Should husband get up for baby at night too if I'm a SAHM??

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We have a dd (5) and dd (8 months). Older dd sleeps brilliantly but baby dd recently started waking 3/4 times a night wanting her dummy. Anyway this has been going on for a couple of weeks now and I am sooo tired. Burst into tears this morning and worry a bit about driving when so tired etc. Can't seem to sleep in day and although am SAHM I still have a fair bit to do in the day. My dh is a teacher and says he'd be knackered at work if he does the nights (it can be pretty stressful). He's great in all other ways 'dad-wise'. Am I being a bit selfish or justified in expecting him to do a few of them during the week? Am so tired think I've got a bit over emotional and illogical about it all! What do others think?

Dropdeadfred - I think that it all depends on what constitutes a fair division of labour in your particular family/circumstances.

If I only looked after the children (my daughter full-time, my stepsons part-time) and my partner went out to work and we split the cooking, cleaning, shopping and laundry down the middle, plus childcare down the middle at the weekend and during the holidays, I would very seriously be taking the piss (and he would complain). As it is, we can afford to pay for some help with cleaning and ironing, but I still don't think my partner should be expected to do much around the house apart from lifting/carrying heavy things - he has a very busy job and is tired at the end of the day/week in a way I am not.

I never bought into this one. I figured I was working too and none of my 3 ever slept well enough during the day to allow me to sleep when they slept (I'm convinced thats a myth peddled by hippy type baby gurus).

No, I made him do his share. Hard faced hussy that I am.

I'm with niceglasses on this one. When dh is around he does his share and that includes his share of night wakings.

I tend to do most nights (I am a SAHM with a "saturday job") but DH will help out and the other night I was so exhausted I slept right through DS2's nightmare and woke to an empty bed as DH was in with him .

When they were smaller I used to go to bed at 7.30pm once a week/fortnight just to catch up on sleep.

On the plus side, DH irons all his own shirts (I wash them), but I do all cooking/housework.

I tend to do most nights (I am a SAHM with a "saturday job") but DH will help out and the other night I was so exhausted I slept right through DS2's nightmare and woke to an empty bed as DH was in with him .

When they were smaller I used to go to bed at 7.30pm once a week/fortnight just to catch up on sleep.

On the plus side, DH irons all his own shirts (I wash them), but I do all cooking/housework.

We shared everything apart from feeding dd. But I found that her crying cut through me so much that I couldn't sleep through it anyway. But dh used to keep me company some nights, particularly if I was scared of falling asleep while feeding. In the night, I always woke up thinking there must be a problem , but quite often slept through her cries in the morning. I guess my body/brain knew that she just wanted to get up, that there wasn't an emergency so to keep on sleeping

Dh is a star. He believes he should take equal responsibility for dd. That means when he isn't at work, he does half of the caring. He gets dd dressed for school and gives her her breakfast while I get dressed etc, then I do teeth, hair, reading while he gets ready. At night he baths her while I tidy up dinner, gets her ready for bed and I do story. We haven't really talked about it much, he just gets on with it.

DP always got up in the night, except when they boys were newborns and wanted bfing.
Looking after children is a full time job too so there's no reason why the parent at home should do all the getting up. It's easier to be kackered at a desk than knackered looking after two small children.

Hi BTS I didn't pick her up if she was crying,I
went in every few minutes,put her back down if she was standing,shushed her and said good night.

We are now 5 days without a dummy and she has completely forgotten about it.

Give it a try

Anna888...I understand your point, but my DP wouldmuch rather I played with his dd rather than have her watch me scrob the toilet, mop the kitchen floor etc
I do the shopping and cokking becauseI can fit that around her. When she goes to school/nursery I will domore if he still doesn't wish me to go back to work. But I agree dto take time off (at his request) to look after DD not be his housekeeper.

cokking should be cooking obviously

LyraSilvertongue - you are joking! 'It's easier to be kackered at a desk than knackered looking after two small children'

I work part time and i'm a single mum and I can tell you it's a darn sight easier looking after kids than doing my job after sod all sleep!

I do both too and it's easier being knackered at my desk.

I go to work for a rest.

I go to work to drink a cup of coffee in peace

I'm the same as everyone else. I do all night wakings and early starts with DD's Sunday to Friday. Saturday night is my night off where DH deals with DD1 getting in and out of bed constantly, if DD2 wakes in the night, he then gets up with the girls and lets me have a lie in on Sunday mornings.
I wouldn't want or expect him to get up during the night unless I was ill maybe.
As I'm pregnant atm, DH has been helping but taking DD1 downstairs in the mornings before he goes to work (6.30am) and giving her breakfast etc while I lie in until DD2 wakes at about 7

You have my sympathy though, I know exactly how exhausted you are feeling

no, during th eweek. yes during the weekedn

I've done both sides (been SAHM and worked while DP was a SAHD). IMO, unless one of you is in a job where life and death decisions are at stake (heart surgeon, space shuttle pilot, etc) you should share the night wakings as much as possible. He can help you out at nights and still teach. I actually found it easier to go to work after a bad night, as at least my coworkers let me get a cup of coffee and hardly ever cried at me when they were hungry or bored! Your DH will be a bit more tired than he is now, and you will be a little less.

At least pick one midweek night that's 'his', like Wednesday, and then you both work the weekend nights, so you always know you're not more than 48 from a proper sleep.

Its nowhere near the same going to work knackered after being up with a baby compared to being at home.

At least if im tired i can sit down and realx with cup of tea/coffee. When i go back to work soon if i have to get up in the night it will be awful. I work in a hospital and there is no let up.

I think it depends on what knind of job you do. I sit at my desk all day, therefore it's much easier than being at home where I'm on my feet all day running around after two little boys.
Carmenelectra, if you've just got the one baby, you haven't really hit the hard bit yet. Babies are easy, older children are not. Mine are 3 and 5 and they are hard work.

No i have an 8 yr old too, si i know what its like

Agree, it does depend on your job.I agree sitting at a desk may be better than being at home.

I'm a SAHM and do 99% of the night wakings for ds1 who's 3 and ds2 who's 4 months and feeding 3 times a night. My DP works mon-fri 8-4, 2 days a week with a 2hr commute and dj's at the weekend from 4pm-2am. He works in quality control in the field so not particularly stressful and out and about all day. He does not get up in the night or change nappies no matter what i say. I'm bf and he uses that as an excuse and also that he sleeps through the wakings! DS2 has a bottle last thing at night and dp doesn't help with this either! He's not at all hands on and nothing i say makes a difference i am resigned to the fact i chose a lazy, selfish dp! Well done to all those dp's who help and i think the last time i had a lie in was 3 yrs ago!

Oh chatty, thats just plain mean. MY dp does offer to get up if im knackered but i dont want or expect him to while im still off work. It may be different when i go back though.

When we had dd I did 100% of the childcare, including evenings and weekends. As a newborn she had horrendous colic and would scream from 6pm until 1/2am every night and would then wake hourly for feeds. I only remember dh taking over once and that was when I put her on the bed and left the room (I was going to the toilet but he didn't know that and thought I was leaving her indefinitely).
It didn't really occur to me that the working parent would share the nights until other people were outraged that I did it all (dd has always been a terrible sleeper).

Since ds has been born dh has had to help me at night. I go to bed shortly after the babies do so I can get a couple of hours sleep before ds wakes for his first feed. I then feed him/change him/wind him etc, if he settles easily great, if not I pass him over to dh (who is usually still up anyway)and he settles him for me. It does mean that dh sometimes gets to bed an hour or so later than he would like though.

When ds wakes after that (only 6 weeks old so still on frequent feeds) I'll do as above but settle him myself. Some nights this means I'll be up from 1-3am with him and then again at 4. DH very occasionally will settle ds at one of these times but only if I tell him I physically can't get out of bed(bearing in mind i'll have already been up wih ds for an hour or so by then)

He complained a few times but has done it willingly since I pointed out that after a few nights of only 2 or 3 hours sleep not even in one stretch he really shouldn't consider me fit to look after his children!

Now that he also helps out at weekends he realises that it is hard work looking after a toddler and a newborn (particularly a very unsettled newborn who likes to be held all day) and is more willing to share the nights. Once ds starts settling more easily and/or waking less then I won't expect dh to help on weeknights anymore but I hope he still will at weekends.

DH also gets the lie in both weekend days, mainly because once I am up and know it is day I find it impossible to go back to sleep!

I don't make life and death decisions at work but they are business critical and I just can't concentrate properly if I'm knackered. As I'm only working part-time but in a senior role it is crucial that I'm operating really efficiently or my career will be on the line.

I don't even know why I'm discussing this - I don't have a DP