Controlled crying yes or no?

[bigmamama]

Hi , so basically my LO is about to turn 6 months this week and is rapidly outgrowing his snuzpod.
My struggle I'm having right now is that after the bedtime routine and his last bottle he's struggling well I'm struggling to get him completely settled to put him down and leave him as he screams! I'm finding myself rocking him and shushing him until he's asleep in my arms n then laying him down and I really need to get out this routine as I don't want him to rely on it to get him to sleep. I also have 3 year old so it's just not practical every night. So as well as transitioning to the cot which is in his own room, do I start to leave him to attempt to self soothe and cry it out ? Or is that just really mean?! Iv tried to use the Ewan the sheep, white noise, swaddling him, patting him but nothing seems to work other than being rocked ! Please help ?!

Just rock him. He’s tiny and he wants his mum. If any other human was crying for you would you leave them to it because it’s not good for them to get used to you being there for them?

Just cuddle him. It feels like it will never end now, but it isn't forever. Is he going into a room by himself or us he sharing with his sibling? Any transition is difficult and he will need a bit if reassurance until he gets used to the cot.

It’s a no from me. I think some babies can be quite amenable to sleep training (my second might have been) but for the ones who aren’t it’s really stressful

So how long shall I do the rocking/cuddling for ? Because I did this with my 3 year old and I made a rod for my own back as he's only been in his own bed for the last 9 to 12 months and wakes 2-3 times a night until someone sleeps with him I don't want the repeat with the new baby. He will be going into his own room, he does sleep 8-9 hours once asleep.

If it’s what’s your family needs then go for it. All very well saying ‘he wants his Mum’ as above PP says but I’m sure the 3 year old wants their Mum in the evenings too so not fair to them to spend ages rocking the baby to sleep when you have 2 children who need you!

OP, I have lots of friends who have done various methods of controlled crying, going from sitting by their child patting them to doing full on cry it out and you don’t believe it but...all their kids are fine. All happy. All settled. Not traumatised. And I must say they all sleep a lot better now. Teaching your baby to sleep is not a bad or nasty thing to do as long as it’s done in a way that works for your family, in the same way breastfeeding, co sleeping etc work for some families but not others, sleep training is the same.

Being honest, I really value my ‘me time’ in the evenings, so if I needed to use sleep training to keep myself sane then I’d do it for sure! Not ashamed to say it.

At the stage I was still cuddling my youngest. We started putting him down himself about 9 months or so and it was an easy transition and he settled himself. He seemed ready.

MN is very anti controlled crying, in the real world everyone I know has used the method. Maybe not at 6 months but before they turned 1. I left my LO for1 min, went back in, 2 mins, went back in, 5mins went back in and 10mins-
Never longer than 10mins. Each to their own and with two LOs it’s probably more imperative they learn to self soothe. Good luck.

It's a huge no from me. It might 'work' by reducing the crying but the reason the crying would be reduced is that the baby learns there is no point in crying as no-one will come.

My baby sleeps through the night almost every night but he knows that if he does cry I'll always go and comfort him without fail. After all he's too little to say 'mum, I've had a nightmare'. He's a great sleeper and as independent as a baby can be (capable of self-settling and does his own thing at groups).

Others will disagree with me and that's fine, I'm entitled to my opinion.

MN is anti cc so many people will balk at this idea and make you feel like a scumbag for even considering it
I did it with my ds when he was about a year old. Done properly, it's fine. That means going back in at gradually longer intervals for reassurance. After about three nights there was a big improvement and the routine of a peaceful nights sleep benefitted us all. Tbh my ds was a whinger rather than a crier. I can imagine it's very distressing to listen to them actually screaming. But I don't think it makes you a bad person to want a solid bedtime routine rather than having to cuddle and rock til all hours of the evening.

firstimemamma I don’t disagree with you, I disagree with your assumptions. I personally never left my baby longer than 10min during interval sleep training- never ignored my baby in the night when they woke, i was and am always aware if my baby was teething or hungry or wet. Please don’t paint anyone who doesn’t sit by they 1 year olds cot for 2 hrs stroking their back to sleep as neglectful!

I need to clarify that I don't intend on just leaving my baby to cry until he cries himself to sleep! But I also don't want to have to sit and rock him every single night, when I have another child to see to, I also don't want him to solely rely on this just to get him to sleep. So for all the people saying no don't do it. What are the other alternatives/suggestions please?

No! It's crawl and just teaches your child to stop crying because no one is coming to soothe them 😢 babies are to young to understand they are meant to be asleep at certain times. They are Only little for such a short time. Cuddle your baby!

The person who invented controlled crying said it shouldn’t be used on under 1 year olds.

CC will always be a no from me.

I think you need to tackle it separately. 2 issues;

1, get him in his cot first and get him used to that. If that means cuddling him to sleep then so Benito.

2, then work on some form of sleep training if you like.

But do not move him room and start controlled crying at the same time. He'll be very distressed and confused

Benito? That should say, so be it!

@OnlyFoolsnMothers I never made any assumptions, not did I mention anything about teething, hungry or wet. I also never used the word 'neglectful' as I wouldn't want to be rude to anyone so please don't put words into my mouth. I hope you have a nice evening, we are each entitled to our own opinions

We've just put baby (7m) in own cot in room. Previously co sleeping just to survive. We trialled a variation of cc - we cuddle put down and leave baby for crying for no more then ten mins. After 10 mins go and pick baby up to cuddle and reassure and repeat until asleep. The first day was hard with a 50 min battle (cuddle every 10) but since then any crying is usually less then two mins.

Whilst I would have previously said I was against any CC, I felt I'd exhausted the 'more gentle' methods. I had experienced 4 months with being woken every two hours and had quite frankly had enough. I needed my own sleep and my evenings back.I now have a baby who naps 2-3 times a day and wakes 1-2 times a night no issue. I can function in the day and string a sentence together and have a very happy and content baby.

Do what you feel comfortable with.

I think if you’ve got a relatively ‘good’ sleeper who wakes 1-2 times a night (and more than likely will drop those wakings without drama) then CC seems harsh.

However, If you’re being woken 1-2 hourly overnight to repeat the rocking then I think it’s fair to consider CC, as your sanity won’t keep up with that.

Is no one else at home to help with 3yo at bedtime? What have you been doing up until this point? Can you push baby bedtime a bit later so you can get 3yo to bed first and then (assuming there’s no loud protests with the rocking routine) settle baby?

We had to do CC with our Daughter when she was around the same age. She was waking every single hour and it just became impossible.

We tried a method of CC where you leave the room for 2 minutes, then go back in and give a cuddle, then 4,6,8,10 minutes. It took about 3 nights before we had a full nights sleep again. We also never made it past 6 minutes, because she would always be asleep by then. She is a lovely, happy, bubbly toddler now at 2.5.

The patting method is recommended where I live - you put them down and say goodnight and leave. If they start to cry you wait a moment (about a minute or so) to see if they start to settle and if they don't you go there but don't pick them up, instead you pat them gently on the side/back/hand/whatever and shh them. You keep doing this until they are calm and then you leave quietly. If they start to cry again, again you wait a moment, then go back and do it again. The important thing is stop patting before they fall asleep so they are actually falling asleep by themselves.

That method didn't work with my youngest though so I ended up doing CC and was the best decision I made. I didn't sleep train my oldest and she was a horrendous sleeper for years (still has sleep problems and she's nearly 9) whereas DS is now an amazing sleeper, goes to bed cheerfully, says na night and lies down and goes straight to sleep.

They had the various options and evidence for success of these on ‘trust me I’m a doctor’ that I just watched.

It’s Series 9 episode 3.
Currently on sky for downloading. Also on terrestrial tv at 12.30pm tomorrow. Implies bbc1 AND bbc2 at the same time but that can’t be right! Check elsewhere for the correct time if you want to view live.

The trust me I’m a doctor TV programme has been criticised for not using the most up to date research on sleep. Durham university has done a lot of research into baby sleep. They have a parent friendly website but I can’t remember it’s new name.

It’s ayes from me. I did it with DS around six months. Best thing ever.

A yes..

Is do something gently like....

-start off rocking with some music on.
-Over a few days reduce intensity or speed of rocking so you get to the point where you are just holding him with music on.

• over another few days start trying to put him in the cot after holding him for a while with the music on

Eventually you may get to a point where you can put the music on, pop him in the cot and go.