Feeling pressured to stop co-sleeping!

[Normando91]

I never intended to co-sleep with my little one, but at 2 months he just flat out refused to go to sleep in his next to me and the only way either of us would get any sleep was if I brought him into the bed with me- always complying with the safe co sleeping guidelines.
At 6 months, we tried transitioning him into his cot in his own bedroom but it was taking hours to settle him and he still wakes 2 or 3 times in the night, I actually fell down the stairs going to settle him as he’s on a different floor and I was half asleep.
The problem is, I’m feeling pressured to stop co-sleeping. Family and friends are saying he needs to go into his own room so we can both get a proper nights sleep and that when I go back to work it will affect me throughout the day. I’ve been told it’s not good for babies to sleep in beside their parents and I’m setting myself and him up for problems in the future.
I love co-sleeping and don’t feel like it’s particularly affecting my sleep. I guess my question is, is it a problem or could it pose a problem in future for my little one if we continue co-sleeping for the foreseeable future? He’s almost 7 months at the moment and in all honesty, I don’t see him going into his own room until he is at least one.

I co slept with my first. As soon as he was mobile we had a double mattress on the floor in his room, and we co slept until he was about 16 mths. Then he went straight to a toddler bed. He never ever came in to our bed once he had his own bed, even for morning cuddles or when he was ill.

Last child slept in a cot, and had always been a nightmare to get to sleep. Aged 7 we still have them in our bed every night, so trying to get them in a cot earlier didn't give us any benefits

Stop listening to what other people have to say. He's your child. Do what suits you and your child. He is also still very young so co-sleeping is not a problem right now.

Might become a problem once they're 3 years old and swerving around and kicking you in the face whilst sleeping. Which is my current situation. 😒

Until then, enjoy this time. Because it will fly by before you know it.

@Hapoydayz

Stop listening to what anyone else thinks. Do what works for you at bedtime! Your family and friends are not in your bed so fuck what they think!

This

DS2 slept in my bed until he was 14 months old. At that point he was waking up and deciding that it was playtime so he went into a cot in my room for a while before eventually going into a room with his big brother. By that point he was still having an overnight feed but not always and it was a quick resettle. Previous to that it was absolutely in my interests just to have my boobs as easy access as possible in the bed next to him! I'm a single mum and had an older child to look after I was absolutely going to do whatever worked!

He sleeps fine now. He'd still quite like to sleep in my bed so sometimes at the weekend he gets to stay over in my room as a treat but generally he goes in his bed and stays there.

In contrast my first baby was in his own bed from day 1, I was terrified of co-sleeping, husband at the time wouldn't have countenanced it anyway and it was torture. He was a horrific sleeper and I ended up giving up driving because I was up and down so much during the night trying to get him to go back to sleep that I started hallucinating.

Seriously, just do whatever you need to do so that everyone gets the most amount of sleep. They all go into their own rooms and beds eventually, there aren't 15 year olds still wanting to sleep in their parents' beds! Continue following the safe sleeping guidelines and just stop telling other people what you're doing. They're not there at 2am so they don't really get to have an opinion

My DD coslept because I was so tired during the day that I nearly had an accident. I believe cosleeping to be very natural and so many cultures co sleep that it's weird that anyone questions it so much here. What business is it of anyone but you and your DP?

But when, for example, one of our parents ask how he’s sleeping or if he’s in his crib and I say no, we’re still co-sleeping and both sleeping well, we still get the inevitable “oh he should be in his own room now, you’re going to have issues the longer you leave it…” etc. Makes me feel a bit like I’m failing because he isn’t settled into his own room yet, also see a lot of other parents who’ve managed to transition their little ones.

I would stop discussing it. If they ask just say he's sleeping well thanks and change the subject. There are two possible issues that might arise... Firstly if you want to move him out when he's older but before he wants to. But if you are happy for him to decide, it's not a problem. The other issue is if it ends up coming between you and your husband. But if he's happy and you can find other time together, then that's not a problem either.

Mine both went in their own rooms from 6 months, I would have loved to co sleep for longer but it didn't work for us as neither of them slept well. They both sleep well on their own.

It is entirely up to you how you arrange your sleeping in your own home.

I would definitely think about a time of cut off or be prepared to carry on until the child decides otherwise, the 3 people I know who co-slept for years, really struggled getting the child back out of the bed, I'm talking school age kids really struggling/unable to sleep in their own beds. It was so horrible for the kids after so long.

I would keep checking in on the relationship with your DH if you continue to sleep separately for long periods, I'm not talking sex, I'm talking the companionship of sharing a bed.

Surely you get more sleep by cosleeping than by getting up multiple times per night to traipse into another room/another floor? So these people are not even correct when they say you will get less sleep. My little boy is 3.5 and starts off in his own bed but almost every night comes and gets in with us. He is sometimes quite wriggly so it can be annoying, but I'm not getting up 5 times per night to walk him back to his bed, just so that I can feel some sort of moral superiority. I'll do whatever means we all get more sleep.

Co-sleep if it works for your child.

My first wanted space very early and did not want to co-sleep, my second co-slept till around 2 yo.

Do what you need to do and lie if necessary to health visitors if you feel they’d disagree with your choices.

I love cosleeeping. It works for me and my baby and that's all that matters. He's 21 months now and we're still cosleeping. I went back to work full time when he was 14 months and it has helped me to feel more restless. With the endless bugs and teething I'd be up and down like a yoyo if we didn't cosleep. I also sleep better it he's next to me, if he's in another room I just can't sleep properly.

I have no desire to put him in another room, give up my night time snuggles and traipse around the house in the middle of the night just because some people think I should.

No other mammal sticks their young in another cave to sleep.

Please, no bed guards though. They're not recommended before 18 months at the very earliest because of the risk of positional aphixiation. The UK Cosleepers group on Facebook is great for advice on making your bed as safe as possible.

Enjoy those snuggles!

With my first two I followed the rulez, made baby sleep in own room, by the next two I realised how crazy it was, we've slept as families for millions of years, I read posts on here saying adults can't sleep properly until their partner is in bed, and yet we expect babies to sleep on their own? It is barmy. Ok if it works for you but I feel now the pressure others put on you is to justify what they do.

I think before two at least anything goes really. Whatever way you can get sleep do it. But I’ll make you feel better. At least she’s in a bed! My first was an absolute nightmare and wouldn’t sleep in the cot at all. She also wouldn’t sleep in bed with me but if she had I would have let her. The only place she would sleep was in her pram with a fleece next to my bed, holding hands . She used to literally climb in the pram herself. I drove myself absolutely mad worrying about her spine and bad sleep habits. She’s now perfectly fine, no spine issues and loves her bed.

I’ve always found it odd how friends/family think it’s ok to comment on your sleeping arrangements. It really is nobodies business.

Your dc is still a baby! No baby needs to go in there own room, it’s not the holy grail, although I’m sure ‘sleep consultants’ will tell you it is. If the arrangement works for you, keep doing it.

If you're happy, and you baby is happy, sod anyone else. My 9 year old still sleeps with us regularly. Even my 11 year old hop in now and then, it's natural. If adults sleep in the same bed, why should children sleep alone?! It makes no sense. You'll be surprised how common it is if you ask around...

I cosleep with my now 2yo and have done since he was approx 2 weeks old. started off to maximise sleep for all of us but now I love it and it works well for us. at around 6m I also felt huge pressure to get him into a cot, we bought one and a new mattress and he never once slept in it.

I wouldn't get bed guards though, I dont think they are advised for safety reasons.

our set up is a king size mattress on the floor in DS' room with the room 'baby proofed' as far as possible. DH sleeps in the master bedroom. the idea is that I can leave him in the bed /room by himself, and at some point I might get him off to sleep then go and sleep with DH until DS wakes. but in reality I love the cuddles too much

I've read about the benefits of cosleeping, one that I remember is a more developed HPA axis. Sarah okwell smiths sleep book is quite good. but we just do it because we want to!

I quite agree. I always co-slept with mine, it's nobody else's business.