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Original poster

I'm loosing everything

124 replies

poppy8989 · 04/01/2023 20:29

It's been almost 5 months now.
And I'm about to loose everything.
By baby just won't sleep. I'm absolutely broken and I can't honestly go on anymore.
He doesn't sleep more than 3 hours most nights and 2 hours in total all day.
I can't cope anymore. He will NOT sleep on his back. Iv seen baby chiropractors.
Hours on hours he will be awake.
Iv tried everything. Dark room, light room, no noise, Noise, patting, shushing, rocking, feeding, singing, Iv tired it all. Iv Googled everything possible. My Heath visitor has done nothing but make me feel like a terrible mother. Which trust me, I couldn't feel much worse than I do. I thought he was too cold, so brought different sleep bag, sleep suits. Even brought a new cot bed mattress. Tried a Moses basket, next to me crib, but nothing works. I spend hours trying to get him to sleep. Iv tired infacol, iv tried gripe water, iv tried calpol, and nurofen but nothing works.
He's EBF and im even close to giving up and trying formula as I don't know what else to do.
I don't get a break as he doesn't even nap during the day so I can't even try and sleep then either. It's non stop and I honestly all jokes aside feel im going crazy.
My parenting towards me other son is terrible as im so tired and snappy some days. My relationship with the kids dad is basically ended and we do nothing but argue.
In 3 days 7pm-7am I haven't slept more than 3 hours a night. So 9 hours in 3 days!!
I cant function. Im constantly sad and depressed now. I just don't know why he won't sleep!
Pleassssse if anyone has any suggestions or advice. I will listen to any.
Please.

OP posts:
Chans11 · 04/01/2023 20:35

Hi, sorry to hear this. We noticed an improvement in sleep when we introduced a comforter. Could you try this then remove once he is settled?

MyOldCaravan · 04/01/2023 20:42

My baby was like this, it's so grim, I really do sympathise.

I found that a bottle of formula late evening really helped. I carried on breast-feeding all the other feeds.

But that way I could at least get 4-5 hours in a stretch. Don't let your health visitor make you feel crap - it's so, so tough. And it doesn't last forever.

Original poster
poppy8989 · 04/01/2023 20:43

@Chans11
Hi. I have tried introducing a dummy but he absolutely hates it. I tried a teddy for him to cuddle and then remove but he pays no attention to it at all. ☹️

OP posts:
Original poster
poppy8989 · 04/01/2023 20:50

@MyOldCaravan
I have thought so many times about trying him on formula at night but when I spoke to the health visitor about it a while ago I was told that my son would then not want to be BF and that broke my heart. I EBF my other son for a year so only doing it for 5 months this time isnt long enough. I'm so confused on what to do that I feel so usless.

OP posts:
BayandBlonde · 04/01/2023 20:53

poppy8989 · 04/01/2023 20:50

@MyOldCaravan
I have thought so many times about trying him on formula at night but when I spoke to the health visitor about it a while ago I was told that my son would then not want to be BF and that broke my heart. I EBF my other son for a year so only doing it for 5 months this time isnt long enough. I'm so confused on what to do that I feel so usless.

But surely that is a sacrifice you would be willing to make if it means baby and you sleep better??

Bobbybobbins · 04/01/2023 20:54

I understand how you feel about bfeeding (I bfed mine) but at this stage your mental and physical health is also important. Introducing a bottle might encourage less waking up or you could have a break while someone else could feed him. I weaned my DS2 onto bottles at 6 months as I needed more sleep.

tealandteal · 04/01/2023 20:57

When you say he doesn’t nap, do you mean he doesn’t nap at all in the day?

My DS is 6 months old and has taken one bottle of formula a day for a few months, many parents mix feed successfully. You could offer formula in a cup if you are worried about nipple confusion.

Chans11 · 04/01/2023 20:58

poppy8989 · 04/01/2023 20:43

@Chans11
Hi. I have tried introducing a dummy but he absolutely hates it. I tried a teddy for him to cuddle and then remove but he pays no attention to it at all. ☹️

My daughter would only have a muzzy then eventually had a muslin comforter with a teddy attached to it..have you tried sleeping with it yourself for a night so it has your scent? Apologies if you have. Does he suffer from wind? We had terrible experience with colic and even now at 13M suffers with wing which affects her sleep. We are now avoiding alot of dairy which we have seem a huge improvement from.

MrsTopaz · 04/01/2023 20:59

I’m so sorry you’re in this situation-sounds absolutely horrendous!! Well done for getting this far-honestly, 5 months of ebf is amazing! If it were me I would try a bottle in the evening/night as this may open the option for someone else to help you.

Do you have any family who could stay for a night or two so that you could try to get a bit more sleep in one block?

I mixed fed DC1 and it honestly made it easier to transition to bottle later. DC2 was much harder as she had been ebf for longer. It will get better OP-hang in there!! Sleep is coming.

Googlecanthelpme · 04/01/2023 21:01

My first baby had combined feeding due to some health issues when he was very young which made breastfeeding really hard.

so we did both formula and breastfeed, I tried as much as possible to feed him but he would have 2 bottles during the day - one before bed usually.

There’s nothing wrong with combined feeding or even formula. I used the mimbie bottles as they’re very soft and “nipple” like!

Also I know many people will be against but I co slept with both of mine - safely of course. No pillows / duvets near them, still used a sleep bag for them etc. they fed on demand in the night, woke up, fed them laid down on side whilst I dozed and back to sleep once done.

it’s not advised but lots and lots of women do because honestly all that baby wants is to be near you.

pasha86 · 04/01/2023 21:01

The night I stopped EBF my son slept through the entire night. I didn't make the same mistake of EBF with my second.

5 months EBF is incredible. I put down my EBF to why I got PND as it absolutely ruined me but I thought it was best. It wasn't, it was slowly killing me.

Give up EBF and give yourself a break

thirdtimeluckyorwhat · 04/01/2023 21:02

You said he won't sleep on his back. Have you tried on his side or on his front. Some babies just need to be in this position and if it's going to save your sanity then try it Also the health visitor is wrong about the night feed. I used to give mine a dream feed bottle at 10pm and they slept for a good stretch after that You can do bottle and breast. Good luck

Azandme · 04/01/2023 21:03

I'd second a late night formula feed.

Flurbegurb · 04/01/2023 21:05

It's non stop and I honestly all jokes aside feel im going crazy.
My parenting towards me other son is terrible as im so tired and snappy some days. My relationship with the kids dad is basically ended and we do nothing but argue.
In 3 days 7pm-7am I haven't slept more than 3 hours a night. So 9 hours in 3 days!!

OP, there is a reason sleep deprivation is used for torture. Try the formula for a week or so. You cannot survive on so little sleep and it's not good for the baby either. Nothing bad will happen, but very good things may happen if you try the formula. Your sleep is roughly what I had when I had the flu for a week and I was not fit to drive or look after my child. It's dangerous.

Iwantamarshmallowman · 04/01/2023 21:06

Why is it all down to you. You say the relationship with their dad is over but I'm assuming that's becuase you are exsaused. Why hasn't he helped you up till now? My first DC was a really bad sleeper so myself and Dh took shifts. it's not your baby that is the problem it's your partner.

Sarahcoggles · 04/01/2023 21:07

Why would formula help? This is poor sleep, not hunger. The only thing to be achieved by switching to formula feeding is that OP's milk supply will be affected, and she'll be having to get up and make bottles in the night instead of just getting a breast out.

thirdtimeluckyorwhat · 04/01/2023 21:07

Iwantamarshmallowman · 04/01/2023 21:06

Why is it all down to you. You say the relationship with their dad is over but I'm assuming that's becuase you are exsaused. Why hasn't he helped you up till now? My first DC was a really bad sleeper so myself and Dh took shifts. it's not your baby that is the problem it's your partner.

I would assume this is because she is only breast feeding. I really think op needs to introduce the bottle so her partner can step up and let her sleep !

Sarahcoggles · 04/01/2023 21:08

Co sleeping?

Flurbegurb · 04/01/2023 21:09

@Sarahcoggles she's not just "getting a breast out", she's awake for the vast majority of the night

thirdtimeluckyorwhat · 04/01/2023 21:09

Sarahcoggles · 04/01/2023 21:07

Why would formula help? This is poor sleep, not hunger. The only thing to be achieved by switching to formula feeding is that OP's milk supply will be affected, and she'll be having to get up and make bottles in the night instead of just getting a breast out.

No because her partner can feed the baby so she can sleep. Have you not read all the responses saying their babies only slept through with a bed time bottle your experience isn't every bodies. The op is on the edge she need to try the bottle feed.

Sarahcoggles · 04/01/2023 21:10

Flurbegurb · 04/01/2023 21:09

@Sarahcoggles she's not just "getting a breast out", she's awake for the vast majority of the night

Yes but why do all the die-hard formula feeders have to tell OP it'll work, when it probably won't. And then she'll be stuck making up formula.

WeWereInParis · 04/01/2023 21:10

poppy8989 · 04/01/2023 20:50

@MyOldCaravan
I have thought so many times about trying him on formula at night but when I spoke to the health visitor about it a while ago I was told that my son would then not want to be BF and that broke my heart. I EBF my other son for a year so only doing it for 5 months this time isnt long enough. I'm so confused on what to do that I feel so usless.

I don't know where some HVs get the nonsense they spout. Plenty of babies are combi fed. I've been combi feeding my 8 month old for two months now and she still breastfeeds just fine.

I would try a bottle of formula - even if it doesn't help your baby sleep (it didn't help mine but that's not why I did it) you will be able to go to bed at, say, 7 and then have your partner do the next feed, and you can sleep for a longer chunk.

Sarahcoggles · 04/01/2023 21:11

www.babydreammachine.com/

Does your baby like motion OP? Both mine did, and this was helpful

Iwantamarshmallowman · 04/01/2023 21:11

thirdtimeluckyorwhat · 04/01/2023 21:07

I would assume this is because she is only breast feeding. I really think op needs to introduce the bottle so her partner can step up and let her sleep !

Show quote history

..but surely she's not breastfeeding for 21 hours a day. I don't understand why he can't have the baby for a few hours while she sleeps.

SalviaOfficinalis · 04/01/2023 21:12

I breastfed. DH gave one bottle of formula a night. I went to bed at 8pm and got a few hours sleep while he had the baby downstairs until about 11pm/ midnight.

Your baby will still be getting all the benefits of breastfeeding, even if it’s not EBF.

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