Wtf do I do to get my baby to sleep?!

[discopisco]

He's 11 weeks old, EBF and we co-sleep. I have no issues with any of his behaviour. He's showing all the signs of being tired and then falling asleep (following a feed, laying next to me) but the tiniest of f#cking sounds will wake him up and we're back to square one. I have just spent 3.5 hours trying to get him to sleep. Babies his age are meant to be averaging 15.5 hours every day- he manages 6.5 ALL f#cking day. I've tried slinging, rocking, walking about with him and even f#cking cranial osteopathy. Nothing works. I'm going without food and drink in an attempt when he falls asleep to keep him asleep- eg. The tiniest little jerk and he's up. When I'm next to him, I'll pat him gently until he calms again and falls asleep. However this doesn't always work. What do I do? Other babies his age are looking happy, calm and content- mine looks like a miserable git. He's got bags under his eyes which really upset me. However, I can't do ANYTHING to get him to stay asleep. He used to hate being swaddled, I've managed to get him into a zip up one that he's beginning to tolerate. The room is dark, well ventilated, lit just enough. He's full from a feed (sometimes will throw up because he's had too much) and has had a number of colds already because his immune system is underdeveloped plus he's not getting the rest to fight off the germs. Please help. I dread being around him when it comes to him wanting sleep- I have no life. My husband gets home around 7pm from work and I've already spent hours trying to get him to sleep and then soend the rest of the evening in the bedroom like a hostage trying to get him to sleep. I'm writing this sitting in the bathroom (have left him with the husband) with the shower running and crying my eyes out. What do I do?!

Dark circles under his eyes

Ps. White noise doesn't work, the sleepyhead doesn't work, he'll fall asleep for 15 mins after a bath but then is wide awake and will stay awake for hours. He'll cry during those hours to sleep and I'll do all of the above but he'll struggle to stay asleep.

You poor thing, sleep deprivation is hard. This all sounds very normal. Nothing wrong with feeding to sleep and letting baby sleep on you, it's a way of enforced rest for you too, which you definitely need. Sarah ockwell Smith gentle sleep book is great

It sounds like you are doing everything you possibly can to help your baby rest. Unfortunately some babies just struggle to sleep. This is really quite common for babies as young as 11 weeks. I hope things improve soon. This will pass. In the mean time, it's a long shot but have you tried to see if cutting things out your diet that could be upsetting their stomach- I've heard dairy and citrus fruits can cause upset. It will pass, it's common to see improvements at 12 weeks ish I think. Development happens in leaps so just cos you've seen little improvement in the last 10 weeks doesn't mean you will see little in the next 10 iyswim.

All I could do when that little was breastfeed my Lo to sleep then lie back and lay her on me, then give it 20mins and slide her into her Moses. It’s bloody hard and I feel your pain. All that stuff about newborns sleeping all day, mine was once awake for 9hrs no nap at 3wks old. Have you considered colic - use infacol before a feed?

So what can/shall I do? Shall I bring him into the living area with us? The tv is on, husband moving around, pots and pans clanging (we're open plan) until we all go to bed? I'm seriously confused? I'm trying but failing miserably to instil a decent sleep routine :/

Oh my gosh you poor poor things. It sounds so so hard , I'm sure you've tried it but white noise, really loud and continuous! This machine is perfect. Also we have the hairdryer on at thr same time sometimes ! www.amazon.co.uk/AVANTEK-Machine-Soothing-Relaxation-Settings/dp/B01NBSUCZ0?tag=mumsnetforum-21
Those zip up bags are great, a dummy? Sleephead or roll up towels underneath the sheet in similar shape for cosiness?
A baby bjorn bouncer works for one of our twins, just zip them up in the bag and then bounce them to sleep! Can take 30 mins sometimes
Could your husband take a week off to help you and so you could get some sleep?
Really feel for you, hope you make a breakthrough soon!

We tried a dummy- he won't take it. We tried expressing milk so husband could feed and I could have a shower/eat- he refuses to feed. He'll cry until he's blue in the face until a) he has my breast in his mouth and sucks continuously (my nipples are sore- nothing to do with the latch) or b) I take him to the living area and he pretends as if nothing has happened and wants to play. At that point I want to smash plates (I never have and never will but still...)

White noise on loud? Really loud? Won't that hurt his ears?

Can anyone recommend a step-by-step of how they prepared their babies for sleep?

Eg. Feed, wind, rock, put down and what happened when the baby remained unsettled?

Does he sleep in the car? I've driven mine to sleep before when all else failed. And I've "hopped" the car back & forth in a drive thru to keep them asleep while I got chips. Got some funny looks but was totally worth it.

I read somewhere that the noise of the womb is as loud as a lawnmower - so white noise louder than you think? Worth a shot? Sorry, nothing else useful to add, but I feel your pain...

The early days are so hard especially with lack of sleep. My first only napped for 20 minutes or so once a day almost from birth. I spent more time trying to get her to sleep than she did sleeping. The photo of the dark bags do look like your little boy is seriously sleep deprived which will be making falling asleep/ staying asleep more difficult. I would suggest doing whatever it takes to ensure sleep eg pushing in pram, driving, swing seat for the next day or so to try and get as much sleep in as possible. In my little one’s case, supervised side sleeping (once is finally got her to nod off) worked a treat. Does he show any sign of silent reflux? Is he gaining weight?

Your post has made me snort between tears @Mylittlepony374 but I don't drive :/ husband works long hours and I'd hate to ask him :/ as it stands, we're arguing (I'm arguing) non stop because I feel like my life has changed forever and not necessarily in a good way. I love the baby but I feel like a f#cking crap mum for not helping him get the rest he needs. I wish I didn't care.

Lay him flat in his pushchair infront of the washing machine on a 3 hours cycle.

Whilst I know it's not best practice, does he like the feeling of something on his face? DD is 4 months old and since about 10 weeks has only slept with her face covered - luckily, her favourite thing is chiffon and breathable so I don't stress but as soon as it's touching her face, her eyes close and she's asleep. I take it off her once I know she's sound asleep.

If we don't have something for her face to hand, she's a nightmare at nap time! Now, I can decide when Nap time is pretty much.

Try reading Gina Ford contented baby, it worked wonderfully for mine..although it took some organising to begin with...and l never had to leave her to cry..

@Handsoffmysweets - I do need a break. I've weathered all sorts of storms in my life but him not sleeping is putting me on the verge of a breakdown. What is so hard about falling asleep and then staying asleep? It's not as if I'm blasting music full whack as soon as he's down.

Hi OP
That sounds terrible and I'm sending you solidarity. Mine was a bit different BUT I am well aware the sleep deprivation is real (and now, at 13 months, I have a little bub who still wants to be rocked to sleep, so you know, the problems never go, they just change). It sounds like you're trying everything. Is he overtired. Mine was guilty of this at times. And it's harder to get them
to fall in to a deep sleep when exhausted. Agree with the white noise. Have it loud while he lies on the bed next to you. Can I suggest your husband takes him, while you shower, have a hot cup of tea, and at least then if the night is bad, you're a bit readier for it. Do the grandparents live near by?

@needsanewname - he likes to push his face against the side of my boob/my armpits. I'm petrified of blocking his (already congested) airways.

Our DC only slept upright on is for the first 4 months (in the end it was reflux) so we just let her cuddle on us or in the sling while we watched tv in the evening.

When we went to bed we could usually transfer her to side sleeper once she had settled. She was up every 2 hours for a feed though.

How long are you expecting him to sleep? How much does your partner help through the night? You need a break too.

You could contact a sleep specialist/consultant if things don't improve soon?

Are you sure he doesn't have wind? It can be hard to get it all up at that age and will keep them awake or at least very unsettled. I'd try gripe water after a feed and spend a good 20 mins winding him. My son was a terror with wind, nearly broke me.