Should husband get up for baby at night too if I'm a SAHM??

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We have a dd (5) and dd (8 months). Older dd sleeps brilliantly but baby dd recently started waking 3/4 times a night wanting her dummy. Anyway this has been going on for a couple of weeks now and I am sooo tired. Burst into tears this morning and worry a bit about driving when so tired etc. Can't seem to sleep in day and although am SAHM I still have a fair bit to do in the day. My dh is a teacher and says he'd be knackered at work if he does the nights (it can be pretty stressful). He's great in all other ways 'dad-wise'. Am I being a bit selfish or justified in expecting him to do a few of them during the week? Am so tired think I've got a bit over emotional and illogical about it all! What do others think?

hmm difficult one. I'm a SAHM and dh has got up in the night in the past but generally speaking I don't expect him too.

He does get up with ds on the weekends though so I can lie in. Could your DH do this?

I'm not sure.... I have an 8 month dd (who has also been a PITA with sleeping for the last month or so). I am officially still on ML but am going to be a SAHM. DP doesn't get up in the night during the week but I do have a night off (either Friday or Saturday) when he does all the get ups in the night and gets up with her in the morning so I can have a lie.

The week is still difficult but at least I have a lie in to look forward to.

I think you are expecting a bit too much to ask him to get up during the week but I do remember feeling the way you do - esp when I was very tired!!!

I think asking him to get up one night at the weekend is perfectly reasonable though. We used to work it at the weekend so that the one getting up during the night got a lie in the next day at the weekend.

Hope you sort it out and that your DD starts sleeping!

Anyone getting up in the night is going to be knackered.

If you don't have the opportunity to rest during the day, why is acceptable for you to be knackered all the time, and for your DH sleep through?

And what is to stop him getting up with the baby on Friday and Saturday nights anyway?

That is the least he should be doing.

We varied - when I was on maternity leave / full time SAHM I did all the night wakings, because DH really needed to be ALERT for work.

After a while, when I was working PT again, he got up for the 5 year old and I got up for the younger one.

Now we tend to share the night-wakings pretty much 50/50 I think - although I suspect he gets up more than I do, becuase I tend to sleep more heavily!

You DO have the chance to rest during the day, surely? Can't you lie down when the baby naps? Even if you aren't sleeping, lying down will help your body rest.

When I got TOTALLY knackered during this period, DH would occasionally do the ENTIRE night-shift for me (at weekends) so I would get 8 hours sleep (in spare room). That would really help.

I get up most of the time for my children at night, because I can rest during the day and dh has a stressful job that our lifestyle relies upon.

He does get up sometimes if I'm ill, or if both girls are being very difficult.

oh yes I think you should lie-in during the week - he can do the morning jobs and get the children up, can't he?

For me it went with the SAHM territory, I agree. DH couldn't afford to let balls drop at work (as it were) because we were utterly reliant on his income.

I would deffo lie down when the baby naps

Don't stress if you can't sleep - just tell yourself that it is really good for your body to lie down and get some physical REST, and that lying quietly is just as good as some sleep

Are you bfing?

I would go to bed when my children go to bed - even if that's 7pm, simply so I could get enough slepp.

ok so he can def take one of the weekend shifts and you take the other so you both get a lie in.

during the week, i think it's mainly your job. my dh is also a teacher. having said that, getting up once during the week now and again won't ruin his life. maybe tomorrow he can get up with the baby to give you a break? i don't think a week day here or there is unreasonable.

Not in the week as he got a job himself and involved alot of driving. He used to get up when my dd was a newborn but now she is 3.3 yrs old. i have to get up and will catch up on my sleep at the weekends. i have Saturdays lie ins and he have sundays lie ins

No, I'm not bf anymore morningpaper and dd isn't needing to feed at night anymore - just wants the dreaded dummy! My problem with sleeping in the day is that she naps in the morning and because I've just had school run etc I'm actually wide awake and can't get my sleep to coincide with hers.

Like I said I'm a full time SAHM and I know how hard and tiring it can be and there is always loads that need doing but there are opportunities to rest even if you don't sleep.

I think if the nights are really bad and you are getting exhausted then your husband should step in and help. After all you are responsible for the safety of 2 small children all day - you need to be reasonably rested to look after them properly especially if you are going to be driving them. Also I'm sure most of us went to work with a hangover or after a really late night before we had children - and we managed to hold down our jobs. It wont kill your husband to be a bit tired at work every now and again.

I have just had dd2 and I get up to her in the night (to feed her) but if dd1 wakes up my husband goes. And at the end of my pregnancy when I was shattered he got up to dd1 as well.

Just because you are a SAHM doesn't entitle your husband to undisturbed sleep IMO - you both decided to have children and you both have important jobs to do in the day and so should support each other through it even if it means both of you being a bit tired for a while.

In that case I would make yourself a cup of tea and sit on the sofa and relax while she naps

I REALLY think that even if you aren't TIRED then you should lie down with her. Physical rest is important. Faffing with tea and magazines is not the same, and you will end up doing chores. I would take the chance for a PHYSICAL rest, even if you are not tired.

TBH I could fall asleep at any time of the day so you are probably not doing as badly on the sleep front as you think! Regular, low-GI meals might be more beneficial to keeping you alert all day - perhaps your tiredness is partly caused by erratic eating or something else?

Also agree with going to bed v. early - hubby can do any remaining chores if there are any

seriously, it won't do your dh any harm to do a week shift once in while. why don't you ask him? i'm sure if you explain how you are feeling, he won't mind.

Couple of ideas re dummy: can you get one of those thing that attaches the dummy to her clothes so that she can reach out and get it herself? Another idea is to scatter sevral dummys within her reach int he cot before you can go to bed, so even if she loses hers she'll find another?

I tended to do most of the nights. DH would only wake if it was really bad. And yes I was tired but I would lie down when DS napped. And I had lots of early nights.

I think your DH should do a night at the weekend and then have a lie and and the next night you do and you have a lie in.

See how that goes for a few weeks - and make sure you have a couple of early nights in the week. If you are still really tired maybe ask him to do one night in the week and then he can have an early night the next night.

I was a SAHM when my daughter was a baby and I definitely never expected anyone to deal with her in the night apart from me. But I only had one child to deal with and could sleep in every morning if I wished.

Can your DH get your older DD up in the morning and let you and your younger DD lie in if you've had a bad night? If so, that's probably the best way to go.