Wtf do I do to get my baby to sleep?!

[discopisco]

He's 11 weeks old, EBF and we co-sleep. I have no issues with any of his behaviour. He's showing all the signs of being tired and then falling asleep (following a feed, laying next to me) but the tiniest of f#cking sounds will wake him up and we're back to square one. I have just spent 3.5 hours trying to get him to sleep. Babies his age are meant to be averaging 15.5 hours every day- he manages 6.5 ALL f#cking day. I've tried slinging, rocking, walking about with him and even f#cking cranial osteopathy. Nothing works. I'm going without food and drink in an attempt when he falls asleep to keep him asleep- eg. The tiniest little jerk and he's up. When I'm next to him, I'll pat him gently until he calms again and falls asleep. However this doesn't always work. What do I do? Other babies his age are looking happy, calm and content- mine looks like a miserable git. He's got bags under his eyes which really upset me. However, I can't do ANYTHING to get him to stay asleep. He used to hate being swaddled, I've managed to get him into a zip up one that he's beginning to tolerate. The room is dark, well ventilated, lit just enough. He's full from a feed (sometimes will throw up because he's had too much) and has had a number of colds already because his immune system is underdeveloped plus he's not getting the rest to fight off the germs. Please help. I dread being around him when it comes to him wanting sleep- I have no life. My husband gets home around 7pm from work and I've already spent hours trying to get him to sleep and then soend the rest of the evening in the bedroom like a hostage trying to get him to sleep. I'm writing this sitting in the bathroom (have left him with the husband) with the shower running and crying my eyes out. What do I do?!

Will he sleep in the sling? That was always an inducer of deep, long naps for mine (and nothing else worked - they'd drop off in a moving buggy but wake the second it parked).

I've got a fabric sling (the Hana) and the ergo baby 360. He hates both. Anything that constricts his movements and he's going to cry blue murder. This has been today (I'm keeping a sleep diary to take to my GP to force her to take me seriously);

Went to sleep last night 12:17am
Woke up for a feed at 2:48am
Woke up for another feed at 5:07am
Woke up at 6:22am and then stayed awake until 8:42am- fell asleep and work up and 9:02am
Stayed awake until 10:40am
Woke up at 11:04am
Fell asleep at 12:45pm until 13:55
Stayed awake until 16:11 but woke up again at 16:37
Slept again at 17:34 until 18:30
Has cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried (he's now sounding hoarse from all the crying) and has finally fallen asleep at 21:42!

Today I have eaten/drank:

Two slices of toast
Pita bread and hummus
Half a packet of biscuits
About 5 glasses of water between nappy changes

To the Pp asking if I keep him in mostly- I do. I'm scared of him crying outdoors and not knowing what to do. I'm also scared of him getting ill- him being awake/crying from being run down is worse. I don't watch TV at all. I'm laying next to him when he's nodding off/asleep and on my phone or just staring at the wall ahead- sometimes I'm on the verge of falling asleep and he'll wake up and then I can't sleep. I look and feel a mess.

When awake, we'll sing, play or do some exercises (baby massage plus stretching, etc. ) or I'll walk around with him, talking to him about random things.

The flat is a mess and that's also adding to me feeling down. I want to give everything a good scrub down (husband tries to clean but is bloody useless) and I want to cook something nice for me to eat. I can't do that though as he's stuck to me and doesn't settle with my husband too. My husband has struggled himself with the baby and looks at me for guidance- I want to scream. I like structure and routine and right now have nothing.

I don't have family around. My in laws live close by but they're very cold, detached and vindictive people (towards their own son, it just me) and are more of a stress than anything else. So no help. I went to see my GP and ended up saying I was feeling down wit tears streaming down my face. She looked the other way. Examined the baby and said 'it'll pass. Some babies are like this- difficult'. On the way out she patted my shoulder and said 'you're a good mum. Everything will be fine'. I went away feeling even more worse than I did when I first went in to see her.

I have now blasted the white Noise app. He's stirring. I'm petrified in case he wakes up. I'm still next to him gently patting his bottom.

I think the half 5 screaming is what they call the 'witching hour' isnt it? That does pass.

I'm sure no remember reading something when my son was little about after 20/30 minutes of sleep is when babies enter a light stage of sleep, and either stir and wake up, or fall in to a deep sleep. Could you interrupt just before that, but giving him a a cuddle / white noise / muslin over side of face (obviously move it when he's asleep). Maybe give it a google. I'm sure there is something about it, and it seems to match up with when he is waking

Also, I blew out my hairdryer when DS was small, that and the hoover really helped. He still uses his Ewan Dream Sheep now

OP, do you have the money to hire a maternity nurse for a week to help you pinpoint the issue and find a routine that works for him (and you?).

I realise that may sound like a cop out to some, but sometimes you just need a third party to look at the whole situation to make things clearer for you.

Will also help you get some sleep.

If he is that alert, agree silent reflux may be an issue.

Oh and. Download the wonder weeks app. This was my absolute lifesaver.

Some babies are catnappers, others rake longer naps.

From the diary it looks like he's averaging 1.5 to 2hrs of awake time between naps during the day which isn't too bad but then 3hrs awake before bed is a lot and he's probably wired and finding it hard to wind down.

For his naps today how/where did he fall asleep? Are you aiming for certain nap times and actively trying to get him to sleep or just waiting for him to look tired?

It's not you. Some babies are like this. My eldest was and to be honest still struggles to get to sleep age 11. Very bright though. My other two have been easier!

My DH would get back from work and take him out for a long walk so that I could at least have a break. Or sometimes a drive. Mine would also take a dummy and would drink from a bottle so you have it much harder. You can do it. Eventually it will change. Sorry you are going through it!

The nights are long but the years are short...

Hi OP,

Not got any more advice that's not mentioned above, but just to post in solidarity. We've got 10 week old DS, won't sleep for any length of time except in our arms or in the sling. For our sanity we take night's sitting up with him on the sofa in shifts because I was close to a breakdown with the constant rocking or feeding to sleep, putting down then having him wake 10 minutes later to start the cycle again. All that achieved was stressed out parents and an over tired baby.

That said, we have noticed he's falling asleep much easier than he used to so are getting my ready to try co-sleeping again, then hopefully he'll end up in his own for at some point.

Okay so he woke up (blocked nose) again at 22:08 and I'm just feeding him asleep again...

Oh you poor love, it's just the hardest thing but you will get through it. Do you think you could go back to the GP or spk to your health visitor just to ensure you're getting all the help available. Also to check on you and how you're feeling, sleep deprivation is the worst but with the worry about taking him out etc it may be worth speaking to someone to rule out PND?
You've had loads of great suggestions on here, only one I'd add is awake time between naps. I can't remember how long it is, but in the early days it's much shorter than you'd imagine - once I started ensuring I was at least trying for a nap at the right time it helped.
Oh and, sling and bouncing on a yoga ball - added side bonus - thighs of steel (for about 6 months)

Feed him to sleep and hold him for naps if that's what you need to do.
Forget having any routine. Just let him sleep whenever and wherever.
Keep him downstairs until you go to bed.
Watch tv. He needs to get used to sleeping while there is sound. It's part of what helps them tell day from night.
Try to get outside. He won't catch any bugs walking around in his pram. Just wrap up warm. I blasted white noise from my phone when dd started to cry.
White noise. On full volume. I used soundsleeper app. Hairdryer sound worked for us.
Cosleep. Bedshare. So much easy to feed him back to sleep.

My first was a nightmare sleeper. It's so so hard. Hated the car seat too so screamed every journey for months.

Try getting your husband to make a sandwich for your lunch the night before and leave it in the fridge. You need to eat.

Before you sit down to feed him for a nap make sure u have food, water, tissue, phone etc all beside you. And wee first!! Try to use the nap time to relax. Download a book to your phone.

Babies like different movement. And not just gentle rocking. Obviously not shaking but more energetic than you might think.

It does get easier. Some babies are a lot harder to get to sleep than others. And as he gets older the sleep will last longer.

Good luck.

Firstly you are not a crap mum; you are a new mum who is majorly sleep deprived!

Please try and get outside for an hour a day just for some fresh air it will do you both the world of good. Yes it is cold out there but wrap him up nice and snug and go for a walk, even if its round the block

I am trying to think of a sleep routine for you to try but my brain isn't working right now.

Fyi; i am a trained sleep trainer. Sleep training shouldn't be used until babies are around 6 months but you can start to incorporate some nice routines now.

In the meantime don't be hard on yourself all babies go through hard stages and i promise you'll get to a point and this will be a distant memory xx

Cor this was me. It was hellish.

First of all it will not stay like this. This is a phase. A pretty awful one. But just a phase.

It is ok for babies to cry outside the house! Do go out. Anyone hearing just thinks - ah well not my responsibility. Honestly thats it.

The screamy evenings- totally normal. 4pm to 7pm yelling is normal. It's also awful and soul destroying. Just battle on.

Have you heard of the wonder weeks? The book not the app. The book tells you what each brain development leap is about. I think there's a 12 week leap, and after that he should settle down a bit.

Having seen many babies as a bf peer supporter the 3 month old mark really does have a turning point for babies development. Terminology wise they are not longer a 'new born' then.

Just survive and get through each day, it will get better. Big hugs

Also our dd didn't go to bed before we did right til she was 2.5. Otherwise we would have had no life at all. We reckon she's a Mediterranean baby born into the wrong family!

Have seen lots of nature documentaries and Mickey mouse bloody clubhouse mind you!

Just go with the flow of what gets everyone the most sleep.

Hi Op

Sending you hugs as I know how hard it is when you have a baby who hardly sleeps - I've been there. I've not read all the replies but my advice would be to try and use the white noise for naps and going to sleep as it will stop him getting disturbed by other noises and it also settles. Might take him a bit of time to get used to it but persevere. Also, my dd wouldn't take a dummy initially but again, I persevered and eventually she got used to it and now it soothes her and she associates it with sleep so the minute she gets her dummy her eyes start to roll - dummies are also recommended as a way of reducing the risk of SIDS which is a bonus. Lastly, check with you doc or HV re silent reflux as this can stop babies from sleeping and it's not obvious they have it. We have gaviscon for DD now and it really made such an amazing difference almost instantly.

Good luck, I promise it will get easier xx

I second silent reflux. My wee guy has it and he is exactly like yours. You are doing amazing. One trick that worked for me is to lay him on a decent sized blanket on the floor and pull him gently around a darkish room 😂

It’s phenomenally shit and you’re doing great. My catnapping light sleeper sling-hating DC now sleeps great and has done since about 5m. What helped me was:

• bf him lying on my side on the bed so I could escape when he was asleep (because he wasn’t lying on me) and get food
• white noise fairly loud to drown out sound of me making a sandwich next door (put it on before he falls asleep and keep on right through the nap). So you need a white noise track you can stand hearing yourself. I liked ocean waves.
• fairly clear routine (nap after every x time awake, same lullaby etc every time) to establish clear sleep cues.

It's great you're going to the gp. Also agree with pps about getting a maternity nurse if you can afford one - a good gentle nurse will have loads of experience and will be able to either give you some.help, or at least confirm that you are doing the right thing. If you can't afford a maternity nurse, can you get a cleaner, even if one off?

You do need to get out. Please don't worry if he cries out - if he was crying indoors anyway, it's not different, and his cry will be 100 times louder to you than to anyone else. Wear clothes that are easy to feed in (and warm!), head to a park and if he cries you can feed him right there. Since he's having such short naps anyway, even if he falls asleep on you it's ok. Take a buggy and/or a sling and if hes calm after a feed, you can put him in and keep walking, if he sleeps that's great and if not, again you've not lost anything.
I'd really suggest you go to a baby group, you're unlikely to catch anything if it's for the younger ones, and it is very good to get out and to hear it's not just you. Your baby will probably be the most sleepless - and you may have to grit your teeth and smile at some well meant sleep advice - but there will be other people with their own challenges, from breastfeeding to shitty partners to babies with serious medical conditions, and you can feel less alone.

I know how hard this is to believe at the time, but this too shall pass. With every week your baby is growing up, and getting stronger and he will not be 15 years old and rocked to sleep in your arms, you will find solutions. Now I'm on my last baby, I wish I could go back to my sobbing exhausted self with my first, and show how quick it all seems looking back, how things worked out ok in the end, how my husband wasn't really an arse (I was just too exhausted and didn't want to be angry at the baby) and then give my past self a hug.
You are doing a great job to be so responsive to his needs, I hope you can get more support soon.

Last point too - have you tried breastfeeding with him in the ergo? It's how we got my second one to tolerate it, also then when he'd fall asleep I was already upright so could move around and walk outside and do things.

Oh gosh you poor poor thing I'm I tears reading this as it's takes me back a few years to when we had this trouble. Do you know what is really important? YOU!! It doesn't sound like you have loads of support but your partner can and should help you just so that you don't lose your mind. You need some time to be able to get some sleep can you have a really good catch up on a weekend if your partner watches the baby? I also completely agree about fresh air.. For you and your baby. Don't worry about the crying or screaming just wrap yourself up and go for a walk with the pram. If he goes to sleep then try and come back home and crash on the sofa if he stays asleep in the pram. I used to drive mine in the car when I was completely knackered and then recline the seat and go to sleep myself. I feel your pain honestly it's the absolute worst xxx

It is so difficult when you have a baby that just wont sleep. My son fought sleep so badly and only ever napped for 42 minutes until he was nearly a year.
I agree with other posters, the bags under his eyes and wanting to be held so much does sound like he may have some silent reflux. My friends boy was like this and wasnt properly diagnosed until he was 1, he looked so tired and withdrawn before then. Sometimes you have to fight the doctors about it.
On the other hand he may be a high needs baby, it's a personality thing and you will see how it becomes part of their personality as he grows. My boy was worn for 6 months and held constantly. He is still pretty clingy.

1. Can you try a bouncer? Put baby in bouncer with a scarf of yours touching his face until he drifts off.
2. If you are tired you need to sleep. You cant control how long he sleeps for but you can control when you sleep, have a couple naps a day and go to bed earlier.it will help you feel more human.
3. Wrap him up and get him out side in the pram,, do you have a garden? He will sleep much better out there. If he does have reflux he may need to be in the next stage pram seat.

It gets SO much easier. I look back and cant believe I made it through the first year.

Forgot to say, also got a regular babysitter from about 2m old so I could catch up on sleep in the daytime a bit. Cheaper than maternity nurse and just took the edge off.

How is your day going OP?