Sleep training - do you feel it affected your baby?

abitfunny · 2021-12-12T21:19:39+00:00

Just that really. My second son is nearly eight months old and sleep is pretty much non existent. He goes down fine (breastfed) but from the time I go to bed until morning he usually wakes hourly/every other. It is so bloody hard. We’ve fallen into the boob to sleep habit so he has no way of knowing how to self soothe. I feel like our only option is to try some method of sleep training but am really worried that it might affect him long term. I hate the thought of them just giving up and going to sleep. But then i also hate the idea of me becoming so sleep deprived that I end up depressed. Would love to hear of people’s experiences?

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WhoAre · 12/12/2021 21:23

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Michellexxx · 12/12/2021 21:25

I understand the worry but it was honestly the best decision I made. It changed very quickly and we were all so, so much happier.

You’ll read a lot about people who disagree and try to use some ‘research’ about stress that is without merit. People don’t take their kids home from school/nursery if they’re crying at the door and this stress issue appears to only happen when it’s to do with sleeping.. some people are martyrs.

It’s hard at the time and make sure you’re completely devoted to completing it before you start. Don’t give in because then it was all for nothing and you start again. Best to do it when they are smaller too because as they become more aware, it’s even more difficult.

But honestly, it took a few nights, and we still have some blips like every other child, but it really made me love our days etc so much more.

It only took a couple of nights to see a big change too!
Good luck!

BumbleNova · 12/12/2021 21:25

I honestly don't think it has had any impact on either of my two. My first was a bloody terrible sleeper and it was necessary for my survival. Seriously. If you are consistent it's usually really quick.

A580Hojas · 12/12/2021 21:26

I did a little bit of gentle sleep training with my 2 babies when they were around 9 months old. They weren't waking hourly! (otherwise I'd have tried something sooner) but I just wanted them to sleep for 5, 6 or the holy grail of 7 hours at a stretch.

I think it affected them in that they were so much more content during the day when they'd slept well. Naps, feeds, being changed, getting dressed, going out and about, bath time, bed time, waking up time - all so much happier when they'd had some decent sleep.

NewMum0305 · 12/12/2021 21:29

Did it at 9 months - best thing I ever did. My daughter has been able to self-settle every since but will still call out for me if she needs me (normally only if she has a cold or is teething).

There are differently kinds of sleep training - we did controlled crying - I cried on the first night as I felt so guilty but honestly, it saved my sanity and greatly improved my relationship with my DD and really, my experience of being a mum.

ShottaSheriff · 12/12/2021 21:36

I didn’t do it with my first but I think I will with my second child. I was very much swayed by all the gentle parenting narrative and the need to respond to my child’s needs. I ended up breastfeeding for 2.5 years and putting up with continually broken sleep. The reality was that I became miserable and angry through lack of sleep and disregard for my own needs. I’m pretty sure that this was worse for the whole family than a few nights of crying. I’m not letting things get that bad again.

Find a method you feel comfortable with OP, and that you think will work for your child’s personality and then commit to it. Good luck!

Hewasperfect · 12/12/2021 21:42

I'm a bit distrustful of the whole sleep training discourse as even all the talk of 'bad habits' seems off to me. I have three children: all breastfed to sleep, and all totally different in terms of how often they woke at night and how well they self soothed. Two of them self soothe really well even though we never did any sleep training. I find the whole language around sleep training to be quite authoritatian and a bit shaming ('You created bad habits!' 'Dont be soft! Don't give in!' 'If you don't "teach" your child this vital skill they will be miserable!') and can make vulnerable young parents feel bad, under pressure, or doubting themselves and their intuition. So I guess what I'd say is: whatever you do, please don't let the voices of all these self styled sleep experts get into your head more than your own intuition and knowledge of your very individual baby.

rhowton · 12/12/2021 21:44

I sleep trained my DD1 but not my DD2. It has hugely affect my first born for the better as she actually sleeps... my second DD who I tried to sleep train, actually beat me, so we couldn't carry on. She wakes 2/3 time a night.

Moneypennysfreedomfund · 12/12/2021 21:50

I was a single parent doing a PGCE and was losing my mind due to lack of sleep. After a hard week we cracked it and he would self soothe. Sleep training imo doesn’t stop babies and small children letting you know in the night if there is something wrong, my son suffered from ENT issues and would let me know and this is how it should be. You are not asking them to learn no one will come, you are showing them that the time for sleep is now, you are around but the normal day to day stimulation is over. Hence going in at intervals to pat on their back, not make eye contact and just reassure ….

I am a huge advocate and I don’t think he was adversely affected at all, in fact he got more rest, I got more rest, he was happier and I was a functioning human being.

I firmly believe that some of the narrative now about parenting is unsustainable, guilt inducing twaddle. Babies need their sleep as well and sleep training promotes this, no one wants to see their child upset, however calmly promoting self soothing in a controlled and loving environment which will benefit mother and child is a rational decision.

Every parent does it differently, find what is right for you and your child but imho short bursts of crying when all of their needs have been satisfied is not going to lead to long term damage.

Etherealhedgehog · 12/12/2021 22:08

We did gradual retreat when she was 7.5 months. Best thing I ever did in my entire life. Zero sign of any negative impact on her. She's just much better rested. There's no reputable evidence that it does any harm.

SingingWaffleDoggy · 12/12/2021 22:28

I don’t have an answer for you I’m afraid but just wanted to say I feel your pain. DC is 8 months and was a good sleeper initially but has got worse. Now will either feed to sleep (breastfed) or fall asleep on my chest and no matter how deep asleep I think they are, the second they feel the mattress beneath them they are wake. When I manage to put them down asleep they wake 1-2 hourly and it all starts again.
Same for daytime naps although does like the pushchair. I don’t know how sleep training would work when we have a toddler in the room next door.
Sending lots of sympathy your way OP.

LiberteEgaliteBeyonce · 12/12/2021 22:32

Slept train both of mine. Affected them greatly as they became excellent sleepers unless they are unwell.
Totally worth it.

NatriumChloride · 12/12/2021 22:41

Sleep trained my first at 6.5 months with controlled crying and even now (age 4) he’s a brilliant sleeper. I never let him cry for more than 5 whole minutes. Went in to reassure, pat, shush etc. It took two days and he learnt. I felt rested and actually got to enjoy my maternity leave after that. I didn’t feel angry and stressed and exhausted the next day and was therefore able to do more with him and enjoy him more. I’m not sure how to tell but it doesn’t appear to have had any negative effects. He is a confident sweet little boy and we’re very close.

AnGofsMum · 12/12/2021 22:57

Did it with both of mine. Can’t remember how old they were but it was when the it sleep really regressed - maybe 10-11 months ish? It was pretty awful at the time bht only took a few nights and they both slept through consistently straight waist afterwards.
Personally I think it is a necessary step and less cruel than having a baby who is totally dependent on you. Sleep is so important for their development and everyone’s quality of life.

INeedNewShoes · 12/12/2021 22:57

I sleep trained DD (not full blown cry it out but did involve leaving her to cry for 10-15 minutes).

I’m glad I did it. She’s a good sleeper and I don’t think it affected her feelings of security with me.

HelloNope · 12/12/2021 23:15

Best thing we ever did. Started at 7 Months with both, sleeping through 7-7 by day 3.

It was totally worth it. We were up every hour as well and it just wasn't sustainable.

They are still great sleepers now and if they cry or call for us in the night we go straight away as we know something is wrong.

Good luck!

Sleepymama285 · 13/12/2021 04:02

Watching this thread with interest as I'm in the same position. Sending solidarity!

StruggleStreet · 13/12/2021 04:33

As with so many things, there is so much guilt poured onto mums who do any form of sleep training, but there are gentle ways of doing it and I think it’s often the best thing for the whole family.

I have an NCT friend who is very anti any form of sleep training, her 2.5 year old still refuses to go to bed until 10pm and then wakes several times in the night. She works full time, has zero time to herself and is exhausted and utterly miserable. I feel for her but can’t help feeling they would all be better off with sleep training and a happy mum.
It’s important for young children to have firm and consistent boundaries and I see sleep training as part of that really. Just teaching them that nighttime is time for everyone to sleep.

BadgerBum · 13/12/2021 13:22

This is such a positive thread, so nice to see happy, guilt-free, well-rested mums with happy well-rested babies!

oneglassandpuzzled · 13/12/2021 13:25

My children were absolutely fine and have been good sleepers all their lives. It didn’t take long and we all felt much better when I had a night’s sleep and could play with them more energetically and wasn’t as exhausted.

ComDummings · 13/12/2021 13:26

It benefitted my child immensely. He was around 10/11 months old. Did a sort of gradual retreat, pick and and put down thing for a few days. Life changing straight away! We were all miserable before. He has been a great sleeper ever since and he’s in primary school now

Thegreencup · 13/12/2021 13:27

Personally in your situation, I'd try sending dad in with a dummy before CIO.

Tee20x · 13/12/2021 13:36

How have you all managed to do this :(

DD is 11 months old and we have been co-sleeping since birth basically. She is breastfed and I want to get her sleeping in her cot so I can have some form of evening without her attached to me.

I have tried putting her in the cot with one of my blankets and a white noise toy & patted and shushed as well as the method where you leave them for a few mins and gradually increase the length of time (Ferber?) - not at the same time. She just pulls herself up using the bars of the cot and cries. She calms down if I'm in the room but as soon as I leave again she cries and screams & isn't even lying down. The longest I'm able to withstand is 1.5 hours :( (not all in one go without me going in and checking on her)

I honestly could cry through frustration and I don't know what to do. I don't want her to be hysterical but cannot go on anymore. I keep hearing of these babies that cry and grumble for 20 mins then sleep through. What can I do :(

Sorry for ranting on your thread OP, I'm just so lost with it all.

Bitofachinwag · 13/12/2021 13:41

@Etherealhedgehog

We did gradual retreat when she was 7.5 months. Best thing I ever did in my entire life. Zero sign of any negative impact on her. She's just much better rested. There's no reputable evidence that it does any harm.

I am not exactly what gradual retreat involves, but it does sound much more gentle than CIO. OP, there are many methods of "sleep training". I don't think it's easy to measure how the different methods affect children, or how it shapes them as adults. Being able to "self soothe" isn't neccessarily a good thing.

EnidFrighten · 13/12/2021 13:44

@Tee20x

How have you all managed to do this :(

DD is 11 months old and we have been co-sleeping since birth basically. She is breastfed and I want to get her sleeping in her cot so I can have some form of evening without her attached to me.

I have tried putting her in the cot with one of my blankets and a white noise toy & patted and shushed as well as the method where you leave them for a few mins and gradually increase the length of time (Ferber?) - not at the same time. She just pulls herself up using the bars of the cot and cries. She calms down if I'm in the room but as soon as I leave again she cries and screams & isn't even lying down. The longest I'm able to withstand is 1.5 hours :( (not all in one go without me going in and checking on her)

I honestly could cry through frustration and I don't know what to do. I don't want her to be hysterical but cannot go on anymore. I keep hearing of these babies that cry and grumble for 20 mins then sleep through. What can I do :(

Sorry for ranting on your thread OP, I'm just so lost with it all.

@Tee20x That sounds hard

If you have a partner, I'd get him to do it - I think when they're used to feeding to sleep, they see mum and get angry because they know the boobs are there!

I think if you 'stand' it for a while then go for co-sleeping again, she's going to learn that she just has to scream long enough and you will take her to bed with you. You need to decide that her sleeping in her cot is what is going to happen, and no going back. Follow a routine that's the same every time.

If you have the money, there's a lot to be said for getting a sleep consultant - not because they have wisdom no one else has, but they give you a plan and you're invested in sticking to it.