New dad going insane

[DadAndEz]

Morning all!

I am out of ideas and quite frankly so far in the deep end we don't know how to get out. We have just spent the last 5 months really unable to believe we finally have our boy, we unfortunately suffered three miscarriages and when our son came along we have just held him and stared at him, I know it sounds silly.

He is now five and half months/ 23 weeks and has never been settled in his own bed, we've always researched and practiced safe co sleeping and its always worked really well for us (maybe its because we didn't actually mind at first being woken up by him as its what we have waited for).

Unfortunately this isn't working anymore, he's getting so big my partner is getting no sleep as he either wants to be fed and held, or wants to rest on her arm. Now he is suddenly waking u every 10 minutes! and that's no exaggeration, every 10 minutes. Last night we had an orchestra of Shh-ing but the lack of sleep is really starting to affect all aspects of our life.

We've been researching different sleep methods and for a few days last week tried to put him down drowsy and comfort him but we saw absolutely no progress, it actually made our night worse as he woke up in hysterical screaming all night and made us feel such lousy parents.

Sorry if I seem completely clueless we just really really need some help, we don't live near family and my mother recommends the cry out method but we really dont think its for us, it stresses us out so much.

Any advice on any aspect of helping us settle him would be hugely appreciated, Thanks for your time.

-A tired dad who has started to sh in his own head

The gro owl is the best white noise we’ve found with our kids. Used to have the sheep but the owl is louder and is triggered by noise (if you choose that setting). Babies have liked it better. Saves you from the orchestra of shushing! (Been there many a time).

The owl has been most effective when they are in their own room so from about 9 months on for us. At as little as five months honestly I wouldn’t expect too much. At that age I think you’re going to be getting disrupted sleep (sorry!) and the only things which might help aside from white noise are a dummy and possibly a next to me/side sleeper. With one of my kids we co slept in the bed, and then spent a few weeks gradually moving them further away in the bed until they were IN the next to me. I then spent a further week basically sleeping with my head in the next to me, before I could move back to the bed. It worked pretty well although was a slow process!

Good luck!

Reading your first post, it looks as though your wife is sitting up, holding him to feed and then trying to put him down. Can she feed laying down? As they get a bit bigger they can just help themselves at night and you barely have to wake up at all.
I have a seven month old who cosleeps and I feed her laying down so even when it's constant I don't have to properly wake up which makes a massive difference. Also when the baby is sound asleep I roll away to sleep in my own space for a bit, this is much easier earlier in the evening.

We also have a toddler so have to get up early. We find we get more sleep if we all just go to bed at toddler/baby bedtime. It's a bit annoying because it'd be nice to have some adult time but it's not forever - by the time my eldest was one we could leave her upstairs without her waking without any sleep training at all.
They're only little for such a short time it's always seemed best to us to just get on with meeting their needs as they are and work out the best way to meet our own needs around that, rather than training the kids to be more independent.
For us that's meant that I have done every single night waking for both children since they were born, because I can get them back to sleep again the quickest and most efficiently. My uncle has teenagers and he promised me they'll be good sleepers by then no matter what we do or don't do now 😂