I'm loosing everything

[poppy8989]

It's been almost 5 months now.
And I'm about to loose everything.
By baby just won't sleep. I'm absolutely broken and I can't honestly go on anymore.
He doesn't sleep more than 3 hours most nights and 2 hours in total all day.
I can't cope anymore. He will NOT sleep on his back. Iv seen baby chiropractors.
Hours on hours he will be awake.
Iv tried everything. Dark room, light room, no noise, Noise, patting, shushing, rocking, feeding, singing, Iv tired it all. Iv Googled everything possible. My Heath visitor has done nothing but make me feel like a terrible mother. Which trust me, I couldn't feel much worse than I do. I thought he was too cold, so brought different sleep bag, sleep suits. Even brought a new cot bed mattress. Tried a Moses basket, next to me crib, but nothing works. I spend hours trying to get him to sleep. Iv tired infacol, iv tried gripe water, iv tried calpol, and nurofen but nothing works.
He's EBF and im even close to giving up and trying formula as I don't know what else to do.
I don't get a break as he doesn't even nap during the day so I can't even try and sleep then either. It's non stop and I honestly all jokes aside feel im going crazy.
My parenting towards me other son is terrible as im so tired and snappy some days. My relationship with the kids dad is basically ended and we do nothing but argue.
In 3 days 7pm-7am I haven't slept more than 3 hours a night. So 9 hours in 3 days!!
I cant function. Im constantly sad and depressed now. I just don't know why he won't sleep!
Pleassssse if anyone has any suggestions or advice. I will listen to any.
Please.

@Sarahcoggles I used to use ready made cartons in the night. Nice try though. I'm not a die hard formula user either. Just one at night time to get baby settled more quickly. The OP is at breaking point.

Why do "die-hard" EBF'ers not compute that EBF isn't working, Mum is surviving on zero sleep, lets try something different?! Can't know anything til it's tried, and it's attitudes like yours that put people off using formula for their sanity.

Sorry for derail OP. Hope you find something that works. As you say, you can't go on as you are and something need to change.

Formula!!! Good on you for lasting that long!! I lasted couple of months, baby was hungry and would sleep properly!!!

There is no evidence that formula fed babies sleep better or longer but what it does mean is that someone else can do it. This means you can get some sleep. We used the premade bottles sometimes for ease, you could try this.

Half hour before bed take your babies pajamas, sheet on mattress and sleep sack:blanket and sit with them on your bare chest to get your scent on them

Baby massage with lavender

A bottle of formula and or put some breast milk into a risk and crush it up until it's like a thin watery liquid and feed your baby that. Banana is also another option you could try with breast milk

Take your baby to the bedroom, read a story lay down with baby and gradually reduce the light in the room with a dimmer light to give the impression of nighttime is coming

Don't have the tv on in any room the baby is in for atleast an hour before bedtime

Explain each night that it is time to go to sleep, use gestures to show the word 'sleep' so the baby realised that's you do that when it's time to sleep

*wouldn't

This is exactly what I did. DH gave the last bottle of the night and I went up after the 7pm breast feed. It meant that even on a bad night, I got a straight five hours as he slept 2/3 hours after that last feed.

No issues here with combi feeding. Would you try formula??

OP is your baby crying when awake at night or just laying there awake?

I also suggest trying formula for the last feed. Your DP/H can do that feed. Hope it works.

My boy's were terrible sleepers, to help I mixed feed, I give both my son's a bottle before bed, and breast feed the rest of the time. When they were really unsettled I topped up with another bottle.
I also made sure they were well winded (baby massage) before bed time.
A next to me crib would be also help, as little one may feel more relaxed with you close.
A friend uses white noise, works for her.
Never mind the health visitor, do what works for you, your milk will not suddenly dry up if you start adding bottle feeds to help.
You know best.

You can try introducing a bottle of formula

My son had formula 1 a day for a few weeks - it meant I could get 4 or 5 hours sleep in a row!
not about whether formula keeps them fuller for longer or not - just that dad can give bottle whereas only mum can give breast!

my son is now 10 months and hasn’t had formula for months (once he needed fewer night feeds we dropped it). Honestly I consider him to be as good as EBF (like, 90% EBF and getting some sleep kept me sane)

Are you cosleeping? It’s not clear from your post but you maybe need to get that. It helps a lot. Also put him down on his front. As soon as DS could roll onto his front that’s how he slept. He probably hated being on his back when he was little and is why he only napped in a sling. If he doesn’t sleep in the day have you tried a sling. I had to sit in a chair with him in a sling to get the naps passed thirty minutes but once he started sleeping for a couple of hours in the sling in his room I was gradually able to move him to the sling when he was asleep.
I had to breastfeed DS to sleep till he was 18 months old. Then I night weaned him and rocked him for a few nights. Then he started sleeping through the night.
At five months though he had to be fed to sleep and put down asleep and switching to cosleeping and feeding lying down made it all much easier.

This sounds horrendous and is not sustainable (as you know)

I understand you're upset around BF but long term you can't survive like this. Could you express so to keep breast milk and father feeds baby every other night in the night? Or split the nights. That's how we survived when my DS didn't sleep. Split nights. He was formula fed so I don't think formula is necessarily the answer but I do think you need rest and BFing doesn't always give that.

Put something in the cot smelling of you?

Warming cot up before transfer (remove water bottle before baby!)

Continuous white noise

Cuski comforter leave in cot (they use these in NICU)

I know it's against 'guidelines' but sleepy head? It's better than you passing out with exhaustion?

You need help to rest and sleep. Strongly suggest introducing bottle somewhere.

Tilt the cot?

PS some health visitors are great, others seem to just have 1 fixed idea and not deviate from that

mine suggest that I go to bed at 8pm and my husband give bottle for the next feed. She seemed very put out when I told her I was a night owl and my husband a morning person, and that my husband would be giving a bottle between 4 and 6am.

Everyone is different - got to find what works for you

PS Well done for making it this far!! Seriously. But you need sleep to function

Get a bottle of formula ready, and hand it and baby over to your partner. Go to bed and SLEEP.

Great. Baby In bed all night Even less sleep ! Fantastic 🙄

Oh bless you, I had a similar situation and sleep deprivation is torture. I completely agree with what others have said about getting in a bottle in the evening. I did this pretty much from the word go and it didn’t affect my milk supply, stop my son from breast feeding or do anything other than save my sanity by allowing me to get some sleep before a massive cluster feed through the night. Get some cartons and a bottle, hand them over to DH and go and get some shut eye - you’ll be amazed how much saner you fee after 4 hours.

Dad perspective here. DS never napped (even though all his peers did) if "forced" to the night time sleep would be late and short.

We accepted this and didn't let him sleep in the day time and I was responsible for night time changing, feeding expressed milk etc. While DP could sleep after a looking after him all day.

Once napping was removed from routine (and I did night care) it was fine. All the way through nursery he didn't nap either and has just become a very actively energetic tweenie so it all makes sense now.

Once he's able to walk in 1 year you will find it easier for him to burn energy through exercise.

Sometimes DP would let him nap in the daytime and I could tell as he wouldn't fall asleep and would stay up all night so you need to really be on the same page in terms of team work.

If you count expressed milk as EBF then this should work.

cosleeping. totally saved me.

Give your baby a 10pm bottle trust me this will save your sanity. My baby slept around 2-3 hours max over night - I was beyond broken.
Started a night feed and she slept for hours!!!
Poor thing was starving. The more exhausted I became so my milk deteriorated.
If this works for you please don’t be sucked in by the myth that breastfeeding is the only option, the BEST option is always to have a mother that is healthy and rested enough to care for herself and her children.

My baby won't sleep on his back either. There IS help out there. I highly recommend my gentle sleep coach, she's been fantastic. We were up all night with our 4 month old and now he sleeps though the night. Let me know if you'd like her info x

Why do people get so competitive? I've ebf 3 kids and never used formula, but in this position I would 100% introduce a bottle of formula at night, go to bed say 8pm leaving baby with dad and a bottle and tell him not to disturb me before midnight. Then for the rest of the night feeds I'd breastfeed so there was no faff. Doesnt have to be all or nothing and one bottle won't ruin your supply - maybe it would at 5 weeks in but not 5 months!

Also 2 of my kids were brilliant sleepers but one was rubbish so we coslept and it was brilliant. Other people hate cosleeping. Both views are fine because everyone's experiences are different. Don't get why people can't just share suggestions with a struggling mum without getting all competitive and my ways the best way about it.

I am pretty sure my midwife and HV were either financially motivated to keep new mothers breast feeding or awarded in some other way because they were cult like in their approach. Please do the right thing for YOUR baby and yourself. My dd is now an athlete and 18 - no wonder I couldn’t keep up! She is 5ft 10 and amazing! She has just aced her a levels and hasn’t stopped moving since sec was born.
In hindsight I should have started formula on day one 😇😅

Leave a bottle of expressed milk with someone who will care for baby and go get a night of sleep.

My EBF DD didn't sleep for more than 2 hours at a stretch til i stopped BF at 9 months. Torture