Sleep training - do you feel it affected your baby?

[abitfunny]

Just that really. My second son is nearly eight months old and sleep is pretty much non existent. He goes down fine (breastfed) but from the time I go to bed until morning he usually wakes hourly/every other. It is so bloody hard. We’ve fallen into the boob to sleep habit so he has no way of knowing how to self soothe.

I feel like our only option is to try some method of sleep training but am really worried that it might affect him long term. I hate the thought of them just giving up and going to sleep. But then i also hate the idea of me becoming so sleep deprived that I end up depressed.

Would love to hear of people’s experiences?

At 5.5 months your baby has only been outside of the womb for 22 weeks. I think a large part of the problem here is people suggesting that the baby should now go to bed and sleep the night like an adult. It's ridiculous when you think about it like that. As humans we're born completely dependent on our caregivers. There's an obsession in our society with making small babies 'independent'.

@Peachypopples

At 5.5 months your baby has only been outside of the womb for 22 weeks. I think a large part of the problem here is people suggesting that the baby should now go to bed and sleep the night like an adult. It's ridiculous when you think about it like that. As humans we're born completely dependent on our caregivers. There's an obsession in our society with making small babies 'independent'.

I think he's 8 months old isn't he?

@cafedesreves Oh not sure. I thought they were discussing a 5.5 month old. But there's clearly a big difference between even an 8 month old and a toddler/child/adult in terms of naturally consolidated sleep.

Babies also are individuals with different temperaments and so some might sleep wake you less at night sooner than others. But it's not one size fits all like many make out. What worked for your baby may not work at all for others.

I think another thing that's not discussed at all enough on these sleep training threads is that developmental leaps affect sleep. Learning to roll, crawl, walk, talk all make them more wakeful at night. Those things pass on their own as the development happens so do they need to be left to cry while they're going through those things? I'm just adding another point of view as I feel a lot of people do cry based sleep training out of fear, whipped into a frenzy by the "your baby needs to be independent" narrative of the sleep training industry. And also it's made out that the only babies getting peaceful sleep and waking refreshed in the morning are those that have been through cry based sleep training - also very much not true.

I must stress that I wholeheartedly agree that parents' wellbeing is important and they too need enough rest and sleep to function well. I just disagree with a lot of the narrative pushing sleep training - that it's all or nothing, that you have to do it or you'll never sleep again etc etc yadda Yadda. I think it's everywhere and all consuming and actually can be bad for parents' mental health in itself.

I'll leave this thread now as I think I've posted enough! Good luck to all of you.

Hi, my DS is 8 months old and he wakes up every hour until 11 pm after his bedtime 7-8 pm. After that, he wakes up every hour until 4 am. Then he wakes up every hour again until 7 am. I did follow the nurse to sleep thingy but now he doesn't know how to self-soothe. Did you try any sleep coaching or training? Can you please share your experience? I am an FTM that needs help.

I totally agree with your view. However, what happens to a baby who only feeds to sleep and doesn’t know to self soothe? I gave it a try on Ferber method when my DS was 6 months old but he didn’t like that. He was creeping and trying to crawl at that time. So I thought I’d just go with his place but that seems to affect my mental health and sleep because he doesn’t demand feed unless it’s his nap/bedtime. It’s tricky situation as I’ve already started 2 meals and a tea where he wouldn’t take his BF before the meals. He wakes up every hour after bedtime until 11 then I’d feed him. He’d wake up again at 2/3am then again it’s every hour until morning. I feel it’s because he’s not feeding properly in the day and makes up for it in the night. So how do I balance this feeding and sleep patterns that wouldn’t help him once I go back to work.

I attempted controlled crying for a few nights with my first and I think the experience really traumatised him. He is much more anxious than my other children and our relationship isn't as easy. I did sleep train again using gradual retreat and that was much much better. I sleep trained my two younger ones using gradual retreat too and that was also successful.

Thank you for your response. Can you tell me how did you so gradual retreat? I’ve read few blogs and post about about it but I’m not quite sure how to implement it. Sorry, I’m a FTM so no experience of any sort!!

@newmum189 Is your main issue that you baby is waking up numerous times in the night to nurse?
How does your baby fall asleep at the beginning of the night?
Do you have a partner/husband?

Yes, he wakes up every 2 hrs to nurse to go back to sleep. Last night I had to put him in our bed as he was up every hour. My husband helps to rock/bounce him but most of the time it’d not help at all.

How does he fall asleep at the start of the night?

it’s always feeding to sleep unfortunately. I tried to break the association but often we end up screaming and not sleeping well past bedtime.

My older child sleeps through very loud crying even when in the same room as the baby, your toddler may do the same....

I would never dream of trying to sleep train. As a grown adult I'm having therapy to help with my ppad and dealing with the many negative impacts of my own childhood which are being triggered. The feeling that my mother wouldn't meet my needs is still a big issue for me, and even though I don't remember being sleep trained - this was probably my first experience of learning that my needs didn't matter. For anyone of any age, crying yourself to sleep is an awful experience. Let alone the idea that someone you love amd rely upon completely would be listening to you and ignoring you.
I'm one of 5 kids and the only one not with MH issues is my youngest brother who co slept with my parents until he was 6/7 .... Go figure...