Controlled crying support thread - anyone interested?

[ShirleyPhallus]

At the end of our tether with our lovely DD, who used to self settle but for various reasons is now in the habit of waking up every sleep cycle (45 mins or so) and will only be fed back to sleep, but even then that’s not always working.

We have tried everything - cosleeping resulted in terrible sleep for everyone as she wriggles so much and i sleep so lightly worried about rolling over on to her. The gentle methods haven’t worked either as she gets so frustrated by us being there but not holding her / feeding her.

So CC it looks like. I’m not interested in people telling me how cruel / unfair it is and suggesting we co-sleep. That hasn’t worked, and it is far more unfair on her for me to be knackered during the day, not to mention unfair on her as she’s now waking with dark circles under her eyes and it’s clear she’s not getting enough rest.

Anyone else thinking of CC? Support thread might be nice?

@Daisyflower12345 good luck! I found once I’d decided enough was enough I’ve been determined to see it through. Other attempts at self settling before have failed as it’s been half hearted. I’ve found this thread really useful for support & documenting progress :)

Speaking of progress, last night was awful! so he went to sleep so easily and it was definitely too good to be true. He woke up at 3:30 and was crying out a little but mainly moaning and groaning so I thought he’d settle pretty quickly and he did go back to sleep for 10 minutes and then it started again. The wake up lasted 2 hours!!! He was getting more and more upset as time went on and eventually I gave him a little feed as I couldn’t take anymore :( I made sure he didn’t feed to sleep though and he put him down awake and continued with the singing and stroking I had been doing. I hope this means I haven’t put back our progress but I honestly felt broken from it and he was just getting more and more worked up :( is it normal for the night wake ups to take so long to resettle? I’m not sure if part of the problem was that he’d napped for 3 hours in total yesterday day time and he never sleeps in the day for that long, plus he didn’t wake from his long nap until 4pm which is quite late! Definitely won’t let that happen today.

@Forevercurious it could be the nap! Because my DD was the same yesterday. She slept for nearly 3 hours at nap time an she hasn't done that before so that's why last night maybe she woke up a lot more than usual.

I'm going through the exact same thing as you. How long did u do sleep training for how many days?

I hope it gets better for u. Sorry don't have much advice at the moment as I haven't done any training yet. Xx

@Daisyflower12345 I’m hoping it is the nap and not how it’s going to be each night, I’ve used the Ferber method for the past 2 nights now and there’s definitely progress in self settling to sleep at bed time. Just the middle of the night that’s tricker. But he’s only waking once and other nights he could be up 4/5 times so it’s definitely work in progress here!

@Forevercurious yes could be the nap.

I think with Ferber method if they do wake up at night you just have to do the same thing jus lay them back down but no picking up. Obviously I know that can be very hard especially when they're constantly crying.

I will be doing the Ferber method hopefully next week as DH has some time off.

How was the first night for you with it? Did you go in quite often or did you wait a while. I'm so worried about doing it as I know DD will be a nightmare but I know it's something that has to be done.

Hi all, sounds like everyone is moving on at least, I think this is good!

One thing I’ve read and to remember is that baby sleep progress isn’t a linear journey. They will definitely take steps forward and back and i am definitely analysing every single wake up / grizzle / cry / nap and wondering what to adjust for next time. This is a huge development for them so they’re bound to go back and forth. I am really trying to remember this although it’s difficult!

So we are making great progress. DD has now slept through the night 7-7ish for the last 4 days. No night time wakings are all (or she opens her eyes for a few seconds then self settles). Last night was a big one as we have been night weaning and dropped the early morning dream feed. She slept right through still! So that means we have just kept the one before I go to bed.

One thing we are struggling with is that she is still crying for 20 mins or so before she falls asleep at bedtime. I’ve read online that the type of crying she’s doing (it’s called up and down or something) means that she’s figuring out self settling. But it’s really unnerving as I expected her to be crying way less than this now :(

@Forevercurious we’ve had some nap challenges too, I hear they can commonly change during sleep training. It sounds like you’re making great progress and maybe try and remember the baby-sleep-isn’t-linear thing?

Hi @Daniellen7456 welcome, sorry to hear things are tough for you. My update is above, has gone really well. 5 months I think is a little young for CC, but I know exactly how awful it is to be at that point. We were pretty much counting down to her turning 6 months so we could try it! have you tried anything gentle?

Hi @Daisyflower12345 and welcome. Good luck next week! We will be here if you need support during the week!

@ShirleyPhallus hey thank you very much. Will keep you updated next week.

So are you doing the Ferber method and checking in on regular intervals? I'm glad it's going well for you and your little one is now sleeping through. Xx

God I just can’t follow it through.
So I just did 2 Min then 4 Min then 2 Min into the 6 min one I caved and picked him up And now rubbing his back.

It also upsets his brother hearing him scream
As their rooms are next to each other

I wonder if it’s harder now because he can speak
And calls for me so harder to ignore? Or maybe he’s too old and I’ve left it too late! Oh god we are going to be cosleeping until he moves out!

@OverTheRainbow88 Awwww hope it gets better for you. Of course it's hard Iv done it 3 times and each time gave up within 8mins lol.

How old is your little one ?

@ShirleyPhallus thanks for the advice about the linear sleep - that makes lots of sense! It’s such a huge change for them isn’t it. How many nights have you been doing it now? Congrats on the sleeping through, that’s a massive achievement! :D

@OverTheRainbow88 it’s so hard isn’t it but I do think consistency is key. how old is your little one? Sorry if you’ve already said and I’ve missed it. I don’t think it’s ever too late to sleep train but it requires a lot of determination and inner strength. Are you going to put him down this evening and try again? good luck x

He’s 20 months! And has probably slept well 10
Times in his life 😭

One thing I kept telling myself on the first night was that if I gave in and picked him up I’d let him cry for nothing and that made me feel like I needed to carry on as otherwise he’d been upset for no good end result if that makes sense.

It’a so bad I’m Almost considering it being a medical issue and taking to GP?

I’ve even tried drowsy antihistamine 😬

@Forevercurious

Yea I get that. But I genuinely think he would cry for hours and hours. We got to 2 Hours the other eve

@OverTheRainbow88 how is he level of understanding? Are you able to very simply try to explain how bedtime is going to work now?

@OverTheRainbow88 sorry cross posted there, its so tough. Hang in there! But yeah if you think there’s another factor affecting his sleep then a GP could help.

The min I say the word night night or bed or sleep time he says no no no or cries or even laughs.!

@Daisyflower12345 yes the Ferber method basically. It was definitely tough the first night, but we found it helped knowing we were going back in at intervals. And she only woke up to cry once during the night that first one.

The main thing is that once you start not stopping. Or if you stop, doing something else

@OverTheRainbow88 that sounds so tough for you and maybe it isn’t something that is right for you and your family. I mean this in the nicest way, but going to him after letting him cry I think will confuse him and just make him cry more (as he knows that crying = being picked up / fed)

@Forevercurious we are a week in. I genuinely didn’t think this would work for her at all, but here we are, she’s sleeping through and dropped all night feeds apart from one. I bet that will all change now tonight we think we are safe

@ShirleyPhallus Awww that's good. That's the method I should hopefully be going for next week which I'm totally stressing about lol.

Also when she woke up in the middle of the night did you also just allow her to cry it out an no picking up etc. I'm worried about DD as she wakes up quite a lot during the night and if she isn't tapped she starts crying pretty loud an is more wide awake.

Another awful night wake up here, he was awake for two and a half hours and only settled after a small feed so I’m starting to think he’s genuinely hungry. The first hour and a half was more moaning and groaning with the odd cry and you could see he was trying to go back to sleep. After then he just kept crying more / standing up until I couldn’t take anymore. But he does self settle after a feed so I don’t know if to try:
A) another night without feeding him until I reach the point of not being able to take anymore.
B) offer a feed when he wakes but not feed him to sleep and allow him to self settle afterwards.
Or C) dream feed around 2/2:30 and see if that stops him waking.

I am exhausted and worried that him being awake for so long in the night will mean he’s getting more and more overtired each day.

This method does not seem to be working for the night wake up. Last night I dream feed him at 3, he woke again at 4:15 but must have gone back off to sleep and started crying again around 4:45. At 5:30 I gave in and fed him. I think I give in at that time because I know he’s going to be up at 7/7:30 and feel quite confident he would carry on crying until then unless he’s fed and that’s now how I want him to start the day. The only progress we seem to be making with it is that the wake ups are getting later - although the dream feed may have helped that one last night! Has anyone got any advice please?

How are you getting on @Forevercurious sorry I have no advice but wanted to check in!

@June628

How are you getting on *@Forevercurious* sorry I have no advice but wanted to check in!

*@Forevercurious* @June628

Just came over here to ask the same thing. Really hope you’re okay and those night wakings have at least reduced!

@June628 & @Dillybear thanks for thinking of us. The nights didn’t improve and now we’ve had 3 nights of a runny nose and teething (two teeth at once!) so it’s all just gone to pot I feel.

I’m gutted as I feel like all of our hard work has been for nothing in a way. But once we’ve passed this blip I will be cracking on with it again!

@Forevercurious that’s so disappointing! Hopefully the teething episode has passed now. Two teeth at once is really rough! Let us know how you get on.

Are everyone else’s babies still sleeping much better?