Controlled crying yes or no?

[bigmamama]

Hi , so basically my LO is about to turn 6 months this week and is rapidly outgrowing his snuzpod.
My struggle I'm having right now is that after the bedtime routine and his last bottle he's struggling well I'm struggling to get him completely settled to put him down and leave him as he screams! I'm finding myself rocking him and shushing him until he's asleep in my arms n then laying him down and I really need to get out this routine as I don't want him to rely on it to get him to sleep. I also have 3 year old so it's just not practical every night. So as well as transitioning to the cot which is in his own room, do I start to leave him to attempt to self soothe and cry it out ? Or is that just really mean?! Iv tried to use the Ewan the sheep, white noise, swaddling him, patting him but nothing seems to work other than being rocked ! Please help ?!

There is a huge difference between cry it out and controlled crying. I would never advocate for the first. But the second is very effective and can be gentle if done properly.

It doesn’t have to be cc or nothing - there are other sleep training methods in between.

There’s no evidence that cc is damaging, it wasn’t for me but I really think this is an issue to make your own decision based on your own family’s needs.

www.google.com/amp/s/womenshealthtoday.blog/2017/03/09/controlled-crying-and-long-term-harm/amp/

Just an interesting read and view regarding CC...

I do of course people do what they believe is right for their families. Just putting forward my view with information from professionals I've worked with and research I've read it doesn't sit right for me and my family.

At the end of the day we're all just winging it.

It would be a no from me, and I wouldn't blame yourself for your older one's sleep- some kids are just bad sleepers. I know parents who did controlled crying and it seemed to work until their kid could actually get up and out of bed... I saw a quote about it the other day too, hang on...

Couldn't find it. This is an interesting read though:

www.bellybelly.com.au/baby-sleep/cry-it-out/

We did supernanny’s timed crying when our son was about that age, it worked really well for us.

He’s now 18 months and the sunniest happiest wee man so it hasn’t done him any harm!

Sarah Ockwell Smith's gentle sleep book has really helped us (she is also on fb). Also lots of great advice in it about what is normal in terms of sleep at different ages. Sometimes we have very high expectations of our babies' sleep because of what we hear from others/media x

Do it, it's great.

It's a no from me too. They're only small for such a short time, it's not like he's going to need you to rock him to sleep when he's in college, it will pass.

A yes from me. Very effective, we did it with my 10 month old DS who was being rocked basically all night and we needed to break that association. We were both working full time and just couldn't function. It took about 3 nights but he was so much happier during the day once he learned to settle and sleep through with good quality sleep. Now, If he does wake and cry out for us (a few times a week) we can simply co sleep and he will happily sleep next to us without being rocked.

Well I'm back to square 1 anyway. Tried everything and he just won't settle until he's picked up and bedtime seems to be taking longer each night despite bath time being at 6.30, he's only just gone to sleep now. (9.35)
Yes their is 2 of us - to put my 3yo to bed but it's not the point anymore.
He's not hungry he's dry and warm and just frustrated he's over tired and not asleep and I'm frustrated that he just won't sleep! So it's just not a win win for anyone. Really getting me down guys

@bigmamama - wear is your daytime routine? What time is his last nap?

*what

My toddler's sleep has gone to shit over the last week, bedtime suddenly started taking ages and I nearly lost it and just left her to it tonight. No obvious reason for it. However, when I went and got her up and turned the light on to have a good look at her, I noticed she was clutching her ear. Ear infection. She's a tough cookie, so wasn't screaming in pain or anything, just sounded like a regular cry. Anyway, I took her downstairs and gave her Calpol, brought her back up and she fell asleep pretty rapidly. I'm really glad I didn't just leave her to suffer alone.

Babies don't cry for no reason. Just because we don't always understand the reason, doesn't mean there isn't one, or that it doesn't matter and they don't deserve comfort.

@BecauseReasons I absolutely agree with you, toddlers don't cry for no reason. Presumably your toddler does not normally take a long time to go to sleep or require so much input from you? Hence why you knew there was something the matter.m?

Of course. Babies generally don't cry for no reason- however, not knowing how to fall asleep alone is a legitimate reason to cry. Which is why it's so important to teach babies how to fall asleep unaided, so that when there is actually something wrong, we know about it. How can a parent tell the difference between a baby who is tired and wants to sleep but is crying because they need mummy and daddy to cuddle or rock or feed them to sleep, vs a baby who is crying because they are poorly, or teething? My baby falls asleep independently and does not need my intervention if everything is ok. If my baby cries in the night or is upset at bedtime, I can be pretty certain something is actually wrong and I am therefore better equipped to deal with it rather than overlooking what could be a genuine issue.

Babies don't cry for no reason either. Yes, usually she's much better than this. She was a tricky customer at six months though and I did not sleep train her- she developed naturally and in her own time. I've seen it argued that once you've done cry it out you can't go to them in the night when they cry or you undo the work you've done. After illness people saying they gave in and now have to do cry it out again because their baby thinks the parent might come to them because they're upset. You're not teaching them to send settle, you're teaching them not to bother asking for help when they're upset because no one will come.

toddlers don't cry for no reason maybe not but they can fake cry and whinge for no reason.

Hi OP how did you get on last night?

I’ve been there and it’s so tiring and mentally draining.

We tried everything, some stuff worked but if we went on holiday it all fucked up again.

The sleep whisperer was good and worked with dd2

Good luck!

@BecauseReasons that is absolute rubbish. We didn't do cry it out but we did sleep train which inevitably involved some crying. Does my baby cry in the night when something is wrong? ABSOLUTELY. On the rare occasion my baby does cry in the night, do I go to him?ABSOLUTELY! And I cuddle him, rock him, sing to him or do whatever I need to do soothe him. He cries if he's teething or if he's poorly, but he doesn't cry "just because" as he has absolutely no need to. Stop trying to shame mothers and suggest that teaching their baby to settle themselves to sleep will result in a child who is too scared to cry when something is the matter. Especially when you have no first hand experience, so you're just sharing hearsay and passing it off as fact. "People say" - what people? I'm "people" and we sleep trained once, and once only.

I did CC when my DD was about 15 months. It was the best thing I could have done, especially for her. At 6 months I would have been reluctant but I agree he needs to learn how to sleep without rocking. Mine both learnt from birth to sleep in a moses basket/cot (I'm not being smug, maybe it was just luck). I'd put him down in a sleepy state. Yes he'll cry but I'd just pat him, stroke him and say calmly "Shhhhh". I'd keep doing this until he fell asleep. It might take hours the first night and he might get very upset but he'll always know you're there with him. This is what I did with my two from birth and I believe they just learnt they were staying in bed but not abandoned.

Linked to adult depression based on no research or facts, I knew this thread would be like this, brilliant!

OP it's all very well for people to say indefinitely keep doing what you are doing and it's your duty as a mother, but in reality if it is affecting you then I would try it. As others have said there are more gentle sleep training methods, and you just do it within your limits, if you try it and you find it too upsetting or whatever then just stop and go back to the drawing board. A lot of people have success with it though, and a mum who isn't exhausted and struggling is more beneficial to the family in my opinion.

BecauseReasons I’m guessing if your 2 year old is ever crying for a cake in the middle of a supermarket you would just buy it for em- god forbid you damage them irreparably by letting them cry!

@LouReidDododo - so last night his dad came up and put him to sleep took him all of what Like 10 minutes, at which point I just cried to be honest.
I can differentiate between his cries so I do know when he's just tired! But obviously me getting wound up over the fact he won't go to sleep is affecting him and I'm also very tired.
He only has about 3 or 4 20/30 minute naps a day and iv expressed my concern about them not being long enough but the Hv thinks it's fine. So I'm at a loss here.
My 3yo isn't a great sleeper he wakes about 2/3 times a night if nobody is in bed with him so it's very tiring to say the least between the 2 of them. Nobody is getting a full nights sleep.