Should husband get up for baby at night too if I'm a SAHM??

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We have a dd (5) and dd (8 months). Older dd sleeps brilliantly but baby dd recently started waking 3/4 times a night wanting her dummy. Anyway this has been going on for a couple of weeks now and I am sooo tired. Burst into tears this morning and worry a bit about driving when so tired etc. Can't seem to sleep in day and although am SAHM I still have a fair bit to do in the day. My dh is a teacher and says he'd be knackered at work if he does the nights (it can be pretty stressful). He's great in all other ways 'dad-wise'. Am I being a bit selfish or justified in expecting him to do a few of them during the week? Am so tired think I've got a bit over emotional and illogical about it all! What do others think?

chatty, I'm only amazed that you have two dc's with dp..

dropdeadfred- We had our first ds very quickly when our relationship was still in the honeymoon period and he hadn't shown his true colours! He turns out to be a very lazy selfish person who just wants to sit in front of the tv after work not play with the children or help with dinner/housework. Over five years he has begun to realise that being a dad means sacrificing his wants over what the family needs and reluctantly helps with chores when forced! We had always talked about another child and were actively trying for 7 months then he had a 'crisis' and told me he wanted to leave when i was 6 months pregnant which really put our relationship under strain. 9 months on he says he doesn't feel that way anymore but i am still angry about what he said and it has created doubt in our relationship from my point of view. I have my idea of family life (daddy comes home and plays with dc, shares chores and childcare} and this ain't it!

Not trying to hijack the thread - just wanted to answer the post

Sorry chatty if I was flippant...sounds very trying for you

I find that what I believe in principle vs what happens in practice are two different things!
In principle think night childcare and chores should be shared. In practice because I bf and DH sleeps through all crying he usually gets to sleep all night.
I don't mind this at all if DD settles straight away but I get really irritated if I have to pace and rock for hours on end so our agreement is that if I need him I wake him up. He also does breakfast for all of us so I can have an extra half hour lie in.
I do find that since I've been on ML he seems to have abdicated all cleaning responsibilities. He denies expecting me to do it but actions speak louder than words. His shirts stay in the basket until he puts them on crumpled!

my dh does Fri & Sat nights but gets to have a lie in - makes me cross that he needs lie in after doing 2 nights, and I never gt lie in, however don't want to seem like an ingrate so say nothing.

Can you afford to drop 8mnth with a friend / sitter while 5 yr old is at school for 2 mornings a week? I know it would be hard, but you could try going back to bed for a few hours, and try to resist doing laundry!

Dont think you are being unreasonable at all. Surely he can get up at least one night in the week. Why shoul you be permanently tired. One night and one early morning at the weekend too. My DS was the same with waking for his dummy. I solved the problem by taking the dummy away from him totally. It took three hard days of him wanting the dummy but after that things were fine. Hope you sleep soon

blimey,surely being a SAHM is far more demanding at times than being at work.I work 3days a week and it is a piece of piss compared to being at home full time with my gorgeous and very demanding toddler. hence why myDP wil get up in the night and we take it in turns. also get one lie in at weekend

I think you should try to wean her off the dummy! My 6 months old twins were addicted to dummies and had us up and down during the night like yoyos putting them back in again. Both of us were exhausted. So we bit the bullet and instead of giving them dummies back when they woke up,we cuddled them back to sleep. It took 3-4 nights of being up more, but now they sleep right through!

I'm a SAHM and I really don't expect dh to get up BUT he does help so much at the weekend and I get a bit of lie-in Sat or Sun if I need it.

Also excl. bfing so he can't really take my place (even a Meet the Fockers-style Robert de Niro boob wouldn't fool my little one)

Having said that, I have recently taken to sleeping in the spare room away from noisy baby and dh wakes me up for feeds (he sleeps with ds 6 months old) as I hear everything and am awake for ages after feeds whilst ds squeals happily (earplugs don't come close). Think we will have to put ds in travel cot in spare room soon, this arrangement can't go on forever.

Dh is an angel for doing this (he sleeps thru the squeals), in the meantime I am getting enough sleep to cope with ds 1 (2.3) and ds 2.

Think therefore that during difficult times, partners should help but otherwise, let them sleep.

I have two DD (2 and 1) and the youngest one was TERRIBLE for sleeping; basically we didn't have one proper night sleep in her whole year! Thankfully now she's a lot better but it was always me getting up; at the beggining because I was breastfeeding her but then I guess it was just automatic. Nevertheless once in a while my DH would let me have a lie in on saturday. Now we take it in turns to have a lie in but mine is always cut short as he forgets to give the girls breakfast! Are all men like that??

I am a SAHM. I do all nightshifts, meals, baths and bedtimes. DH might do one nappy in a week. If I ask for help DH tells me to just get on with "my job". It's PUOSH in our house.

Both dh and I work, even though kids are very small (2.11 and 8 months I had to go back to work at 3 months) and I am militant about him taking his turn at night. Even though I bf it is his job exclusively to settle dd1 (though then she yells "I want mummmeee", which is bloody annoying). DD2 sleeps until about 5.30, 6 and sometimes if he's really tired he disappears at that point to the spare room for a couple more hours but at weekends he always takes the girls for a couple of hours so I can snooze between eight and ten, then I take over and he goes and potters about, so we both have a break. FWIW I think men need less sleep than women, probably because they don't go through pregnancy and childbirth into the hell that is waking up night after night after night without any end in sight, certainly my dh seems to cope better than I do.
Think people going three/four times a night isn't bad are deluded, it's terrible imho. Also agree with poster who says "sleep when the baby does" is a hippy myth, especially when you have two. Being with children is so draining and doing it on no sleep is a misery - for a start it makes me so bad tempered I am not a nice mummy to have around. And even though I feel sad in some ways about going back to work so early, I'm still glad in others that I don't have to be with dds day-in day-out, sahm just isn't for me. It's an utterly exhausting job and you need a break just like any other worker does.

im very lucky with dh, i get up in the night with ds during the week and at the weekend i have 1 night (and morning) in bed.

A DH speaks:

What? You mean some men don't get up to their kids at night? Why wasn't I told? Think of all the sleep I'm owed!!!!

Seriously though: of course he bloody should. DD1 was rubbish at bf so we combination fed her and did turn and turn about. Latterly (past two years) I've done all the getting up to her. She's now nearly three and a pretty good sleeper but she does need a wee in the night most nights and sometimes wakes for other things.

DD2 is 5 months and a champion bf so DW gets up to her on account of inconvenient lack of breasts. Her sleeping is pants though and I get up to her if she's just grizzling.

Net result is that I'm a bit drowsy some days but I figure that work gets a pretty good deal out of me overall.

That's MY inconvenient lack of breasts...

Barcode, are you North of the border, perchance? And does local hero mean a lot to you

Haven't read rest - just OP.

If husband has a lot of driving to do, or has a job where being excessively tired could be dangerous I would say that 'No' he shouldn't get up in the night during the working week.

However he should do all the night wakings at the weekend and let you have a lie in

hi just to say that my dh has always done nights as ds refused to bf at night from birth and i also have FM/CFS. However he enjoys those times with his son and his attitude is pretty much like barcodeZebra although as i can't sleep tonight, i'll be on the night shift

I think my x got up once in the night for our dds. Even when I was so tired I almost fell asleep at work and begged xh for help, it didn't make any difference.
He also used to refuse to get up most weekends so I got very very few lie ins.
This thread has made me realise what an inconsiderate arse he was even back then!
I'd say it's definately fair for him to take a turn at weekends, and occasionally in the week when you're really tired.