I'm loosing everything

[poppy8989]

It's been almost 5 months now.
And I'm about to loose everything.
By baby just won't sleep. I'm absolutely broken and I can't honestly go on anymore.
He doesn't sleep more than 3 hours most nights and 2 hours in total all day.
I can't cope anymore. He will NOT sleep on his back. Iv seen baby chiropractors.
Hours on hours he will be awake.
Iv tried everything. Dark room, light room, no noise, Noise, patting, shushing, rocking, feeding, singing, Iv tired it all. Iv Googled everything possible. My Heath visitor has done nothing but make me feel like a terrible mother. Which trust me, I couldn't feel much worse than I do. I thought he was too cold, so brought different sleep bag, sleep suits. Even brought a new cot bed mattress. Tried a Moses basket, next to me crib, but nothing works. I spend hours trying to get him to sleep. Iv tired infacol, iv tried gripe water, iv tried calpol, and nurofen but nothing works.
He's EBF and im even close to giving up and trying formula as I don't know what else to do.
I don't get a break as he doesn't even nap during the day so I can't even try and sleep then either. It's non stop and I honestly all jokes aside feel im going crazy.
My parenting towards me other son is terrible as im so tired and snappy some days. My relationship with the kids dad is basically ended and we do nothing but argue.
In 3 days 7pm-7am I haven't slept more than 3 hours a night. So 9 hours in 3 days!!
I cant function. Im constantly sad and depressed now. I just don't know why he won't sleep!
Pleassssse if anyone has any suggestions or advice. I will listen to any.
Please.

My son was like this.

He was awake almost all night feeding, as soon as I put him down he would almost always wake up.

DH and I would do shifts. After DS's early morning BF (5:30am ish), DH would take him. DS would sometimes cry, but would usually settle. Most mornings, as long as the weather wasn't too dreadful, DH would take him out in the pram and walk the streets until DS fell asleep. He'd try and stretch it to 8pm so I got some sleep and then would bring him back to me so he could go to work for the day.

It wasn't easy, but those few hours I got in the morning made all the difference. If you combine this with DH giving a bottle in the evening so you can sleep for a few hours then too, it would make a big difference.

DH should try and help you regardless of how (unsurprisingly) difficult things are between you now. Things used to get very fraught between DH and I at times, but it was his child too and he was happy to step up.

Here in solidarity. My baby is 5 months and the last couple of months her sleep has been horrendous. She is also breastfed but does have a bottle before bed. Sadly her having a bottle before bed has not helped and in the night she is refusing a bottle and just wants to be breastfed so I'm at a loss. Are you Co-sleeping? I am managing to get some sleep (not much but more than I was) when I have her in bed with me and I am feeding on my side lying down.

I would try formula feeding. A well rested baby and mum is infinitely better than an exhausted baby and mum.

Sorry just to add that when she has had bottles through the night it has not made any difference to her sleep. I think it's easy to say that a formula fed baby would sleep better but I was reading a post the other day where someone said they switched to formula and all it meant was that baby was harder to settle in the night and they still woke up frequently! Do you have anyone who could take baby for a few hours so you could sleep or have them in another room overnight?

Have you tried solids? Maybe your baby is bigger than the average and milk is no longer enough. A hungry baby will never sleep 😴

I've been exactly at the point you are now, except I didn't breastfeed. My youngest had severe silent reflux and just did not sleep. I spent most of the first six months sitting on the sofa holding him upright so I could try and get him in a comfortable position so he could try to sleep a bit. I tried craniotherapy and every medication the consultant could think of. I had special cushions, mattress wedges....everything. Nothing worked. Eventually he started to sleep for longer periods and we slowly got through it. It was horrendous and I absolutely feel for you but I promise you it WILL get better.
I just learnt to do whatever worked for us to get precious sleep!

OP it is perfectly possible to mix feed, if that's what you want to do/ to try.

Also, it is possible to safely co sleep.

Although with this much no sleep I'd say you go and stay in a premier Inn for a night, leave DH with the baby and formula. Get some sleep and then look into cosleeping with a clear head.

You falling asleep in a chair or sofa is much more likely and much more dangerous than proper cosleeping.

www.llli.org/breastfeeding-info/sleep-bedshare/

He's EBF

""""

That's the problem. Switch to formula

One technique that worked for me witu my bottle fed DC was a feed about 7 and then the biggest gap I could before a big bottle at about 10.30. Then I carried my baby upstairs which was really good for wind. They’d then sleep for about 5 hours in a row.
For my breast fed baby I pretty much fed all evening and then put him in his own cot about 11 and he’d sleep firstly about 5 or 6 hours (once we got the routine going) and then this stretched out to longer.
OP does your baby go to sleep on their own or do you rock, cuddle etc to sleep. I started giving mine a blanket to hold as I did the last feed and this worked well.

Definitely bottle at night. This sounds like similar to what I went through with my first and at 5 months I broke, got a bottle and honestly everything got better!!!!

I did the same as you OP.. same situation happened.

Introduced formular at night and she slept through.

Do not be guilt tripped by the EBF brigade !,

Breast is best until it isn't working for BOTH of you.
Get him on some formula and get some sleep.

Oh OP I've been there, sleep deprivation is a form of torture.
Do you have anyone who can support you, give you a break? How often are the feeds?
You just need to do whatever you can to get through this, even if it means seeing if a bottle will help. 5 months exclusive bf is amazing. Don't beat yourself up if you fed your firstchild for a year, they are all different and you need to do what's best for both of you .
I weaned mine off to bottle during day and breast feed at night so I don't think your HV is necessarily right when she says they won't want breast feed after a bottle is introduced.
What actually worked well for me was co sleeping . I know it's not recommended but I found I didn't sleep very deeply I had baby in crook of my arm and was awake as soon as baby moved.
But we both slept and were rested.

In anonymous surveys 1 in 3 mothers Co sleep in the U.K. for at least part of the night. Higher in other countries. That and / or bottle at night I’d suggest .
x

I have 3 children, my second was like this. Only wanted booball the time didn't sleep a full night for 2 years. She wouldn't take a bottle or a dummy. I had to co sleep because there was no other way. It absolutely broke me with sleep deprivation. I breast fed my 3rd for 10 Weeks then Moved to bottle and he slept much better and always has.

I'm a big advocate for breast feeding but I'm a much bigger advocate for an all round healthy and happy mum and family. Your health visitor is talking shit.

Try to breast feed him at 8pm then go to bed and leave dh to feed him s bottle at 11pm. That may give you ?? 5Hours sleep.

You're very tired and upset, I know just how you feel. But why not try one bottle one evening and see how it goes? You're not a failure for not doing every single feed and your baby has had 5 months of ebf and there's no reason you can't continue to breast feed for months more.

You are important too - it's very easy for mothers to lose sight of this in the early days I think. Be kind to yourself.

Try formula? If it works yay, if it doesn't at least help a bit drop it.

DC1 didn't sleep through for 2.5 years, 100% formula wouldn't have helped and and I'm pretty sure she wouldn't have taken it anyway. Bedsharing got us through it. D2 is a better sleeper but now just bedshares because I refuse to get up and wait for him to go back to sleep

I EBF for 2 years and my baby was like yours- she was addicted to breast, wouldn’t accept bottle or dummy. She was known at my son’s primary school as the baby who never smiled and who screamed their bloody head off the entire time in buggy. Most days I had to run home from dropping my son off as the baby was off on one and the ONLY thing that shut her up was breast.
I wouldn’t listen to suggestions about alternating breast and formula because a) I believed the stories that babies then become lazy and won’t take breast and b) I really, really wanted to breastfeed.

In hindsight I wonder what the hell was going through my mind that I sacrificed sleep for over 2 years for the sake of it. Formula isn’t poison!!
I formula fed my eldest (milk didn’t come in), breastfed my second and the one with more health issues is the one I breastfed. Go figure.
I am still in support of people who breastfeed and I’m glad I got it to work (somewhat) but I really, really regret how absolutely adamant I was about it.

One other thing.
To cope with the sleepless days and nights (mine only slept in 15 minute spurts even in the day), I drank A LOT of caffeinated drinks. I’ve since realised what an absolute dumbass move that is. I had to do what I had to do to get through the sleepless stage …. But clearly this also affected my milk and agitated my baby.
I’m only telling you that in case you’re doing something similar and didn’t make the connection.

I feel for you big time. One day this will all be a memory. My breastfed “little one” is now 11 and still needs less sleep than an average adult. Having said that, since the age of 4 she’s been taught that children do not wake mummies and daddies, mummies and daddies come in and when they’re good and ready. ;)

Good luck.

I only breastfed my second son for ( months (my oldest a year)

he slept much better once he started weaning and drinking milk other than mine at around 5 month

why are women pressured into this EBF ideal if it dies not always work best for them OR the babies?

people are different

mg oldest could have happily had nothing but breast milk for his first year

my youngest needed food/weaning by 5 months

your health visitor sounds very dogmatic. Get a second opinion or dare to trust your own instincts

this is no way to live

I had to mix feed as my son was premature And I produced very little milk . It will be fine . If you are rested and can hand over the feed to someone else just to get a break both you and the baby will be better off. Do it .

thesleepcharity.org.uk/

The sleep charity might have advice and information that could help you.

That still might not help. Its not down to the feeding.

I know weeks/ months seems like such a long time to wait but it will all be different soon. I know it's so hard- sleep deprivation is so very horrible- but try and remember this isn't how it's going to be forever. I had a baby that wouldn't sleep, cried and cried all night, nothing worked, I had a couple of hours sleep then pushed him around in the pram during the day to try and get him to nap as he seemed to hate being on/ in a bed. After a bit, he settled right down and surprised us all. It got better after 6 months.
Solidarity and fingers crossed you get some sleep soon.
Anyone around you can ask for a bit of help?

I was unable to bf, despite wanting to so badly and trying so hard. But 3 years later, I realise it doesn't matter. I have a very healthy DS. Really, be kind to yourself if you think a bottle will help!!! 5 months EBF is amazing!

Every baby is different and it's not always down to the feeding. My son is ebf and sleeps great.