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Sleep

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Original poster

Feeling pressured to stop co-sleeping!

41 replies

Normando91 · 12/01/2022 00:16

I never intended to co-sleep with my little one, but at 2 months he just flat out refused to go to sleep in his next to me and the only way either of us would get any sleep was if I brought him into the bed with me- always complying with the safe co sleeping guidelines.
At 6 months, we tried transitioning him into his cot in his own bedroom but it was taking hours to settle him and he still wakes 2 or 3 times in the night, I actually fell down the stairs going to settle him as he’s on a different floor and I was half asleep.
The problem is, I’m feeling pressured to stop co-sleeping. Family and friends are saying he needs to go into his own room so we can both get a proper nights sleep and that when I go back to work it will affect me throughout the day. I’ve been told it’s not good for babies to sleep in beside their parents and I’m setting myself and him up for problems in the future.
I love co-sleeping and don’t feel like it’s particularly affecting my sleep. I guess my question is, is it a problem or could it pose a problem in future for my little one if we continue co-sleeping for the foreseeable future? He’s almost 7 months at the moment and in all honesty, I don’t see him going into his own room until he is at least one.

OP posts:

Hapoydayz · 12/01/2022 00:19

Stop listening to what anyone else thinks. Do what works for you at bedtime! Your family and friends are not in your bed so fuck what they think!

Hugasauras · 12/01/2022 00:20

Unless those same family and friends are volunteering to come in the night and deal with wake-ups, then their opinion means nothing.

I co-slept with DD till 2.5 quite happily. We have both always been well-rested and now she will happily sleep in her own bed (and a bonus is that we have almost never had tears at bedtime) but come through for a cuddle or to get in with us if she wakes up, which is fine with us.

They're tiny for such a short time. I have always cuddled DD to sleep and then just got back up again until I'm ready for bed, so it hasn't affected my evenings or time to myself at all either.

ChuckMater · 12/01/2022 00:34

Stop talking to friends and family about your child's sleep and you'll find there is no issue. Do what works for your family. :)

Original poster

Normando91 · 12/01/2022 00:36

@Hapoydayz Haha, this reply made me chuckle. Thanks!

@Hugasauras Great to hear! Thanks for your reply. I honestly love co-sleeping and would continue until the day my son decides he no longer wants to! Time to invest in some bed guards I think and stop listening to anyone else’s opinion!

OP posts:

Sparklespangle · 12/01/2022 00:38

DS is 2 and still in my bed. If I could go back I would have made an effort to stop it around 1.

I'm not saying stop, but have an exit strategy!

Yubaba · 12/01/2022 00:41

Ds1 slept with me till he was nearly 2, I only turfed him out because I was expecting ds2.
It was the only way any of us got any sleep, both boys would end up in our bed until they were 5 or 6, they would start off on their own and sometime in the night crawl in with us.

ofwarren · 12/01/2022 00:44

My almost 6 year old is still in my bed
Honestly OP, it's hard to turf them out once you start it.

WandaWomblesaurus73 · 12/01/2022 00:47

Coslept with mine until she was seven. Then she got into her new bed and she's been there ever since quite happy.

I miss her little night hugs now! Enjoy it whilst you have him small and cuddly.

MintJulia · 12/01/2022 01:14

How is it any one's business but yours and your dp's? Is your dp unhappy with the arrangement?

I would focus on moving to both of you being able to settle baby for now.

When we swapped ds's cot for a bed, we started the night with one of us co-sleeping there with ds and leaving as soon as he was asleep. He'd come and find us at about 5am, It gradually petered out as he got older.

alexdgr8 · 12/01/2022 01:35

i don't think it is appropriate. call me old fashioned but that's my view.
did you really try to change it .
why go from having him in the bed with you, to being banished to another room, on another floor.
that sounds like setting up to fail.
why not have him beside you but in his own cot, so you can reach out, speak, but not sharing the bed.
once this has been established, then you can eventually move him into own room.
but does it have to be on another floor.
that doesn't sound ideal. could you move around things to enable sleeping on same floor of house.
good luck.

Original poster

Normando91 · 12/01/2022 01:35

@MintJulia

How is it any one's business but yours and your dp's? Is your dp unhappy with the arrangement?

I would focus on moving to both of you being able to settle baby for now.

It’s not, of course. But when, for example, one of our parents ask how he’s sleeping or if he’s in his crib and I say no, we’re still co-sleeping and both sleeping well, we still get the inevitable “oh he should be in his own room now, you’re going to have issues the longer you leave it…” etc. Makes me feel a bit like I’m failing because he isn’t settled into his own room yet, also see a lot of other parents who’ve managed to transition their little ones. DP sleeps in another room, not because of the co-sleeping but because he snores like a bloody tractor and I’m an incredibly light sleeper. It’s been like this since I was 6 months pregnant and up and down all night to pee, I just couldn’t sleep or get back to sleep with the sound of him 🙈 This isn’t an issue for us though, he stays up late and so doesn’t mind sleeping elsewhere.

OP posts:

Harrysmummy246 · 14/01/2022 22:24

@Normando91 I coslept til after I nightweaned at 21 mo. DS gradually woke less and less so I started the night in my room til he woke, that got later and later and then mostly, he sleeps right through. He's 4.5 now and apart from bad dreams or if he wets, mostly not a peep til I have to wake him for school.

MysticPeg1 · 14/01/2022 22:26

Just stop telling people your business.. Simple as.
It's not up to them.. It's your choice.

Strawberry0909 · 14/01/2022 22:47

I co-slept with ds1 until he was 18months, I had the same pressure from family/friends, I used to just brush over the topic, it worked for all of us getting a full night sleep, and the transition to his own room only took a few nights

Co-sleeping with ds2, after his sudden cot refusal at 7 weeks, I don't cope with no sleep!

ConstantCougher · 14/01/2022 23:03

I love co-sleeping! DS is 10 and moved into his own room by his own choice at about 4, and DD 6 months is in with us now. It’s lovely! Don’t tell people your business and you don’t have to take their advice!! Enjoy your baby whilst they need you.

Berrybear · 14/01/2022 23:04

@alexdgr8
i don't think it is appropriate.

Curious as to what is it is about co-sleeping that you find inappropriate?

HelloBunny · 14/01/2022 23:15

Still co-sleeping at 18 months. My baby is super-cuddly at the moment, he loves being close to me. Works well for us. He came into our bed on the very first night he came home, looking to be held. Mostly had him in the crib until six months, but he came into our bed a lot after 8 weeks (wasn’t confident with it, safety-wise when he was tiny).
Then me & him slept in together, with DH next door. I wouldn’t mind moving back in with DH now, and I will try the cot again, and see if DS can get on with it... He never went into the cot for day-time naps either! Never intended co-sleeping, but my kid loves it & we all get a good nights sleep.

Kinko · 14/01/2022 23:17

Waking 2 or 3 times is fairly typical for his age.

If you're looking for a middle ground bring your babies cot into your bedroom but stop the co-sleeping?

But otherwise - happy Mum's = happy babies. So do what makes you happy.

RedWingBoots · 14/01/2022 23:18

I use to co-sleep. At some point I decided I wanted a bed all to myself. My parents were put under a lot ilof pressure not to allow me to do so, so I would end up climbing into a sibling's bed.

My DD who is 3 - use to co-sleep until recently. Both myself and my DP just let her get on with it. She then decided she wanted a bed to herself and while she may on some occasions start of in our bed is happy to spend the rest if the night in her own bed.

Dilbertian · 14/01/2022 23:29

If it isn't broken, don't 'fix' it.

You can change any habits later on, when you are ready, when you think they need changing, albeit with greater or less difficulty.

Original poster

Normando91 · 14/01/2022 23:32

[quote Berrybear]@alexdgr8
i don't think it is appropriate.

Curious as to what is it is about co-sleeping that you find inappropriate?[/quote]
I wondered this too

I figure he will sleep on his own when he is ready. I have been contemplating moving his crib into my room and trying him out in there but he’s a very cuddly baby and sleeps absolutely soundly when he’s cuddled into me for naps, so I think he craves the closeness at night.

OP posts:

ElegantlyTouched · 14/01/2022 23:33

I also want to know what's inappropriate about sleeping with one's own child. My dd is nearly 2, cosleeps and we wouldn't have it any other way.

TurquoiseGreen · 14/01/2022 23:44

I would worry about safety. He can easily crawl out of the bed while you’re in a deep sleep. Plus at that age mine played quietly with their toys so a bit of independence and learning on their own.

Original poster

Normando91 · 14/01/2022 23:49

@TurquoiseGreen

I would worry about safety. He can easily crawl out of the bed while you’re in a deep sleep. Plus at that age mine played quietly with their toys so a bit of independence and learning on their own.

Haha, no worries with that… I have never been a deep sleeper. The slightest noise or movement wakes me. He’s not crawling, yet. And we will have guards round the bed at the end of the month.

OP posts:

LifeIsBusy · 14/01/2022 23:54

I really dont care what other people think about where my kids sleep.

First slept horrible unless beside me so he stayed until 18/19 months and still crawls into bed unnoticed at 3am sometimes.

DS2 isn't getting shifted until he sleeps all night so he's on a cot set up like a next2me. Who wants to walk around the house in the cold and dark multiple times a night? 🤔

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