mum who sleep trained her triplets. They had had night after night for months when none of them were all asleep at the same time. She was so exhausted she couldn't drive and was becoming very ill. It took just a few nights and then their whole lives improved immeasurably. I see them occasionally, they certainly don't appear to be damaged.

I can 100 % say that sleep training didn't damage them, they are adults who are perfectly happy , healthy and doing really well .

Don't know why that's so difficult for some posters to understand 🙄

Posters who say “I couldn’t leave my child to cry” are assuming that sleep training always involves leaving your child to cry. It doesn’t. Falling asleep independently is a skill. You can teach it gently, just as you can any other vital skill. Once my DD realised she could lie down, make herself comfy and fall asleep without our input, she’d cracked it and she learned that with us sat in the room next to the cot! A week later, we were able to leave her to do it without us there.

I sleep-trained both my dc. It’s hasn’t damaged them at all. Both got into grammar school, and are over six foot tall. Also, it meant I slept so was a better mother to them, as I wasn’t sleep deprived.

Surely most of us were sleep trained ie. Left to settle. I'm fine and have good relationships with my parents and also manage to sleep pretty well.

I sleep trained my daughter at about 6 months as she was waking every 40 mins (every sleep cycle). She is almost a teenager now and is the world's best sleeper. She is great - clever, kind, loving. My ds didn't need sleep training as he was always a great sleeper and had a good routine from birth out of necessity. He is also great.

I'm another one who heartily recommends sleep training.

Who knows what the future holds - but so far my dc are happy and successful young adults.

Thank you all so much. Very helpful indeed!

Don't think so. She is a happy and successful 20 yo. Although I'll never know what would have happened if I'd not done it.

Exactly.

Sleep training isn't one method, it's an umbrella term for many methods. It doesn't always mean leaving a child to cry.

I sleep trained my 5 month old from birth by getting him used to laying down and falling to sleep by himself too. If he cried, I picked him up until he stopped and then tried again until he went to sleep.

I don't think we can say it definitely doesn't cause damage but from the sounds of it, your child is not getting the parent they need during the day time as a result of this so you have to weigh it up. I would do it. It can work faster than you think. It didn't work for me at all because my child was sick when she cried for any length of time.

Maybe those thinking sleep training is damaging should take a look at studies into how damaging not getting enough sleep can be for a child's development

Can I jump on this thread sorry and ask did you all start sleep training once baby was in their own room? My DS is in with us and is 5 months. We go on holiday when he's 7 months and I didn't want to undo any work of getting him in there by sharing a room when we're away so was thinking of moving him into his room when we're back.

I could have written OPs post though and I don't know how much longer I can survive on 45 min-1 hr bursts of sleep

@LurkerMcLurkson I can’t remember what I did but I would say that if you sleep train then they’ll keep the skill wherever they’re out to sleep, they might be a bit more unsettled with a change but it’s unlikely you’d undo any good work.

Came on to say exactly this.
I get a 11-12 hour block consistently unless she is sick.

My sanity is back. She still loves us. Life is good.

We did this. it was a bit disturbed for everyone tbh if theres a separate living room area put the baby there but it was fine when we got back.

Best thing I did with my son at 6mo. Was not nearly as brutal as I thought it would be. He settled pretty easily for naps and bedtime with a comforter.

He still woke up at night to feed but only once or twice and slept through from 12mo. He is now 2yo and loves his naps and won't get out of bed in the morning.

He was still very attached during and following the sleep training. He calls out if he needs us in the night if he's poorly or something.

I'd recommend getting on with it asap as the older they get the more stubborn they are. It'll also get difficult if they can stand up in the cot which won't be far away.

How would you quantify ’damage’ though?

To add, there are studies that measure cortisol level in sleep trained baby’s brain. It is widely assumed that raised cortisol levels can affect (to an extent) brain development. You know what else raises cortisol level in children though? Tired mum that shouts and parents not getting on because they are too tired to function.

I chose not to sleep train my babies. But I will never begrudge those who did.

My baby actually became happier once we had sleep trained...