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Original poster

Controlled crying support thread - anyone interested?

110 replies

ShirleyPhallus · 06/10/2020 11:28

At the end of our tether with our lovely DD, who used to self settle but for various reasons is now in the habit of waking up every sleep cycle (45 mins or so) and will only be fed back to sleep, but even then that’s not always working.

We have tried everything - cosleeping resulted in terrible sleep for everyone as she wriggles so much and i sleep so lightly worried about rolling over on to her. The gentle methods haven’t worked either as she gets so frustrated by us being there but not holding her / feeding her.

So CC it looks like. I’m not interested in people telling me how cruel / unfair it is and suggesting we co-sleep. That hasn’t worked, and it is far more unfair on her for me to be knackered during the day, not to mention unfair on her as she’s now waking with dark circles under her eyes and it’s clear she’s not getting enough rest.

Anyone else thinking of CC? Support thread might be nice?

OP posts:
OverTheRainbow88 · 06/10/2020 19:49

The Ferber method; where you time how long they cry for and then go in settle, and leave!

OP,
He hasn’t got a comforter, I’ve tried numerous things but he’s not interested. Unlike his sibling who sleeps with 8 teddies.

1940s · 06/10/2020 20:07

I can't imagine how anyone can think that letting a baby fall back to sleep only to wake them 10-15 minutes after for a feed is a good idea?

OverTheRainbow88 · 06/10/2020 20:10

@1940s

I’m not sure this is the thread for you.

It’s a support thread for those about to start cc, in case you hadn’t noticed.

Original poster
ShirleyPhallus · 06/10/2020 22:45

[quote OverTheRainbow88]@1940s

I’m not sure this is the thread for you.

It’s a support thread for those about to start cc, in case you hadn’t noticed.[/quote]
Agreed. Pretty sure that all of us looking at trying this are so sleep deprived that the last thing we will have patience for is someone disruptive for no constructive reason.

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Original poster
ShirleyPhallus · 07/10/2020 08:39

@OverTheRainbow88 really sorry, I accidentally reported your comment instead of replying to it and MNHQ have deleted both

@rosielrh2 I’ve re-read the night weaning thing and what I said above isn’t exactly right, you try and dream feed them instead of waking up. I have an imagine from a book of how to do it, if you want then feel free to PM me

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Bobble011019 · 07/10/2020 09:35

@OverTheRainbow88 when we first started we went in every 10 seconds, until he cried less and less. Next night 20 secs, next night 30 secs etc. We had tried and failed before where we did 3mins, 5 mins etc. I think it was too long for DS and it panicked him. Could be worth trying :)

rosielrh2 · 07/10/2020 09:55

I think consistency might be where we fail-I just can’t do it when I’m already too tired to begin with!
We’re trying to go in every few minutes, he gets himself so upset there’s no way he’d lie down and put himself to sleep but he seems to need to get it out of his system.
He’s also at the ridiculously clingy 8-9 month stage. And would feed at every given opportunity so no idea when he’s actually hungry!

Twizbe · 07/10/2020 10:09

I did it with both mine at 9 months. They both had a horrible patch of sleep at 6 months with teeth and regressions but that one past.

I waited for 9 months to be 100% sure it wasn't hunger waking them (youngest had weight and allergy issues)

No regrets at all. It took 4 nights and they've slept like a dream since. Now if they wake in the night we know there is something wrong like they are ill or teeth

Bobble011019 · 07/10/2020 10:31

@rosielrh2 I fully understand where you're at. It can be so hard. I too never thought I'd see the day where he'd lay down and go to sleep but he did after 1 hour and 20 mins on the first night and slept until 5.30am.

second night it took 50 mins, third night 20 and then from then on it got easier and easier. If you remind yourself they're crying because of a dependency and not because of pain (given that your little one has no illnesses) it's a lot easier on you. As mentioned before in the thread, it's all about being consistent and persistent and they soon learn how to sleep by themselves. Seems unimaginable when your little one is crying and standing in the cot, I feel you! But it does work, just about preparing yourself to start and keep at it.

Original poster
ShirleyPhallus · 09/10/2020 09:47

I think we are gonna give it a go tonight. Horrible night with DD again, being up about every 45 mins. She did 1hr 45 mins at one point but that was it. Exhausted.

Wishing anyone else giving it a go lots of luck!

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OverTheRainbow88 · 09/10/2020 11:48

We are going to try tonight, although last night at bed time I stopped rubbing his back for about 3
Min while I went for a wee and by the time
I came back he was so hysterically crying I had to get him out of bed for a cuddle and he was shaking with crying...
Soooooo not sure if I’ve left it too late to try? Do you think he’s too old at 20 months?

Original poster
ShirleyPhallus · 09/10/2020 12:53

Oh that sounds tough. I honestly couldn’t answer as mine is much younger, but the programmes I’ve seen have indicated it’s suitable up to 2 years.

The only thing is, do you think you’d be able to be committed to it? I think it would be more unfair to change halfway through as would be mixed messages.

I’m dreading seeing her cry so much but after nights like that I really think that we all need proper sleep. She’s getting grumpy during the day and has little bags under her eyes and is obviously knackered too :(

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Forevercurious · 10/10/2020 10:24

Oh please can I join! We are attempting to do some form of sleep training with 10 months old DS this weekend - he’s also EBF and I just cannot take anymore of the frequent wake ups.

Our plan is to return to his room after 2/4/6/8/10 minutes and comfort but not pick up or feed! I’ve wanted to try and crack this for weeks but I just don’t think I’m strong enough and it seems so complicated with making sure his awake windows are spot on and getting him to feed before his nap as he only feeds in the day if he’s feeding to sleep.

Forevercurious · 10/10/2020 10:25

Sorry posted too soon, that’s for the start of naps & bedtime but I’m unsure if during the middle of the night I should continue to feed until he’s cracked self settling to start with?

Good luck with your attempt this weekend :)

Forevercurious · 10/10/2020 11:12

So it would seem we have given up already. For his morning nap I’d got up to leaving DS for 8 minutes, DP decides he can’t do it and goes in and picks him up. I understand it’s so hard but we’ve spent a long time talking about what we’re going to do and why it needs to be done yet he couldn’t even try it properly for one attempt!

Original poster
ShirleyPhallus · 10/10/2020 12:37

Hi @Forevercurious. Oh that’s so frustrating!! FWIW, I’ve read that nighttime sleep is much easier to crack than day time sleep, and you can tackle the nights first and continue to feed to sleep or whatever for the naps. We’ve done night 1 and now that we’ve done it, I can say the build up and first bit is definitely the hardest

We started last night. DD cried for 43 mins before falling asleep Sad However, a lot of that wasn’t full out hysterics, she was very much more grizzly than anything and lots of breaks in the crying. She then woke up at about 3.15 and we had another 14 mins of crying but that was it. A few times she woke up and had a bit of a shout and we thought to start the timer but didn’t need to. The times we went in were tough for sure but seeing how well she slept otherwise was amazing, seems really worth it! She slept for 11.5 hours! This from a baby who was waking all the time.

I have done dream feeds so as not to confuse her and then will drop the minutes doing that to try and wean her off. Night one ok for us!

OP posts:
OverTheRainbow88 · 10/10/2020 13:09

Ooh well done OP, sounds promising!

So I was pathetic and instead of rubbing his back to sleep, I held a non moving hand on it... then we coslept from midnight 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄😱

Forevercurious · 10/10/2020 13:32

@ShirleyPhallus oh really that is interesting as I haven’t read that and thought it would be easier to do naps and bedtime at the same time! are you just doing bedtime or naps as well? I thought it may be confusing to feed to sleep some times and expect him to self settle at other times. DP and I clearly need to get onto the same page with this (well I thought we had but clearly not!) Maybe we will give bedtime a go tonight then.

How frequently did you go in to her last night and how did you comfort her whilst you were in there?

@OverTheRainbow88 we always end up co sleeping too! But it doesn’t work for us anymore if it did I’d carry on as we are!

OverTheRainbow88 · 10/10/2020 13:35

@Forevercurious

Yea it doesn’t actually work for us either!!!!! I just need to be firm and consistent and do the CC

Original poster
ShirleyPhallus · 10/10/2020 13:47

@Forevercurious apparently naps and night sleep use different parts of the brain so it’s ok to do night sleep first. It is apparently easier as their sleep drive is highest at night (ie it’s easier to fall asleep). We are just doing nights for now then will do naps in a few weeks once nights are solid.

We did increments of 2 from 3 minutes and just spent 20-30 seconds shushing her, patting her, telling her we loved her etc.

Here’s a link: www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.babysleepscience.com/single-post/2014/04/15/Naps-or-Nights-Which-Should-You-Work-on-First%3f_amp_

Controlled crying support thread - anyone interested?
OP posts:
Original poster
ShirleyPhallus · 10/10/2020 13:50

This link mentions it too: takingcarababies.com/nap-schedules/

OP posts:
JumpingJamboree · 10/10/2020 13:55

I did it with my 7 month old 3 weeks ago as she went from being a really good sleeper to terrible for the 4 month regression and then stayed bad, exactly as yours is.
It took one night and I checked on her every 5-7 minutes for about 30 seconds while she was crying. If she got really bad, I would pick her up till she calmed down, then put her back in bed and leave, even if she started crying again. It didn't take long, maybe 30 minutes and I felt awful doing it but her sleeping has improved enormously and we are all feeling much better for it!

LikeTheFruit · 10/10/2020 14:25

Hi OP glad your first night went well

I could have written your post. 6.5 month old EBF. Fed to sleep for all naps and at bedtime then transferred to cot. Never managed cot nap in day time, all naps on me and just not sustainable. Had a really good few weeks at about 4.5 months then regression hit and never left. Nighttime waking every 45 mins to 2 hours max needing boob every time.

We bit the bullet on Thursday night. Went in at 1 minute, then 2, 3 up to 5 max. Took 25 mins. She woke 5 times over the night but only fed twice. I decided to do same for naps too as really need some time to get life sorted so I can fully concentrate on her when she's awake. So morning nap took 20 mins and afternoon just 8 (and slept for 2 hours which is unheard of!). Then last night I popped her down at bedtime awake, she shouted twice then wriggled and fell asleep. Couldn't believe it. She woke for feeds at 2 and 5 and that was it.

Naps today haven't been as good but fingers crossed for tonight

Forevercurious · 10/10/2020 15:35

Thankyou for those links. DP is working away for the most of next week so I’m going to attempt it then when it will just be me and DS here - no DSS either so I can give it my all!

OverTheRainbow88 · 10/10/2020 19:48

OMG, this is a fucking disaster he’s been Crying/screaming since 6.40 and no sign of giving in... I’ve not even left the room I’m just not holding his hand.!!!! He just stands up and points to his door- I.e. to take him to my bed!! Honestly his sleep issues are ruining my life