4yo not settling to sleep till 9pm.

[frustratedwiththepandemic]

Hi. My 4yo wakes between 7-7:30. He dropped his nap just as he turned 2 and has been on omeprazole since v small. He is also on Azithromycin 3x a week and Ketotifen.

From about age 2.5/3 he used to settle by 8/8:10. A few months ago this jumped to 9. It did coincide with an increase in omeprazole and it seemed he had terrible insomnia/ restlessness type behaviour so we went back to the original dose. He is still not settling to sleep till 9/9:15.

We've tried coming up at 8:30, tried coming up at 7:30 and everything in betweeen. I feel that although he's not tired enough to go to bed earlier, he does need more sleep than he's getting. After a few weeks we notice his behaviour deteriorating and then he will go to bed at 8:30 for a couple days then back to 9/9:10.

It's driving us mad. We have no evening. I have health issues and I am ready to drop by 5/6pm as it is.

We would be happy with him entertaining himself / playing etc in his room until he was tired but at the moment it's just a battle.

Any suggestions? Thinking of getting an audible subscription or something to read stories to him.

It does sound hard, OP, as you have health issues to contend with. Of course you are desperate for some down-time in the evening.

Do I just tell my 4yo it's quiet time? Hopefully once he sees we aren't forcing him to bed early he will enjoy it and relax too rather than trying to get us to play high speed car chases etc. I will have to get over the guilt of having this quiet time which sounds ridiculous I know

I'm only repeating what others have said, but the thing here is to start now and change things and have a different sort of evening. I used to actually get into bed around 8pm with DC tucked up next to me, both of us with a drink and a non-crumby snack, and have something quiet and pleasant on the TV - Time Team was one of our favourites - DC could watch with me or read/look at books beside me. They felt they were in a sort of togetherness with me, which they needed and loved, but they knew not to expect any 'playing games' at this time. "High-speed car chases" were definitely not on offer!

Try to put aside any feelings of 'guilt'. I'm perfectly sure parents in previous generations didn't 'play' so much with their children and certainly not during the evenings when adults need their downtime!

When my DC were small they never went to sleep before 9, or even 10 on light summer evenings. I didn't mind that nearly so much as I would have minded very early wake-ups!

I used to actually get into bed around 8pm with DC tucked up next to me... DC could watch with me or read/look at books beside me. They felt they were in a sort of togetherness with me, which they needed and loved...

We frequently do this. Most nights in fact. We call it "snuggle time". In fact on busier evenings my youngest will moan when she doesn't get any snuggle time before bed.

I come and lie on my bed around 7.30pm. Youngest comes for a cuddle and watches something on the TV in my room or her kindle. I either scroll on my phone or watch with her. Her bedtime is 8.30pm and has been from around 12 months old.

We have a Yoto player which is brilliant. You could try putting to bed with some relaxing stories? Might not go to sleep faster (although they do sleepy stories and meditation cards), but might be willing to chill in the bedroom for 30 mins or so before sleep?

Thanks all
This is reassuring and I see that there can indeeed be a middle ground.

Really appreciate it as it was stressing me out !

So we are taking him to bed much later now - around 8:45pm. But after story he is kicking off as still doesn't want to go to sleep. After finally 'relaxing' about it all he is asleep within seconds. Why is he fighting it so much??

I'm another one with a late sleeping child. Asleep by 9 is good for us, by 10pm is not unusual. DD is 3.5. She wakes anywhere between 6:30 and 8am. I think some children need less sleep than others. I don't admit DDs bedtime to the 7-7 brigade 🙈.. but I've accepted it.

I think it might change when they start school.

Have you tried the Moshi sleep app?

Mine never went to bed early, there was no point in them lying awake for ages. They amused themselves, played with toys, read, cuddled and chatted to us. It was nice.

OP here - to update we increased one of his medications and it was like a light switch - we had our son back! And back to 8pm bedtime 😊 we're all much happier again