I’m prepared to be told I’m a terrible mother but please hear me out.

[stillreallytired]

My 5 month old has had one half hour sleep between 1045 this morning and now.

He is screaming with exhaustion, and I’ve been sobbing as well.

I really need advice but it does need to be actual advice I can use. So:

The sling is a no go.

He will sleep in the pram but I don’t want to be overly reliant on this.

He will feed to sleep sometimes. But the problem is if he doesn’t I then have to wait until he’s hungry enough to accept another bottle.

Dummies don’t work as he spits them out or knocks them out of his mouth.

So - I’ve no idea but I am desperate.

He just struggles keha I don’t know why.

So much sympathy! This will get better but my god sleep deprivation for you and the worrying about them is such a stress! My only suggestion... Does baby have any reflux? A reflux formula helped mine and one needed meds from the GP. We had similar thing, baby was happy if moved around in buggy or car or held upright but just wouldn't sleep for long lying down and then wouldn't be put down at all because was so uncomfy for them. Loads of luck

My DD is quite similar but she will settle if we play trance music, especially Cafe Del Mar. Strange but if you're desperate it might be worth trying

@stillreallytired

Yes honey you have not missed something you have totally misread

Baby up at 6, nap of about 30 mins at 830

Then another nap in the pram about 10-1045.

Then awake until 3. Slept until 330.

So no not an emergency just a miserable awful day which has made me realise I can’t do this

Honestly @stillreallytired this sounds quite good for that age to me in comparison to my eldest who just didn’t need that much sleep. At your sons age I would say that she was doing similar in terms of naps, maybe one more of half an hour or replace one of those with an hour long nap. It well just be that he doesn’t need that much sleep. In your position now I would be doing my best to keep him awake for another hourish, make sure he’s fed, give him a warm bath and hope he sleeps all night. Cosleeping if necessary to keep him down. This may also be an option for naps- in your bed, with you? That way you get to sleep too.

Also don't worry about nursery. My DD went from 6 months and never slept a wink there and they managed just fine 😃. My DD1 apparently used to sleep on a mat on the floor for hours and yet at home would only nap in the pram or car!

At that age they only slept in the pushchair, car or falling asleep on the breast. It's normal to not self sooth.

@stillreallytired

I’ve listed in my op I think, he doesn’t like the sling, or the car, won’t take a dummy, won’t be bounced to sleep. I seriously don’t know what to do. But probably shouldn’t have posted: I thought posting in sleep I’d get actual advice.

Is it just bedtime and he isn't settling? Or has he actually been screaming since 2pm, through his half hour nap? I think you need to be a bit clearer about what is actually happening.

He has had 3 naps today so he isn't screaming with exhaustion. Is he teething? Something else wrong?

Sometimes their sleep patterns change and they drop naps and you can't get them to sleep longer if they don't want to. If he's screaming maybe he's in pain. If he's just genuinely over tired, he'll sleep eventually. Hopefully today has just been a bad day and tomorrow will be better. Youre not a bad mum and we've all struggled at times.

You sound at the end of your tether. Sit down, hold him, watch something you really want to watch and have some food.

Yes he was flashy

However. I know the wake window thing isn’t always totally accurate but at this age it’s around 2 hours. We had 1045-3 (4 hours 15 mins) and 330 - now (nearly 4 hours.)

And it’s a total day time sleep of just over 2 hours and he was up at 6. You are most welcome to imply I am stupid but even a stupid woman like me can see that isn’t enough sleep for a young baby.

But hey

Getting stupid now.
You either have to deal with a crying child or do what makes him sleep for both your sakes.
Clean the wheels will take all of 5 minutes and rock him in the living room you don’t have to be outside, sit down doing it having a cuppa.
Once asleep have yourself a bath.

Put him in his cot with Classic FM on low. Pat for a minute or so, then leave and shut the door. Go and make a cup of tea and sit down.

Used to work for me, when dd told me the only way was the car, or walking with them in the pram.
As an older granny doing childcare I just wasn’t prepared to trudge the streets - I needed a proper break.

Yes, there was crying for a while, but it never lasted too long.

@stillreallytired

I’ve listed in my op I think, he doesn’t like the sling, or the car, won’t take a dummy, won’t be bounced to sleep. I seriously don’t know what to do. But probably shouldn’t have posted: I thought posting in sleep I’d get actual advice.

What type of sling are you using? My DD didn't like the stretchy wrap sling (wouldn't have her head tucked in so it lolled about) but settled fine in a more supportive and upright position in an ergobaby carrier. It was annoying because wraps are so practical.

@stillreallytired

I’ve listed in my op I think, he doesn’t like the sling, or the car, won’t take a dummy, won’t be bounced to sleep. I seriously don’t know what to do. But probably shouldn’t have posted: I thought posting in sleep I’d get actual advice.

You've had loads of advice but have so far ruled out Pram outside Pram inside Car Sling Swaddling Dummy White noise Bouncy chair Holding him in your arms Bath Skin to skin

I'm not sure what other advice there can be?

@stillreallytired make the room dark, cuddle him and take nice deep breaths to calm yourself down you are quite upset and then just gently rock and hum it will help calm him and yourself.

@stillreallytired

Yes he was flashy

However. I know the wake window thing isn’t always totally accurate but at this age it’s around 2 hours. We had 1045-3 (4 hours 15 mins) and 330 - now (nearly 4 hours.)

And it’s a total day time sleep of just over 2 hours and he was up at 6. You are most welcome to imply I am stupid but even a stupid woman like me can see that isn’t enough sleep for a young baby.

But hey

Imply you are stupid?
Please don't put words in my mouth.

You are adding bits and pieces in as we go.

He went from having had one nap to 3. He was screaming from 2pm but slept from 3-3:30pm.

I'm not implying anything other than your facts are not clear

You sound at the end of your tether, being a mum has it's hard times but it doesn't make you a bad parent or useless, I would personally try turning the lights out and pop baby into bed and just lay with them until they calm,that's the only way my son will go to sleep.

I don't want to sound condescending but have you spoke to the GP or health visitor as there's no shame in struggling ♥️

Oh and I don't know what you are about 'wake window' - mine just napped when they were tired and work when they were not.

You can do this, you posted for advice, your concerned and worried for you baby.

I have no magic cure, just wanted to say be easy on yourself. Some days are good and some are bad.

The best sleep solution is the one that suits you and baby.

My son used to cry with colic from 6pm till 10:30pm every night for a week. I used to cry at the same time until my husband made me go upstairs and listen to music. He then settled baby with washing machine and gentle rhythm sounds.

If you can try and get someone else to settle baby and you go and settle yourself. Give yourself a break. Be kind to you.

Those of you who haven’t lived rurally don’t realise the rain/wind is stronger because fewer houses to break the weather up so it travels over 10 miles open fields and slams into you, there’s fewer pavements because fewer houses and the cars/milk tanks drive too fast. I wouldn’t take a baby out in a pram on a horrid day like this either.

Op you sound desperate, I wondered if you had untreated PND too. There’s nothing about pnd that makes you a bad mother though, it’s about the mum being depressed not about the baby not being looked after properly & if you didn’t care you’d not be posting here you’d be putting ear plugs in & popping him in the shed.

Dh had mh issues, he told our gp in front of me that he had to hide the knives because he couldn’t trust himself around them incase he hurt me, she didn’t bat an eyelid. They’ve heard it all before.

If you look at @rawbeautykristi on Instagram stories now, she has a baby the same age as yours. She comments on the same issue as you're experiencing and she has solved it (maybe temporarily - but worth trying).

(Spoiler alert : it was make the baby room pitch black and put baby in his cot awake). This doesn't work when they're tiny as they seem unable to sleep without help - but yours maybe old enough now.

DS3 was like this, proper cat napper, grabbing only a few half hour naps during the day. He is now 13 months and threatening to drop naps. At 6 months he would only have 2 or 3 half hour naps between 6am and 8pm.

Anyway...

If sling and pram are out of the question. What I used to do with my babies when they got like this and I was getting irritable with the crying (which is perfectly normal reaction!), was stick in ear plugs so the crying was muffled and just get on with doing other stuff around the house whilst baby was cradled in arm, resting on hip (if that makes sense?). Eventually they either settled down and slept or they got distracted by whatever was going on and stopped crying then that gave us a reset on attempting sleep.

You have my sympathies, it's awful when you feel in this sort of shirty vibe

My oldest son was like this but would sleep in his bouncy chair in front of the washing machine
Sometimes they don't need that much sleep
If the child doesn't need sleep but you do is there anyone who could look after them while you have a break

fluffy I really appreciate you saying that because it genuinely hasn’t been safe at all. The local school closed early because of the weather.

I have a lovely baby who I am failing. Please don’t start with the ‘but he had three naps’ flashy, he has had two stretches of over four hours where he was awake. That’s what I’m concerned with. I am failing him and asking for help, please.