I'm loosing everything

[poppy8989]

It's been almost 5 months now.
And I'm about to loose everything.
By baby just won't sleep. I'm absolutely broken and I can't honestly go on anymore.
He doesn't sleep more than 3 hours most nights and 2 hours in total all day.
I can't cope anymore. He will NOT sleep on his back. Iv seen baby chiropractors.
Hours on hours he will be awake.
Iv tried everything. Dark room, light room, no noise, Noise, patting, shushing, rocking, feeding, singing, Iv tired it all. Iv Googled everything possible. My Heath visitor has done nothing but make me feel like a terrible mother. Which trust me, I couldn't feel much worse than I do. I thought he was too cold, so brought different sleep bag, sleep suits. Even brought a new cot bed mattress. Tried a Moses basket, next to me crib, but nothing works. I spend hours trying to get him to sleep. Iv tired infacol, iv tried gripe water, iv tried calpol, and nurofen but nothing works.
He's EBF and im even close to giving up and trying formula as I don't know what else to do.
I don't get a break as he doesn't even nap during the day so I can't even try and sleep then either. It's non stop and I honestly all jokes aside feel im going crazy.
My parenting towards me other son is terrible as im so tired and snappy some days. My relationship with the kids dad is basically ended and we do nothing but argue.
In 3 days 7pm-7am I haven't slept more than 3 hours a night. So 9 hours in 3 days!!
I cant function. Im constantly sad and depressed now. I just don't know why he won't sleep!
Pleassssse if anyone has any suggestions or advice. I will listen to any.
Please.

I started to wean my DS at 5 months as milk didn't seem to fill him up (previously bottle fed). It coincided with better sleep.
He's now a strapping 16 year old.

Poppy8989 you are a good mum and you are doing a good job. This is a rough patch but you will come through it. Keep going. I have been where you are and could cry for you, but things will change and get better. Please remember you are doing your best and you are not alone. Sending a massive hug.

How long do you keep him awake before trying to put him down for a nap? He could be overtired.

I took mine to a cranial osteopath and would recommend giving it a go.

I also agree with those suggesting a formula feed.

Hope things improve for you soon.

Co sleeping + formula
I did this with first and will definitely do the same with second.

Agreed.
You should sleeptrain.
5 months is a good age.

You don’t know that. It may well be the feeding. Why not try it

Research safe co sleeping. It saved my sanity.

5 months of breastfeeding is amazing! Please try formula at night: Babies are more full then and usually sleep through the night. You seem to be in a desperate situation and I think this will really help. It might not be the solution for you but its worth trying. PS: Of course you can mix bottle and breast milk. The baby can adapt to both. Good luck!

I breast fed my youngest for 22 months but from about 4 months he had a bottle of formula in the evening. Some babies need to learn to sleep for longer periods and if a bottle of formula helps that process then why not. I bet your dc will still want to breast feed.
Your health is important too and if you don’t look after yourself you will struggle to look after your dc.
Be kind to you too, lots of babies have a top up feed. Your HV is wrong.

I bought a baby breathing monitor and let my LO sleep on her front

Honestly, just switch to bottle feeding then your other half can help more

I’m so sorry you’re going through this - sleep deprivation is just utter torture, so many sympathies.

really, really sorry to ask questions as I know you’re at your wits end and just want a solution, like, yesterday - but I’m not entirely clear about what’s your DC is doing when not sleeping and whether bottle would necessarily help if you are still the person who’d have to give it?

Is your DC screaming and crying constantly and especially at night? Any concerns with putting on weight? If so could it be a dairy allergy? Or are they content but just wakeful, in which case can you sleep while they snuffle about in their cot for a little while, even if in daytime? They can’t hurt themselves if they are in their cot at this age and you need to sleep!

how old is your older DC? Are they are school/nursery? If so is there anyone who could come and mind the little one in the day while you sleep - don’t be too proud to ask for help. Do you have family you could go to on a weekend day who might help so you can sleep?

I get that this is causing a lot of stress in your relationship but was your DP helpful the first time at all? What can he do to help more this time? Can he put older child to bed and then take the baby so you can get some sleep earlier in the evening? Could he manage that (with a bottle of formula or expressed milk if needed) for a few hours?

Will they sleep in pram or car seat? If so, could your husband take the baby on a long drive at the weekend?

I’m so sorry you are so tired - it’s just horrible. Some babies just do not like sleeping. (Ignore hv btw - nipple confusion isn’t a real thing and in my experience having a bottle doesn’t prevent bf at all)

It's been a long time but when I had similar I ended up co sleeping. My other half slept in spare room and baby was never under duvet and in her own sleeping bag. Any time she woke up a quick feed would send her straight to sleep. Worked so well that I co slept with second child for first 12 weeks.

My son did not sleep through the night until he was 4.5 years old.
Honestly, I would:

• Introduce a formula feed at night - if you are tired this will effect the quality of your milk anyway
• take him to a cranial oesto who specialises in babies - well known to help with sleep as calms nerves.
• consider if he has stomach acids coming up his throat when he likes down ie Gastric reflux and would benefit from meds and his bed tilted so his head is higher than his legs
• Consider does he have a dairy intolerance can go through breast milk

Personally I would try safe cosleeping before formula. If you are cosleeping then breastfeeding is a strength and makes everything easier and safer. Lullaby trust no longer advises against cosleeping but provides guidance on how to do it safely. If cosleeping enables EBF to continue then it also reduces risk of SIDS.

If that doesn't work, then try formula (or even if you don't / whether or not you choose this option, baby's dad needs to work out "shifts" so that he can take the baby for half the night) because at this point you just need to get more sleep ❤️

You poor thing. Sleep deprivation is torture. You're not a bad mum.

I must admit I also ended up Co sleeping - I put a bed barrier on one side of a double bed and slept next to him.

And co sleep. It's a no brainer especially if your partner has disappeared

I breast fed mine, but if I were you I'd definitely give formula a go.

The most important thing here is that YOU can get enough rest. If you get can a decent chunk of sleep then you can cope. Tiredness can make you bear demented.

Sending you strength and solidarity. Do whatever you can you can to keep afloat- no one survives if the raft sinks.

In situations like yours I used to put DD in the car and drive around until she fell asleep then pull up in a carpark and have a nap in the car too.

There is also the option of expressing breastmilk and baby's dad could give this during his part of the night shift. There is nothing wrong with giving formula but if exclusively breastfeeding is important to you (and there are many possible reasons for this) then imo that shouldn't be dismissed as irrelevant. EBM can also be safely kept out of the fridge for longer than formula milk so that with the right planning it is not necessary to get out of bed to give a top up bottle of EBM.

I’d find a local clinic to see a different health visitor. Hopefully they’ll be a bit more reasonable and able to offer some help.

I don’t see a problem with a couple of formula bottles at night? With my second I’ve really noticed the physical toll bfeeding was taking, making me so tired all the time. I’ve moved to predominantly bottle since 4 1/2 months and feel a lot better for it. I did almost completely stop bfeeding but it made me feel down so increased again and givr DS a good bfeed each morning while eldest DS is still asleep.

I know they say formula doesn’t necessarily make them sleep longer but it does!

BFeeding first child is much easier but with second need to balance the rest of the family. Give yourself a break! Good luck x

How about getting his dad to give him a bottle and you stick to breast? That way you can at least have a night of sleeping.

Sending you a massive hug!
My second was an AWFUL sleeper and I remember just how desperate you feel.
The thing that helped us was safe co-sleeping.
It was honestly the only thing that meant I'd get at least some rest.
DH and I would take it in turns to lie in on the weekend so we'd get a few hours then.

I really hope baby starts sleeping more soon!

Sorry you are going through this. Just something to consider that no one else has mentioned: might he be cold? My middle child when at this age and season slept so well in a particular woollen cardigan (and hat when outside) on top of his babygro and under his sleeping bag. Might be worth considering another layer?