I’m prepared to be told I’m a terrible mother but please hear me out.

[stillreallytired]

My 5 month old has had one half hour sleep between 1045 this morning and now.

He is screaming with exhaustion, and I’ve been sobbing as well.

I really need advice but it does need to be actual advice I can use. So:

The sling is a no go.

He will sleep in the pram but I don’t want to be overly reliant on this.

He will feed to sleep sometimes. But the problem is if he doesn’t I then have to wait until he’s hungry enough to accept another bottle.

Dummies don’t work as he spits them out or knocks them out of his mouth.

So - I’ve no idea but I am desperate.

Right ok “OP” You don’t want help just multiple emotive threads and refusal to take advice

I don’t want or need professional help, thank you.

flashy I will just repeat I am finding you unhelpful and you are adding to my upset here, I am already very distressed with myself and assuming you are trying to be supportive, you’re not.

Bath. Straight in. Dim light. Total change of scene. Everything ready for afterwards, milk, sleepsuit, curtains shut etc...

I know it isn't very helpful at this exact minute but do you have a rocking chair? If not do you have room for one/would consider one?
We went through this refusing to nap more than a few minutes at a time at that age too and the only thing that worked would be me sitting with her in a dark room, rocking in her rocking chair with white noise on, then putting her into her cot asleep. She gradually started longer stretches the longer we kept at it.
It would be good to get a few sleep associations going to help get him into a sleep routine and before he starts nursery because they will help there too, things like a comforter/soft toy/blanket and white noise or a sleeping bag are ideal for this.
DD is now 19 months and knows as soon as I put white noise on she gets into her cot and goes to sleep.
You aren't a terrible mother your just going through a rough patch, don't be so hard on yourself! X

I thought we had turned a corner, but I think it’s just that we’ve been out and about more so he’s been napping well in the pram. One day stuck at home and it’s been hellish.

And I know people snap back with ‘don’t stay at home then’ but the problem is we are then at the mercy of the elements. Plus I am concerned about nursery and I’m also very concerned he doesn’t appear to feel secure enough to sleep in his own home.

I’m literally asking if you have a family member or partner to help with the responsibility of this child? Can you answer that?

I do have a rocking chair yes. Thank you.

I posted on one of your other threads too. I've had PND and it's awful. You don't think it relates to everything else but it does. It's very consuming.

Your baby had a not ideal day for naps. It happens, they're developing all the time. Tomorrow is a new day and you'll probably find things are different. People are suggesting things that helped them, if they don't work for you fair enough but nobody is trying to suggest things that will make your life harder.

Do get help for your PND. I'm 18 months into being a mum and now that my mental health is in a better place is a hell of a lot easier.

DS has never napped in a cot, he sleeps well overnight but he won't nap in one. He naps on me, on DH, in the car or in his pram. At nursery ha naps in a cot or a bouncy chair thing, nursery's have magical powers and he'll be fine, I don't know how they do it but they do.

Honestly OP, I think you need to consider calling 101 or 999.
I’m really concerned for you and your baby.

Someone else needs to hold your baby for a bit. He is not going to settle when he is feeding off your distress.

With respect @stillreallytired you sound like you do. You feel like you haven’t bonded with your baby, you have PND but won’t talk about it and you are saying things are tipping you over the edge.
You need proper support, and your son just needs you close and present. Neither of which are going to be achieved by constantly posting here

Just here to send sympathy OP. I had a similar baby but things did get much better. Awful when you're in the middle of it though. For good advice on ways to help over-tired crying babies I'd really recommend Cry-Sis: www.cry-sis.org.uk/

Their helpline is open til 10pm.

One I've just remembered about is stroking the bridge of their nose with a tissue (a clean one, obv)

Do you have family or a partner op? You’ve been asked many many times and haven’t answered.
It may help people with advice knowing what support network you have.

I am right next to my baby and I have been holding him all day, bar a few minutes when I put him in a bouncy chair while I raged at a tumble drier

@RunningFromInsanity

Honestly OP, I think you need to consider calling 101 or 999. I’m really concerned for you and your baby.

Someone else needs to hold your baby for a bit. He is not going to settle when he is feeding off your distress.

999? Bit much no? What is she supposed to say? Ambulance please, I can't get my baby to nap. We've all been there, in fact some of us have been in worse situations. There would be ambulances running all over the country if every new mum that was at the end of her rope needed one.

Yes, I’ve been ignoring that question on purpose because it isn’t relevant.

Have you tried a bath? Have you checked there is no hair tied around any fingers or toes? When he is awake are you trying different toys with him? He might be bored and want entertaining or to wiggle on the floor or (conversely) he might be overstumulated. I would phone the health visitor I think in case it's possible he is ill?

I think the poster was trying to insinuate I was going to harm my baby, which I’m certainly not. I’m making no promises about the tumble drier, mind you.

@stillreallytired

I am right next to my baby and I have been holding him all day, bar a few minutes when I put him in a bouncy chair while I raged at a tumble drier

Gas? Have you tried cycling his legs?

If you are at the stage I think you are OP, no suggestions are going to make any difference because YOU are not in the frame of mind to try them and that’s because you’re exhausted. Not because you are bad or wrong. Your baby won’t settle because he’s tired not because he doesn’t love you or feel secure. You are his whole world.

Is there an actual person who can help you? I don’t know why you won’t answer that...

@RunningFromInsanity calling 999 for a baby that won't nap and a mum that is a bit overwhelmed for the day is ridiculous!!!

He is bathed, and asleep next to me in his bed. I’m just very concerned that he went so long without sleeping today and he got very distressed as a result of his exhaustion.

Apologies if these have been mentioned but a few options I tried with my totally non-napping DS or have heard about (some expensive but might be worth a go or possible to pick up on FB marketplace or ebay):

Rockit for prams which rocks the pram for you - sorry to mention the P word but some mums on my baby group have raved about this and it could be an option if you can get the pram indoors even on an old towel or something if muddy wheels (I'm currently eyeing the muddy bits my pram has left on the carpet). Also if you start out indoors with the pram then there isn't the change between outdoors and indoors to navigate once he has gone to sleep: rockitrocker.com/product/rockit-baby-rocker/

A baby swing - my DS would sometimes go to sleep in his. People on my baby group have recommended this one: www.mamasandpapas.com/products/joie-serina-2-in-1-swing-tile-59181b700?utm_term=37672641855653&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI197Tr_zY8AIVgoxRCh07OwnYEAQYASABEgL_ofD_BwE

Get in your bed with him (you can cosleep safely if you'll manage to nap too by removing pillows and duvet) and cuddle him - something about the smell maybe but sometimes works if nothing else will.

Snoozshade: www.amazon.co.uk/SnoozeShade-Original-Universal-Sunshade-blocks/dp/B0039NQ3TW/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?hvlocphy=9045587&smid=AE18BXWAJNU6L&psc=1&hvnetw=g&keywords=snoozeshade&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUExRUJSN0tUTE9TUUZGJmVuY3J5cHRlZElkPUEwNDI4MDQ3MzVDUFRUN0Q2UFg2USZlbmNyeXB0ZWRBZElkPUExMDM2NDE0M1JHV0g2WjU2REhRNiZ3aWRnZXROYW1lPXNwX2F0ZiZhY3Rpb249Y2xpY2tSZWRpcmVjdCZkb05vdExvZ0NsaWNrPXRydWU=&hvadid=259049465178&qid=1621537812&dchild=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMImL-9hfvY8AIVjgwGAB2AigsTEAAYASAAEgLTX_D_BwE&hydadcr=4403_1739737&hvdev=c&hvqmt=e&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&hvtargid=kwd-316482845424&adgrpid=52854245253&hvrand=12820379503942278261&sr=8-1-spons

I agree with those who have said try not to worry too much about nursery. They will have experience with a huge range of babies and often they just behave differently. My DS's childminder could get him to nap in a cot which was something I never managed.

@stillreallytired If he's asleep now it's a win! He might have a bit of sleep debt, and sleep a bit unsettled to make up for it (cortisol and all that) but tomorrow will be a clean slate and no lasting issues!

@Mylittlesandwich
We have a PND mother, alone, getting more and more distressed (and irrational) with a baby that she is determined to get quiet.
I would be worried.