I'm loosing everything

[poppy8989]

It's been almost 5 months now.
And I'm about to loose everything.
By baby just won't sleep. I'm absolutely broken and I can't honestly go on anymore.
He doesn't sleep more than 3 hours most nights and 2 hours in total all day.
I can't cope anymore. He will NOT sleep on his back. Iv seen baby chiropractors.
Hours on hours he will be awake.
Iv tried everything. Dark room, light room, no noise, Noise, patting, shushing, rocking, feeding, singing, Iv tired it all. Iv Googled everything possible. My Heath visitor has done nothing but make me feel like a terrible mother. Which trust me, I couldn't feel much worse than I do. I thought he was too cold, so brought different sleep bag, sleep suits. Even brought a new cot bed mattress. Tried a Moses basket, next to me crib, but nothing works. I spend hours trying to get him to sleep. Iv tired infacol, iv tried gripe water, iv tried calpol, and nurofen but nothing works.
He's EBF and im even close to giving up and trying formula as I don't know what else to do.
I don't get a break as he doesn't even nap during the day so I can't even try and sleep then either. It's non stop and I honestly all jokes aside feel im going crazy.
My parenting towards me other son is terrible as im so tired and snappy some days. My relationship with the kids dad is basically ended and we do nothing but argue.
In 3 days 7pm-7am I haven't slept more than 3 hours a night. So 9 hours in 3 days!!
I cant function. Im constantly sad and depressed now. I just don't know why he won't sleep!
Pleassssse if anyone has any suggestions or advice. I will listen to any.
Please.

What else is your baby doing? Once they're awake are they raring to go or are they crying? When feeding, are they feeding to sleep and then waking quickly or a few hours later wanting more latch time?

What sort of birth did he have? Is he still grieving a difficult birth into this world?

Has he seen a tongue tie/lactation consultant or an osteopath?

At 5 months you need an hour a day without any children. Your husband could take both children round the block during that time wearing your baby.

I don't think formula is the answer. I think you're asking the wrong questions.

I also think you're doing the hardest job ever more fantastically than ever. I hope you're in awe of your ability to keep doing the best you can for your family.

White noise?

Does he have very smelly or too frequent nappies? Because if so, he could have an allergy e.g. CMPA. His level of sleep doesn’t seem normal for a baby who isn’t in any pain.

My daughter was both bottle and breast with no issues please try a bottle as well this may help - sending positive vibes the sleepless night are hard work but it won’t be like this forever …I promise

My 2nd baby is formula fed & still doesn’t sleep the best BUT my other half gets up in the night to sort him or give him a bottle & shares the load.
Might be worth a try. But if not your other half should be helping you settle the little one / give you a chance to sleep.
good luck , I feel for you ❤️

Thank you everyone for all your responses.
I have to say firstly, I have absolutely no problem with formula feeds, it's just personal preference that I wanted to keep BFing for as long as possible. I'm happy to try anything that works and 100% stand by the fact that fed is best in which ever way works.
My partner works shifts so there are many times he's unable to help or be at home. It causes arguments as our son doesn't respond well to him at night and often gets more upset as he wants me
He doesn't feed through the night either and it doesn't put him back to sleep, I'm sure if I didn't feed him in the night then he would still wake just as much and stay awake.
He doesn't do it for comfort either.
I have had help off a family member but unfortunately still had to wake to feed or pump.
I have tired pumping and giving that in a bottle to see if it makes a difference and it doesn't. Which is also why I'm wondering how a formula bottle would work?!
I'm absolutely exhausted to the point where I can't pop out for a drive as i don't feel safe.
I have in-fact co slept a few times but this was pretty unintentional but more because I was so tired I had to make the bed as safe as possible and fell asleep without realising. I also don't trust myself to feed him laying on my side as the few times I have, I have woken in a startle a short while later worrying I had suffocated him as I fell asleep without knowing.
I just don't feel like I can cope anymore.
7:30pm i started to get him to sleep tonight, it's 11pm now and he's slept for less than an hour.
He's not hungry, has a clean nappy, is warm enough, ect. So I don't see why he won't sleep. 🤷‍♀️

My first son didn't sleep. It was incredibly hard and made life tricky. I read about a sleep aid called MyHummy, which is a white noise teddy. I bought it when I was pregnant with my second and she slept soundly. She may have been a good sleeper and the Hummy Bear was a coincidence, but it could be worth giving it a go.
My personal preference was bottle feeding, I was never drawn to breast but I did attempt it with my first. It didn't last long as I just didn't like it and the guilt I felt giving up was awful. However, 9 years later, you can't tell how he was fed. He is a healthy and happy formula reared baby. If you want to give it a go, then do if you think it will help but you have no reason to feel guilty.

Both of mine fed every 2-3 hours max day and night until fully weaned (16 months) that isn't particularly helpful I know but it's common. We co slept so fed lying down and drifted back to sleep quickly. I napped in the daytime or strictly speaking dozed.
The trick I found was going to bed by 9pm as I knew I would be awake multiple times. Thankfully the body adapts. Even today (kids are grown up) I generally don't sleep more than 5 hours where as before kids I was 8 hours +!

Can you pump during the day and have a bottle ready for the night so partner can do at least one feed? I do this daily now as I was also struggling with lack of sleep and 3 children under 5 😬 really helps just not having to get up for one feed!! If it’s not needed for whatever reason, I’ll save and freeze for a day feed so I can sleep longer in the morning / actually go out on my own for a couple of hours in the day ❤️

I also second playing white noise/ womb sounds that also really helped mine sleep.

Controversial idea here. Mine didn't sleep so I let mine stay up until about 10pm then did the bedtime routine. Let baby fall asleep while breastfeeding and popped baby into bed fast asleep around half 10 and right from the first night slept straight though until 8:30 and continued to do so

Is he crying or just laying awake?

My 3rd had silent reflux and the main symptom was that she was unable to sleep. She did 6/7 hours overnight out of 24 from 7 weeks old, it was hell.

If he’s happy when he’s awake I would seriously just leave him to it and go to sleep yourself with him in the cot next to you. He will wake you up if he needs something!

Some people just aren’t keen on sleep - it’s maddening I know. My three year old didn’t sleep through one night til he was 2 and even now needs considerably less sleep than his considerably older sister who really needs 12 hours a night and always has done.

You do need sleep, so put your oxygen mask on first and get some sleep - literally at any time of day when the baby is fed and happy and safe in his cot, even if he’s not asleep. It doesn’t make you a bad parent and it might just be enough to get you to 6 months and the weaning stage which could change his patterns a little bit.

Hello OP, so sorry you are having this horrible time. hang in there. It will get better soon.
Mine were ebf, not from want of trying with bottles. It made me crazy both times. what helped was co-sleeping (obvs with careful precautions re:pillows, duvet, absolutely no booze etc). trouble is getting them
out of your bed again afterwards, but you can deal with that once you’ve had some kip 😁
What also helped ( and continues to be heartening whenever I think of it) was my mum in law advising me to “fuck it all off then darlin” when the things I had been told I absolutely must do as a clueless and anxious first time mum exiting ICU (pumping every 3 hours day and night etc) were not working and actually making things worse.
Also, ignoring health visitors who make you feel crappy for no good reason.

My SIL also swears by white noise

Years ago when my DD was a baby, she was exactly the same. I remember feeling so desperate. In the end I gave her a bottle of formula out of desperation and she slept for 6 hours straight. It was like a drug! I mixed fed after this and it saved my sanity. I would try it for the sake of yours too. Good luck!

@poppy8989
This sounds horrendous - but please go and get bottles and formula TODAY
There are no medals out there for EBF yes it's great but not if your practically having a nervous breakdown that is no good for anybody at all and if your feeling awful your in no fit state to be a good Mum.

I combi-fed my first as we had issues like this and I remember the HV saying to me there are no medals why are you so obsessed doing something that's not working?? Your going to end up really poorly if this carries on and She was 100% right and you'll look back and realise this.

With my second the bottles were there and I combi fed again it's a lot easier and also if you want to do KIT days at work or if you go back before they're a year old after 9months there's a bottle option and breast at bedtime.

Please consider yourself in all of this. I would also recommend baby reflexology I did it with my first and it definitely helped.

I had a none sleeping baby. Things improved massively when I started giving formula at night. Just think baby was never full.

If you find your baby won't drink from a bottle (mine started refusing them) i had more luck with a nuby soft plastic teat sippy cup. It isn't always as simple as giving an ebf baby a bottle as they don't always take them (same with dummy).
With regards to the co-sleeping it does take a while to get used to it and not wake in a huge panic. I think it also helps if it is just you and DS in the bed if that is possible.
Good luck. I hope something works for you.

If you don't want to introduce formula. Just express and get your partner to give it to him. Formula isn't always the answer. It's down to the baby how well they sleep. You can get good sleepers who have formula and bad sleepers and same with breastfeeding.

It's does sound like he's overtired tho. If they don't get the right amount of sleep during the day it's going to affect the nights sleep

Lots of discussion about feeding but as an immediate solution you really need to just leave baby in Dad's care for a while so you can get some sleep.

My first DD was a nightmare sleeper as well and I got to the point where I didn't feel safe driving too. Eventally (7-8 months in) I just had to leave screaming baby and Dad to get on with it and go to be during the day / whenever possible. Ear plugs in, accept that no one was going to be particularly happy, but also that I needed sleep as an absolute priority. Ask him to take the kids out the house to the park on his days off and get into bed. Accept that nothing will be done but that you will all survive.

Babies usually have a preferance and will kick up a fuss but they are safe with Dad, frankly probably safer with Dad than an utterly exhaused mother. Eventally DD and Dad got to the stage where the handover was ok and I would go to bed at any given opportunity to try and get some sleep and become human again.

Second time round we prioritsed sleep, Dad left the bed for a matress in the office (which sounds bad, but it was what we had an he got the luxuary of uninterrupted nights sleep) and I co-slept with the baby. Much better.

Honestly, if you dh is at home this evening, go sleep somewhere else. Take yourself completely out of the equation.