Controlled crying support thread - anyone interested?

[ShirleyPhallus]

At the end of our tether with our lovely DD, who used to self settle but for various reasons is now in the habit of waking up every sleep cycle (45 mins or so) and will only be fed back to sleep, but even then that’s not always working.

We have tried everything - cosleeping resulted in terrible sleep for everyone as she wriggles so much and i sleep so lightly worried about rolling over on to her. The gentle methods haven’t worked either as she gets so frustrated by us being there but not holding her / feeding her.

So CC it looks like. I’m not interested in people telling me how cruel / unfair it is and suggesting we co-sleep. That hasn’t worked, and it is far more unfair on her for me to be knackered during the day, not to mention unfair on her as she’s now waking with dark circles under her eyes and it’s clear she’s not getting enough rest.

Anyone else thinking of CC? Support thread might be nice?

@Dillybear @Forevercurious @Daisyflower12345 @June628

Hi all, just checking in to see how you are all doing?

@ShirleyPhallus hi, how are you? Thanks for thinking of us. Is your LO still sleeping through??

The CC took longer than I thought/hoped it would. On the fourth night, DD slept through and I thought we’d cracked it.... and then we had another five nights with long wake ups. She wasn’t crying, just whingeing and awake. In fact, there were no tears at any point during the CC, which was a relief. She’s always had these long wake ups where no matter what either of us do she can’t get back to sleep - in the end we just wait it out until she falls back to sleep. I was close to giving up because I was worried it wasn’t working and the long wake ups would just continue. I thought that at least when I tried to help her, even though it didn’t work, I was doing something. But I carried on as I actually don’t know what the alternative is. I started to realise that she wasn’t upset, there were no tears. She was very frustrated and maybe it’s something she just needs to work out for herself. I hope this makes sense!

All this is to say - she has slept through for the last two nights!! 7pm-6.30am! I don’t yet trust that it will continue but I really, really, really hope it will 😅

@ShirleyPhallus Hey! Thank you for checking up. How's your little one doing?

Well we haven't had a chance to do the CC as of yet as when we planned to do it DD came down with a cold and has had a cold for the past week. So didn't feel comfortable doing it while she is unwel. She is slowly getting better.

So far she hasn't had any long wake hours in the night as she was before which is great. We did have to change her bedtime to abit later which has also worked. But only problem now is the past week when she has woke in the night and I have tried to settle her back in the cot a few times I just give up and have been putting her in the bed with me (I know it isn't good at all and I'm not proud of it) but I have just felt so drained that after the third time of patting her I just pick her up and put her in the bed. The weird thing is she falls asleep straight away and will literally sleep through which is so weird as she hasn't sleep through in a long time.

So I just don't know what to do at the moment. Her sleeping through is great but obviously in the bed is not good and long term isn't ideal. I just want her to be able to self settle.

Once she is feeling slightly better then I will try maybe the gradual retreat where I stay in the room with her an see how she gets on.

It's so hard knowing what's the right thing to do I just feel so confused and down about it sometimes. You feel like your doing wrong an it's just so hard

I have to admit I’ve kind of given up, we had the double teething and a cold (all at the same time!) and I just couldn’t face starting over again tbh. I haven’t got the mental will power to do it properly so I shall wait until I’m next at breaking point and restart! He’s currently up usually twice a night - around 2/3am and then again around 5 when he comes into our bed. He usually falls back to sleep straight away in our bed but this morning he didn’t of back off until 6:30!

Hello all and OP @ShirleyPhallus - was hoping to hear how everyone got on. We have started tonight. Using takingcarababies method. Took DS 39 mins to fall asleep. Hoping the rest of the night goes better. Would love to hear people's feedback and how the babies are sleeping.

Hey, I know this thread is a little old but came across it whilst looking for some controlled crying help! I have afew qus if anyone has a minute to respond, thankyou!!
If baby stops crying for abit then starts again do you restart timer? Or do you time from put down?
Do you time the comforting part of do you just stay in room until they are calm?
Is there a max length you would go on for each night? I ask because my DD carried on crying for 3 hours last night (with me comforting every 10 mins as per Ferber method). After 3 hours I brought her into my bed.
Thanks!!

Hi @howsoonisnow85

I've successfully done CC with DS about 3 times now (due to illness had to restart), so hopefully some of my answers can help :)

"If baby stops crying for abit then starts again do you restart timer? Or do you time from put down?" - if it's about 10-15 mins or more and they're in a sleepy state, I would usually restart the timer.

"Do you time the comforting part of do you just stay in room until they are calm?" - for me, I would only class being out of the room as 'time'. Also DS seems to be worse if I'm in the room and is better at settling without me! But it's going to be different for everyone.

"Is there a max length you would go on for each night? I ask because my DD carried on crying for 3 hours last night (with me comforting every 10 mins as per Ferber method). After 3 hours I brought her into my bed.
Thanks!!" - I now go to 20 mins as I think it's more affective. At the start i think i did 10 though. Did you just start this and how old is baby?

PS. it does work and it does get easier and once the hard part is over, it's way worth it for both parent and baby, so hang in there! :)

hope this helps!

Thankyou @Bobble011019 ! Yes I can tell it will work as already so improved from where I started which was about a week ago. She is nearly one (next week). Glad it worked for you too!
Thanks for your help, I am increasing the time I leave her each night but sometimes (like last night) if just seems like she is never going to settle. I am worried about confusing her though by sometimes giving in, if that makes sense!
So can I just check, do you fully settle yours each time you go in & then leave, or do you go in the room for say 2 mins & then leave regardless of if they are still fussing?
Thanks!

I fully understand! When you're tired and it's been 3 hours, you'll do anything for. you both to get some sleep. I was working with a sleep consultant so I kept very consistent and persistent and he slept full nights after 3 nights. He was 12 months so you're the same! If I was to give advice I would be consistent and minimise the amount of time you spend settling as I think that enables the dependency of having you there to fall asleep.

I did settle each time but I mostly lay back him down and handed him the soother if he threw it or lost it, reassured him he was ok and 'shhhhed' and walked back out whether he was crying or not and he eventually got tired and went to sleep. I make sure to spend very little time in there now as my partner was spending much longer settling him and stroking him and it just discredited the work we had done.

It's very hard but they will adapt and learn much easier the more consistent and less hands on you are.

@Buttonsandbits here you are, good luck!