Almost 2 year old will not go to sleep!

[mummygonemad]

I desperately need help! Don't know what else to do. I've cried every day for weeks. My 21 month old WILL NOT GO TO SLEE AT NIGHT. It's taking us hours to get him to sleep in his own bed (cot). Sick of shouting and crying. I'm pregnant and shouldn't be this stressed. My partner is very helpful but we both feel helpless. I even hired a sleep consultant who basically said he's too hard for her to help!

We put him to bed at 6 as it usually takes 3 hours.

He climbs out his cot and can open his bedroom door so we've tried putting him back in every time, we've put a mattress next to his bed and lay there but climbs out and cries constantly, I've even cot in the cot with him. He just will not resist.

I have 6 months to sort this out before new baby arrives. Please someone help!

6 seems very early. My 18 month old is starting to push back to 6:45/7 ish. Are they just not tired yet?

How much daytime sleep & when?

Are they going through a regression due to development?

What's your routine?

If he’s climbing out it’s time for a toddler bed.
Putting him to bed at 6 is too early, I know your saying because it takes hours to get to sleep but let him tire himself out, let him run round and do a 7/7:30 bed time.

What about a big boy bed? My non sleepers were better at going to sleep in them than cot. And if you need to you can more comfortably lay next to them?
The other thing that worked sometimes was “camping". I did this a lot with my 18 month old when I had a cluster feeding newborn and Dad was working away. Basically I put a blanket over the couch to make a tent, snuggled her in with her blanket and pillow and only rule was no talking. I'd watch some quiet Netflix. She would eventually nod off and I'd carry her to room.
Not sure if either helps but I hope do. It's hell when they just wont go to sleep.

Also, 6 is early.

6 seems really early, my 17 month old goes down at 6.45. Could you maybe keep him up for an hour and give him a bit of extra time to tire himself out?

Sleep consultant told us to put him down at 6 as it takes so long. Also advised us a toddler bed is unsafe until 3 years old whether he is climbing out or not. I'm wondering if there is a toddler regression?

A toddler climbing out of their cot is much more dangerous than a toddler bed. Sounds like the sleep consultant you used is useless.
My DD went into her toddler bed at 14 months old because she constantly climbed out of her cot.

What are his daytime naps like? How early does he get up in the morning?
I’d say 6pm is too early too.

I’d put him in a toddler bed with a bed guard on, pop a baby gate on his room so even if he opens the door there’s a gate to stop him wandering.
Also I’d Move bedtime to 7/7.30 depending on daytime naps.

Climbing out of a cot is dangerous, as soon as any of mine did this they slept on cot mattress on floor until ready for a bed.

3of my dc were good sleepers, one dc was awful. Finally after 8yrs of hell finally discovered his brain produces virtually no melatonin. With a combo of melatonin supplements, white noise app, and lavender bed sprays, he now falls asleep reasonably well.

Climbing out if much worse and dangerous.
Your sleep consultant sounds terrible I’m afraid.
Imagine being forced to sleep 2/3 hours before your actually tired it just doesn’t work does it.
7/7:30 bed time is ideal, allow him to get tired.

Can you imagine being put the bed when your not tired? You can’t sleep if your not tired so obviously he is going to mess about.

Scrap the 6pm bed times. Look at his naps during the day. How long does he sleep then?

I’d go back to back to basics with a routine. Stimulating play, food, bath and gentle stories in bed then sleep. If aim to have in in bed for 7-7.30

Don't forget that things change. Because he is like this now he won't necessarily always be so.
The cot is a bad idea if he can get out. I can't think what your sleep trainer's rationale is at all.
If you are getting upset and stressed then things have to change .

Thing is I have tried a cot bed and he was exactly the same? So that has nothing to do with it. I don't think 6pm is too early as he only naps for one hour between 11-12 so that's 6 hours of awake time before bed? X

Doesn’t matter if he’s same in the cot it’s dangerous for him to be climbing out it’s the 6 bedtime I think that’s causing it.
if he’s taking 3 hours to get to sleep it’s just causing both you and him distress and he’s obviously not tired.
Push his nap to between 11:30/12:00 in the hope he’ll have abit longer then push bedtime back.

Your sleep consultant sounds terrible. 6pm is far too early - 7/7.30 is a reasonable time for bed at his age, even if he's tucked into bed at 6.45 and has story time till 7 or something. If he's climbing out of his cot he absolutely needs a bed, it's ridiculous that this sleep consultant has told you otherwise - he could really hurt himself. What methods have you used so far to get him to sleep and for how long?

@mummygonemad

Thing is I have tried a cot bed and he was exactly the same? So that has nothing to do with it. I don't think 6pm is too early as he only naps for one hour between 11-12 so that's 6 hours of awake time before bed? X

Perhaps push his nap an hour later if you can so try an early lunch at 11.30 then nap 12-1 and bed at 7. I still stand by my comment of he needs a toddler bed though, despite it being no different it’s a hazard if he’s climbing out of his cot.

Is the room dark enough? It’s very light at that time of the night.

When ds started climbing out of his cot at 2 (literally his second birthday), we took the side off and put a sraitgate across his door. Then we did a bit of controlled crying (removed easily thrown toys!). Cracked it in 3 nights.

Over lockdown we've been a bit lax and ended up cosleeping a lot so have recently undone this. Our rule is he can play or read a book but he has to be in his room from 7. It's working pretty well, a gro type clock helped too with understanding.

I would stress less about the sleep and focus on the staying in his room to start with.

We've only in the last week tried 6pm bedtime. Before that we tried all diff times, he is not usually asleep before 9pm no matter what time he goes down. Also I think a cot is safer because I've heard horror stories about toddlers under 3 getting stuck between the bed and the wall. I think all parents need to be more aware of the dangers of a cot bed before 3. He climbs out safely so I don't think that's an issue. The problem we're having is he is exhausted but just can't seem to drop off. Even in our bed he won't sleep.

Does he have a nap? If so, cut this down to 45 min and never let him sleep past 1.30.

I wouldn’t start bedtime routine until 6.30 and aim to be in bed for 7.

Does his cot turn into a toddler bed? So it would only be one side open which is open to the floor.
If not you can buy bed guards to put either side so he won’t roll out. Or of course turn the bed so it’s not against the wall.
He may climb out safely but it takes one time for him to hurt himself.
Push his nap back from 11.

He only naps for 1 hour anyway so I'm not reducing it, he gets overtired as it is hence 6pm bedtime x

I might be wrong but just seems your abit unwilling to change anything in regards to his routine. We’ve all suggested stuff.

If it was it would be 11:30/12:00 nap and bed for 19:00/19:30, these things can make a massive difference.
And the fact he’s over tired would make me want to push the morning nap abit later so he can stretch out to new bed time.
It’s just a case of finding out what works.
But even if you are over tired trying bed at 6 then taking 2/3 hours to actually go to sleep should be enough for you to know it’s early for him.

Sounds like he needs a longer post nap awake time. Just because he has 6 hours from waking till his first nap doesn't mean he needs 6 hours between his nap and bedtime.
My 2 year old is up 7ish. Naps at 1 for 2 hours and is in bed for 8pm. It sounds late but otherwise she won't be tired enough for bed and I need downtime during her nap.
Maybe adjust the bedtime to 7 or bath at 7 at least. It's all about experimenting until you find the sweet spot. And it's different for all children.
i 'd conquer that before changing the bed type.

Or maybe he needs a longer lunch nap if he's overtired at 6

Toddler bed, stair gate on bedroom door, audio story playing (ds currently loves a paw patrol one) and star lights on ceiling. Plus toys in his room.

We had this with ds.. He's now 3 but we changed to the bed last year so he was about 2. The stair gate on the door was a game changer for us. So we do bed at 630/7 - stories read by one of us - initially had to be dh as ds was far worse to settle if it was me. Then audio book on and night night. The first week was hard. Dh went up every 5 or 10 mins to reassure ds - but we quickly distinguished between upset and just plain cross at not getting his own way. We stopped worrying about putting him back into bed just reassured him at the gate and told him it was bedtime. Tucked back in if he wanted.

Now ds gets his stories, either one of us can do it. He gets his audio book on. We say night night and most days he gets back out the bed to go play with toys on the floor for a bit happily then when he's ready climbs back in and goes to sleep.

At least with the stair gate I know he's safe. Wardrobe drawers etc all secured to walls too.
It's hard but it does get easier!!

Sorry, I meant a longer or later lunch nap