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Waiting it out

449 replies

burritofan · 18/09/2019 20:28

Is anyone else following the extremely vague and lazy "wait it out and hope it spontaneously resolves itself, maybe solids/crawling/walking/time/eventual night-weaning/magic/bribery once she can talk or be reasoned with" baby sleep plan?

We're nipple-deep in the four-month regression, which followed fast from the 8-week-jabs endless night poo era, then the 12-week hourly waking growth spurt. Throw early teething,

a late tongue tie division and a crap reaction to 16-week jabs into the mix – all in the same week! Which is when she migrated from Snuzpod to sleeping in my armpit – and you get a shitstorm of night wakings, my solution to which is:

plonk baby (now 21 weeks) in bed with me each night – after first making comatose with boob after rock-solid bedtime routine – and reapply boob as needed. Sometimes sleepily snuggling works in the middle of the night. Sometimes she wakes, babbles, pats around to check I'm there, and resettles. (Rare as a unanimous AIBU? thread, but like sunshine when it happens!)

Sometimes we start the night with a 3-hour chunk, other times 45 minutes. Some nights she wakes up only 4 times, others what feels like 4,000. Very little crying unless more teeth/colds, in which case howling then calpol and boob and a lie-in if she grants it. (I know the advice is to wake at the same time each day but (a) the baby wakes herself at the crack of dawn most days and when she doesn't (b) if she was up for two hours howling because of her teeth, I'm not going to enforce a wake-up for the sake of some Gina Ford nonsense.)

The 45-minute wake-ups are guaranteed if I put her down in her sidecar crib now, or even if leave the room – sometimes she wakes straight away if I try to swap with DP. Even in deep sleep she has a batlike sense for my being in the room. She generally starts the night starfished on the bed; as the night goes on she gets more unsettled and likes my armpit to snuggle into best. Perhaps it's the woolly mammoth furriness?

She's not great at feeding lying down but I'm persevering because I'm lazy. Occasionally I attempt the pull-off thing of putting my finger in her mouth to delatch once she's asleep but I'm too knackered to do it consistently or time it to gradually reduce feeds, I think I'm doing it in a half-hearted "gosh I really should sort this sleep thing". Mostly I do it so I can go to sleep if I'm feeding sitting up. I've no idea how to shhhh-pat; PUPD seems like an awful lot of effort with a heavy baby when I could be lying down, and deeply confusing; gradual chair or whatever makes me want to weep with exhaustion more than the current situation; CC or CIO is neverrrrrrr going to happen. On the other hand, I have wistful recollections of evenings, of my lovely DP, of times when I ate dinner somewhere other than over a snoozing baby's head in the dark...

Basically is anyone else doing what I'm doing to improve their baby's sleep, i.e. not very much at all, and wants to commiserate while we ride it out, slash create bad habits, construct towering Jengas of rods for backs, build sleep crutches, and generally arse it up? Any experienced "totally winged it and it worked out fine" mothers want to share delightful stories of "Oh one day he just pushed the boob away, fell asleep and did 12 hours and it's been a fairytale ever since, I got my bed and my sex life back" lazy parenting magic?

DP & I are softies who plan on an open-door policy of "if the kid can't sleep because of nightmares or growing pains, come on in our bed, they're only little", have fond memories of childhood shenanigans of sleeping on the landing or sneaking down to see what the grown-ups are doing, BUT also have no interest in "giant floor bed co-sleeping til 20" and quite like each other and the idea of the kid in her own room eventually, it would be nice to have some hope.

::rambles on in a sleep-deprived manner while teething DD snores on my shoulder, preps coffee machine for tomorrow, hopes there are other chaotic parents out there doing the absolute least::

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Newtothecrew · 21/10/2019 08:04

Apologies wrote this in wrong place x

Mariposa123 · 21/10/2019 08:14

@JohnLapsleyParlabane I know what you mean about babies being badly designed- I often wonder how we survived as cavemen!

I hope you get a bit of a rest, is your DH at home this week?

JohnLapsleyParlabane · 21/10/2019 08:38

Thanks @Mariposa123 yes he's off work for the week. Just gave me a blissful hour on my own whilst he wrangled both of the DC for breakfast

burritofan · 21/10/2019 09:28

@JohnLapsleyParlabane Babies would be laughed out of the design show. "I invented a human! To reach its full potential it needs to sleep. But it doesn't know how so, er, you have to make it. Like a tamagotchi! But not too much or too little or at the wrong times and also it will start sprouting teeth and occasionally vomits. Would you like to see a prototype? It's very loud."

@Mariposa123 I assume cavemen fed the bad sleepers to the sabertooth tigers. Or they all slept against safe sleeping guidelines, but very cosily, under a woolly mammoth skin, after a lovely bedtime routine of reading drawings on the cave walls

@Newtothecrew If your baby doesn't sleep, you're on the right thread Grin

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Mariposa123 · 21/10/2019 12:47

@burritofan I can picture it now! Also bet when they became toddlers they had fewer battles over them drawing on the wall!

burritofan · 21/10/2019 14:52

::shakes rain from hair and dog poo from pram wheels:: Right. My being Gina Ford lasted right up until DD's first nap lasted precisely 26 minutes. As did her second. We tried giving her lunch and she was so fractious and overtired she just held onto a sweet potato stick and yelled at it.

Now she's settled into her third nap which if it's anything like the last week will be epic. She's got it all the wrong way round! How do I get her to do the big lunchtime nap like the books and a little late afternoon catnap to see her through to her bedtime? ::chucks BLW finger food everywhere:: I HATE NAPS MORE THAN NIGHTTIME SLEEP

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darceybussell · 21/10/2019 16:24

@burritofan - I tormented myself for far too long over DS being unable to do a long lunchtime nap (or a long nap at any time at all for that matter). I reckon in 12 months he probably napped for Gina's prescribed 2.5 hours a grand total of twice. The rest of the time he was a serial 3 minute napper Grin

OhHolyNightWaking · 21/10/2019 19:12

@burritofan - I love your sense of humour about it all! Sometimes you have to laugh or you would cry (and not stop!). I know it's not my fault really... but sometimes I feel like it must be, when every other fucker in sight has a baby that sleeps. Envy

After a short spate of "good" (in loosest sense of the word) nights, we were back to you waking hourly last night. Joy! All I want is a three hour stretch, is that too much to ask?!

Naps can go to hell. We have more or less moved to two now, which seems like not enough still, yet fitting in three doesn't work either as the third is always too late.

Today not too bad - two sling naps, first nearly 1.5hrs, second more like 40 minutes unfortunately. Although it ended at 16:10 so I was expecting a happy baby, but she's been screaming and grumpy. Currently boobing to sleep and praying tonight is better than last. I rarely bother going back downstairs once she's asleep anymore. I miss my life!!

OhHolyNightWaking · 21/10/2019 19:15

Oh and the dummy was not well received. Not at all! Loves them during the day, but at night it was like I had dipped it in acid.

Good luck tonight everyone!

Harrysmummy246 · 21/10/2019 20:16

20 minutes in the car at 3pm was apparently just enough nap to get ds through to normal 8 pm bedtime.

He did have a little bit of a meltdown about leaving my parents' place to get in the car mind you.

I went in with him from 2 last night but entirely sure he actually woke or I did and because I'd been away from him, wanted to be near him. It's not as simple as he needs Me all the time. Dh sort of understands

Whuut · 21/10/2019 20:19

@OhHolyNightWaking I miss my life!! This!
And it seems that yes, 3 hours is far too much to ask. Hourly is painful so hope it's not that again tonight for you.

I'm feeling completely defeated tonight. The good news is, DS is FINALLY taking a bottle, god knows why, he just decided to start actually taking it. So, DP was going to try bedtime again tonight but he didn't even get 3 minutes in before DS was in hysterics so I took over. He's now already woken up 3 times since he went down (1hr 20mins ago.) We decided to bring his bedtime earlier as he was having a late nap, because he only ever naps for 40mins, and a late bedtime. So, instead of 8pm asleep by 9pm bedtime we did 6pm asleep by 7pm. I think this may have messed him up tho. I don't feel like I ever bloody know what I'm doing, forever winging it.

OhHolyNightWaking · 21/10/2019 21:44

@Whuut sorry bedtime didn't go as planned. But taking a bottle is progress so don't feel too disheartened. I totally understand the winging it feeling, I have given up trying to work out what on earth to do!

Second wake up so far here!

OhHolyNightWaking · 21/10/2019 22:23

And up again! Sad

Mariposa123 · 22/10/2019 08:29

DD does this annoying sleep cry which wakes everyone else up but her, and I have to do a lot of rocking to calm her down. Any suggestions on what this glorious habit could be?

burritofan · 22/10/2019 08:48

@darceybussell Thank you for that. She's started doing random long naps, but for the past week she's saved them up for 3-5pm, with massive awake periods before that. Hoping I can nudge it to a lunchtime scenario so we don't end up with 9pm bedtime in a few months!

Also I missed your post about the hourly wakings before your London trip, eesh. Hope things improved since then!

@OhHolyNightWaking It's either treat the baby sleep like the comedy gold it is or weep behind the giant sunglasses disguising my eye bags. Sometimes it's both!

@Mariposa123 Remind me how old your daughter is? Mine connects sleep cycles with a single howl (right by my ear). Could it be nightmares? My only (crap) advice is ye old "it's just a phase". The only problem with that is each phase seems to get replaced with a worse one.

OP posts:
OhHolyNightWaking · 22/10/2019 09:11

DD does this annoying sleep cry which wakes everyone else up but her, and I have to do a lot of rocking to calm her down. Any suggestions on what this glorious habit could be?

DD is a bit like this. Cries when she's not actually awake. I pick her up and she instantly goes floppy. What's that about?

She was sick at about 3:30am this morning, which is the danger zone for waking fully and then spending two hours wide awake. Ashamed to say I just threw a muslin in the general director and ignored it (it wasn't much!) what have I become?!

bottomflannel · 22/10/2019 09:24

HUGE meltdown in the car on the 11-minute drive home from my NCT group catch-up yesterday (had to pull over and get him out to calm him - he went from 0-60 and his face was swollen and purple and tear streaked by the time I could get to him - it was awful). Another one in the pram this morning on the school run (regular occurrence - I only really bring it to carry book bag/PE kit/Forest school gear, never expect that he will happily oblige and sit in it and make my mornings just a slight bit less stressful. On the way home I have to carry him while pushing the empty pram. We even tried converting it to buggy form a little early to see if sitting up a bit more helps. Nope. Short of slinging him, which is hit and miss and leaves me also carrying all the school gear, unless I also take the pram, I don’t know how the fuck I’m meant to go anywhere! I would give anything to be able to take him for long walks in the pram without him screaming himself hoarse after two minutes. Even tried the dummy in the buggy (not that he’s taking it properly) and he just doesn’t seem to get much comfort from it at all. What with that and DS1 pushing my buttons this morning, I’ve already had enough todaying for today and it’s only 9.22am. Ugh.

Harrysmummy246 · 22/10/2019 10:16

Screaming and calpol at 11.

Then NOTHING until 7:30

And he was still under the duvet

I was slightly confused who I was next to when I woke up though!

Littletabbyocelot · 22/10/2019 10:33

I wish I'd found this thread 5 years ago when I was waiting it out with my twins. At one point I was so tired I was convinced a bottle of ginger beer on the counter was Sherlock Holmes popped round for a chat (only a momentary delusion, I didn't engage in conversation). Its hard to talk about in rl because people just tell you to try cio.

Anyway, it took 3 years for them to regularly sleep through the night. They occasionally pop in for cuddles now but normally the big struggle is getting them up for school. Sometimes on a weekend they sleep through till 8.

Good luck.

Littletoaster · 22/10/2019 15:58

Can I join? Mum of a 12 month old who slept like a champ for the 10 months of her life but now wakes 3 - 4 times a night. Not helped by the fact that I'm back at work and have to do adult work stuff all day. Grumpy Mum and Baby here today. It's cheering me up reading your posts though ...

Whuut · 22/10/2019 18:05

@OhHolyNightWaking The bottle is HUGE progress, thanks for reminding me. Hope you didn't have too many more wakings? DS did a 4hr stretch!! But then was restless, meaning I was awake, keeping him asleep, from 3.30 till 6 when he woke for the day and I palmed him on to DP.

@Mariposa123 Not sure but DS likes to flail his arms around whilst asleep.

@bottomflannel Snap. 10 minute car journey home and DS had a full scale meltdown, when I got him out the car he stopped crying straight away but was doing that sniffly, can't catch his breath thing. Sorry about the pram situation, DS has given in and will now nap in the pram, usually without much fuss- thank god cus he's heavy. This is a very new thing and he wont sit in there awake for very long tho.

Welcome @Littletoaster, sorry you're here is all I can say.

Whuut · 22/10/2019 19:00

Fucked it. Put him for a nap at 3.45pm and he's still asleep at 7pm. I can't bare to wake him, wish me luck for tonight.

Teddyreddy · 22/10/2019 20:11

@24bottomflannel snap too, DS2 melted down everytime we got in the car today, and screamed hysterically the length of every drive. With the school run and playgroup, that was six trips of being screamed at.... On a longer drive he does then fall asleep, but the trips today weren't long enough for that. He does the same in the pushchair, which I have entirely given up on.

He didn't sleep well last night, which meant it was tired today - he's spent almost the entire day in the sling asleep which means my back is knackered and I'm expecting another miserable night as he's spent so much time already asleep.

burritofan · 22/10/2019 20:17

At one point I was so tired I was convinced a bottle of ginger beer on the counter was Sherlock Holmes popped round for a chat (only a momentary delusion, I didn't engage in conversation)
I am hysterical at this anecdote. But trying not to wake the baby (She's has two wake-ups already) so just huffing and heavy breathing in the dark like a pervert.

Welcome, @Littletoaster! I'm supposed to go back to work in two months. With a commute. There's just not enough coffee in the world, is there?

Whuut remind me how old your baby is? Still fourth trimester, pure chaos demon stage of napping? This long nap might be the start of great things! Sleep begets sleep! Or it might be a sleep-through and your day will start at 3.45am Grin

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Whuut · 22/10/2019 20:58

@burritofan He's almost 4 months, in the 'should have some kind of rough routine by now' stage. More in the 'what the fuck does routine even mean' stage.

So I decided to wake him up(for the first time ever) after a whopping 3hrs 20 mins nap, he was super happy and has gone down just now very easily. I honestly think he is way over tired most of the time, so a long catch up nap is maybe needed sometimes. OR, I'll be writing on here at 3.45am like you said burritofan

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