Almost 2 year old will not go to sleep!

[mummygonemad]

I desperately need help! Don't know what else to do. I've cried every day for weeks. My 21 month old WILL NOT GO TO SLEE AT NIGHT. It's taking us hours to get him to sleep in his own bed (cot). Sick of shouting and crying. I'm pregnant and shouldn't be this stressed. My partner is very helpful but we both feel helpless. I even hired a sleep consultant who basically said he's too hard for her to help!

We put him to bed at 6 as it usually takes 3 hours.

He climbs out his cot and can open his bedroom door so we've tried putting him back in every time, we've put a mattress next to his bed and lay there but climbs out and cries constantly, I've even cot in the cot with him. He just will not resist.

I have 6 months to sort this out before new baby arrives. Please someone help!

Cut the nap, mine were never asleep past 1pm for a 7pm bedtime. It'll be a transition but you have to get through it. Putting him down at 6pm is pointless he's clearly not tired.

@notanaturalmum I can't really force him to sleep longer can I?

for example today: up at 6.45, nap 12.45 - 1.45, I will try him at 7 tonight due to later nap but guaranteed he will be overtired by then and it could take up to 3 hours for him to go to sleep.

I'm definitely not putting him in a toddler bed as it's not recommended due to safety but I will try a baby gate on the door and see how that goes.

Thanks for all advice.

@mummygonemad you know your ds best re safety but if you are saying it's only from a safety aspect it's worth bearing in mind other hv say to move as soon as they start to climb. My hv told us that ds could move to a cot bed from 18 months - the cot bed itself also says 18 months in the leaflet. The guidance we were told was that it is absolutely more dangerous to leave them in the cot once they start to climb. But as I say you know him best! We put a pool noodle under the sheet to stop our ds rolling out of the cot bed.. Others I know just put their dc on a mattress on the floor if they were worried about them rolling out.

How has he settled tonight op?

More exercise, more food, bath before bed, low light cold room.

What evidence do you have (safe what the absolutely useless sleep in consultant days) about delaying toddler beds?

They can be open on one side, with a bedguard. I've never heard that they are unsafe, but I have heard that using a cot after they can climb out is very dangerous. I mean, you've got the theoretical and avoidable risk of a child getting stuck between bed and wall (which you can easily avoid) Vs the very clear danger of a sleepy child climbing over something over a meter high and dropping down.

I agree with everyone else on the later bed as well - if he goes down to bed at 9 whatever, why would you choose to sit in a soon with him, when he's not tired for 3 hours. It's probably just making it harder for him to go to sleep. Exhausting him and then having a more realistic bedtime is likely to be quicker and is more pleasant for everyone.

@Moonshine11 actually very well thanks for asking. DH did bedtime, started at 6.30 and he seems to do better than me. He read to him and sang and he was asleep within 30 mins! Fingers crossed for the next few days! I really think it could be a regression or separation anxiety from me possibly?

Great news! Keep at it and you'll have your nights back before your new LO arrives!

Try dropping his nap? Mine stopped napping around then and slept better at night. Also try a different sleep consultant. Good luck xx

If you are worried about a toddler bed, then surely just put him on the mattress on the floor and get a baby cam?

My son has been in his own bed since he was 15 months 🙈 not even a toddler bed, an adults single bed. He's 2 now and slept much better than he ever did. He hates them bars! His room is baby proof with a gate on

6pm is too early.

Fair enough if he's too young now for a cot bed but I know bazillion of toddlers and not one has still been in a cot at 3, and very very few by 2 and a half. I'd say most of my friends are fairly neurotic too - nearly all these children still rear face in the car for example. I know it's a long way away when you have a 21m old but honestly I'd be incredibly surprised if you make it to age 3 still in a cot.

If you get a cot bed you can take the side off, the it's not unsafe because of the wall or the climbing. We got one for £20 second hand then a new mattress.

I don't disagree with 6pm bedtime if over tiredness is a contributing factor.

What has the sleep consultant advised you to do about your dc not dropping off to sleep? I would say do not rock! It is not your job to get your dc to sleep. You can't do it for them. Put up a stair gate so they can't come out of their room. Perhaps do something like gradual retreat where you sit in the room, lights out, white noise on, but don't interact, just ignore ignore ignore. Don't worry if they don't fall asleep in their bed at first, put them there when they drop off. It'll be hard. But 3hrs rocking isn't working for any of you.

I have a DS the same age - he's generally in bed by 7.30ish but doesn't go to sleep until 8/8.30. We just leave him chatting and singing away to himself (we go in if he's distressed). What happens if you just leave him in his cot / to play in his room? We did have to stay with him but we've managed to break that habit so we are all generally much less stressed out about his sleep.

Thank you @Moonshine11 will keep u updated. @mynameiscalypso hello, once we leave the room he just screams and gets out of cot and out of his room. Constantly. He used to self settle an absolute dream but last few months it's all changed ☹️ thanks everyone for the advice, each parent to their own in regards to the toddler bed, we did try it, but I feel a lot more comfortable with him in cot. He doesn't climb out when dad stays with him and sings etc. He doesn't even climb out when he wakes in the night. He just cries for me. He slept 7-7 last night so I'm a happy mama!

I don’t think 6hrs awake is a huge amount at that age. Probably normal.
My 12 month old still needs x2 naps a day really, but we have days where he naps in morning then won’t nap again so is awake 7/8hrs sometimes. Yes he’s tired, but if they won’t nap then what can you do.

6pm is very early for bedtime IMO if your then spending 3hrs settling. I would move bedtime back a lot so he’s super tired ie 8.30pm. If he sleeps quickly, then move to 8.15pm, 8am etc until you find a time that works.

Glad you got some sleep!