Wtf do I do to get my baby to sleep?!

[discopisco]

He's 11 weeks old, EBF and we co-sleep. I have no issues with any of his behaviour. He's showing all the signs of being tired and then falling asleep (following a feed, laying next to me) but the tiniest of f#cking sounds will wake him up and we're back to square one. I have just spent 3.5 hours trying to get him to sleep. Babies his age are meant to be averaging 15.5 hours every day- he manages 6.5 ALL f#cking day. I've tried slinging, rocking, walking about with him and even f#cking cranial osteopathy. Nothing works. I'm going without food and drink in an attempt when he falls asleep to keep him asleep- eg. The tiniest little jerk and he's up. When I'm next to him, I'll pat him gently until he calms again and falls asleep. However this doesn't always work. What do I do? Other babies his age are looking happy, calm and content- mine looks like a miserable git. He's got bags under his eyes which really upset me. However, I can't do ANYTHING to get him to stay asleep. He used to hate being swaddled, I've managed to get him into a zip up one that he's beginning to tolerate. The room is dark, well ventilated, lit just enough. He's full from a feed (sometimes will throw up because he's had too much) and has had a number of colds already because his immune system is underdeveloped plus he's not getting the rest to fight off the germs. Please help. I dread being around him when it comes to him wanting sleep- I have no life. My husband gets home around 7pm from work and I've already spent hours trying to get him to sleep and then soend the rest of the evening in the bedroom like a hostage trying to get him to sleep. I'm writing this sitting in the bathroom (have left him with the husband) with the shower running and crying my eyes out. What do I do?!

I have non-sleepers. ‘Sleeps like a baby’ is a touchy phrase to use in my presence!

Have you considered silent reflux/food intolerances? A lot of babies/children/adults even! that have crap sleep patterns is down to food intolerances. DS sleep improved once we cut out dairy and gluten at 3 years old. I think it’s worth asking your GP about (if they’re any good)

I kept mine downstairs with me for quite a bit and just took them up to bed when I went to bed.

So if he isn't sleeping I'd just sit down with him and watch telly.

Would you consider trying him with some formula? It means your husband can feed him and you can have a break. I would also persevere with the dummy. It’s hard hugs

One of mine was like this, people who've never had a non sleeper just don't get it. We tried a million different things, sleep consultants, medications, exclusion diets, nothing much helped but time. My other three haven't been perfect but nothing like that - don't blame yourself, sometimes that's the baby you get!

In the meantime, slings are amazing. I'd sit for hours with him in the sling and me bouncing on my birthing ball, it wasn't perfect but at least I could use my phone or read on my Kindle.
Personally I'd take a step back on making him have a good routine with perfect sleep manners and focus first on letting him get to sleep however works best, whether it's the sling, the car, a baby hammock or swing on lying snuggled up to you on a cosleeping-safe bed (not a sofa, especially with you so tired!).
Take advantage of any offer you can to get yourself a little downtime or some naps. Even if he cries, if he's fed and safe he'll be ok for a bit with someone else and you need a rest. Do look after yourself, this is a phase bit feels so overwhelming at the time.

If it helps, my sleep resistant baby was my easiest toddler and is very bright - which we'd heard was common in sleepless kids, but not believed until he taught himself to write! Good luck...

We've tried infacol (apart from funny poos, the windiness didn't subside), gripe water (he hated it and spat it out and then when I insisted, kept his mouth shut) and infant Gaviscon (gave him more tummy pain and wind- we stopped before he became constipated). The osteopaths said he was stressed and his sympathetic nervous system was on high alert. I've been dairy-free since week 2 of his birth because I was convinced the dairy was causing problems. I shouldn't have bothered to be honest.

Has anyone heard of lactose overload- I think that's what's happening here. He can't sleep so is relying on too much milk which is then causing digestive issues (painful wind/reflux) and it's a non-stop vicious circle. I mentioned this to my GP but apparently lactose overload isn't recognised by Paediatricians in this country.

Mine was similar. In the end me and DS had the master room and DH went in the spare. We co-slept and my boobs were nearby and he would attach/detach as necessary. But we then we're finally able to sleep

In the early days mine would only sleep on me really and we struggled with naps.

Until around 4 months we did a lot of naps in the sling. I would go for long walks (an hour or more in the morning) as was the only way I could get a decent nap time from my baby otherwise like you he would be on the boob on and off more or less continuously. It’s tough because you don’t get a break, either you’re walking them or feeding them but like everyone says it’s just a phase and will pass.

When I've taken him out in the pushchair (reluctant to do this because he's always poorly and I'm petrified of him catching another bug/virus) he's on high alert and too busy watching/listening to the sounds around him to sleep.

Perhaps for your sanity just let him stay up with you for a bit. Sometimes you just have to give in when they are so young and think, sod it I want to eat and watch tv and he'll just have to be downstairs with us. I feel for you as lack of sleep is the worst. My advice is to try and act during the day as if you have had a nights sleep. Sometimes sitting home in your pjs and thinking how little sleep you have had makes you feel worse. I have older dc too so regardless of whether I'd had sleep still had to be up and out every morning and somehow that made me feel more human.

I don't mind doing cartwheels if it means he'll get the rat he needs. He just really struggles to stay asleep. He's like a meercat- the minute something wakes him (a twitch/itch/sound two doors down)- he's wide eyed and alert.

Rest he needs*

Glad you had a small laugh. So sorry you're having such a shit time. It's fucking torture not sleeping. A battery operated swing chair was my other life saver if you can get one of those? You're not a crap mum. You can get through this.

I had to push my LO in the pram to get naps in during the day. Two x 1 hour walks everyday, minimum. Every day. Until 6 months.

However, the beater she slept during the day, the better she went at night.

Could you try pram walks? Even if he's alert to start with, keep going until he falls asleep? Outdoor naps may help with him sleeping through noise also?

Ds stayed downstairs with us till we went to bed - so we’d be watching telly and cuddling him or he’d lay in his baby gym and nod off. We used a grobag from 12 weeks and we didn’t put him to bed on his own until he was about 8 months old. He always stayed downstairs with us and slept till we took him up. It got him used to noise.

I didn’t even think of a routine at that age - all I would do was change his clothes at about 7. I’ve stuck to that all his life.

You are NOT a crap mum. You wouldn’t care about it if you were. He sounds very overtired, my son was like this and it was awful so I do feel for you. If I were you I would give in and take him downstairs, get some food watch some tv and breathe a bit.

Does he sleep on you? If so let him do this after feed and then transition him to his bed after 20mins/30mins

Have you got a swing? Best advice my mum gave me when my baby wouldn't sleep or stop crying, was to wrap him up warm, stick him in a baby swing and stick him in the garden. The fresh air is good for them, the change of air soothes them, and eventually he just fell asleep. Quite a deep sleep, because he was already rocking, I managed to pick him up and move him inside without him noticing, as he was wrapped up, j kept the door open and kept him near it, so he was inside but getting fresh air.
that's no help for you at night, but it might help in the day?

OP I really feel for you. My son was the same and I wasn't breastfeeding so couldn't even rely on feeding him to sleep. He wouldn't sleep in the car seat or prank or being rocked or on the bottle. And when I finally did get him to sleep he's then wake up shortly after. It was hell. I just didn't know what to do. Somehow I got through it and eventually he started sleeping a bit longer. I know that really doesn't help. I just wanted you to know you're not alone xxx

I had a non-sleeper. Just give up. Take him back downstairs with you, low lights and quiet tv, get snacks and drinks, take him up to bed when you go up (pre plant snacks and drinks for overnight).

I just let DD sleep wherever and whenever she felt like it until she settled into her own routine. We used to try to take the sleepyhead up and down with us and try to put her in it once asleep so she was safe and associated it with sleep, but often she just slept in our arms in the evening (and fed a lot - I was used as a dummy and my nipples were so sore I used to cry when she stirred because I knew she'd want to feed, I did have Raynaud's in my nips though)

Walks with the in the sling (inward facing, nothing to look at) were really good for naps. Once naps are sorted it really takes the pressure off.

I remember one night when we'd tried absolutely everything for hours. I put her down in the crib so I could go in another room to breathe scream into a pillow and she fell asleep instantly.

Second the baby swing, she used to fall asleep in that and I'd sort of lift her while continuing the swinging motion, slowly decreasing the motion until very gently putting her down.

Good luck OP

I notice that you don't like to take him out in the pushchair but also don't drive and don't seem to use the sling. Is he getting much fresh air? It can really help to get out, for his sleep and also your mood. At 11 weeks they don't necessarily need the stimulation of baby groups, but stuck within 4 walls or watching TV isn't enough either for more alert babies. It's not great when they're poorly, but unless there are other problems, he should be fine (my new baby is #4 so has had to go through a number of illnesses too, thanks to his big brothers at school - but it really is ok).

For the lactose overload, lactation consultants can be great help. Do you have a local one? Often there are some who run mum groups etc. Or if you'd have to pay, la Leche League can help, or KellyMom has good advice

DS is also an incredibly light sleeper. Sometimes we might spend an hour trying to get him to sleep only for one of us to cough two minutes later and then that's it, he's up and raring to go.

I'd second getting a white noise machine, or an app on your phone, and putting it on quite loud right next to his ear - then it drowns out other noises - with DS we can sometimes even use the espresso machine without waking him!

You are flipping brilliant. How you are still able to type having entered week 11 of this I do not know.

Ours isn’t a great sleeper but I’ve found the less routine I insist on, the happier he is and the happier I am. I co-sleep too, and if it’s the only thing that’ll get you both to have any kip at all, stick at it.

You can hire a sleep consultant and they may or may not help depending on just how much of a -git- baby your baby is being.

White noise has to be LOUD. Don’t be shy. It kinda hypnotises them when it’s working and their eyelids seem to turn to lead if you’ve got it high enough.

Finally, feed him up and send him out with you DH. Two hours park walking, and nothing less. Get into bed pronto and get a very well deserved rest.

I will be thinking of you tonight (at 11, 1, 3,4 and 6am) ;) xx

OP i feel your pain. DD2 is 6months but will only sleep in contact with my body, either latched on suckling, being rocked/carried or in the sling. For the first 6 weeks i just sat around a lot letting her feed and sleep on me during the day.

Now i mostly use the sling for daytime naps ( i spent £££ on a decent one which was worth every penny as i use it 3hrs a day!). I go for a walk around 9am and 12.30pm to getbDD to sleep, usually takes about 20mins for her to drop off and she'll stay asleep for another 40mins while i can at least do stuff around the house or eat/drink.

At night i cosleep and have just resigned myself to being a human pacifier for another 6 months or so.

Its utterly exhausting tying yourself in knots trying to get nonsleeping babies to sleep on their own, i hope things get better for you soon. And sorry for any typos, DD is currently snoozing in my arms, I've been sat for 2hrs with 1 arm trapped!!

Leading on from a PP suggestion of a sleep consultant. If you have a Sure Start centre near you, give them a call, they have sleep consultant for free x

Could it be reflux?