I’m prepared to be told I’m a terrible mother but please hear me out.

[stillreallytired]

My 5 month old has had one half hour sleep between 1045 this morning and now.

He is screaming with exhaustion, and I’ve been sobbing as well.

I really need advice but it does need to be actual advice I can use. So:

The sling is a no go.

He will sleep in the pram but I don’t want to be overly reliant on this.

He will feed to sleep sometimes. But the problem is if he doesn’t I then have to wait until he’s hungry enough to accept another bottle.

Dummies don’t work as he spits them out or knocks them out of his mouth.

So - I’ve no idea but I am desperate.

You poor thing, I remember having days like this when my DS1 was a baby. It's exhausting. Have you tried music? My DS would eventually calm down if I put a relaxing track on repeat (this was back in the days of CD's, you could use Spotify now!), wrapped him in a blanket and stood up holding him, gently swaying him.

Maybe try bath and feed, then give this a go? I hope he settles soon and you both get some rest.

And it honestly isn’t about a magic fix but I do think some people are just trying to torment. I don’t mean those who have posted genuinely trying to be helpful, I mean sarky responses about sandwiches and incredulous ‘but he’s had three naps’ type responses.

@stillreallytired

I’m trying hamburger but everyone is just fixating on the pram.

I guess that’s it then. He will only sleep in the pram outside.he’s going to nursery soon where that won’t happen, so he’ll be overtired and exhausted all the time and I’ve done that

All day I kept thinking he’d give in and sleep, he just can’t. So I don’t know what I can or should do. That’s why I’m reach out out here even though I knew I’d get abuse. I think it’s what I deserve.

I am shit at this and should never have done it.

And don’t remove this post please MN. I want it to stay. I want to have it here just how shit I am.

As a sort of reassurance, my daughter would only nap on me or in a pram right up until she gave up naps at the age of 2 and a bit, except at nursery, where she was happy to nap in a cot. It's quite common for little ones to nap at nursery when they won't at home. She gave up napping altogether at home well before she did at nursery too.

I feel the pain. I had a shitty sleeper, day and night. I also wouldn’t have wanted to take a pram out in awful weather, purely because at times I was so knackered myself that I couldn’t have stood up straight.

But... there are only so many options. Pram, car, cot, sling, arms, bouncer.

On occasion, I put DS in the cot, bassinet or bouncer and either:

Sat down with a cup of tea
Sat down and cried
Had a shower
Lay on bed and cried

Mostly cried tbh. But if baby is going to cry and grizzle anyway, then crying and grizzling in a safe place for a bit is absolutely fine. And sometimes he ended up going to sleep.

He’s finally settled but it’s the daytimes I’m really concerned with.

Like I say when he starts nursery they won’t be able to walk him round in the pram, I’m also concerned he apparently feels insecure with me and unable to drop off.

@stillreallytired

fluffy I really appreciate you saying that because it genuinely hasn’t been safe at all. The local school closed early because of the weather.

I have a lovely baby who I am failing. Please don’t start with the ‘but he had three naps’ flashy, he has had two stretches of over four hours where he was awake. That’s what I’m concerned with. I am failing him and asking for help, please.

And please don't feel you are failing him - you really aren't. I well remember the stress of this period: you will make it out of the other side and you will both be fine.

I think on your other thread you said he wasn’t fussed by tv, my DD wasn’t either, but if you can get YouTube up on the tv and search for Fantasia (get the dancing mushrooms or flowers of something) or if you have Disney+ it might be on there, and have it not too loud, that would often calm DD down a bit. She’d just stare at the dancing shapes and listen to the music.
It wouldn’t keep her attention for long, but would quiet her down a bit if she was worked up.

@Emmacb82

I think you need to be a bit kinder to yourself. And write off the rest of today and start again tomorrow. Is it just today that he’s been having trouble? Or is it a daily battle to get him to nap? Clearly you don’t want to have to rely on the pram to get him to sleep, and I understand that. You want him to be able to take naps in his cot. What does he do when you put him down to sleep? You have to find a method of sleep training that you can cope with and that works for you. If that means leaving him to cry for a bit and self settle then so be it. You’ll get a lot of people telling you that it’s not right to leave your baby to cry, but sometimes it’s the only way to get them to sleep. Does he go down to bed at night ok? We need more information so we can help you. Give yourself a break today. We all have our bad days, and days where we find it too hard to cope with. But it’s not a reflection on you as a mummy, so please don’t beat yourself up for not doing a good enough job. Sometimes we just want a break, and a nap in the day so you can have that break becomes really important.

He’s 5 months old. Self settling is highly unlikely to be something he can do.

I have a lovely baby who I am failing. Please don’t start with the ‘but he had three naps’ flashy, he has had two stretches of over four hours where he was awake. That’s what I’m concerned with. I am failing him and asking for help, please.

You are not failing your baby be sue he has been awake for 4 hours

Where do people even get this from?

Trying to live up to a ridiculous book?

Your baby has had 3 naps which is quite reasonable. You haven't failed at all. Babies sleep when they are tired. There is no need to force a sleep routine that someone else has written, particularly when it makes you feel like a failure. Maybe you just need to be a bit more baby led? Drop the books and the 'should be' doing and follow what your baby needs. 3 naps in a day at that age isn't particularly unusual.

Please don't think you have failed your baby because they were awake for 4 hours, I echo a op who suggests you speak to your GP, for you, not the baby.

OP, tomorrow, please call the health visitor and maybe the GP as well. Get baby checked over, just in case he's trying to tell you something. The reassurance will be good for you. You're not a bad parent, but you are struggling. Lots of parents do and it's fine to need help, please get some help.

Lots of well intentioned stuff on here and most of it does work most of the time, but every baby has a bad day, a grumpy day, a nothing seems right day. Tomorrow is likely to be different again.

I wonder if you have tried the Huckleberry app, for timing nap times and bedtimes so they don't get overtired. It's was a life saver for me. You put their due date (it explains why due date and not DOB) and it calculates exactly when their nap window is and a "sweet spot" to aim for.

Apologies if this isn't helpful, and I'm sorry I don't have any advice for right now, it might help with tomorrow onwards.

You are not useless, you are just an exhausted mother of a non-sleeping baby. I know it feels like forever at the moment, but this too shall pass.

PPs have suggested dark room, white noise and swaying back and forth - try that. Do you have blackout blinds and curtains? Some babies are very light-sensitive. We had to do curtains, blind and then we eventually taped blackout material to the windows so not even a chink of light showed through (which finally worked!).

It might not seem like it now, but you are doing a good job. Your baby is fed, clean, cuddled and safe.

@stillreallytired

And it honestly isn’t about a magic fix but I do think some people are just trying to torment. I don’t mean those who have posted genuinely trying to be helpful, I mean sarky responses about sandwiches and incredulous ‘but he’s had three naps’ type responses.

Incredulous

I feel it might be best if you stopped posting here flashy, I am not finding you helpful and you are adding to my upset.

You sound totally done. Put baby in his cot with white noise or radio on low, go and put earplugs/headphones on and have a cup of tea.

Do you watch wake windows @stillreallytired?
I have a 7 month old and honestly she never gave cues that she was tired. It was fine fine fine and suddenly over tired mess.
Start offering naps every 2- 2.5 hours regardless of sleepy cues. Get a good nap and bed time routine (we do change nappy, sleep sack, book, white noise, cuddle and crib for nap and nappy change, baby massage, pjs, sleep sack, book, white noise, cuddle, crib for bed time) and that will help massively!

@choosername1234

My DD is quite similar but she will settle if we play trance music, especially Cafe Del Mar. Strange but if you're desperate it might be worth trying

My DD’s lullaby was Bang Bang Bang by Mark Ronson.

Huckleberry just says he should be put down two hours after his last nap. The problem is as today as shown you can put him down but he won’t sleep!

That’s what I try to do pancakes, it’s awful as he claws at his face in exhaustion but can’t sleep.

Which bit is failing, op? What you have there is a growing baby and they do their own shit and are unpredictable and generally as individual a human as children and adults.

I know there are swathes of baby books and celeb-nanny types who would have you believe that a baby is an input- output game to be managed. But it's bullshit. It's a faux formula to sell you a myth that this can be controlled.

Your baby had a hard day today. That's how it goes sometimes. You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't fail.

First thing tomorrow op, call the gap and ask to be seen, you can get the baby checked over and then you'll be reassured, and then you can chat about how you're feeling and ask for some help. I really think you are suffering with PND and there are so many things that can help you. You aren't failing, you just need to take the help.

Agree if baby sleeps in the pram you can sleep too and then you’ll be able to think clearly.

My second DS is 8 weeks old, and a hideous sleeper and a screamer to boot. Yay for me..! (it's joyous.. not!) he's cat napped for a few minutes several times today, but as soon as I blink, fart or thing, PING he's awake. I chucked him in the pram this afternoon, raincover on, my waterproof coat on and wellies. Made a flask of tea and power walked for 2 hours to make the kid flipping sleep. (he woke up as soon as we got home, and has screamed since, woohoo)

Anyway - chuck the raincover on, put your coat and wellies on and get out the house. It'll do you both the world of good.

Other things I do with my feral newborn:

• White noise really loud
• Rocking
• Tiger in tree hold
• completely dark room, snuggle him right into me and sway
• leave him screaming for 5 minutes while I go chill and reset (I figure he's screaming anyway, I may as well take the headspace)
• put him down on his playmat to distract him
• do tummy time/play with him to knacker him out (obv age appropriate play for your boy)

It sounds like he's gone past the point of no return and you just need to do whatever for him to go to sleep.

My first DS was a pram napper, absolute dream. I knew I could put him in there and start walking and he'd be out within minutes.

For pramming it in the house, lock the front wheels and push back and forth. If you can't go 'out out' then just push the pram back and forth outside the house. I've done many a turn of the garden with DS1. Also, stick headphones in with some relaxing music to drown out the screaming.

Hope you're OK OP, you sound like you've hit your limit and then some.

Do you have any help IRL? It's OK to ask for and accept help x

I always said that needy ds would never sleep at nursery but he did from the first day. My health visitor used to say if you are that stressed out, pop the baby in their cot with music quietly and go and have a 5-10 shower nothing can happen to be the baby but sometimes it's the reset YOU need. Also try popping him in the bath before a feed, nice and relaxed, ready for milk and a snooze- I have had 4 babies and don't miss these days at all - remember the days are long but the years are short. Be kind to yourself x

@stillreallytired

I feel it might be best if you stopped posting here flashy, I am not finding you helpful and you are adding to my upset.

I literally posted saying not to feel a failure because your baby was awake for 4 hours and you think it's not helpful

What are you looking for here OP?

I don't think anybody has it