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Original poster

Controlled crying support thread - anyone interested?

110 replies

ShirleyPhallus · 06/10/2020 11:28

At the end of our tether with our lovely DD, who used to self settle but for various reasons is now in the habit of waking up every sleep cycle (45 mins or so) and will only be fed back to sleep, but even then that’s not always working.

We have tried everything - cosleeping resulted in terrible sleep for everyone as she wriggles so much and i sleep so lightly worried about rolling over on to her. The gentle methods haven’t worked either as she gets so frustrated by us being there but not holding her / feeding her.

So CC it looks like. I’m not interested in people telling me how cruel / unfair it is and suggesting we co-sleep. That hasn’t worked, and it is far more unfair on her for me to be knackered during the day, not to mention unfair on her as she’s now waking with dark circles under her eyes and it’s clear she’s not getting enough rest.

Anyone else thinking of CC? Support thread might be nice?

OP posts:
Original poster
ShirleyPhallus · 10/10/2020 21:30

Oh @OverTheRainbow88, that’s so tough. Maybe it’s worse with you being there as you’re distracting him, have you thought about leaving the room?

OP posts:
Original poster
ShirleyPhallus · 11/10/2020 10:49

@JumpingJamboree @LikeTheFruit thanks so much for giving your experiences, it gives me hope! DD did well last night with less crying so doing well so far.

@OverTheRainbow88 how did you get on in the end?

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OverTheRainbow88 · 11/10/2020 13:03

Yes maybe, he’s never fallen asleep alone in a room.
It was a disaster, took 2 Hours and then he was up at 12, 2 Then 5.40 for the day!

How was your second night of doing it?

doadeer · 12/10/2020 17:33

@OverTheRainbow88

OMG, this is a fucking disaster he’s been Crying/screaming since 6.40 and no sign of giving in... I’ve not even left the room I’m just not holding his hand.!!!! He just stands up and points to his door- I.e. to take him to my bed!! Honestly his sleep issues are ruining my life
I would leave the room and do the method as it's advised. Returning after regular intervals. You being there isn't providing him with comfort it's just making him more adamant he doesn't want to sleep.

We found it really hard. I cried. But we did it by the book (and with a sleep consultant advice) and after 3 nights it worked. And he's been a dream since.

doadeer · 12/10/2020 17:37

Sorry @OverTheRainbow88 just re-read that and it comes across a bit abrasive, sorry I didn't mean that at all. I really do sympathise I used to sit in the dark on laminate floor for hours trying to get my son to sleep. It was hell.

Original poster
ShirleyPhallus · 12/10/2020 17:38

I would agree with @doadeer, we are on day 4 now and DD is down to about 7-8 mins of crying at bedtime and is now sleeping through.

@OverTheRainbow88 how’s its going? Would you think about leaving the room to give him a chance to do it himself?

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LikeTheFruit · 12/10/2020 18:09

@ShirleyPhallus what did you do for overnight wake ups? We still have 2-4 (which is an improvement!) but unsure whether to wait before I go to get or not

Original poster
ShirleyPhallus · 12/10/2020 18:15

@LikeTheFruit we did exactly the same as for bedtime, leave it 3 mins before going in then leave 5 mins then 7 etc. We also wait and see how bad it is - is it grizzles or full crying? If grizzles And she’s got in to sleep position we might leave it another minute

Then we are doing 2 dream feeds so that she doesn’t wake up hungry / not giving mixed leaves that I might feed her sometimes when she wakes up but not others

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Forevercurious · 12/10/2020 20:42

@ShirleyPhallus oh wow you’re having such good progress with it! I had planned to start tonight but DS is teething so badly I just didn’t think it would be fair to start this evening. Fingers crossed for tomorrow 🤞

LikeTheFruit · 12/10/2020 21:02

Thanks@ShirleyPhallus I've not been dream feeding at all since she's been born so maybe need to consider it.

Forevercurious · 13/10/2020 18:54

Night 1 for us, doing this alone as DP is away for work so I’m here for a hand hold!

OverTheRainbow88 · 13/10/2020 19:01

@Forevercurious

You’ve got this!!! Stay strong.

Original poster
ShirleyPhallus · 13/10/2020 19:18

@Forevercurious good luck!!! The first night and the build up to it is the worst. Have a huge glass of wine, put some music on and set your timer.

Come back to the thread if you need moral support Flowers

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Forevercurious · 13/10/2020 19:18

He’s asleep! Took 34 minutes from start to finish, I’ve cried a bit, he didn’t become hysterical at any point and lots of it was angry shouty crying and some pauses so it was better than I was expecting. I now just feel so guilty and hope he doesn’t feel unloved - isn’t that silly!

Original poster
ShirleyPhallus · 13/10/2020 19:21

YESSSS!!! Well done!!! That’s the most awful bit over with, as now he’s asleep you can see how it actually was for him to cry. It’s so true isn’t it - it’s not 100% all out hysterics the whole time but a real mix of all different cries and grumbles.

He’ll still love you I promise but DD definitely became a bit clingy / grumpy first day or 2. Apparently this is normal coz they’re going through development. She’s her happy smiley self again

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Forevercurious · 13/10/2020 19:22

I’m a bit nervous about night wake ups. I usually dream feed around 10/10:30 but sometimes he’s wakes before then - do I just treat the wake ups in the same way? He shouldn’t need an extra feed in the night as he’s now 10 months and eats well in the day. Also, he usually comes into my bed around 5/6ish depending on when he wakes, I guess this would now confuse him if I done that?

Original poster
ShirleyPhallus · 13/10/2020 19:37

I’m not an expert on this but the way we have done the dream feeds is to do them 30 minutes before the usual time, as otherwise the baby gets confused that he’s crying sometimes and gets fed but cries other times and doesn’t get fed

I think that them coming in to your bed is also not recommended but do whatever you think is right

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Forevercurious · 13/10/2020 19:39

@ShirleyPhallus that makes sense. I’ll aim to feed him around 9:30 then :) - just seems quite early but he should be able to go that long without a feed now surely?!

The bed sharing thing is harder as co sleeping no longer works for us and sometimes he’s not in until 6ish other times it’s earlier. I’ll miss the little snuggles but need to think long term. He can always have his first feed of the day in bed so we can still cuddle but he’s not going back to sleep.

Forevercurious · 13/10/2020 19:45

@ShirleyPhallus sorry I missed your previous post! thanks for the heads up on his potential behaviour change over the next couple of days - I hadn’t considered that!

Forevercurious · 14/10/2020 02:53

First night wake up has been going on for almost an hour 😫 I wasn’t expecting the night wakes to take longer than the initial settling! Starting to wonder if he’s genuinely hungry which is why it’s taking so long. He had a dream feed at 10 & fed for 9 minutes then woke at 1:55.

Forevercurious · 14/10/2020 19:32

Update on our second night. He’s asleep within 4/5 minutes with NO CRYING at all. I feel like it’s too good to be true!

How’s everyone else getting on?

Daniellen7456 · 14/10/2020 19:33

Hi OP @ShirleyPhallus my son is a little over 5 months and I'm at a complete loss with sleep. I wanted to see how things are still getting on. I'm thinking of trying controlled crying as well but trying to hold out another week or two if possible.

Would love an update on how things are

Dillybear · 14/10/2020 19:40

@Forevercurious if this isn’t too weird I’ve been following this thread a little as I am planning to night wean my DD and I imagine there will be some crying involved! Just wondering how the wake ups went last night? Sounds like you and DS are making amazing progress already!

Forevercurious · 14/10/2020 19:50

@Dillybear not weird at all, so he was dream feed around 10 as usual and then woke at 1:55. He was awake for an hour and ten minutes and I just kept going back in every 10 minutes singing a song and stroking his hair and then coming out (the same as I’d done to get him to sleep). I won’t lie, the 10 minute wait felt awful each time and went passed so slowly but I kept at it. I had started to think he was hungry as it was taking so long and had decided if we reached 2 hours I’d feed him but we didn’t get that far! Eventually he went back to sleep and then woke for the day at 6:45. If there’s anything else you’d like to ask please feel free - I’m so surprised how well it’s working for us at the moment!

Daisyflower12345 · 15/10/2020 07:48

@ShirleyPhallus Hii

Definitely need support lol.

DD is 15months and is not sleeping great at all. Is waking up so many times during the night wanting to be tapped back to sleep or sometimes will wake up at 3am wide awake and won't go back to sleep for hours. Me an DH are so drained that we jus let her into our bed an then DD eventually falls asleep after messing around for 2-3hours.

I will be doing the CC method next week (fingers crossed) I'm jus waiting for this new routine to settle in a little bit more. DH is finally on board so I'm hoping we can do this. We have tried it before a few months ago but she was too hysterical an we couldn't go through with it. Hoping she won't be as bad now as she has fallen asleep herself in the bed a few times.

Not looking forward to it but I know in the end it will be worth it an mainly it will be helping DD as she will finally master the skill of self settling!