Just started controlled crying - advice please

[Whatevenissleep2]

After months of sleepless nights, contact naps and desperation we have cracked and began controlled crying with DS (9m) following research. We are on day 1 and have made huge progress with my DS falling asleep independently in his cot within an hour. He has never been left for longer than 5 minutes before going back in to reassure and after about 35/40mins of beginning the process, there was long periods of calm before he began to cry in shorter spells.

I’m reaching out to others who have successfully used CC as I’m wondering what I should expect the evening and night to be like? And any more advice? My mental health is particularly delicate at the moment due to having to hold my son from 11-4am in the morning (even co sleeping wouldn’t work) and starting the day at 6am with toddler so please be kind to me if you come across this thread and are against CC. I’m also sat looking at the video monitor feeling intensely guilty.

You’ve got this, keep going. I found setting a timer worked as it was easy to underestimate the time and go in too early. Also if they are starting to wind down the cries and the time is almost up, just give it 30 seconds more and see if they continue to wind down. That is the learning moment for them, when they learn that they can calm down on their own and then drop off to sleep.

Please don't do this to your child.
You need support and help to manage to get some rest yourself, but this is really harmful to babies. It affects brain development and mental health.
Just comfort your baby when they need it

Absolutely

Could someone please link the actual medical research which shows its damaging please? Not a random article.

@Redebs so 50+ years ago when pretty much everyone kept babies on strict schedules, why do we not have entire generations of messed up adults? Controlled crying does NOT lead to mental health problems in later life

The key is to be consistent, no matter what your method. Good luck, it'll be worth it for the both of you. Make sure the baby is getting the right amount of naps during the day as this is key, day sleep affects night sleep.

This is such a stupid comment, OP has already said the child isn't left for more than 5 minutes. I'm sure your child cries sometimes too, yes? So many parents on here who have toddlers who still can't even sleep on their own, now that's irresponsible

Agreed. Well said.

Er, we do. Have you not seen the state of the country???

Yes, if only Rishi had not been sleep trained

Er, we do. Have you not seen the state of the country???

Riiiiiight.

All the world's ills have been caused by mothers teaching their children that they are safe and mummy is here for them but that it's time for bed and to go back to sleep. If it weren't for all these abusive mothers all our problems would be solved. Utopia awaits!!

Brilliant thesis.

My child’s needs are not an inconvenience. I am an extremely responsive parent day and night. Until sleep training, DS would only begin to cry when placed in cot after all other needs were met. I haven’t just been popping him down and leaving him to it, everything has been carefully planned to rule out any other cause of the crying.

I must ask you and all that agree with you, what would you do if you were me with a baby who won’t co sleep or sleep independently and a toddler too. Very interested to hear back.

Are you in touch with your health visitor OP? Might be able to suggest alternative options or forward you to someone who could help.

@Whatevenissleep2 how are you getting on? Just ignore all these idiots who say you're damaging your baby.
I did it with my now 5 year old at 10 months and it took two nights and she's been an ace sleeper since. We have a close relationship and there were nights that I slept in with her when she was ill etc but CC meant she didn't need breastfeeding every hour. Good luck!

Please do not listen to those trying to make you feel guilty. Each to their own and if you can't bring yourself to do it that's fine but I thing it's wrong to try impose your view on others. Everyone has a different experience of the early years and also other stresses in their life as well as being responsible for babies. We can't give it all our best if we are exhausted, stressed and sleep deprived. This affects some more than others.

I did a version of CC/CIC with my 2 DS. Lastest no more than a couple of days although you may have to be a little tough again after an illness or other change of routine.

DS 1 just done GCSE's and got all 8's and 9's, DS2 heading for even better. They are both well adjusted teens all be it with the usual ups and downs.

Not doing it would have meant I was too tired and stressed to do all the early learning activities, days out, meeting other Mums etc which really does help their brain development in the early years.

It sounded as if you were already cracking it so how did you get on last night OP?

Imagine - you are giving your baby the gift of proper sleep which has got to be good for their brain development too. Motherhood doesn't mean absolute denial of self including sleep. Sleep deprivation is torturous and dangerous.

How did last night go @Whatevenissleep2

I usually say to parents who want to sleep train to time it

What seems like forever often isn't

I Remember Sitting with one mum supporting her while she did it and when toddler was Asleep I asked her how long she thought it took the 3rd time went in

She said she 15/20m

It was 3m 37 seconds or something like that - under 4min

I tend to double so 1 2 4 8 16 32 - which is just over an hour in all

pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22966034/

Conclusions: Behavioral sleep techniques have no marked long-lasting effects (positive or negative). Parents and health professionals can confidently use these techniques to reduce the short- to medium-term burden of infant sleep problems and maternal depression.

pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/18762495/

Conclusions: The sleep intervention in infancy resulted in sustained positive effects on maternal depression symptoms and found no evidence of longer-term adverse effects on either mothers' parenting practices or children's mental health. This intervention demonstrated the capacity of a functioning primary care system to deliver effective, universally offered secondary prevention.

“Adverse secondary effects as the result of participating in behaviorally based sleep programs were not identified in any of the studies. On the contrary, infants who participated in sleep interventions were found to be more secure, predictable, less irritable, and to cry and fuss less following treatment.”

aasm.org/resources/practiceparameters/review_nightwakingschildren.pdf

It would be unacceptable to treat a child like this during the day and it is unacceptable at night too.

She is responding to the child though. She’s going in, offering comfort and reassurance and once the child has calmed leaves again. And repeating. Vast difference between that and leaving a child to cry inconsolably like you’re suggesting.

Im not a CC advocate and have done the exact opposite with mine, but bar the first 12 weeks mine had been an alright sleeper. I’ve not be on the brink of crashing a car or contemplating running away because I’m so sleep deprived. There’s a reason it’s used as a torture method.

I’m sorry you’re going through the ringer OP.

There is not a single piece of evidence of any harm being done by sleep training. On the contrary, all studies that have been done show that it has positive short term effects for both mothers and babies, and makes no difference in the longer term. See some of the many studies demonstrating this linked above.

Alrousan, G., Hassan, A., Pillai, A. A., Atrooz, F., & Salim, S. (2022). Early Life Sleep Deprivation and Brain Development: Insights From Human and Animal Studies. Frontiers in neuroscience, 16, 833786. doi.org/10.3389/fnins.2022.833786

Thus, there is enough support of the hypothesis that poor sleep during early life can have detrimental consequences on later life behaviors, cognitive and intellectual functions, and there is substantial evidence to suggest that sleep problems during early life may lead to social, cognitive and intellectual impairments. The mechanistic underpinnings remain unclear.

Astill, R. G., Van der Heijden, K. B., Van IJzendoorn, M. H., & Van Someren, E. J. W. (2012). Sleep, cognition, and behavioral problems in school-age children: A century of research meta-analyzed. Psychological Bulletin, 138(6), 1109–1138. doi.org/10.1037/a0028204

In practical terms, the findings suggest that insufficient sleep in children is associated with deficits in higher-order and complex cognitive functions and an increase in behavioral problems. This is particularly relevant given society's tendency towards sleep curtailment. (APA PsycInfo Database Record (c) 2016 APA, all rights reserved)

Thanks @pastapasta56 afb info. I was hoping one of them would have a go at providing something though. Funny how they all scurry off when asked to provide meaningful info rather than just scaremongering and trying to make a desparate mum feel like shit.

Or maybe they couldn't drag themselves away from their children for the 30 seconds it would take to reply for fear of the damage it would do.