Support thread for sleep training in lockdown

[Goostacean]

Hi all, I was on a similar thread for potty training (for my toddler) in lockdown and it was great to have some support and encouragement from those going through the same thing.

From tomorrow night we’re going to try sleep training our 5.5mo as he currently nurses/bounces to sleep and wakes multiple times a night.

Anyone else in a similar position, regardless of your child’s age?

What age is your daughter donut?

When we started this a few weeks ago my little one was waking once a night for a feed (but I also do a dream feed). She is almost 6 months and we are formula feeding now so it will be a bit different if you're BF

in that scenario I feed her and put her down drowsy and leave her to settle. Because she's half asleep anyway it's a lot easier than the original night-time settling.

I think if you're going to follow it strictly then you should only feed when you think necessary and re-settle without feeding the other times.

For the last week apart from one night however my DD has slept through the night so sleeps from around 7pm but I wake her for the dream feed around 11pm - just about to do it! For the dream feed though she is basically still asleep. I change her nappy to rouse her a bit, feed for about 15 mins, she takes around 7oz, and then put her back down.

I'm hoping she's going to keep to that and drop the night feed altogether but fingers firmly crossed for now.

She then wakes sometime between 5.30 and 7am - I'm trying to push her to 7am!!
She's napping for about 1hr at 9, then 2hrs around 12pm and about 30 mins at 4pm. She settles okay for the first two but we struggle with the last nap.

It's going pretty well @Goostacean - I still need to get the naps and morning waking to a more exact time but from what I've read the nights sort themselves before the naps so we will get there. Like you I have gained my evenings back so I am happy!

By the way @Donut93 1hr 15 is pretty good!! It will be less tomorrow and definitely the night after. If you can you should try do the naps the same way from tomorrow. But that's me being hardcore!! Easier said than done 😂

I've been watching this with interest as my DD seems to have hit the four month sleep regression and I've got this niggling feeling I'm going to need to sleep train.

I escaped it with my eldest but this one is not such a good sleeper it seems.

Is it common for them to be so upset they are sick, or does that not happen for all of them?

Also, when should I start? She's only 4 months now so I guess too young but I feel like I should bite the bullet early if it turns out we need to. It's not just about me (exhausted as I am) but also I'm worried about her being so overtired and missing out on the sleep she needs.

@agteacht Great, so glad to hear it! Our daytime naps are still so changeable. It’s a bit easier now my toddler is at nursery 4 mornings a week- the baby has an especially lovely long morning nap on those days!

@Donut93 How was last night? How’ve the night wakings been?

@sunlightflower Welcome! The advice is not to start til 5-6 months old, 4 months is generally considered to be too young. We started at around 5.5mo, and that’s been great. No, not all babies throw up from it (thankfully!)- mine cried, calmed when I went in, whinged and dropped off. The longest he has ever cried using this method was 30 mins - once on the first night and once when I screwed up his nap timings and he clearly was tired enough. He generally cries for 0-10mins, if he’s sufficiently tired then that’s usually 0! Maybe a bit of whining/grumbling, but no hysterics.

We just had our first 12h stretch! He slept 1930-0730, without even waking for a feed! The previous two nights he shifted his feed to 4am and last night didn’t have one at all, woohoo!!

Please can I join, it’s night one of sleep training my 11 month old, been 30 minutes of crying and he is still going. Finding it really hard. I have 4 much older dc and never had to sleep train them, but this little guy, he naps brilliant in the day, soon as it’s bed time, he goes off on one. He has a bedtime routine and so forth, I don’t know why he won’t settle well at bedtime. Not only that for about the past week he has been waking around 1am and not going back down until about 4am, so I have been living on about three hours sleep a night and I’m just done now.

He seems to be tapering off now but this is really hard. Just want to go and cuddle him but I know it’s not going to do me or him any favours.

Just saw your post @PurpleThistles84 How was it in the end? Did he settle? I think it’s harder when they’re older, they have more stamina and understanding...

It took him nearly 45 minutes but he went off and has been asleep ever since. He never really reached what i class as his ‘I need you’ cry, more of an angry one, I think I would have cracked if it had been the former.

It’s my fault really that we are even having to sleep train him, he was a ‘surprise’ baby, came along when my youngest had just turned 10, I think the parent I was 15 years ago with my first is very different to the parent I am now! Plus he had all sorts of drama in his first 12 weeks so I think I have really smothered him with the love and made some bad sleep associations along the way. At least he is sleeping peacefully now. Thanks for the support.

Ahh don’t feel bad! He sounds very lucky to have you Glad he dropped off and I hope the rest of the night was okay. Tonight should be less than 45mins, and then it should decrease down to basically no crying. Good luck!

He did sleep all night. However when I got him up this morning I discovered he had vomited everywhere. I don’t know if it happened during the night but I am assuming it happened during his crying. I feel absolutely terrible, I didn’t know babies could vomit from crying. I don’t think I can do that to him again, despite the fact he slept really well.

Oh noooooo.... Someone up thread had the same but they use a monitor so they saw it happen, changed baby, and continued. Sorry, you must feel very upset

If it’s any consolation, my eldest once brought norovirus back from nursery... he cried out in the night but I didn’t check on him as he resettled instantly (15 months old), and in the morning discovered that he’d clearly woken up, thrown up, then slept in it... it was CAKED everywhere, and then DH and I almost died from the resulting illness we caught. (Only a slight exaggeration, it was horrific). DS was happy as Larry though, after that one vom, and it clearly hadn’t bothered him as he’d slept til morning!

Did you do intervals, or just leave him for the 45mins? If you feel up to it, you could always try again but check on him once he’s asleep?

Hi all.

I'm about to sleep train my 18mo tonight.

Sitting in her room until she falls asleep each night and then eventually come 12-2am her waking for us to come In our bed needs to stop.

This all only started about 4 weeks ago too I believe we made a rod for our own backs.

Going to read up on the controlled crying as I tried gradual retreat but was never ever ever able to leave the room lol hence sitting in there for last 4 months every night.

Did you all have positive outcomes? What worked best?

Thank you xx

Hi @Italianshark, welcome! I’ve sleep trained at a much younger age, so I don’t know what advice may be helpful to your specific situation, but I’ll tell you how I did it.

I did controlled crying when my son was just over 5mo. I went in at 3,5,8,10 min intervals- or that had been the plan. The first night he cried for 30mins total and that’s the longest he’s cried. He only ever cried for that long once again, when I misjudged the nap timing and he wasn’t tired enough. I’ve read that you can expect 40-150mins of crying on the first night though. I also found since then that going in caused more crying and added fuel to the fire, as it were, so I tended to stick to 10mins after that and now I don’t need to go in at all, pretty much. Maybe 1 time in 10? Maybe less. He now sleeps with usually a single wake up (is still breastfed on demand) and actually two nights ago slept for 12hs straight for the first time since he was born! He’s almost 6.5mo.

Based on a couple of other’s experiences on this thread, I’d recommend a monitor if you have one- two posters have had their children vomit whilst crying. Not ideal (understatement). So I think it can help peace of mind a lot if you can see what is going on. Alternatively, and this is what I did as we don’t have a monitor, go and check on them once they’re asleep.

What’s your planned approach?

I have now got a video monitor so that never happens again. DH and I decided w need to keep going or yesterday we put DS through that for nothing. We didn’t go in at all, because on a previous attempt to sleep train, it makes him much worse.

I will add that I don’t know when exactly DS threw up and yesterday was his first day drinking only whole milk and not his usual formula. Although we didn’t go in to him, I listened to him on the audio monitor we had and I didn’t hear any sounds of being sick so it may have happened at some point in the night and he may have just kept sleeping. I don’t know.

You can do it, Purple! And now you have the monitor. Maybe it was just the change in milk then...? Fingers crossed for a smoother night. Does he normally wake up, or is it just the bedtime settling that’s problematic? Good luck

@Goostacean

Currently waiting on the 7th minute 🙈! She was fine going to sleep before lockdown she's been too clingy with us I think being around.

I have a monitor, she's just currently standing up but it's not ott crying more of a winge like as if she's saying 'come and get me ffs'

I think it's horrible but nothing is as horrible as I feel at 4am when she's starting the day and we've both had shit sleep and she's in a bad mood I'm in a bad mood.

It's no good for either of us and I think for me it's worse because it was so great and now it's so shite haha

Never mind hopefully this helps

Took 25 minutes tonight, last night it was 45 minutes. Definitely an angry cry rather than a distressed cry and very intermittent tonight. No vomiting either and reassured to see him settled on the monitor. It’s so hard not to go into him and give him cuddles but I know it’s the right thing to do, he had a full nights sleep last night and I felt half human for the first time in a long time today.

So she's been silent for 15 mins but stood up 😆 we think she's asleep up against her cot.

Now what? Lol is she gonna fall and hurt herself?

Really pleased for you @Purple - I was thinking of you because I know how horrible it can feel when they’re so upset. Hope you have another good night.

@Italianshark great! How did it go? Settled yet?

Haha, excellent cross post! I’d leave her to it?? Worst case, she falls down onto the soft mattress, cries, you go in. Best case, she wakes slightly, realises, lies down, and Bob’s your uncle??

Hiya love

So we're on night 3... the crying is much more on and off and more of a winge than a cry.

Only things I'm finding as she gets less and less then we get to 10 mins go in, and then when we leave it's hysterics again...

Not sure whether going in is making it worse?

Mmm, well if you’re comfortable you could always extend the interval to 15 mins? I stopped going in for whinging pretty quickly because I found the same- it set him off again. Now I only go in for proper crying, which apparently means he wants to feed more, or at least that’s how I fix it!

Well DS went to sleep within 10 minutes tonight, night number 4. However he just woke up (45 mins later) and cries for another 10 mins but is sleeping again now.

I don’t go into him at all, because it definitely makes him worse. He has slept right through for the past three nights in a row. Confirmation for me that as crap as it feels, leaving him to cry to sleep, it has been the right thing. He is much more content in the day and his eating has really improved too, without any night feeds anymore.